In relationships there is a tendency to focus on the external.We focus on the other person.We focus on what is happening around us.Yet the real treasure is what is going on inside of us.What are we feeling in the moment?What are we experiencing in the moment?How do we feel when a boundary is crossed?What makes us enjoy being with the other person so much?Yes, it is easier to put our attention on what the other person is doing.Yes, it is easier to occupy ourselves with how the other person is acting.And when we do we miss a real opportunity.We miss the chance to get to know ourselves better.We miss the chance to learn more about what we really need in a relationship.We miss the chance to be ourselves and show up authentically.A relationship is about two (or more) people coming together.To walk the same path, at least for a while.It is not about getting lost in each other.It is not about getting so enmeshed in each other that we loose our own identity.A real relationship is about people coming together in an authentic manner to share themselves with the other person.How can we share ourselves with another if we do not show up fully?If we do not allow ourselves to be who we truly are?If we do not express our needs, hopes, and desires?Is the other person truly getting to know us if we are hiding?If instead of sacrificing ourselves to another we just be who we truly our and show our desire to be with the other person, is that not how lasting relationships are built?Being fully who we are means having to look on the inside.It means showing up with our feelings and our needs fully exposed.And it mean allowing the other person to show up the same.Allowing them to express their feelings and needs.Yet not getting lost in them.Not making the "other" more important than ourselves.For when we place another above ourselves, we diminish who we are.When we come together as equals, as empowered individuals, then we can create something lasting.Then we can build on a solid foundation.Then we have a relationship that can stand the test of time.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant