EPISODE SUMMARY:
They will learn how to turn tragedy into life purpose and connect with others.
In this episode, I share the story behind The Friend Magnet—my system for helping shy, socially awkward, and neurodivergent folks build deep friendships and real-life community. After leading over 2,000 events and working with people from all over the world, I’ve learned what actually works when it comes to creating lasting connection—especially for those of us who feel like we don’t quite fit the mold.
I also talk about the launch of The Happy Spot in New York City, a brand-new initiative designed to bring neurodivergent professionals together for real-world networking and community support. Our first event is happening at The Producers Club in Manhattan, and it’s just the beginning of something bigger. If you’ve ever felt out of place at traditional networking events, this might be the space you’ve been waiting for.
https://davidgood.org
neurodivergent networking, shy people making friends, autism and friendship, building real-world community, social skills for introverts, the friend magnet system, networking for neurodiverse professionals, inclusive community events NYC, overcoming social anxiety, how to make friends offline
In this heartfelt episode of The Happy Spot, Clementina Esposito interviews David Good, founder of the International Friend Connection, whose mission is to help one million socially isolated and neurodivergent individuals build genuine connections by 2030. David shares his journey from loneliness and social anxiety to global impact, revealing how skills training and a shift in mindset helped him overcome limiting beliefs and connect with others authentically. Their conversation offers powerful reminders for happiness-seekers: true connection is learnable, our inner narratives can be rewritten, and empathy, care, and communication are the cornerstones of meaningful relationships.
In this uplifting segment of The Happy Spot, David Good shares how overcoming his own deep loneliness led him to develop a mission-driven organization dedicated to helping others form real human connections. Drawing from personal experience and acceptance commitment therapy, he outlines three key skills for connection: managing anxiety through exposure, learning communication techniques that build positive emotional exchanges, and identifying a meaningful purpose that drives consistent growth. Clementina Esposito highlights how David’s vulnerability and strategic, skills-based approach to emotional wellness offer a powerful model for transforming isolation into empowerment and joy.
In this deeply personal continuation of The Happy Spot, David Good reflects on the transformative power of true belonging, describing how launching his first social group dissolved a lifelong feeling of loneliness. He shares that authentic friendship for him now means mutual respect for boundaries and emotional support through both hardships and successes. With self-awareness as his compass, David connects daily through simple gestures like thoughtful messages to friends and reevaluates his actions against his personal values—a practice that grounds him and keeps his mission purposeful and joy-centered.
In this heartfelt and insight-filled final segment of The Happy Spot, David Good shares how understanding the Five Love Languages transformed his approach to connection—emphasizing that true communication is about expressing care in ways others feel it. He explains that the secret to lasting friendships and relationships lies not just in clever techniques, but in deeply transforming yourself into someone who radiates authenticity and empathy. David also reminds us that self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and finding purpose are the true drivers of a connected, fulfilling life—backed by his mission to help others build lasting community and overcome loneliness through practical, compassionate support.
00:00:10.640 --> 00:00:37.629 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Hi, David, I am so glad to be here with you tonight, and this is all possible because of the happy spot where they're always doing better business through the power of happiness. So I'm just. I am so delighted by the opportunity to get to talk to you and to get to connect with you. What an opportunity I would have missed! I feel like the whole world is connecting to you these days, and as you.
00:00:37.670 --> 00:00:40.720 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: as you try to reach your goal? Of
00:00:40.960 --> 00:00:44.539 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: what was it by 2030? How many people do you want to connect.
00:00:48.074 --> 00:01:12.650 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Sorry I had been muted. But yeah, so our goal great to be here today. Life's amazing. But the thing is our goal of the next 10 years is to reach a million people, help a million people, shy social anxiety, neurodivergent people create connections in a life. My whole cause, social isolation, loneliness, crisis. I was just locally on the local Fox station
00:01:12.650 --> 00:01:21.280 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: talking about it, and they came to some of our events in Grand Rapids and filmed a segment at one of our events, real grateful for that.
00:01:22.330 --> 00:01:48.690 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yeah. So it's really, it's really amazing. Like I said in my preparing for this interview with you, I'm just blown away at what you've been able to accomplish in such a short time. So you know, congratulations. And yeah, so just to give our listeners a little sort of catch them up here in 2014,
00:01:48.880 --> 00:01:52.580 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: you founded the International Friend connection.
00:01:52.720 --> 00:02:01.240 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: right? And and today, and and you started that to overcome your own social anxiety. And today you have 40,000 members globally.
00:02:01.610 --> 00:02:03.000 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Did I get that right?
00:02:03.180 --> 00:02:06.214 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah, 40,000 members, 50 chapters.
00:02:06.880 --> 00:02:24.120 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: about in person. We're in. We're in just a couple countries in person, like Portugal, U.S.A. And Michigan, both sides of Michigan, and now New York City, thanks to our mutual friend Jack in the happy spot just started in New York City Group this week, and I hope to get there this year.
00:02:24.740 --> 00:02:25.330 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: On, the.
00:02:25.330 --> 00:02:27.539 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: And then virtually all over the world.
00:02:28.230 --> 00:02:42.550 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: That's that's so great. So I want to congratulate you really, and given what I know about your personal history with Asperger's and autism, that is, it's like, if you can do it, we can all do it right.
00:02:42.960 --> 00:02:47.209 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Just an incredibly really inspiring example.
00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:54.210 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: It's all down to the proper training, and if you get the proper training you can overcome anything.
00:02:55.120 --> 00:03:23.859 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Unbelievable, unbelievable. So I'm gonna start, you know. Look, if you know me, you know, I go right. I go right to the personal. So I'm going to ask you some more questions about your business, and I'm really really curious. But what comes up for me personally is, I am the aunt to an autistic boy. And when I heard in some of your videos that I was watching when I heard you say that you had been lonely your whole life and turned to video games. It was like it was like
00:03:23.920 --> 00:03:46.714 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: my heart broke again. Right? Because, you know, when my nephew was a baby, you know that, like baby, like, as soon as he became a little boy, it was like 1st it was trains, and at that he would create like whole villages in our in our basement of trains and things was really unbelievable. But you know, then he became really into yeah, TV and technology. And
00:03:47.120 --> 00:04:12.510 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: yeah, it was hard, because I really didn't know how to connect with him. And I feel like it's so wonderful that you and you have, and a couple of people actually, I've met through the octopus movement has been, I've been like Whoa! This is so unbelievable, right and so wonderful. But I feel like in each case you took it upon yourself to train yourself to be able to connect
00:04:13.246 --> 00:04:29.699 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: and you know I'm a person that you know I sort of. I know that I'm good at drawing most people out, you know. And what would you suggest? What? What do that puts the onus on you, though, to be trained about how to connect, and I and I get it
00:04:29.700 --> 00:04:30.329 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: and get it.
00:04:30.330 --> 00:04:47.259 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: That's wonderful and great, and you know, like more power to you right. We all have to take radical self responsibility for our lives and work with what we have. And that's great. But do you have any tips or things that you might tell people about connecting with you.
00:04:47.260 --> 00:04:51.449 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: It's a it's a very simple formula. I keep on my computer. Let me put it up to my.
