Samantha Kaaua has a unique method of working with couples.. She developed this highly effective protocol herself and finds that couples are able to rebuild their relationship in trust and faith. We can learn so much about taking responsibility for our actions in relationships.
Samantha is also a Tedx speaker, and the author of "Finding Beauty in Your Broken Pieces: The Art and Science of Transforming Any Relationship."
Samantha Kaaua and I will discuss her unique perspective, her practice of working with one of the partners in the marriage/relationship, usually the woman! She will explain her strategy of "Cleaning Up Your Own Side of the Street" in marriage.
We will discuss the role of "faith - whether spiritual, intuitive, or in oneself" - in
"healing and transformation."
TheGemms.com
https://instagram.com/samantha_kaaua
https://Facebook.com/@MarriageMindshiftCoach
#TransformingRelationships #TheGemms #Faith&Trust #MarriageMindshift
Tune in for this empowering conversation at TalkRadio.nyc
Music: https://meditationmusiclibrary.com/ The tune is "My Relaxing Piano."
In this episode of The A Train to Sedona, host Linda Marsanico introduces her book and shares a free high-vibration tool to help listeners stay present and elevate their energy. She welcomes guest Samantha Kaaua, a marriage coach and best-selling author, who shares her journey of overcoming personal and relational struggles by embracing self-transformation and spirituality. Samantha reflects on her commitment to breaking generational patterns, her deep dive into self-awareness, and how discovering her and her daughters’ spiritual gifts led her to a path of healing and empowerment.
In this segment of The A Train to Sedona, guest Samantha Kaaua shares how spirituality became the foundation of her personal and professional journey, guiding her through challenges in marriage and self-discovery. She discusses her counterculture approach to relationships, emphasizing that personal transformation within a partnership can naturally evolve the relationship itself. Introducing her Inner Mosaic concept, Samantha explains how embracing all parts of oneself fosters self-trust, emotional intelligence, and a more harmonious life experience.
In this segment of The A Train to Sedona, Samantha Kaaua delves into the Marriage Mindshift process, explaining how subconscious beliefs shape and sometimes sabotage relationships, making inner transformation the key to lasting change. She highlights the power of rewiring deeply ingrained relational beliefs—many of which originate from early childhood—to create healthier patterns in marriage. Samantha also emphasizes that true trust in a partnership starts with self-trust, as regaining confidence in one’s own decisions allows for clarity, empowerment, and resilience, regardless of external circumstances.
In this final segment of The A Train to Sedona, Samantha Kaaua explores how a single individual can shift the dynamics of a marriage by transforming their own beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors, ultimately reshaping the relationship from the inside out. She emphasizes the power of faith—not just in spirituality, but in oneself and the unseen forces guiding life—allowing for healing and conscious co-creation of a loving partnership. Samantha also shares ways for listeners to connect with her work, offering consultations, courses, and resources designed to help individuals embrace empowerment and cultivate deep, meaningful relationships.
00:00:53.720 --> 00:00:59.430 Linda Marsanico: Hello, everyone! I'm Linda Marcannico. Welcome to the A. Train to Sedona.
00:00:59.940 --> 00:01:10.070 Linda Marsanico: The A train to Sedona is also the name of a book I wrote a memoir where I share my successes and failures on my spiritual journey.
00:01:10.190 --> 00:01:16.169 Linda Marsanico: I wrote the book to have my voice be heard and to inspire your journey.
00:01:16.950 --> 00:01:24.509 Linda Marsanico: You can purchase a signed copy on my website at Lindamar sanico.com on. Buy the book page.
00:01:24.770 --> 00:01:33.489 Linda Marsanico: You can get an unsigned copy at retail and bookstores. If you'd like to read the 1st 7 pages for free, you can do so on Amazon.
00:01:35.560 --> 00:01:40.750 Linda Marsanico: I have a free gift for you, a high vibration sheet
00:01:41.100 --> 00:01:54.210 Linda Marsanico: to use when you want to bring yourself to the present moment to bring your energy to a high place, especially in this uncertain world. It's very helpful for your toolkit. There are 7 exercises.
00:01:54.340 --> 00:02:01.230 Linda Marsanico: one would be a regular meditation, another is a walking meditation, the other is a breathing exercise.
00:02:01.570 --> 00:02:06.820 Linda Marsanico: You can download a free the free gift@lindamarsenico.com.
00:02:08.300 --> 00:02:11.910 Linda Marsanico: There are 2 disclaimers, one that
00:02:12.790 --> 00:02:18.599 Linda Marsanico: being part of talk. Radio, new York City does not establish a professional relationship.
00:02:18.780 --> 00:02:24.210 Linda Marsanico: and that the opinions expressed here do not represent talk radio. New York City.
00:02:25.320 --> 00:02:29.919 Linda Marsanico: Today I have as my guest Samantha Kahawa.
00:02:32.620 --> 00:02:34.650 Linda Marsanico: She is a Tedx speaker.
00:02:34.920 --> 00:02:44.199 Linda Marsanico: an international, best-selling author and renowned marriage coach, known for her counterculture approach to relationships
00:02:44.680 --> 00:02:47.369 Linda Marsanico: as the creator of inner mosaic.
00:02:47.640 --> 00:02:57.949 Linda Marsanico: The method and marriage mindshift process. She helps individuals build self-trust and transform their marriages.
00:02:58.380 --> 00:03:17.980 Linda Marsanico: Her international best-selling book, finding beauty in your broken pieces, the art and science of transforming any relationship has inspired audiences around the world to heal past hurts and create meaningful change in their relationships.
00:03:18.560 --> 00:03:20.839 Linda Marsanico: Welcome to the show, Samantha.
00:03:20.840 --> 00:03:25.089 Samantha Kaaua: Thank you, Linda. It's so wonderful to be here. Thanks for having me.
00:03:25.850 --> 00:03:30.700 Linda Marsanico: Well, we know each other. Yeah, from clarity, confidence, connection.
00:03:30.700 --> 00:03:31.350 Samantha Kaaua: Yes.
00:03:31.350 --> 00:03:36.579 Linda Marsanico: You were hosting me, and it was a wonderful experience for me to kind of get my feet wet.
00:03:36.930 --> 00:03:40.219 Samantha Kaaua: Thanks. It was wonderful to have you on.
00:03:41.920 --> 00:03:50.420 Linda Marsanico: So my 1st question is, you have such a unique perspective on marriage and relationships.
00:03:51.530 --> 00:04:02.299 Linda Marsanico: When we go back to your childhood and adolescence and into the adult. You, what are the influences that bring you to where you are today?
00:04:02.300 --> 00:04:07.929 Samantha Kaaua: Yeah, that's a great question. I often tell people that
00:04:08.370 --> 00:04:15.120 Samantha Kaaua: the work that I do is my life story. I was born well.
00:04:15.710 --> 00:04:25.820 Samantha Kaaua: my parents split, and then got divorced when I was still about one years old. So I actually have no recollection of
00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:35.417 Samantha Kaaua: my parents being together. So I was a product of divorced parents. I was a product of divorced grandparents. And
00:04:36.340 --> 00:04:37.030 Samantha Kaaua: It's just
00:04:37.360 --> 00:04:46.140 Samantha Kaaua: was all around me, and at a really young age. I remember making a conscious choice that when I grew up
00:04:46.480 --> 00:04:54.810 Samantha Kaaua: I wasn't going to get divorced, and especially if I had children, and not that I felt traumatized or
00:04:55.190 --> 00:05:03.930 Samantha Kaaua: negatively impacted by my parents. Divorce, but more so because I just had this knowingness of I want to do better.
00:05:04.110 --> 00:05:05.910 Samantha Kaaua: Not that they did bad.
