We are often not conscious about why we are drawn to certain people.

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That attraction comes from a very deep place.

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There is an energy about the person that draws us in.

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Why is that?

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What is it about this other person that we are just naturally pulled towards them?

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Often times, if we look over many different relationship, we find we are always attracted to the same kind of person.

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We end up being unhappy when over time we realize there are a lot of things about this person we do not like.

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So why is it that we connected with them in the first place?

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The remarkable thing about humans is that we seek what we do not have.

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Perhaps we are not that confident, so we are attracted to someone confident.

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Or maybe we feel undeserving, so we find someone who is quite entitled.

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Ultimately, it comes down to wanting to find someone who loves us, usually because we don't love ourselves enough.

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We seek someone else to give us the very thing we do not give ourselves.

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If we don't validate our own emotions, we want to be with someone who will validate them for us.

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When we have low self-esteem or low self-worth, we will naturally be drawn to someone whom we feel better about ourselves when we are with them.

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Whatever it is that we feel we are lacking on a deep level, we will seek out in a partner or a lover.

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The challenge is always what happens in the relationship when we don't feel we are getting what we wanted from our partner.

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This will inevitably happen, because someone else cannot give us what we do not give ourselves.

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For the most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves, and until we get that relationship right, our external relationships will alwyas suffer.

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So how do we do that?

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The first step is to look at our past relationships and be brutally honest with ourselves.

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What were we really wanting from the other person?

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Review several past relationships and see where is there a pattern.

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Once we understand what it was we were looking for, then we have to learn to give it to ourselves.

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Is it love? Recognition? Validation? Excitement? Or passion?

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Whatever it is, now we have to find a way to give that very same quality to ourselves.

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How can we love ourselves more? Validate ourselves more? Recognize ourselves more?

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When we learn to give ourselves what we have been looking for from someone else our whole life changes.

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The quality of our relationships change.

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And the quality of our life changes as well.

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Try it for yourself and see the results.

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Do you know what you have been seeking from others that you have not been giving to yourself?

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Can you find a way to give it to yourself now that you recognize it?

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~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Host of The Conscious Consultant Hour