00:04:51.450 --> 00:04:54.170 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Oh, okay, what it says. Okay. It says.
00:04:54.570 --> 00:04:55.610 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Carrie.
00:04:55.610 --> 00:04:58.569 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Plus plus plus connect.
00:04:58.570 --> 00:04:59.230 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Chin.
00:04:59.620 --> 00:05:11.820 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: So if those things aren't present, you know the reason why I was such a lonely guy was a people don't make sense. I'm on the spectrum. So computers, everything made sense. They.
00:05:11.820 --> 00:05:12.170 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Okay.
00:05:12.170 --> 00:05:27.260 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: According to systems and patterns that I could recognize. But then eventually, I learned that people work according to systems and patterns, too. Sometimes they don't. But most of the time they do. But you know, computers were safe. They they didn't bully me. They didn't make fun of me.
00:05:27.390 --> 00:05:38.269 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: They didn't try to be mean to me in general. And so I kind of found my safe place among computers and online and everything. But then, ultimately, it wasn't, wasn't a happy place. Yeah.
00:05:38.270 --> 00:05:38.610 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: And.
00:05:38.610 --> 00:05:56.260 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Once I learned how to connect with people. World just totally opened up with me, and it was something. So the thing was, I had thought. You know, you have to be born able to connect with people, or it's something you could never learn, or if it was something you studied, it was somehow morally wrong to study it
00:05:56.260 --> 00:06:20.049 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: like, it's not morally wrong to study math. It's not morally wrong to study computer program, but somehow studying learning how to talk to people and connect with people somehow, that that's not morally right. And then I learned that was a bunch of Bs because it's intent that matters. So the thing I reason I did not connect with people was because I was angry. I was bitter. I did not care about people. I hated people for what was done to me.
00:06:20.050 --> 00:06:27.169 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: But then, after I started my meetup group, I'd realize, oh, wow! Guess what I've been around the wrong people all my life in their army.
00:06:27.474 --> 00:06:28.385 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: People out there.
00:06:28.690 --> 00:06:30.650 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: And so so, you know.
00:06:31.010 --> 00:06:54.160 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: started to melt. And I'm like these people are great. They matter to me now and then. Then. The more I cared about them the more they became my friends. But I was still a very quiet guy. I didn't understand the rules of communication. One of the rules of communication is that you have to communicate in a way they can understand a lot of my life. I was communicating my caring in a way that I would understand, but they did not understand it, so I.
00:06:54.160 --> 00:06:55.420 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Do things, why? Why?
00:06:55.420 --> 00:06:55.850 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: And.
00:06:56.570 --> 00:06:59.450 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Wow! Can I? And one thing, go ahead. Go ahead!
00:06:59.450 --> 00:07:08.059 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: One last thing I'll quickly say so. Us people on the spectrum we try so hard to communicate and to connect with people.
00:07:08.060 --> 00:07:32.049 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: and we hit our head against the wall, and it's not a matter of trying hard. It's a matter of trying the wrong things. It's like you want to speak to a person that only speaks Japanese. Well, if I keep speaking English to them, no matter if I talk slow and really loud, they're not going to understand same way with neurotypical people. It's like I was speaking Japanese. I was speaking autistic language at them, and they could not understand that I was
00:07:32.050 --> 00:07:33.910 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: what I was communicating to them.
00:07:34.680 --> 00:07:36.840 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Oh, that's thank you so much. It's so. I want.
00:07:36.840 --> 00:07:39.410 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: And that's the cause of all the conflicts.
00:07:39.820 --> 00:07:41.750 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: You've said so many
00:07:42.230 --> 00:07:50.309 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: just wow nuggets in there, if I may, I want to slow it. I want to do a version of exactly what you just said, and.
00:07:50.310 --> 00:07:51.909 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: It's pretty intense. It's pretty intense.
00:07:51.910 --> 00:07:55.479 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Right cause. Listeners sometimes really do need us to slow.
00:07:55.480 --> 00:07:58.399 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Later. If we got time I'll teach.
00:07:59.330 --> 00:08:00.339 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: We slow down.
00:08:00.340 --> 00:08:01.140 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah, okay.
00:08:01.140 --> 00:08:11.520 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yeah, no, I want to slow you down, and I want to backtrack as you said so many amazing things. And I think you're you're so quick and I get look, I'm neurodiversion, too. I have Adhd. So I get it. My.
00:08:11.520 --> 00:08:12.000 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: me, too.
00:08:12.000 --> 00:08:29.339 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: so fast, right? And as a content Creator, I have learned that I have to slow it down to allow other people to consume it. So I I want to go ahead. I want to hear everything you have to say, but I also just want to slow down and go. Whoa! Hold on! That was such a nugget. So 1st of all.
00:08:29.340 --> 00:08:38.510 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Appreciate you doing that so much because I tend to talk. That brain is fast, and I feel like if I don't get it all out that 88 she's going to kick in. I totally forget what I'm going to talk about.
00:08:39.139 --> 00:08:55.429 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Totally. So I'm gonna if it's okay, we're gonna be, we're just gonna interact with each other with with love and respect and kindness. And we're gonna get, get the get what we need to deliver to everyone. So you said, Wow, so you said care. And it was care plus
00:08:55.430 --> 00:08:58.389 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: sharing plus communication equals connection.
00:08:58.610 --> 00:09:13.600 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yep, caring plus communication equals connection. Absolutely. Okay. So we've got to be persistent about that. Now, you said something else. You talked. You didn't say these words, but you talked about something that I find to be such
00:09:13.820 --> 00:09:36.669 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: so fascinating, and something that almost everyone, I think, does to some extent in my work. I don't know what you know about me, but I'm a writer and a storyteller. I help other people tell their stories. I co-create books with people. And so one of the things I most love to do about my job is
00:09:36.800 --> 00:09:39.849 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: discover what's really true for people.
00:09:40.230 --> 00:09:53.860 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: And and you said something so profound that I think everybody struggles with, and it makes it hard to have a true connection when you're telling yourself a story
00:09:54.650 --> 00:10:04.589 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: that isn't true, right? And you were you were you were in there. It moved so fast you were telling yourself a story that wasn't true, and you had to
00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:06.940 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: catch that. How did that happen?
00:10:07.130 --> 00:10:13.379 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Do you remember what the story was, and how did it happen that you caught it and and changed.
00:10:13.380 --> 00:10:31.159 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Oh, way back in the beginning this would be 2011, you know. A story of my life was that you know my life would never be about much, because well, what I would do I'd work too much, and then I would go into what I now know is autistic burnout not be able to work for like a year
00:10:31.477 --> 00:10:44.499 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: and then injury from the car accident got real bad. And after working so much in 2015 at the computer. That injury got so bad I couldn't touch the computer pretty much ever again until past year or so
00:10:44.660 --> 00:11:12.969 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: I could. When I do meetings I'd lean back so it wouldn't hurt my neck, but I was kind of hopeless. And then that story was, you know, I'm just kind of a loser I got in a car accident and that injury took away my career. I'll never be a software developer. I can never do anything again. And that was the old stories like they talk about an acceptance commitment therapy that I would tell myself. But what exception therapy says when your brain is telling you old stories take action toward a new life, take action toward a new life.