00:05:06.940 --> 00:05:11.650 Samantha Kaaua: I felt that every generation was here to just do better, and I
00:05:11.750 --> 00:05:41.439 Samantha Kaaua: I used to say I was an old lady when I was really little. I told my parents and freak them out, but I would say things and know things like that at a really young age, that I'm just here to do better, and I swore I would. But you fast forward my life until high school and dating ages right, and I found myself. I was dating my High School sweetheart. We ended up having a daughter right out of high school.
00:05:41.690 --> 00:05:47.879 Samantha Kaaua: and then we waited a few years. Got married, bought a house had more children.
00:05:48.510 --> 00:05:52.859 Samantha Kaaua: and after having our second and 3rd daughter.
00:05:53.510 --> 00:06:00.750 Samantha Kaaua: I hit a dark night of my soul, and and so did my husband, and we found ourselves on the brink of divorce, and
00:06:01.240 --> 00:06:02.140 Samantha Kaaua: I
00:06:02.630 --> 00:06:14.210 Samantha Kaaua: stood there and I sat well, I sat there and I thought back, and I was like, Wow! I swore I would never be this I would never get here, and here I am. This self-fulfilling prophecy.
00:06:14.840 --> 00:06:17.539 Linda Marsanico: How many years had you been married at that point?
00:06:17.540 --> 00:06:24.410 Samantha Kaaua: At that point. We were married. 4 years 5,
00:06:25.000 --> 00:06:34.440 Samantha Kaaua: but we were together for a long time because we were high school sweethearts. So at that time we were probably together about 8 or 9 years.
00:06:35.314 --> 00:06:39.929 Samantha Kaaua: Going on 10, but we were only married about like 4 years.
00:06:40.215 --> 00:06:40.500 Linda Marsanico: See.
00:06:40.500 --> 00:06:50.730 Samantha Kaaua: Because we had waited to to get married. But yeah, it it was such an eye opener, and to find myself at such a crossroads
00:06:50.860 --> 00:06:58.970 Samantha Kaaua: and making these really life changing life, altering decisions for myself and my daughters. I have 3 girls.
00:07:00.540 --> 00:07:04.639 Samantha Kaaua: It was really scary, and we did everything
00:07:04.850 --> 00:07:14.030 Samantha Kaaua: society tells us to do. I found a marriage therapist because I was actually going to school to become a marriage therapist. At that time I had just
00:07:14.290 --> 00:07:20.560 Samantha Kaaua: graduate. Well, I had just taken my final exam around the time, and
00:07:20.890 --> 00:07:27.980 Samantha Kaaua: it was it didn't work. Marriage therapy didn't work for us. It was really devastating to find ourselves
00:07:28.090 --> 00:07:36.910 Samantha Kaaua: now stuck in a position where that was the one way out. That was the one way that was supposed to work and help us.
00:07:37.170 --> 00:07:44.449 Samantha Kaaua: and it didn't. And so I embarked on my journey after that to work on myself.
00:07:44.730 --> 00:07:53.870 Samantha Kaaua: and said I would. Never I. I made a very firm decision that I wasn't going to leave my marriage until I felt like a whole person.
00:07:54.630 --> 00:08:01.594 Samantha Kaaua: And it was, I are saving Grace, because I would have walked away
00:08:02.350 --> 00:08:06.360 Samantha Kaaua: Due to my husband's addiction and his depression.
00:08:06.790 --> 00:08:34.420 Samantha Kaaua: And I having really young children at the time, a 1 year old and an infant, and then my 6 year old daughter, 7 year old, daughter older one, and I was in postpartum depression, too, so we we could have easily just split apart, walked away, and that one decision allowed everything to unfold. And that's what I teach
00:08:34.909 --> 00:08:45.229 Samantha Kaaua: other women and other couples how to do is to transform their relationship from the inside out, and it only takes one person's willingness.
00:08:45.630 --> 00:08:46.540 Samantha Kaaua: Do so.
00:08:47.590 --> 00:08:50.040 Linda Marsanico: What inspired you to work on yourself?
00:08:50.160 --> 00:09:03.540 Linda Marsanico: The thought came, you saw something. What was that inspiration? I'm going to work on myself. Did you say I'm going to work on myself to improve my relationship, or I'm not going to leave until I improve myself.
00:09:03.540 --> 00:09:27.420 Samantha Kaaua: Yeah, there's 2. There's a couple of different, a few different layers to it. One I was always into personal development. So it was just fun for me to discover more of who I am and what I like and what I want. So I I wanted to do that anyways. 2 I felt so lost I had no
00:09:27.420 --> 00:09:34.460 Samantha Kaaua: spiritual foundation, at least a solid one, that I felt like I could lean on, and
00:09:34.760 --> 00:09:47.239 Samantha Kaaua: had all these different spiritual experiences growing up and just felt so much fear around the concept of spirituality, or just even unseen forces
00:09:47.340 --> 00:09:48.960 Samantha Kaaua: that I
00:09:49.200 --> 00:09:58.129 Samantha Kaaua: needed to. I wanted to dive into that and discover that and find my spiritual foundation. And
00:09:58.380 --> 00:10:07.179 Samantha Kaaua: you know we're we're talking some spiritual talk here. But at that time I was so desperate for answers. I sought out
00:10:07.943 --> 00:10:16.100 Samantha Kaaua: advice from psychics. I went to 2 psychics, and one of them told me that
00:10:16.350 --> 00:10:18.809 Samantha Kaaua: I would be divorced by the end of the year.
00:10:18.910 --> 00:10:24.670 Samantha Kaaua: and that my youngest daughter would become a drug addict like my husband, and
00:10:25.360 --> 00:10:49.390 Samantha Kaaua: I freaked out, to say the least, I freaked out, but intuitively, like I, the second psychic I went to talked about how gifted my girls are, how sensitive they are to energy and how just gifted. And I put 2 and 2 together because I had worked in the substance abuse Field for years.
00:10:49.890 --> 00:10:58.009 Samantha Kaaua: helping people to work through their own addictions. You know, it's so ironic that I was working in addiction, and then my husband.
00:10:58.250 --> 00:11:00.720 Samantha Kaaua: I found out he had an addiction, but
00:11:01.020 --> 00:11:11.040 Samantha Kaaua: I in that work I knew that these people. Majority of them were just really misguided, highly sensitive to energy and.
00:11:11.040 --> 00:11:11.650 Linda Marsanico: This.
00:11:12.090 --> 00:11:16.360 Samantha Kaaua: All the forces and numb themselves and to
00:11:16.720 --> 00:11:21.709 Samantha Kaaua: survive. They use substances, and I knew that
00:11:22.140 --> 00:11:25.850 Samantha Kaaua: if I didn't help my daughter understand her gifts.
00:11:26.310 --> 00:11:35.830 Samantha Kaaua: She could potentially go down this path, of numbing herself, of trying to cancel out the overstimulation that she was feeling.
00:11:35.830 --> 00:11:36.310 Linda Marsanico: Yes.
00:11:36.310 --> 00:11:49.500 Samantha Kaaua: So that was part of the vow, too, that I made was, well, I can't help my daughter understand her gifts if I didn't understand mine. So here I go. Let's go. And that's why
00:11:49.650 --> 00:11:53.810 Samantha Kaaua: I stayed so focused on learning
00:11:53.920 --> 00:12:10.129 Samantha Kaaua: finding my spiritual path, but also improving myself, because, like I said I wasn't gonna leave my marriage until I felt like a whole person, and I needed to do the work to feel that way. So those were the 2 driving forces of me
00:12:10.490 --> 00:12:12.490 Samantha Kaaua: staying focused on myself.
00:12:13.150 --> 00:12:15.220 Linda Marsanico: We always have to do the work.
00:12:15.220 --> 00:12:15.890 Samantha Kaaua: Yes.
00:12:15.890 --> 00:12:20.790 Linda Marsanico: We get an inspiration, and it's beautiful in the moment, and then we have to do the work.