00:11:12.970 --> 00:11:20.540 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yeah, I Oh, my God, I love that. Wait. Let's repeat it. When your brain is telling you old stories. Take action toward a new.
00:11:20.540 --> 00:11:23.030 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yeah, it's attack, it's attack
00:11:23.980 --> 00:11:40.029 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: that's genius. So this is, you know, in every good personal story or memoir, you know, there's an arc, and that arc, usually in the most, in the crudest terms. It looks like the person goes from victim
00:11:40.270 --> 00:11:41.280 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: to
00:11:42.980 --> 00:12:05.459 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: to hero. Right? Yeah. And and there's usually a pivotal moment. And there there comes that point where you have to write a new story. You have to change the narrative right? You have to decide. So so we have 2 min to break. So when we come back we're going to talk more about your business. But this is really
00:12:05.630 --> 00:12:11.690 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: really awesome. Before we go to break. I want to ask you one more question, and that question
00:12:12.090 --> 00:12:17.419 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: is, if loneliness had a voice, what would it say?
00:12:18.710 --> 00:12:19.900 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: What would it say?
00:12:19.900 --> 00:12:23.470 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yeah, what? What does the voice of loneliness sound like? Yeah, what does it say?
00:12:23.470 --> 00:12:29.880 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: What it sounds like is, I just don't know why the heck I'm so alone in that.
00:12:30.070 --> 00:12:37.990 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Why, I can't connect with people. I think it's a voice of confusion. And the antidote I've found is skills, training.
00:12:39.880 --> 00:12:47.640 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Awesome. Okay, skills training. So we're gonna come back when we come back from break, I'm gonna talk to you about skills training.
00:12:47.750 --> 00:12:48.656 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: All right?
00:12:49.812 --> 00:12:51.739 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Awesome. I love it.
00:12:52.550 --> 00:12:59.170 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: This is really really powerful powerful stuff, really powerful.
00:12:59.500 --> 00:13:00.470 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah, thank, you.
00:13:08.590 --> 00:13:09.290 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Sucking.
00:13:09.290 --> 00:13:10.589 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: I think we're on break.
00:13:10.860 --> 00:13:13.680 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: I don't know I don't. I don't think we are yet.
00:13:13.680 --> 00:13:16.610 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Pop up the chat. It said, 2 min to break.
00:13:19.230 --> 00:13:22.609 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: But yeah, just real grateful that you and Jack had me on today.
00:13:22.840 --> 00:13:34.680 Zoom user: So I'm gonna chime in for a moment. Guys, we're going to go to break in 1 min. I just want to say, David, it's always great seeing you. I remember meeting you personally when you flew into New York, and we traveled.
00:13:37.110 --> 00:13:40.920 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah, we had a heck of a day, all 3 boroughs, pizza, and 2 boroughs.
00:13:42.560 --> 00:13:43.290 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Ha, ha!
00:13:43.790 --> 00:13:49.539 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: I love pizza man! There's nothing like New York Pizza, greatest city in the world.
00:13:52.500 --> 00:13:57.409 Zoom user: You know, David? Good. I called him last week, and he said, the octopus
00:14:03.660 --> 00:14:04.350 Zoom user: look
00:14:09.900 --> 00:14:13.009 Zoom user: is where it's a safe space, Clementina.
00:14:18.560 --> 00:14:21.860 Zoom user: to break, and we'll be right back. Thanks, everybody.
00:14:21.860 --> 00:14:23.050 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: It sounds good.
00:16:06.940 --> 00:16:08.530 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Cool. I think we're back.
00:16:16.570 --> 00:16:19.069 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: No, let's get you unmuted, Clementina.
00:16:47.400 --> 00:16:52.140 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Let's see if you click that little microphone in the bottom of your left corner.
00:16:52.772 --> 00:16:54.130 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Should unmute yourself.
00:17:04.180 --> 00:17:05.259 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Hey? Sorry that I was.
00:17:05.260 --> 00:17:06.190 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Hey! There we go!
00:17:06.190 --> 00:17:13.410 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: And it was not allowing me to unclick for some weird reason. But, Arian, we're back, and I promised. We talk about.
00:17:13.410 --> 00:17:15.369 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: You know, I'll tell you something real quick.
00:17:15.700 --> 00:17:26.760 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: nothing to worry about problems with technology. I was software developer. For let's say, I'm not going to say how many decades. But if you knew how things were strung together, it'd be a miracle that any technology works.
00:17:26.760 --> 00:17:47.210 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: You know I don't know, and what I do know is that I've I've in my life. I've not been so fair to myself because I've been hard on myself about technology and what I have learned, probably the most valuable thing I've learned watching people who are good at technology is not that they're better at it than me, or that it performs any better for them, but they're much more patient.
00:17:47.210 --> 00:17:55.790 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah, it's it's patience and practice. Well, patient. 2 2 words, patience and practice about the key to everything in life, getting anything in life, patience and.
00:17:55.790 --> 00:18:02.800 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Right, right? Patience and practice true. So we I promised we were gonna talk about skills training, which I want to do. And you know.
00:18:02.800 --> 00:18:03.220 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Sure.
00:18:03.220 --> 00:18:13.690 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: That this is the second time this year that this whole idea, you know you knew you must have known that in 2023. The Surgeon General declared loneliness an epidemic.
00:18:13.690 --> 00:18:14.530 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Oh, yeah.
00:18:14.530 --> 00:18:21.729 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Right and you know where I learned about this was from Dr. Ruth's book, The Joy of connections.
00:18:22.190 --> 00:18:35.620 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: And I don't know if you know about it. But it came out this year. And it's a hundred ways to beat loneliness and live a happier, more meaningful life. And she also basically does skills training.
00:18:35.890 --> 00:18:36.220 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Oh, yeah.
00:18:36.220 --> 00:18:49.479 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: I mean, she's passed away right? But some of the things in the book are skills training. So I found some of them really funny. Quirky. So talk to me about your top 3 skills for connecting. What are they.
00:18:49.480 --> 00:18:50.050 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Okay?
00:18:50.160 --> 00:19:14.759 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: So first, st the top 3 skills. 1, st one, that I teach techniques from acceptance commitment therapy because you've got to manage those nervous feelings, and you got to manage those anxious feelings. And there's a there's a system called exposure response prevention, therapy exposure therapy. You've got to know how to do that, because the more you get around the thing you fear a little bit at a time, the easier it gets. So you've got to have the skills
00:19:14.760 --> 00:19:39.520 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: to deal with those nervous feelings because they aren't going to go away magically. You got to do what you need to do, despite being nervous. That's the key. So then, the second thing is, you got to know how to talk to people, and that I teach you, step by step, in a way that us computer programmers, us systems thinkers, us logical people can understand. So you got to know, you got to know what questions to ask. That will trigger positive feeling. It's all you know. It's all about caring about people
00:19:39.520 --> 00:19:49.710 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: triggering positive feelings and setting up a cycle, a positive exchange of positive reciprocal exchange of positive emotions between 2 people, and then, lastly.
00:19:49.970 --> 00:19:52.929 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: one or the other, we teach a lot, but it's a
00:19:53.080 --> 00:20:10.610 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: I would say. The next thing is, you've got to find your why, that's where I use acceptance, commitment, therapy tools to find meaning and purpose in life, because your purpose will let you accomplish anything. My purpose of helping all these shy people with all these groups. It's the reason I'm alive now.
00:20:11.320 --> 00:20:17.559 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: and it's a reason that I've done some pretty difficult things and push myself to do some pretty difficult things.
00:20:18.230 --> 00:20:40.860 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: I love that, and I love you know. One of the things I discovered in in learning about you is, you know, you've talked openly about that. You're, you know. You're willing to be vulnerable about your, you know, acute experience with loneliness, and I. So I so admire that you know we? We can't face a problem or solve a problem until we
00:20:41.010 --> 00:20:51.940 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: are willing to be honest about it. Right? So I think that that's so commendable. And then again when and I couldn't. I don't know what year it was that your mother passed away.
00:20:51.940 --> 00:20:54.810 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah, 20, of course, 13, 2,022.
00:20:55.080 --> 00:20:56.471 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Okay, I'm so sorry.
00:20:56.820 --> 00:20:57.710 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Years ago.
00:20:57.990 --> 00:21:04.600 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yeah, I'm so sorry. But I just admire your
00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:13.760 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: taking a strategic approach and employing your skills. You know, I think that's something.
00:21:14.060 --> 00:21:17.110 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: I think when it comes to the world of feelings.
00:21:17.320 --> 00:21:35.650 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: you know, even you know, this year I know that the movie inside out 2 was something I watched with my son, and I thought it was so wonderful. I love those movies right, that they you get kind of get inside this world of feelings. That is such a big part of our lives. But we still struggle to Master
00:21:35.650 --> 00:21:36.040 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yup
00:21:36.040 --> 00:21:46.459 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: and I. And I think we, I think we tend to think that feelings are these like uncontrollable urges that can hijack us, and sometimes they do. Of course, they're really.
00:21:46.460 --> 00:21:46.850 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Oh, yeah.
00:21:47.100 --> 00:22:16.409 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Right. I think. I hope that as long as we're human we still experience that even though I know, being a highly sensitive, highly emotional person. I feel better about my life now that I've learned more about how my feelings work and how I can better manage them right. But I think it's such a big. I think we think about these things as both
00:22:16.600 --> 00:22:19.769 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: volatile natural occurrences.
00:22:21.356 --> 00:22:22.573 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: And
00:22:24.760 --> 00:22:43.620 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: that there's nothing we can do about. And I think in reading this book, in researching about you, in just thinking about it a lot over the last few days, you know, it's like the fact that you have skills, training, and that you yourself have modeled. Hey?
00:22:43.740 --> 00:23:08.560 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: You know you knew you knew that to ask for what you needed, and that was one of the things that Dr. Ruth sort of funnily suggested in this book was like faint needing help right? And I thought that was very funny, right? Especially coming from someone who it took a long time for me to be able to ask for help. But I have noticed in my own life, right, especially when you're
00:23:08.560 --> 00:23:17.090 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: a very capable, when you've become a very capable person. Right? What a gift it is for other people when you ask them for help.
00:23:17.090 --> 00:23:31.680 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: or it can be right. But I just marveled over the story of you sort of really, preemptively saying, Hey, this huge event in my life is going to happen, and I cannot do this alone.
00:23:32.084 --> 00:23:43.099 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: And I just think that that is so powerful, and something you said before, too. You said, you know you didn't know why, but it seemed like there was this sort of
00:23:43.950 --> 00:23:54.750 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: shame I translated to the word shame. And you correct me if it's too wrong, if if it's wrong, but shame associated with
00:23:55.000 --> 00:23:59.690 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: studying communication and emotions. Yeah.
00:23:59.930 --> 00:24:03.569 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: That comes up over and over with neurodivergent people. A lot of shame
00:24:03.790 --> 00:24:14.079 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: around studying people how to talk to people. And really, even neurotypical people don't know how to speak to people properly and connect with people properly. So.
00:24:14.080 --> 00:24:26.910 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: No, and and shame comes up for neurotypical people, too, because I experienced the same exact thing in my work. People really fight themselves to hire a writing coach.
00:24:27.170 --> 00:24:41.120 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: It's like, you know, it's like, just because we learn how to write in elementary school and continue to do so in high school, and if we're lucky enough to go to college there, right? That we should be able to write a book
00:24:41.330 --> 00:24:57.049 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: or a speech, or whatever. But and it's it's a it's a skill, it's an art. And if if you don't practice and you aren't patient right like it, no, of course you know it's so, but I do. I find sometimes I have to overcome
00:24:57.430 --> 00:25:02.180 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: shame. So what what do you do to overcome those tongues.
00:25:02.180 --> 00:25:08.209 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: either in yourself or your either in yourself or in the people that you connect with and help connect.
00:25:08.900 --> 00:25:32.180 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Well, I gave a talk and guilt and shame as part of our live stream that happens every Monday in our Youtube channel. That was part of it, and I talk about how useless emotion shame is because shame says I am bad, whereas guilt says I did something wrong. I need to make it right. So guilt's useful. Shame that feeling that you're bad or born bad, I have one rule. No one should be made to feel bad for how they're born. No one should be ashamed
00:25:32.180 --> 00:25:48.219 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: for anything any way. You were born, and like I was made to feel ashamed because I was born in the autism spectrum, even though I did not know that I just knew I was a different kid, a weird kid. And I was made to feel ashamed about that. I had to do many, many years of work to let that go.
00:25:49.025 --> 00:25:49.830 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: And
00:25:49.880 --> 00:25:55.139 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: one of the things a lot of self-forgiveness work. But I had to let go of judging other people first, st
00:25:55.140 --> 00:25:57.990 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: but or I could stop judging myself so harshly.
00:25:57.990 --> 00:25:59.099 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: It's funny, the hate.
00:25:59.100 --> 00:26:04.370 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: People. They hate themselves. The worst people who hate hate themselves the most.
00:26:05.410 --> 00:26:20.750 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: That is so, spot on. Wow! That's so profound. Right? Like to stop judging other people. We have to stop judging ourselves. I you know that is so true, and that is such a big part of the work. In my, I think the
00:26:21.060 --> 00:26:49.100 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: in my many, many years of teaching, always writing, and even now, through my business, where I where my tagline is, where no one writes alone. Right? Because those stories, those stories don't end well right, Virginia Woolf wading into the water with rocks in her pockets, right, or Ernest Hemingway drunk under his desk right. But yet the myth of the romantic writer who locks themselves up alone, isolated
00:26:49.100 --> 00:26:51.620 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: and right. So that's really not how great.
00:26:51.620 --> 00:27:07.060 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: It's the myth. It's a myth of everybody that's the most successful people is that they did alone did themselves. But what's true is, I noticed when I really dug into people that were very successful. They had the most help and mentorship along the way, and the secret.
00:27:07.060 --> 00:27:07.450 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Totally.
00:27:07.450 --> 00:27:26.890 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Is getting that mentor, as my friend David Siegel always called it, your personal Board of directors. He was the ex-CEO on Meetup. Me and him were buddies, and he called it your personal board of directors. Be friends with people older than you people who you want to be like, and you know. Give friendship, and you'll get unlimited mentorship in return.