00:12:20.980 --> 00:12:23.192 Samantha Kaaua: Yeah, no. Bypasses.
00:12:23.930 --> 00:12:27.319 Linda Marsanico: And which of your daughters is more spiritually gifted.
00:12:28.351 --> 00:12:39.610 Samantha Kaaua: The one that well, the one that the 1st psychic was talking about was my youngest. But actually all 3 of them are highly gifted just, she would have been the most
00:12:40.400 --> 00:12:51.110 Samantha Kaaua: influenced in that way, because she could just turn it, you know, she would want to turn it off. But she was the one that we would walk into a room she was maybe
00:12:51.820 --> 00:13:01.810 Samantha Kaaua: 4 months 4 to 6 months old. We would walk into a room with people in it, and she would immediately just start screaming. She could feel
00:13:02.410 --> 00:13:04.170 Samantha Kaaua: different energies.
00:13:04.170 --> 00:13:04.610 Linda Marsanico: Yes.
00:13:04.610 --> 00:13:20.449 Samantha Kaaua: Instantly, and I in order. I also had to teach her to calm her energy by making her a bath of essential oils, and we would put Hawaiian salt in it, and help her to self regulate. So she.
00:13:20.450 --> 00:13:20.880 Linda Marsanico: Yeah.
00:13:20.880 --> 00:13:22.126 Samantha Kaaua: Definitely is
00:13:23.340 --> 00:13:32.840 Samantha Kaaua: more susceptible to the energies around her than the other 2 girls. But yeah, they all are gifted and sensitive in their own way.
00:13:32.840 --> 00:13:48.399 Linda Marsanico: How wonderful! I wanted to say something about a psychic reading. You know, energy is shifting all the time, and I understand that it's presented in a circle of possibilities. Yes, and for the appropriate reading, the reader has
00:13:48.530 --> 00:13:51.090 Linda Marsanico: really the responsibility to go in
00:13:51.190 --> 00:13:57.980 Linda Marsanico: and figure that out. It's just a possibility. You have this possibility and that possibility so
00:13:58.590 --> 00:14:07.359 Linda Marsanico: wonderful that you went on to see someone else and retained your own sense of reality and intuition about that.
00:14:07.740 --> 00:14:12.901 Samantha Kaaua: Yeah, it I I say it calmly now, but I was freaking out then.
00:14:13.810 --> 00:14:22.360 Linda Marsanico: So now, Samantha, we are getting ready for a break. But when we come back I'd like to talk about the role of spirituality in your life.
00:14:22.360 --> 00:14:23.789 Samantha Kaaua: Yes, let's do it.
00:14:23.790 --> 00:14:27.610 Linda Marsanico: All right. So off we go to our commercial break.
00:16:12.840 --> 00:16:14.200 Linda Marsanico: Hello, everyone!
00:16:14.350 --> 00:16:20.230 Linda Marsanico: Welcome back to the A. Train to Sedona with my guest, Samantha Kaowa.
00:16:20.710 --> 00:16:25.320 Linda Marsanico: Samantha. Would you tell us about the role of spirituality in your life?
00:16:25.680 --> 00:16:32.520 Samantha Kaaua: Yes, I feel like it is the backbone of everything that I've
00:16:32.890 --> 00:16:51.037 Samantha Kaaua: come to everything that I am today. I don't often talk about this side of my journey. I don't think many people ask me this question, so I'm really thrilled to be able to discuss this today. But my, I grew up.
00:16:52.200 --> 00:16:56.260 Samantha Kaaua: I would say, Christian, I was in
00:16:56.500 --> 00:17:13.829 Samantha Kaaua: the church musicals, the youth choir. I did go to church, not regularly, I would say, but definitely on special occasions, and I would participate in activities with the youth.
00:17:14.180 --> 00:17:30.439 Samantha Kaaua: But I found a discrepancy in what I was being taught and what I was seeing in my community. When it came to religion, and so it left me feeling disconnected and a bit lost.
00:17:30.700 --> 00:17:47.639 Samantha Kaaua: I'm not saying that the religion is bad, but I was just it. It got me to a place where I was confused, and when I hit this dark night of my soul with my husband, it really gave me permission to explore every
00:17:48.030 --> 00:17:59.999 Samantha Kaaua: crevice of spirituality in order to discern what was mine and what I believed, and what I wanted to follow as my guiding light.
00:18:00.680 --> 00:18:07.459 Samantha Kaaua: So what I discovered in my journey, especially in my marriage journey, was that you know
00:18:07.610 --> 00:18:23.409 Samantha Kaaua: we are spiritual beings, having a human experience, that we, everything is energy, and these religions that are out there are constructs to help people understand these unseen forces.
00:18:23.410 --> 00:18:24.110 Linda Marsanico: Hmm.
00:18:24.110 --> 00:18:31.170 Samantha Kaaua: In a way that they can digest and translate and apply to their lives.
00:18:31.330 --> 00:18:36.850 Samantha Kaaua: So what I've come to understand is that I take
00:18:37.020 --> 00:18:40.669 Samantha Kaaua: all the love-based teachings from every religion.
00:18:41.030 --> 00:18:51.200 Samantha Kaaua: and I subscribe to that. Most of them are universal when it comes to the love based teachings, and then the fear based teachings. I
00:18:51.440 --> 00:18:55.320 Samantha Kaaua: don't. I actually
00:18:55.570 --> 00:19:08.689 Samantha Kaaua: have my understanding. I know I'm there's no right or wrong, and I I am definitely not the wisest counsel when it comes to spirituality. But what I how I guide my own life is that
00:19:08.960 --> 00:19:19.729 Samantha Kaaua: I believe a lot of the fear based teachings in religion came from human interpretation versus the true essence of what the lesson was meant to teach. So.
00:19:20.060 --> 00:19:23.510 Samantha Kaaua: I take the love, I leave the rest, and.
00:19:23.510 --> 00:19:24.160 Linda Marsanico: That quote.
00:19:24.160 --> 00:19:29.790 Samantha Kaaua: Yeah, that's that's how I operate with my spiritual journey.
00:19:30.230 --> 00:19:32.399 Linda Marsanico: Thank you so much for your response.
00:19:32.590 --> 00:19:33.440 Samantha Kaaua: Yeah.
00:19:33.580 --> 00:19:39.029 Linda Marsanico: I'm looking at your counterculture approach to relationships.
00:19:39.030 --> 00:19:39.790 Samantha Kaaua: Yes.
00:19:39.790 --> 00:19:41.820 Linda Marsanico: Was that a process for you?
00:19:42.810 --> 00:19:48.929 Samantha Kaaua: Yeah, I, the process going back to my story, really was
00:19:49.350 --> 00:19:56.899 Samantha Kaaua: learning clinically, professionally, to how to help marriages. As a couple right, I went to
00:19:57.240 --> 00:20:07.340 Samantha Kaaua: my master. I got my master's degree graduate school in marriage and family therapy, learned how to work with a couple, and then that failed us.
00:20:07.470 --> 00:20:19.279 Samantha Kaaua: Marriage therapy failed us. So the counter culture, like the culture, teaches us that it takes 2 to tango, that if your partner isn't willing to do the work it. You can't work on the relationship.
00:20:19.470 --> 00:20:31.060 Samantha Kaaua: There's so many subliminal messages out there in our society, in our culture that says that your hands are tied. If the other person doesn't want to participate.
00:20:31.600 --> 00:20:35.719 Samantha Kaaua: And that's not true, I've learned.
00:20:36.040 --> 00:20:44.939 Samantha Kaaua: although I say it's counterculture. It's actually pro science, because I come from this place where
00:20:45.080 --> 00:20:53.360 Samantha Kaaua: I teach my clients that there's a law of systems and the law of systems.
00:20:53.520 --> 00:21:00.119 Samantha Kaaua: I use the best example that everyone knows about. The most common system is an ecosystem.
00:21:00.220 --> 00:21:10.009 Samantha Kaaua: We live in an ecosystem. We learn about ecosystems in school. I think everyone has some basic knowledge of an ecosystem. And
00:21:10.310 --> 00:21:14.730 Samantha Kaaua: that's exactly what a relationship is. It's a system.
00:21:14.940 --> 00:21:22.599 Samantha Kaaua: And when you change one part of a system, the system must and will change.
00:21:22.600 --> 00:21:23.690 Linda Marsanico: Yes, indeed!
00:21:24.540 --> 00:21:30.839 Samantha Kaaua: And that goes for a partnership, for a relationship. If you change one person in the relationship
00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:47.309 Samantha Kaaua: by universal law, by scientific law, the relationship must and will change, and it will either evolve or come to a natural completion. But it doesn't have to be this angry, resentful.
00:21:47.860 --> 00:21:50.360 Samantha Kaaua: horrible breakdown
00:21:50.480 --> 00:22:05.730 Samantha Kaaua: of the system it just completes itself, and more often it evolves. No living creature wants to die and just fold over and die. Every creature on this planet is, has a innate
00:22:05.970 --> 00:22:10.190 Samantha Kaaua: instinct to survive, so we will evolve.
00:22:10.540 --> 00:22:10.980 Linda Marsanico: Yeah.
00:22:10.980 --> 00:22:14.259 Samantha Kaaua: And so will the relationship majority of the time.
00:22:14.750 --> 00:22:19.469 Linda Marsanico: Do you ever find that some of the parties I know you work mostly with the women.
00:22:19.640 --> 00:22:22.670 Linda Marsanico: but sometimes you've you've worked with.
00:22:22.670 --> 00:22:35.062 Samantha Kaaua: A lot of times I work with the men, but I market towards the women, because that's my perspective. So I'm like, I have your perspective. Let me talk to you, but I actually have just as many men.
00:22:35.380 --> 00:22:37.470 Linda Marsanico: Oh, I see. Well, that's good to know.
00:22:37.470 --> 00:22:44.539 Samantha Kaaua: I promote myself to work with women, they still come seeking the female perspective. So yeah, I work with both.
00:22:45.450 --> 00:22:50.870 Linda Marsanico: Do you ever find that the couple will evolve out of the marriage
00:22:51.520 --> 00:22:53.589 Linda Marsanico: and not want to be married anymore?
00:22:53.900 --> 00:23:13.780 Samantha Kaaua: The, you know. Sometimes I I would consider that a completion they do find themselves feeling like the relationship served its its purpose. It we've completed this chapter, and we're ready to move on. There has been times where that has shown up.
00:23:15.040 --> 00:23:19.680 Samantha Kaaua: But I want to caveat this by saying that
00:23:20.760 --> 00:23:25.269 Samantha Kaaua: our society talks about outgrowing your partner.
00:23:25.270 --> 00:23:25.920 Linda Marsanico: Yes.
00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:33.930 Samantha Kaaua: And I don't like that terminology. I don't subscribe to that, because everybody grows at their own pace.
00:23:33.930 --> 00:23:34.780 Linda Marsanico: That's true.
00:23:34.780 --> 00:23:38.960 Samantha Kaaua: And even in nature you grow alongside
00:23:39.430 --> 00:23:46.550 Samantha Kaaua: like the tree will grow grow alongside the grass, but the grass doesn't reach the height of the trees, and you know there's.
00:23:46.550 --> 00:23:47.180 Linda Marsanico: Isn't it.
00:23:47.180 --> 00:23:51.510 Samantha Kaaua: In a symbiotic relationship. We're not necessarily. You're not
00:23:52.200 --> 00:24:15.869 Samantha Kaaua: with someone because they're the exact same species and the exact same plant as you. The beauty of our human experience is that we are so diverse, and we bring so much color into each other's lives. And so maybe one person wants to be a tree and reach for the stars, and the other person loves to be grass, and wants to stretch wide and far low to the ground.
00:24:15.880 --> 00:24:22.499 Samantha Kaaua: And who are we to judge the other person and say, you're not complimentary to me?
00:24:23.130 --> 00:24:29.489 Samantha Kaaua: Right, so I do not subscribe to the outgrowing of one another. But I do.
00:24:29.850 --> 00:24:34.940 Samantha Kaaua: I do talk about completion, and I think that's it can go both ways right.
00:24:35.110 --> 00:24:40.059 Linda Marsanico: It's a constructive term, and I love the analogy of the tree and the grass.
00:24:40.060 --> 00:24:40.440 Samantha Kaaua: Yeah.
00:24:40.440 --> 00:24:43.319 Linda Marsanico: It's so beautiful, and the colors of nature.
00:24:43.610 --> 00:24:44.750 Samantha Kaaua: And so needed.
00:24:44.940 --> 00:24:45.850 Linda Marsanico: Yes, yes.
00:24:45.850 --> 00:24:46.170 Samantha Kaaua: Okay.
00:24:46.170 --> 00:24:49.520 Linda Marsanico: Each person to walk away, feeling whole.
00:24:49.920 --> 00:24:56.849 Samantha Kaaua: Right. Yes, that is the ultimate goal. I never tell my clients that the goal is to stay married.
00:24:57.630 --> 00:25:01.150 Samantha Kaaua: The goal is for them to feel empowered.
00:25:01.410 --> 00:25:01.670 Linda Marsanico: And.
00:25:01.670 --> 00:25:16.099 Samantha Kaaua: And to trust themselves. That's what they lost in their relationship is the trust in themselves to make sound decisions. When I was with my husband and found out he had an addiction and was hiding it behind my back for 10 years
00:25:16.380 --> 00:25:18.219 Samantha Kaaua: I questioned myself.
00:25:18.410 --> 00:25:29.489 Samantha Kaaua: what is happening. How did you not see this. You are a substance, abuse, counselor you. He lives with you day in and day out. How are you so blind to
00:25:29.650 --> 00:25:34.029 Samantha Kaaua: what's going on? How did you let him treat you this way for so long?
00:25:34.450 --> 00:25:43.470 Samantha Kaaua: The self doubt skyrocketed, and oftentimes by the time people come to me for help
00:25:43.910 --> 00:25:55.160 Samantha Kaaua: they have more self doubt than anything in their life, and my job is to restore that so that they can make informed decisions.
00:25:55.160 --> 00:25:55.590 Linda Marsanico: Spirit.
00:25:55.590 --> 00:26:00.689 Samantha Kaaua: Aligned informed decisions for their life and their relationship.
00:26:00.930 --> 00:26:06.350 Samantha Kaaua: And once they get there, they're the highest authority. They're the one connected to source in their life.
00:26:06.350 --> 00:26:06.740 Linda Marsanico: That's right.
00:26:06.740 --> 00:26:21.869 Samantha Kaaua: So I'm not here to tell them to stay or leave. I'm just here to guide them back to their truth, to their center, to who they are within themselves as a spiritual being. So that is, that's my job.
00:26:22.210 --> 00:26:23.670 Linda Marsanico: That's very loving. And
00:26:24.110 --> 00:26:34.869 Linda Marsanico: I often say that love and compassion, when people are loving and compassionate, they're spiritual. So that's that's a beautiful concept.
00:26:35.040 --> 00:26:44.500 Linda Marsanico: I'm interested in the inner mosaic and the marriage mind shift. Would you say something about with? You could start with whatever one you want.
00:26:44.500 --> 00:26:52.750 Samantha Kaaua: Sure we can start with inner mosaic. It is a model that I created, based on the
00:26:53.430 --> 00:27:12.870 Samantha Kaaua: clinical models that I learned in my Master's degree, but also the spiritual models that I learned outside of the 4 walls of education in my spiritual journey, and I combined a lot of these teachings, none of it, none of which I take credit for originating.