00:27:27.470 --> 00:27:32.310 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: The most powerful question you can ask someone is, How can I be like you?
00:27:32.890 --> 00:27:36.959 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: So I bet a lot of people who
00:27:37.090 --> 00:27:49.500 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: are struggling with autism and Asperger's want to be like you and would love to have you as a mentor. I noticed on your website I noticed a few things, one, that
00:27:49.670 --> 00:27:57.059 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: all of this unbelievable stuff you've accomplished? And where can I send people to check out your what's your.
00:27:57.060 --> 00:28:02.970 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: So my 1st site, davidgoob.org. And you can get a link to everything I'm involved in there.
00:28:02.970 --> 00:28:27.670 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: International friend connection is. So my company is called Organization for good. It's a social enterprise, and we use our revenues, which we don't have much right now. But and I've run this all on. No money for 11 years is I'm devoting our revenue to creating, growing our groups around the world rather than just buying me a Lamborghini or whatever. So you go there and then. International friend, connection lists of
00:28:27.670 --> 00:28:32.420 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: lot of our groups. I haven't updated that in a long time. Our events on Meetup
00:28:32.420 --> 00:28:56.599 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: around the around the country and around the world. And then the friend Magnet is our new program that's going to fund us expanding all these groups around the world. So that's where I will mentor you on your social skills overcoming fear I don't get into therapy work. So if people have a lot of trauma. I refer them out to a therapist because I can't really hold that darkness in for people. I've got a lot going on.
00:28:56.600 --> 00:28:57.990 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Good to know you're yeah.
00:28:58.260 --> 00:29:24.019 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: But I will teach you how to talk to people. I'll teach you how to network with people, teach you how to be friends with people. And then, actually, I have almost a foolproof strategy how to meet someone in person without using a dating app, and I came up with that with my dear friend la coach, dating relationship coach, coach, seal, coach, seal, the deal. Her my buddy, coach, Calvin, Atlanta, love coach, and me. We're going to do a meeting of the mind someday, and do a big seminar.
00:29:24.050 --> 00:29:28.949 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: because I'm still learning about all this relationship stuff. Got my heart broken bad a couple of years.
00:29:29.780 --> 00:29:30.170 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: and then I.
00:29:30.475 --> 00:29:31.390 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Then I call.
00:29:31.390 --> 00:29:36.210 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: And I'm like Seal. I don't know what I'm doing now. I know why I need your help.
00:29:36.870 --> 00:29:49.030 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: It's a rite of passage. Everybody. Everybody gets their heart heartbroken, and I have a little an old lady piece of advice, piece of knowledge I can drop here is that it never hurts as bad as it does the 1st time.
00:29:49.030 --> 00:29:50.269 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: That's true. That's true.
00:29:50.270 --> 00:30:18.305 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Never hurts that bad again. All right. So that's great. I love that. So one of the things that I got really curious about when I was looking was, Oh, my gosh, David has created he's gone from, you know, founding this seedling. You know thing to all these people, you know. What was it? What was it? 40 K members? And we're shooting for?
00:30:19.120 --> 00:30:21.849 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Eventually my goal is help. A 1 million people.
00:30:21.850 --> 00:30:23.030 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Really functional.
00:30:23.300 --> 00:30:27.999 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: I want to earn the Presidential medal of freedom. That's my lifetime goal.
00:30:28.530 --> 00:30:29.220 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Wow!
00:30:29.220 --> 00:30:30.470 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Gotten a few small other medals
00:30:30.470 --> 00:30:33.839 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: from President Biden, but I want that big presidential medal of freedom.
00:30:34.180 --> 00:30:36.489 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Because loneliness is a prison, isn't it?
00:30:36.490 --> 00:30:37.110 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah.
00:30:38.210 --> 00:30:55.319 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yeah. So I got curious about, how are you surviving? How are you making money? And then I saw that you have you, that you are a certified coach. And is that? And so people who want you to mentor them? I mean they can. That is already in place, that that. Yeah, they can contact.
00:30:55.320 --> 00:31:09.980 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: We've got a program all in place. We teach free classes every Monday. But then, if you want to go deeper if you want, and those are good if you can do it all yourself. But you know I could never do it all myself. I need that support. And I did. I did
00:31:10.050 --> 00:31:32.910 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: like. I've been in therapy like 15 years, but there's there's some things that therapists never even mentioned or taught me. They never even mentioned that I could learn to talk to people and and learn learn all this stuff and how to relate to people. We will just do therapy and acceptance commitment therapy is very forward focused therapy. So I think the acceptance commitment therapy model for coaching is actually a superior coaching model.
00:31:32.910 --> 00:31:45.600 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: So that's why I studied the Icf model. But I really like the exception of the commitment therapy model, because it says, no matter what's going on inside, let's take small actions toward the life that we deserve.
00:31:49.620 --> 00:32:01.740 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Awesome. Okay? So I think it's time for another break. And so let's do that. And when we come back we'll take. We'll talk about some more small actions.
00:32:02.010 --> 00:32:02.580 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Sure. Okay.
00:33:38.930 --> 00:33:40.669 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Okay. I think we're back.
00:33:43.220 --> 00:33:43.980 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Think we're back.
00:33:43.980 --> 00:33:45.389 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Great to be back.
00:33:45.560 --> 00:33:57.659 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Awesome, and I want to give another shout out to the happy spot, doing better business with that power of happiness everywhere they go. And I'm just so delighted to be here. So
00:33:59.160 --> 00:34:07.270 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: with such, you know. Incredible transformation. Really? I want to ask you another really personal question.
00:34:07.270 --> 00:34:12.659 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Sure, it's okay, you know I want to. I want to ask you, you know, what does
00:34:13.219 --> 00:34:15.909 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: belonging feel like to you now.
00:34:17.270 --> 00:34:41.810 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Well, I'll tell you. I remember the days when I was in endless pain, bedridden most of the days of the week, and I'm still bedridden. About one day per week. Those migraines will hit bad, or that neck injury will act up. But I'll tell you. So I started 1st group West Michigan geeks in 2014. That was the 1st International friend connection chapter. And then, a year later, I sat back during the summer came to my mind. You know that
00:34:41.940 --> 00:34:48.150 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: feeling of loneliness that was heavy in my heart all those years it had disappeared 1st time in my life.
00:34:49.000 --> 00:35:11.729 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: And that was the feeling of belonging. It was that feeling of loneliness. And then lately I've been, I've been working in therapy to realize that maybe my definition of what adult friends are like should be different from as a kid like when you're a kid. You see your friends every day. But just because you don't see someone every day doesn't mean you're not close friends. And I realized I got a lot more close friends than I thought, especially my
00:35:11.730 --> 00:35:34.439 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: organizer Vicki, who runs our East Michigan shy people's group. She is one of the most impressive young women I've ever met, a radical personal growth and change just over a year. She's just 25 and met her when she was 23, and last year she stepped up, took over our East Michigan group. And now she's running that group running a team of volunteers and also is leading
00:35:34.440 --> 00:35:48.710 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: one of the local toastmasters chapter in Ann Arbor, and is pretty high up in the Ann Arbor toastmasters. Chapter I mean, some company really needs to snatch her out as a future executive and put her like in a junior executive position.
00:35:49.700 --> 00:35:51.550 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: That's so wonderful. You know.
00:35:51.550 --> 00:35:57.670 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Actually my my dream would be to hire her full time. But but we've got to get enough revenue coming in so I can pay myself 1st and.
00:35:57.670 --> 00:36:12.009 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Right we want we wanted. We want. We've got all I see. We've got all the links there at the bottom of the screen. We want to get people. Get people. Yeah, to be like, all right, this is great. And you know, we spend money
00:36:12.160 --> 00:36:24.020 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: on what we value. Right? Yeah. And and you have made so many valuable contributions to the world. And I mean, I just met you, and I'm so grateful that you are.
00:36:24.020 --> 00:36:24.460 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Thank you.
00:36:24.460 --> 00:36:25.839 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Work that you're doing in the world.
00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:27.170 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Grateful to be here.
00:36:27.470 --> 00:36:31.460 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: I feel I feel happier and healthier
00:36:31.670 --> 00:36:59.999 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: today after getting to know you and having this opportunity to connect with you. And so I just think, that's unbelievable and and just I'm just so excited. So so you said something just a minute ago about when you've had to change your definition of what it means to be a friend. So what does what does being a friend mean to you? What are your non-negotiables in a friend?
00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:05.300 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Well, non-negotiables. Now, it's someone that will respect my boundaries, you know, when I tell someone.
00:37:05.300 --> 00:37:06.160 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Oh no!
00:37:06.160 --> 00:37:31.800 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Because I was oh, I was a people pleaser up until 2023, and it almost broke me again. I would just let people come into my groups and do anything they wanted to, had little to no boundaries until something was real bad. And now I get a bad feeling about someone I'm like, what I had to realize was, is not everybody needs to be in my life. And but on the alternative side, I have to be okay with people not liking me, and that is such hard
00:37:31.800 --> 00:37:38.521 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: work to do because you want everybody to like you. And if people don't like you, you feel like you're bad or something like that. But
00:37:38.790 --> 00:37:42.640 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: but I don't like everybody, and you got to be okay with people not liking you. And that's.
00:37:42.640 --> 00:37:45.540 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Right. If only we were more like dogs.
00:37:45.810 --> 00:37:46.510 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah.
00:37:47.210 --> 00:37:49.489 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: If only we were more like dogs! Right?
00:37:49.490 --> 00:37:49.950 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yes.
00:37:49.950 --> 00:37:54.279 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Someone, and you're like, you're not from me right.
00:37:54.280 --> 00:38:22.180 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: But how I determine how I determine my close friends is those people are there for me. When I when I go through a crisis. You know I got a friend, inspired me. Meredith, from Australia, wrote a lot of books. She even had a rule, was like, you know, she saves all her darkness for professionals to help her with, saves her best self for her friends. That may be a bit extreme, but you know those friends that are there for me in a rough time? I know those are my true real friends.
00:38:22.630 --> 00:38:38.330 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yeah, you know what I found. I remember when you know I went through a crisis when I was younger, and I learned a lot about who my friends were. And then, as life went on, I realized another very telling
00:38:42.740 --> 00:38:47.900 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: moment, for you know, figuring out who your real friends are is when you're really happy.
00:38:48.140 --> 00:38:54.859 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: you know which of your friends you know which of your friends, because a lot of people fail when you're really happy, too, you know.
00:38:54.980 --> 00:39:18.780 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Oh, I'll tell you something a rule I teach, and I'll go over it more in next classes. So jealousy is something that would destroy friendships, you know. There's the story about the bucket of crabs. One tries to get out of the bucket, the other pull them down, and so the key to knowing. If you have a good friend is when you have something good happen to you. They are the 1st one that congratulates you because most people will be jealous or want to tear you down.
00:39:18.780 --> 00:39:31.159 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: But if you have a friend that congratulates you, you know that you have a good friend, and, by the way, I tell him, always congratulate your friends, because one day they may make it big, and then they maybe pull a hand back and lift you out of the bucket, too.
00:39:31.530 --> 00:39:50.539 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yeah, yeah, right? It's so funny. I laughed. I laughed, David, because last week on the show I brought up the bucket of crabs thing. So it's just funny. Not everybody has heard of it. But it's a real phenomenon, right? And it happens with families, and it happens with friends and
00:39:50.610 --> 00:40:05.649 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: and and yeah, so I have another question for you. You know, I know you're involved in all these groups and all these meetups and the octopus movement, and all that is so unbelievable and and wonderful.
00:40:05.650 --> 00:40:32.370 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: What do you do on a daily basis? Right? I was going to ask you, what do you do to practice connection on a daily basis, like in the small ways. But I want to, based on what you just said. I want to make that question 2 part, because I know what you're saying. I want to respond to what you said about the people pleasing, and to make clear for our readers right like
00:40:32.370 --> 00:40:51.610 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: opening, opening yourself up. And you know strategically, providing for your future self. By creating connections and and and cultivating those connections and all those and all those things is is one thing, but sometimes.
00:40:51.980 --> 00:41:15.809 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: when our boundaries aren't what they ought to be, we can get depleted. And what I thought I heard you alluding to in something that you said. Was that well, at least what I thought was, yeah, when you, when you give something you don't want to. You end up damaging the most important relationship in your life. And that is the relationship to yourself.
00:41:16.410 --> 00:41:33.099 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Right? So I want that question to be 2 prong like, what do you do in the little ways in the small ways? What daily rituals do you have to practice connection sort of more privately like not when you're showing up as the leader, you know.
00:41:33.100 --> 00:41:46.991 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah, not when I'm the leader. It's funny. It seems like almost all the time I'm Dave Good, the leader. And you know, I like just being Dave good. The person David. Good the person. But yeah. So I have.
00:41:47.380 --> 00:42:09.000 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: little ways. I connect with friends things like that, you know I don't have. I used to be real close, best friends with one guy, but you know our lives kind of converged after in a family, and now I've got. I've got so many people I know, and so many friends. It's kind of hard to pick. But you know, I make sure if I haven't heard from a friend a while. I'll send a text.
00:42:09.000 --> 00:42:26.799 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Just let him know I've been thinking about them. That's kind of a little thing you can do. One of the important things I learned was, you've got to adjust your communication to the person you're communicating with, especially in like a dating relationship. So that's a conversation you should have. Maybe she don't want to be texted all day, or
00:42:26.800 --> 00:42:40.520 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: maybe she'd like to talk on the phone once a day rather than be texted all day. But it's okay. So every friendship and every relationship. It's a negotiation between 2 people to see if their needs are compatible.
00:42:41.530 --> 00:42:53.140 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Awesome. And so I'm going to ask you, we're going to talk about that because that's the 3rd time you mentioned it. And we're definitely going to talk about that when you get back. But so before we go, I want to ask you, what do you do to connect to yourself?
00:42:53.990 --> 00:42:54.700 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Well.
00:42:54.700 --> 00:42:57.333 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Let's see, on daily basis.