00:27:12.870 --> 00:27:13.279 Linda Marsanico: I just.
00:27:13.280 --> 00:27:16.500 Samantha Kaaua: Pulled them together in my own tapestry.
00:27:17.221 --> 00:27:21.550 Samantha Kaaua: And it it's a concept and a a method.
00:27:22.250 --> 00:27:31.979 Samantha Kaaua: And I love to also call it a tool, but it is a tool for yourself to self, regulate, to learn, to trust and love yourself.
00:27:32.100 --> 00:27:42.640 Samantha Kaaua: But the concept is, we have many different parts, so each part of ourselves were created from a strong, impactful moment in our life.
00:27:43.140 --> 00:27:50.460 Samantha Kaaua: And so if you look at the timeline of your life, maybe you won an award, maybe
00:27:50.610 --> 00:28:07.600 Samantha Kaaua: you and then it could be a sad moment, like maybe a pet passed away, or a loved one, or a divorce in your family. Right? There's all these different things all the way up to maybe getting married, getting a house, maybe getting a job, losing a job. So all these impactful moments create parts of ourselves.
00:28:07.860 --> 00:28:10.309 Samantha Kaaua: and if we're not aware of them.
00:28:10.510 --> 00:28:27.830 Samantha Kaaua: sometimes one of them can come. I say, we're driving a bus, a metaphorical bus. One of them comes from the back of the bus and jumps in the driver's seat. And now you're having a full blown panic attack, or you're having an adult tantrum, and you don't know what's happening.
00:28:27.890 --> 00:28:52.299 Samantha Kaaua: Well, we try to just shove that part back to the back of the bus and reject that part of us. And we know that when you reject parts of yourself, that's how dis-ease or disease shows up in our life. So it's really this concept. It's simple, of learning to love and trust all parts of yourself, and allowing all parts of ourselves to drive that bus.
00:28:52.440 --> 00:28:56.329 Samantha Kaaua: And when we can do that we are.
00:28:56.600 --> 00:28:58.480 Samantha Kaaua: It's life is just
00:28:58.670 --> 00:29:07.160 Samantha Kaaua: happening through us. And it's happening for us. And it's no longer against us, and we can navigate any situation.
00:29:07.460 --> 00:29:08.540 Linda Marsanico: Beautiful place to be.
00:29:08.540 --> 00:29:28.849 Samantha Kaaua: It is. And it's just one con, one concept that helps people to understand one. It could be spirituality, but also 2. It just understand, you know, emotional intelligence and building that up in themselves. Using one model. There's many models. It's.
00:29:29.460 --> 00:29:30.240 Samantha Kaaua: One of them.
00:29:30.650 --> 00:29:37.380 Linda Marsanico: I see now we're getting ready for another break, and when we come back I'd like to hear you talk about marriage. Mind, shift.
00:29:37.380 --> 00:29:38.960 Samantha Kaaua: Yes, I would love to.
00:29:38.960 --> 00:29:43.159 Linda Marsanico: Okay, take it away, having a break. Now.
00:31:21.050 --> 00:31:31.859 Linda Marsanico: Hello, everyone! Welcome back to the A. Train to Sedona with my guest, Samantha Kaowa, Samantha. I really want to hear about marriage mindshift.
00:31:31.860 --> 00:31:32.850 Samantha Kaaua: Yes.
00:31:32.990 --> 00:31:40.719 Samantha Kaaua: So the marriage mindshift process is really the the process that I take my
00:31:40.920 --> 00:31:54.689 Samantha Kaaua: couples, or the one part partner that I'm working with through. And it really the reason why I called it and I named it marriage mindshift is because most of the work happens up here
00:31:54.930 --> 00:32:18.320 Samantha Kaaua: and to transform your marriage. It actually starts from the inside out. And what I do is I help them to change the subconscious beliefs that are running and ruining their marriage right. We know that many of us in this field of work know that our thoughts, cause our feelings, our feelings.
00:32:18.640 --> 00:32:21.730 Samantha Kaaua: our actions, and our actions, cause our results.
00:32:21.840 --> 00:32:29.610 Samantha Kaaua: And beneath the thinking, though, is our operating system, which is run by our belief system.
00:32:29.750 --> 00:32:35.739 Samantha Kaaua: So our beliefs are the filters and the the system that
00:32:36.510 --> 00:32:49.220 Samantha Kaaua: outputs majority of our thinking. And if we want to change our results, we need to change the thoughts that we think, and in order to do that we must reassess the beliefs that we're holding.
00:32:49.700 --> 00:33:07.380 Samantha Kaaua: That create our results. So a lot of the work that I do with my clients has to do with rewiring their belief system around relationships. Many people do this in other areas of their life, but most of them don't know how to
00:33:07.580 --> 00:33:13.730 Samantha Kaaua: access the deep seated beliefs about relationships, because it's so.
00:33:13.960 --> 00:33:26.970 Samantha Kaaua: I think I want to say, like, I've never said this out loud before. But I want to say that relationship beliefs are so deep they are like the most fundamental beliefs that we create, because
00:33:27.080 --> 00:33:44.240 Samantha Kaaua: the instant we're born, we are forming the beliefs based on our relationships based on the people who are protecting us and caring for us, and relational beliefs are survival beliefs. They literally will make or break our survival.
00:33:44.490 --> 00:33:56.320 Samantha Kaaua: So majority of us do not. You cannot even access it consciously. And that's the challenge. Once we can access the the beliefs and bring it to the conscious awareness.
00:33:56.450 --> 00:34:07.099 Samantha Kaaua: then we can start to choose different belief, systems that will support a healthy marriage that will create the love of our lives. Right? All of those things.
00:34:07.930 --> 00:34:15.300 Linda Marsanico: Can you give an example of how you would help someone guide someone to retrieve an unconscious belief
00:34:15.570 --> 00:34:17.260 Linda Marsanico: regarding relationship.
00:34:17.260 --> 00:34:25.940 Samantha Kaaua: Yeah, there's many different ways to do it, and different modalities. But the way that I find it
00:34:26.380 --> 00:34:34.369 Samantha Kaaua: most accessible is looking at your partner, and how much they annoy you.
00:34:35.810 --> 00:34:46.339 Samantha Kaaua: I the reason why I don't necessarily work with single people. I can. But I choose to specifically work with marriages is because
00:34:46.449 --> 00:34:50.709 Samantha Kaaua: you are not triggered by anyone more than your spouse.
00:34:50.710 --> 00:34:51.280 Linda Marsanico: Yes.
00:34:51.280 --> 00:35:06.670 Samantha Kaaua: Majority of the time. It is your spouse that can get under your skin has all the pet peeves lined up in a row. Everything right? So there, our results are a perfect reflection of our belief system.
00:35:06.810 --> 00:35:25.519 Samantha Kaaua: What we believe. So our partner, is that perfect reflection, too, if you don't like the way that you're relating to your partner, or the way that they're treating you with a caveat. That I do not say abuse is our fault. I'm just saying the experience that
00:35:26.070 --> 00:35:29.219 Samantha Kaaua: we have of the person and the way that they're treating us.
00:35:29.580 --> 00:35:32.190 Samantha Kaaua: The story that we write about it.
00:35:32.740 --> 00:35:53.519 Samantha Kaaua: Comes from our belief system. So that's to me the easiest way to identify a subconscious belief is going and looking at your relationship. Whether that's your husband, wife, partner, or even just common relationship patterns all around, friendships, family members. What's the common story that ends up
00:35:53.810 --> 00:36:00.190 Samantha Kaaua: coming up in your life over and over again, and then we go find it and really unpack.
00:36:00.510 --> 00:36:15.219 Samantha Kaaua: Oh, men, lie, men, leave! Oh, we can't trust anyone, because that's something my grandmother taught me, or you have to be of service and make yourself useful.