00:42:59.140 --> 00:43:03.149 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: you know, I keep pretty busy, and I just
00:43:03.600 --> 00:43:31.320 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: I try to evaluate everything I'm doing. I say, here are my values, septic therapy till we identify my values, my purpose in life, I'm like, will this take me towards my purpose and values what I want my life to be about, or will this take me away? And that's something I do daily. And if it's something that's taking me away from my values. I'm as much as I might like it. I say, Hey, maybe this is not good for me. So so it's kind of reevaluating kind of taking those small.
00:43:31.320 --> 00:43:43.020 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Daily daily reevaluation of of what? Which direction? You're moving. Awesome. All right. So we're due for another break. So we're going to hit that break, and when we come back I'm going to talk to you about love languages.
00:43:43.630 --> 00:43:44.340 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Sure.
00:43:44.990 --> 00:43:45.790 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Okay.
00:45:11.380 --> 00:45:15.850 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Hey? There, all right. So we are back, David. You need to unmute.
00:45:16.150 --> 00:45:25.049 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: and we are going to talk about one of my favorite subjects which you've alluded to, and I don't know if you realize it. But do you know the book? The 5 love languages.
00:45:25.050 --> 00:45:31.810 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah. Actually, when I got together with an ex 1st week, I had her take that test so I could understand her better.
00:45:32.158 --> 00:45:55.820 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: This is a smart man. This is a smart man, right? Yeah, so right, it's such a thing, though, that not everyone knows, for those of you who don't know 5 love languages. I think the last name of the author is Chapman. It's a person who's a long time couples therapist, and, you know, distilled down these 5 love languages. If I remember correctly right, I think they are.
00:45:56.020 --> 00:46:02.390 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Touch time, acts of service, words of affirmation and gifts.
00:46:02.590 --> 00:46:03.899 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Can get gifts. Yeah.
00:46:03.900 --> 00:46:20.820 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Right, and the and the premise is that when we are falling in love in the early stages, we speak all 5 languages fluently over time. What happens is that each person sort of
00:46:21.140 --> 00:46:35.841 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: without without skill and practice and awareness, each person will naturally sort of succumb to their top 2 ways of communicating or giving love. And
00:46:36.530 --> 00:46:46.740 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: yeah, and sometimes that is not how the other person prefer. That isn't the other person's, you know. There's a mismatch in. You know in how.
00:46:46.740 --> 00:47:13.679 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: It goes back to what I said at the beginning, communicating in a way that the other person can't understand. So if you're constantly giving gifts to someone who don't give a dang about gifts like me. Ever since I had to choose between life and death, after I after I had to go through that experience. Material things don't mean as much to me, but like so if you're constantly giving the person things that you like, but they don't really care about. They're going to think that you don't care about them.
00:47:13.820 --> 00:47:15.860 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: But if one person like that
00:47:15.860 --> 00:47:27.789 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: quality time, that communication, and you're just giving gifts to them, and they don't care about that. And but if you change, though, and realize that and give them quality, time, communication that improves a friendship and a relationship.
00:47:28.510 --> 00:47:35.380 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Right, absolutely a hundred percent. So that sounded like what you were saying, right? That.
00:47:35.380 --> 00:47:51.449 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Oh, yeah, yeah, like, I pull my hair out literally, because I'm trying to like, I said, it's like putting old programmer metaphor. It's like trying to put C sharp code to a python compiler pulling your hair out while this program's not compiling.
00:47:52.620 --> 00:48:14.060 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Right? Yeah, right? I'm trying. So it's so interesting. But it's it's amazing, right? I mean. And then there we go with our sense of, you know. I think so many of the things that we come back to in this conversation are all connected right? It's about our connection making a connection to others, I think, requires both self knowledge and knowledge of the other. Right?
00:48:14.480 --> 00:48:24.749 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: and yeah, and it goes even deeper and more complicated. Right? Someone might not care about gifts, they might actually have a negative association with Casino.
00:48:24.750 --> 00:48:25.530 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:48:25.530 --> 00:48:30.280 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: By them, you know, disregarded their feelings. And just you know, there's so many things that can go in.
00:48:30.280 --> 00:48:32.159 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Oh, yeah, there's a quote.
00:48:32.620 --> 00:48:57.630 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: A quote that's applicable to what you just said. So one of my favorite books, The Art of War, and treat this quote as a metaphor. It's not an exact quote, but it's know yourself and know your enemy, and you're always victorious. So it's that self-knowledge and that knowledge of whatever you're trying to do. But that self-knowledge is just as important, that self-awareness just as important as your knowledge of the other person, or whatever you're trying to do. There's a Guy Gary Gangliardi.
00:48:57.630 --> 00:49:05.099 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: famous art of War Translator. He has a book, a marketing book based on it. It's know yourself and know your market, and you're always victorious in marketing.
00:49:05.600 --> 00:49:07.350 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Right, yeah, absolutely.
00:49:07.350 --> 00:49:07.710 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah.
00:49:08.057 --> 00:49:23.360 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yeah. And but yeah, yeah, you know, it's it's it's work. I mean, you can know things right. So you know, I'll tell you a funny story one time. My my ex-husband, his his top love languages were acts of service
00:49:23.460 --> 00:49:37.820 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: and words of affirmation. Right? I mean acts of service and gifts. Right? So this one time, after I had our second baby, mine are touch and time
00:49:38.060 --> 00:49:59.049 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: right? So you know, I had a. And I just had a baby. So I was very hormonal and emotional, and all these things, and I just wanted him to just sit with me and the baby, because there's a lot of sitting involved with the new baby, you know. So I was feeling all weepy, and one of my girlfriends came over to make us lunch, you know, and I was like.
00:49:59.140 --> 00:50:08.789 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: and she opened the refrigerator and he had grilled, you know, 5 pounds of chicken cuts so that I could. You know he had chopped for them. He had grilled them whatever, so that I could have health.
00:50:08.790 --> 00:50:11.189 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: And then that would be something you didn't have to do.
00:50:11.560 --> 00:50:22.041 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Exactly so. She opens the fridge, and she's like woman if this doesn't say love, you know, right? And so you can. So I was like, Oh, wow! You know. Yeah,
00:50:22.780 --> 00:50:25.870 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: mind blown right. And then I could know. Oh, my God!
00:50:25.870 --> 00:50:35.250 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Tell you what a friend told me. A mutual friend on Char, he said, or they said, you've got to tell people what you want like you can't expect people.
00:50:35.250 --> 00:50:35.680 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Wow!
00:50:35.680 --> 00:50:42.149 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: You what you want if you don't so like, if you're sitting there all mad. But you've never told someone what you want and what you need. Then.
00:50:43.390 --> 00:50:44.630 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Frustrated.
00:50:44.630 --> 00:50:45.180 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Got to commute.
00:50:45.180 --> 00:50:46.190 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Knowing it all comes.
00:50:46.190 --> 00:50:46.700 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Johnny Kane.
00:50:46.700 --> 00:51:08.879 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Oh, wait! That is, that is a communication that is a right so and now and I could then recognize that that was wonderful. But we also right have to work to, or I could know deficits of. I I work with words all day, and I give my children and my clients a lot of words of affirmation.
00:51:09.484 --> 00:51:24.829 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: You know, at 1 point I had to realize. Oh, wait! I don't. I have to save some to give to this person, because that's what they need. Right? So knowledge can help right. But, as you said before, feeling
00:51:24.950 --> 00:51:32.579 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: is really what sustains the relationship, right? So when we discover this knowledge, that's only step one.
00:51:33.070 --> 00:51:36.719 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: You have to then do the work right both to.
00:51:36.720 --> 00:51:37.150 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah.
00:51:37.150 --> 00:51:39.869 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Make the other person feel.
00:51:40.200 --> 00:51:51.120 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: And I'll tell you. I'll tell you why there's so many lonely it guys, computer programmers, engineers, scientists, is because we think everything can be solved.
00:51:51.120 --> 00:52:12.130 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Everything can be solved through logic. When communication human relationships, it's a feeling problem. And until we do the work to understand feelings. But once we do the work to understand. You can combine logic and feelings to connect with people. And that's what I teach people to do is combine their logic with that knowledge about how feelings work to connect with people, make those genuine because.
00:52:12.130 --> 00:52:15.599 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: That's that's gotta be the gold right there. The feeling.
00:52:15.600 --> 00:52:27.309 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: And I'll tell you the difference between me and everybody else. Teaching this stuff is a I'm that logical thinker that created this create systems, because that's how my brain works. It sees things as systems and patterns. But
00:52:27.870 --> 00:52:52.190 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: but the thing is, they usually just stop at teaching tricks and conversation techniques, whereas I teach you how to transform yourself to be that person that everybody wants in their life. Because if you're just using tricks it'll last for a long time, but you'll have shallow friendships if you transform yourself internally. That mountain will be the biggest mountain you'll climb. But on the other, that side is that beautiful life that you deserve.
00:52:52.860 --> 00:52:56.140 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: full of people that care about you, not your shallow friendships.
00:52:57.190 --> 00:53:07.020 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: I love that. That's that's really great. So about how long, you know, like, is there a recommended time, or like, you know how
00:53:08.160 --> 00:53:34.377 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Well, I teach 6 classes in about 6 weeks, but people can stay in the program. It's on a monthly thing. So you can stay in the program. Like, if you want to do group coaching, I I prefer that, you know, I found group much more helpful, and I've been in group situations. But if people do want one and one, I'm available for that, but you're gonna get the most out of group, and you can stay in that as long as you need to. We're there for you, and it's it's a really affordable price every month. But
00:53:35.080 --> 00:53:38.060 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Or if you just want classes. We've got that option, too.
00:53:39.150 --> 00:53:44.359 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yeah, so, are the are these, we can go right to your website. And and.
00:53:44.360 --> 00:54:05.139 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Oh, yeah. And for me it was a 15 year journey. But I mean, you can have this amazing life. I can cut that time down to like less than a year, a year or less. I'll tell you. My organizer on Elise. She's very shy when she came to our Schuler books in Grand Rapids. But guess what she's doing tomorrow, after just a few months. She's running the whole meeting for me and she
00:54:06.060 --> 00:54:20.709 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: the 1st place, and that's happened over and over with people that have come to my free stuff is there's real shy, hesitant. They can barely walk in. And then, a few months later they got more friends than they've ever known, and and even sometimes they end up running the group
00:54:21.350 --> 00:54:22.010 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: for me.
00:54:22.010 --> 00:54:22.490 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Webs.
00:54:22.490 --> 00:54:27.389 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: So happy when that happens, because I can be plain old David Good instead of David Good, the performer.
00:54:28.070 --> 00:54:40.920 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: That's that's great. I love that. I love that so, David. We only have a few minutes left, and I want to just open. Is there anything you want to ask me, or something you want to talk about in for our last few minutes?
00:54:41.230 --> 00:55:03.860 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Well, no, we did a we did a great job. Just say one of the greatest mentors I ever had was the author, Bob Bird Go Giver series. That was what really changed my life and helped me to understand people and how to make connections with people, because it's all about communicating and letting go, of having to be right, and finding common ground with people.
00:55:04.590 --> 00:55:08.310 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Wow! And did you meant, did? Was he personally your mentor? Or just
00:55:08.310 --> 00:55:12.270 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: yeah. Personally, I was mentored by him for 2 years like twice a week.
00:55:13.020 --> 00:55:13.990 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Wow! That's.
00:55:13.990 --> 00:55:28.067 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Still run a go giver meeting every Wednesday. Unofficial. A lot of us from the community get together every Wednesday, and we all look out for each other and celebrate every other's win. So we don't really add any new people to the group. But
00:55:28.520 --> 00:55:55.920 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: but yeah, we've got a great community of people that supports each other every Wednesday business people. And I've met some pretty pretty big people in that community that have really supported, encouraged me and mentored me, and in exchange I've used my abilities to help them especially so I'm like my own CEO. I'm also my own chief technology officer. I kind of do everything, and one thing I got to learn to do now is to delegate and let go and let go of having to do everything myself.
00:55:56.290 --> 00:56:06.570 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Oh, it's such a wonderful feeling. Yeah, well, so David, I I just, I thank you again. This has been such a. This hour has gone by so fast. Thank you so much.
00:56:06.570 --> 00:56:07.959 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Oh, yeah, thank you so much.
00:56:08.335 --> 00:56:08.710 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: So.
00:56:08.710 --> 00:56:09.240 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: On!
00:56:09.730 --> 00:56:25.619 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Yeah, for sharing so candidly, and thanks again to our sponsor, Jack Thomas, for having us here at the happy spot, and I hope to see you really soon, if you you better not come to New York without without.
00:56:25.620 --> 00:56:26.720 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Yeah, we'll we'll give you a call.
00:56:26.720 --> 00:56:27.050 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Got it.
00:56:27.050 --> 00:56:47.360 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Know if I'll get there this year. Usually we have some friends that fly in from several countries, and we all meet in New York. I've got to stay around Grand Rapids this year and make sure I get stuff done in the business. But one last thing I'll say, our live stream. Last night I taught you the no fail formula. So look for that. That's our mindset talk, and I tell you to turn every mistake into a win. So watch that.
00:56:47.360 --> 00:56:49.590 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Where do we find that? Where do we find that again, Dave?
00:56:49.590 --> 00:56:52.900 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: That's on our Youtube channel, the friend Magnet Youtube Channel.
00:56:53.170 --> 00:56:54.980 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Oh, so it's under live stream.
00:56:54.980 --> 00:56:55.430 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Section.
00:56:55.430 --> 00:57:02.899 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: And I'll cut that out, too. But it's the no fail formula how to never fail or make a mistake again, and turn every mistake into a win.
00:57:03.330 --> 00:57:06.830 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Wow! That sounds like exactly what I need.
00:57:07.170 --> 00:57:09.319 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: Thank you so much. Okay.
00:57:09.320 --> 00:57:10.350 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: My pleasure.
00:57:10.350 --> 00:57:12.140 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: All right. You take care.
00:57:13.210 --> 00:57:15.230 David Good CPC | davidgood.org: Thank you, and you have an awesome day.
00:57:15.700 --> 00:57:16.310 Clementina Esposito, Founder The Clementina Collective: You too.
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