00:36:15.530 --> 00:36:20.879 Samantha Kaaua: Be be seen and not heard right? Like there's just so many different relationship.
00:36:22.483 --> 00:36:29.159 Samantha Kaaua: Beliefs, and I would say, like these subliminal messages that we received growing up.
00:36:29.690 --> 00:36:30.300 Linda Marsanico: It's.
00:36:30.450 --> 00:36:33.595 Samantha Kaaua: You gotta use a fine tooth comb to find it.
00:36:33.910 --> 00:36:44.830 Linda Marsanico: Yes, another question I have is, I see, that trust and faith play a big role in your work. Can you share why they are so essential in mending relationships.
00:36:45.290 --> 00:36:52.470 Samantha Kaaua: I honestly believe that you cannot trust someone else until you've learned how to trust yourself.
00:36:53.380 --> 00:37:01.399 Samantha Kaaua: And part of self is the higher self is source energy, and so that
00:37:01.970 --> 00:37:15.450 Samantha Kaaua: actually extends to faith, because faith is having trust in the unseen faith is having trust in something that isn't quite tangible in front of you that you can hold, but that you are walking
00:37:15.550 --> 00:37:17.879 Samantha Kaaua: with trust that there is
00:37:18.210 --> 00:37:23.429 Samantha Kaaua: something there that will catch you, that everything's happening for your highest and best good.
00:37:23.430 --> 00:37:23.860 Linda Marsanico: Yes.
00:37:23.860 --> 00:37:29.260 Samantha Kaaua: etc, etc. Right? So if we can't trust ourselves.
00:37:29.600 --> 00:37:33.310 Samantha Kaaua: then you, we will likely experience
00:37:33.430 --> 00:37:51.780 Samantha Kaaua: a lot of mistrust in our relationship. So to reverse, engineer that a lot of people come to me with a breach of trust that happened. Whether that's infidelity, addiction lying to whatever capacity that there is.
00:37:51.780 --> 00:38:04.869 Samantha Kaaua: and they say, Well, I can't trust my partner because they Xyz they cheated they were using behind my back. That was my story, or some form of deception.
00:38:04.880 --> 00:38:05.850 Samantha Kaaua: and
00:38:06.030 --> 00:38:18.649 Samantha Kaaua: when I went through this journey the light bulb moment for me was when my husband walked in the door one day we were trying to mend this right. We were trying to work on our marriage, and
00:38:19.360 --> 00:38:44.769 Samantha Kaaua: I instantly got irritated with him and started asking him a bunch of questions. And you know, because he comes in on eggshells walking on eggshells because he's scared because I'm scary. But he comes in walking on eggshells, and then I'm like, oh, why are you being so like skittish like? Why are you acting so funny? And then off to the races we go on this mistrust train.
00:38:44.970 --> 00:38:47.500 Samantha Kaaua: and the thing is.
00:38:47.660 --> 00:38:54.139 Samantha Kaaua: he said, when are you going to start trusting me again? And I had said, because when you prove you're trustworthy.
00:38:55.110 --> 00:39:17.799 Samantha Kaaua: but it was backwards, I got it backwards. The truth is, he would never prove himself trustworthy if I never trusted my own decisions in my marriage. The reason why I didn't trust him anymore was because he duped me. He got me. He fooled me, and I felt dumb. I felt like, how did I not see that.
00:39:17.800 --> 00:39:18.310 Linda Marsanico: Yeah, so.
00:39:18.310 --> 00:39:21.850 Samantha Kaaua: So until I regained my trust in myself
00:39:22.620 --> 00:39:37.810 Samantha Kaaua: I could never trust him. And funny thing, I learned how to trust myself, and then it didn't matter if I trusted him, because he could show up anyway, on any day, and I trusted that I would handle it.
00:39:37.990 --> 00:39:38.410 Linda Marsanico: With great.
00:39:38.410 --> 00:39:56.330 Samantha Kaaua: With confidence, with ease, and I would make the exact decision that I needed to make in that moment for my girls and for me so it didn't matter if I trusted him to tell me the truth, the moment I the truth was discovered I trusted I would make a sound decision.
00:39:56.330 --> 00:39:57.700 Samantha Kaaua: That's my that mattered.
00:39:58.430 --> 00:40:05.630 Linda Marsanico: These moments are extremely important. We do need to take a break, and when we come back I
00:40:06.010 --> 00:40:20.989 Linda Marsanico: want to ask you about your statement that it takes one person to transform a marriage. So we'll talk about that. I find that very exciting. You alluded to it, or stated a little bit about it, but I'd like to hear more of what you have to say.
00:40:20.990 --> 00:40:21.610 Samantha Kaaua: Yes.
00:40:21.610 --> 00:40:22.270 Linda Marsanico: Come back!
00:41:56.570 --> 00:42:07.989 Linda Marsanico: Hello, everyone! Welcome back to the A. Train to Sedona with my guest, Samantha Kaowa, Samantha. Let's talk about how one person can transform a marriage.
00:42:08.520 --> 00:42:25.700 Samantha Kaaua: Yes, so we did touch upon it earlier when we were talking about the ecosystem, and how one partner can be the change agent in changing the system of what we consider a marriage right, a relationship. And
00:42:25.850 --> 00:42:43.550 Samantha Kaaua: the way that I go about helping people do that is, we also touched upon. This, too, is really working from the inside out. We're working on their belief systems when it comes to their marriage. And so let's get really specific here right, our
00:42:43.790 --> 00:42:48.670 Samantha Kaaua: a lot of times. By the time that people get to me
00:42:49.020 --> 00:43:13.519 Samantha Kaaua: they're really on the brink of divorce. They they've tried marriage therapy. It didn't work right. They've tried individual counseling. It's not getting better. We're growing apart. We're not getting closer. It's not. It's not happening. So this is our last resort. And the reason why individual therapy doesn't help them, even though I'm telling you to work on yourself
00:43:13.640 --> 00:43:26.490 Samantha Kaaua: is because we're not addressing the root cause of the relationship problems which is their beliefs about their relationships in individual therapy. We don't look at that. We look at the beliefs about yourself.
00:43:26.490 --> 00:43:26.870 Linda Marsanico: Right.
00:43:26.870 --> 00:43:38.460 Samantha Kaaua: Look at how to improve your own life, but in the way that I work with my clients to one, for one person to transform the relationship. We need to
00:43:38.660 --> 00:43:46.530 Samantha Kaaua: view it from this systemic lens of how you, your thoughts, feelings, and actions
00:43:46.640 --> 00:43:56.870 Samantha Kaaua: impact the relationships in your life. And then we reverse engineer that and say, Well, what results do you want? What type of relationship would you love.
00:43:57.390 --> 00:44:02.069 Samantha Kaaua: Right. Let's put that on. What? And then who would you need to be
00:44:02.330 --> 00:44:18.159 Samantha Kaaua: to have that result right? What actions would you need to take to, to have a loving, caring relationship for me. I wanted a husband. So I actually, when I was envisioning this, when I created my vision for my marriage.
00:44:18.750 --> 00:44:25.080 Samantha Kaaua: It was really hard for me to believe that my husband could be what I was hoping for in a marriage, because he just
00:44:25.380 --> 00:44:37.010 Samantha Kaaua: he said he didn't want to travel. He said he didn't want to move. He said all these different things he denied in my vision in the past. So what I did was I said.
00:44:37.180 --> 00:45:04.329 Samantha Kaaua: Okay, it's him or someone better. And I put on a vision for the marriage I would love, and it included traveling. It included having family time hanging out with couples like couple friends, and then found, like with the kids even, and we would do adventures and go on adventures and hike and spend time outdoors and all the things
00:45:04.330 --> 00:45:13.970 Samantha Kaaua: that he didn't. I mean, he was an outdoors person, but he liked to dive, and that was very singular. It was very isolating, not community based.
00:45:13.970 --> 00:45:14.450 Linda Marsanico: Yes.
00:45:14.450 --> 00:45:20.689 Samantha Kaaua: And so I had to put that on. Then I said, who did? I need to be
00:45:21.290 --> 00:45:27.800 Samantha Kaaua: to have this relationship? And I needed to start showing up that way before it happened.
00:45:27.800 --> 00:45:28.429 Linda Marsanico: And we.
00:45:28.430 --> 00:45:33.969 Samantha Kaaua: Even furthermore, what did I need to feel? What did I need to think?
00:45:34.590 --> 00:45:45.370 Samantha Kaaua: What did I actually need to believe that was possible in my relationships, and when I unpacked it I realized, I said this a little earlier. I realized that my
00:45:45.650 --> 00:45:50.710 Samantha Kaaua: childhood consisted of men leaving me.
00:45:51.390 --> 00:46:03.180 Samantha Kaaua: My parents split up, and I spent most of my childhood with my mom, and I would visit with my dad here or there, but they split up and he left. He moved away.
00:46:03.800 --> 00:46:22.690 Samantha Kaaua: Then, a little later in my life I had. My grandmother had a friend. She never called him a boyfriend or anything, because she had divorced her husband and a family friend lived with us, and I considered him an uncle like a family member, and he was my second father. Figure well.
00:46:22.980 --> 00:46:32.500 Samantha Kaaua: I was only about 7 years old when he passed away, and he passed away because he didn't want to tell anyone. He felt sick the day before.
00:46:32.670 --> 00:46:36.570 Linda Marsanico: He told me, but he said, Don't tell anyone. I don't want to worry anyone.
00:46:36.790 --> 00:46:39.729 Samantha Kaaua: And the next day he died of a heart attack.
00:46:39.860 --> 00:46:47.780 Samantha Kaaua: And so men lie because they don't want to tell people the truth, and then they leave, and they leave me. And
00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:56.810 Samantha Kaaua: here I was all these years later, with a husband who was lying, and who was leaving, escaping me through.
00:46:56.810 --> 00:46:57.200 Linda Marsanico: Is.
00:46:57.200 --> 00:46:57.900 Samantha Kaaua: Addiction.
00:46:57.900 --> 00:46:58.620 Linda Marsanico: Yes, yes.
00:46:58.620 --> 00:47:03.350 Samantha Kaaua: He didn't want to physically leave me, but he was leaving me every day when he checked out.
00:47:04.260 --> 00:47:26.310 Samantha Kaaua: and he lied to me about his using because he was scared, I would leave him, which was his own belief system. And normally, our partners, belief system, and ours are just such a perfect match, right? Like perfect storm. But that's really how you change the relationship with just one person is you create
00:47:26.420 --> 00:47:47.070 Samantha Kaaua: a new construct in your own self about how you relate to the world and how the world relates to you. And that's when the magic happens. That's when the miracles show up. My husband is a completely different person today, not because I forced him to, because that didn't work. Trust me like I I tried.
00:47:47.070 --> 00:47:48.325 Linda Marsanico: It's never gonna work.
00:47:48.640 --> 00:47:51.700 Samantha Kaaua: It did not work. The resistance was really big.
00:47:51.940 --> 00:47:54.330 Samantha Kaaua: but when you organically do it.
00:47:54.820 --> 00:48:07.980 Samantha Kaaua: and you just start showing up differently before anything changes before he changes before anyone outside of you. Any of your circumstance, situations or conditions change, you start showing up differently.
00:48:08.550 --> 00:48:12.609 Samantha Kaaua: I. It's it's a law, it's a universal law. It's science.
00:48:12.930 --> 00:48:14.870 Samantha Kaaua: Everything begins to change.
00:48:14.870 --> 00:48:23.140 Linda Marsanico: It is magical. Because I when you were talking about the process that you very brilliantly arranged, you're actually.
00:48:23.300 --> 00:48:27.549 Linda Marsanico: I wouldn't say manifest. I think you're co-creating the new reality.
00:48:27.550 --> 00:48:28.210 Samantha Kaaua: Yes.
00:48:28.630 --> 00:48:29.160 Linda Marsanico: And that's.
00:48:29.160 --> 00:48:29.840 Samantha Kaaua: Absolutely.
00:48:29.840 --> 00:48:31.440 Linda Marsanico: Oh, that's amazing!
00:48:31.700 --> 00:48:46.830 Samantha Kaaua: Because when you're in that vibration, when you're in that low vibration of like, he always lies to me. I can never trust him ever again. I hate this relationship. It feels so unloved. And you're just ruminating in that
00:48:46.970 --> 00:48:58.290 Samantha Kaaua: 24, 7. You're going to Co. Create that in your life the universe is going to say, oh, is that what you want? Okay, let's give you that. That's what you're ordering, because you're thinking about it all the time.
00:48:58.290 --> 00:48:58.810 Linda Marsanico: Yes.
00:48:58.810 --> 00:49:03.039 Samantha Kaaua: And so when we change that order to the universe and say.
00:49:03.090 --> 00:49:12.800 Samantha Kaaua: No, I'm gonna become something that I want to attract and be complementary to what I want to attract. Then that's when
00:49:12.840 --> 00:49:42.449 Samantha Kaaua: God universe, whatever we subscribe to, says, oh, that's what you want. Sure. Let me let me put that in the queue. Yeah. And my husband loves to travel with me. We hang out with our friends, our couple friends, our family, like the kids. We hang out together, we go hiking together. We have long, meaningful talks together, mind you, not on a regular basis, because it does take some energy for it to do that. But it
00:49:42.610 --> 00:49:44.840 Samantha Kaaua: when I need it, it happens
00:49:45.010 --> 00:49:54.190 Samantha Kaaua: we can get through arguments by listening to one another and not getting defensive and triggered so much anymore. It just
00:49:54.350 --> 00:49:56.769 Samantha Kaaua: I, the people around me
00:49:56.960 --> 00:50:07.520 Samantha Kaaua: ask me. I just got a message yesterday. Who is this man that you're married to? I don't recognize him anymore because he's transformed.
00:50:07.780 --> 00:50:10.920 Linda Marsanico: How beautiful! What a happy success! Story!
00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:20.389 Samantha Kaaua: Yes, I'm very grateful, because that is what I had longed for, and I've done a lot of my work
00:50:20.530 --> 00:50:27.359 Samantha Kaaua: towards, and and the hopes was that my girls got to see what it looked like, to struggle
00:50:27.520 --> 00:50:40.539 Samantha Kaaua: and feel challenged, and to overcome that by working on ourselves. So I really was blessed to be able to have them witness it instead of it, be fixed before they were born. I think there was
00:50:40.830 --> 00:50:50.539 Samantha Kaaua: divine timing in them, watching me walk through this journey, and their father walking through this journey and facing his
00:50:50.720 --> 00:50:53.580 Samantha Kaaua: demons and his shadows through it all, too.
00:50:54.210 --> 00:51:01.689 Linda Marsanico: And they can witness what love is, how it looks, what it does, what the energy is. It's.
00:51:01.690 --> 00:51:09.389 Samantha Kaaua: And it's not always this light, fluffy hallmark, movie love love is being able to
00:51:09.740 --> 00:51:16.269 Samantha Kaaua: dig down into the trenches with someone and say, like I'm here. I I
00:51:16.400 --> 00:51:21.090 Samantha Kaaua: I can be patient, I can. And that happened 2. So we had 2
00:51:21.520 --> 00:51:32.670 Samantha Kaaua: brink of divorce episodes right. The 1st was when I was about to graduate with my Master's degree and my comps the second was about 2 years ago.
00:51:33.040 --> 00:51:34.040 Samantha Kaaua: and
00:51:34.180 --> 00:51:46.720 Samantha Kaaua: I knew what was happening. His addiction was coming back. His depression was coming back, and he told me he didn't love me anymore. He didn't want to be with me. He moved out. There was just a lot of chaos.
00:51:46.900 --> 00:51:59.810 Samantha Kaaua: and I got to use my model my method in real time this time, instead of retrospect. Right? I built it in retrospect the 1st time. This time I got to use it in real time, and
00:52:00.050 --> 00:52:08.319 Samantha Kaaua: I got to show my clients because I was very transparent and honest of what was happening. I got to show them how this all works and how I work it.
00:52:08.430 --> 00:52:12.590 Samantha Kaaua: and within 6 months it turned around.
00:52:13.030 --> 00:52:20.090 Samantha Kaaua: So he went from. I don't love you anymore. I don't want to be with you anymore. And within 6 months, just from me, holding space.
00:52:20.720 --> 00:52:24.180 Samantha Kaaua: Didn't let him mistreat me.
00:52:24.750 --> 00:52:40.629 Samantha Kaaua: mistreat our girls. I held really firm boundaries with that, but I held the container, and he was able to have enough breathing room to come to his own conclusion and his own awarenesses, which was really wonderful to watch.
00:52:41.000 --> 00:52:54.940 Linda Marsanico: I can imagine, and you had mentioned to me, prior to this broadcast, that you share a lot about your process with your clients, which is a very different model from the clinical model. Would you say a little bit more about that?
00:52:55.110 --> 00:53:06.890 Samantha Kaaua: Yeah, I I value transparency and vulnerability in my life, let alone my work. And I think it
00:53:07.120 --> 00:53:18.869 Samantha Kaaua: the medical, like the medical psychology model is, you do not disclose your own personal life to the client, because then you're making it about yourself and not about them. Well.
00:53:19.050 --> 00:53:33.610 Samantha Kaaua: I think that we've evolved in our society, and we can share our story if it's relevant. I don't just vent about my husband or tell my story the whole time. I'm talking to my client. But if there's a relatable
00:53:33.810 --> 00:53:40.089 Samantha Kaaua: teaching story of what? How I walked through the lesson I'm trying to teach them.
00:53:40.250 --> 00:53:50.529 Samantha Kaaua: It's a story we learn in stories we learn by example. And why not learn from someone who's walked the walk
00:53:50.660 --> 00:53:57.580 Samantha Kaaua: and not and and not just learned it from a textbook, and I'm not saying that's that's not valuable. But at the same time
00:53:57.700 --> 00:54:06.159 Samantha Kaaua: I did it. There's value in that. So I want to share it, and that's why I share my story often.
00:54:06.780 --> 00:54:10.349 Linda Marsanico: I would think that your clients really embrace that
00:54:10.640 --> 00:54:13.830 Linda Marsanico: and learn from it. I think it helps them.
00:54:13.940 --> 00:54:16.210 Linda Marsanico: Have a lot of faith and trust in you.
00:54:16.962 --> 00:54:21.280 Linda Marsanico: You can guide them because you've done it, and you're knowledgeable about this.
00:54:21.860 --> 00:54:29.279 Samantha Kaaua: That's the temporary bridge is me sharing my story so they can trust in my story.
00:54:29.770 --> 00:54:39.900 Samantha Kaaua: Right until they can trust in their own until they can pull that back in a little bit. And my goal is to get it back in themselves, and not be this
00:54:40.380 --> 00:54:45.930 Samantha Kaaua: Guru or this guider like guide, but more so just temporarily, like.
00:54:45.930 --> 00:54:46.380 Linda Marsanico: Yes.
00:54:46.380 --> 00:54:49.230 Samantha Kaaua: Hold on to my story until you can grab onto your own.
00:54:49.390 --> 00:54:52.419 Linda Marsanico: And I think that's a valuable part of of working.
00:54:52.640 --> 00:54:54.150 Samantha Kaaua: Yes, yes.
00:54:56.560 --> 00:54:58.520 Linda Marsanico: We have just a few minutes.
00:54:58.980 --> 00:55:01.779 Linda Marsanico: Can we just touch on the role that
00:55:02.300 --> 00:55:10.109 Linda Marsanico: with your clients, faith, whether spiritual, intuitive, or in themselves, plays in the healing and the transformation.
00:55:10.580 --> 00:55:36.670 Samantha Kaaua: That probably is one of the hardest things to teach. To be honest, when you don't have anything tangible to hold on to and say, like, Do you see this block? Do you believe in this block? The block is here. You can touch the block right? There's when we're talking about. Faith, we're not actually touching anything. It really is this, the invisible forces that we're placing our trust in? And
00:55:37.240 --> 00:55:42.309 Samantha Kaaua: the reason why it also is challenging is because people actually
00:55:42.560 --> 00:55:47.909 Samantha Kaaua: come to me sometimes saying they do have faith, they do have religion.
00:55:48.010 --> 00:55:50.399 Samantha Kaaua: they do have a relationship with God.
00:55:50.630 --> 00:55:53.560 Samantha Kaaua: and when it boil, when I boil that down.
00:55:54.030 --> 00:56:09.999 Samantha Kaaua: They don't because they don't have faith. They're not walking a life of faith meaning they're not trusting that God or the universe has a plan for them that things will unfold for their highest and best good.
00:56:10.140 --> 00:56:11.850 Samantha Kaaua: They're trying to
00:56:12.440 --> 00:56:24.529 Samantha Kaaua: hold on for dear life, to change their partner or to change their relationship, not trusting that things are happening for a reason. And so I have to kind of undo
00:56:24.830 --> 00:56:34.979 Samantha Kaaua: some of their old constructs around faith and trust and religion and spirituality, and re kind of
00:56:35.270 --> 00:56:40.239 Samantha Kaaua: solidify the foundation of of love, right that love based faith.
00:56:40.240 --> 00:56:47.580 Linda Marsanico: Oh, love is an amazing and awesome vibration. We have just a couple of minutes. How can people find you, Samantha?
00:56:47.820 --> 00:56:57.899 Samantha Kaaua: Oh, thanks, yeah, they I think the easiest. I mean, you can either find me on Instagram or Facebook Samantha underscore Kaowa.
00:56:58.050 --> 00:57:00.890 Samantha Kaaua: or you can go to my website. It's
00:57:01.090 --> 00:57:11.000 Samantha Kaaua: Www. Dot the gems, and it has 2 m's. So THEG emms.com.
00:57:11.530 --> 00:57:21.499 Samantha Kaaua: and if we have a few seconds I can explain. The gems actually stands for the gift of each meaningful moment, shared.
00:57:21.710 --> 00:57:23.929 Linda Marsanico: I like that. It's very lovely.
00:57:24.530 --> 00:57:29.220 Linda Marsanico: And what's the process when they reach out to you? What do you do then?
00:57:29.620 --> 00:57:36.269 Samantha Kaaua: Yeah, so they can either book a free consultation. I do free 45 min consultations to help them
00:57:36.930 --> 00:57:55.899 Samantha Kaaua: choose their next steps and decide on what to do next. Or there's courses that they can take. That's right on my website. And they can and free resources that they can use, or they can buy my book. So there's tons of information on my website that they can explore for sure.
00:57:56.160 --> 00:58:02.240 Linda Marsanico: Thank you so much, Samantha, for being on the show. I've enjoyed this conversation.
00:58:02.520 --> 00:58:25.579 Linda Marsanico: and I wanted to say to our listeners that next week my guest will be Frank Harrison, who is also a host on Talk Radio, new York City. His broadcast is frank about health. He'll be telling us some very interesting stories about his recent loss and his new documentary. So tune in next week.
00:58:26.420 --> 00:58:30.070 Linda Marsanico: 12 noon, Samantha, thank you so much.
00:58:30.070 --> 00:58:31.799 Samantha Kaaua: Thanks, Linda, thanks everyone.
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