Tuesdays 5:00pm - 6:00pm (ET)
EPISODE SUMMARY:
If you are generally a high performing leader who is generally calm but find yourself struggling to hold back with specific people or triggers, this is the episode for you. In this episode Dr. Brancu responds to a client question, offering us multiple nuanced ways to think about the problem while also offering simle, straightforward solutions.
"Emotion regulation" can mean different things to different people. In this episode, a client asks, "How do I improve my emotion regulation?" Dr. Brancu breaks down what is an is not emotion regulation, what it requires, 3 types of emotion-laden responses we engage in, and 4 simple steps to intervene.
Mira Brancu is the host of The Hard Skills. She is also a leadership consulting and coaching psychologist, founder of the Towerscope Leadership Academy, Associate Professor, Psychology Today columnist, author of the Millennials Guide to Workplace Politics, and had a leadership career before transitioning to helping teams and high-achieving women navigate their leadership complexities.
Tune in for this empowering conversation at TalkRadio.nyc
Mira opens the show by outlining its focus on managing emotions within the workplace, introducing the theme of understanding and navigating emotional responses in a professional setting. She also shares the client question of the day, setting the stage for an in-depth discussion on emotional resilience.
Mira revisits the client question, sharing an example of a client struggling with emotional regulation. She discusses practical techniques for managing these emotions and explores the common ways individuals attempt to cope with workplace stress.
Mira delves into what occurs when coping mechanisms are depleted, using her client’s experience to illustrate this challenge. She elaborates on how individuals can face emotional exhaustion and describes the strategies she employed to guide her client toward healthier emotional management.
In the final segment, Mira recaps the key points discussed throughout the show, emphasizing various response styles to workplace stress. She encourages listeners to consider seeking therapy for additional support if they face difficulties managing emotions in their professional lives.
00:00:51.640 --> 00:00:58.150 Mira Brancu: Welcome welcome to the hard skills show where we discuss how to develop the most challenging and
00:00:58.270 --> 00:01:00.140 Mira Brancu: soft skills
00:01:00.500 --> 00:01:03.550 Mira Brancu: to navigate leadership complexities. Now.
00:01:03.770 --> 00:01:14.650 Mira Brancu: I'm your host, Dr. Mira Branku, and you might notice, if you're watching or listening to me today, that it's just me myself and I today. But don't worry. I promise to make it worth your while.
00:01:14.740 --> 00:01:20.479 Mira Brancu: even though I'm technically just talking to myself. I promise I'm talking directly to you.
00:01:20.700 --> 00:01:30.459 Mira Brancu: So today, we're gonna be actually doing 2 things. First, st I wanted to share an exciting transition for the show. And second.
00:01:30.630 --> 00:01:34.479 Mira Brancu: since I did get that last minute guest cancellation.
00:01:34.560 --> 00:01:42.139 Mira Brancu: I decided just to do another one of those client grab bag kind of questions today, like I did in season 4,
00:01:42.200 --> 00:01:46.280 Mira Brancu: I love those podcasts where the host responds to an audience.
00:01:46.646 --> 00:01:55.299 Mira Brancu: or client question, because it brings these concepts to life that we've been talking about. And since there are some topics I get so often.
00:01:55.590 --> 00:02:04.359 Mira Brancu: I thought it would be a good idea to record a response that folks can often go back to, and that I could offer my clients as additional supplementary source
00:02:04.710 --> 00:02:12.099 Mira Brancu: today. That topic is about how to regulate your emotions when you are feeling so irate
00:02:12.160 --> 00:02:17.230 Mira Brancu: in a meeting that you just want to leave shut down or lash out.
00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:28.390 Mira Brancu: It is a common experience, let me tell you all. So that is what we're gonna be talking about today. Now we're gonna get that into that in a moment. But let me 1st share 1st
00:02:28.580 --> 00:02:36.729 Mira Brancu: some exciting transitions for the show. We are moving into season 6. Now seasons, one through 5
00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:48.129 Mira Brancu: each mapped onto the 5 stages of my strategic leadership pathway model that I use in my programs to help leaders make sense of where they are on their leadership journey
00:02:48.310 --> 00:02:51.129 Mira Brancu: and how to get to each next step.
00:02:51.340 --> 00:03:06.499 Mira Brancu: Those stages were facing uncertainty, developing leadership, identity mapping, a strategy, navigating complexity and making a greater impact. And we're just wrapping up. Season 5 with this episode today.
00:03:06.760 --> 00:03:10.710 Mira Brancu: Now with those stages that I just mentioned, each time
00:03:10.970 --> 00:03:14.440 Mira Brancu: that you face a new leadership challenge or step.
00:03:14.710 --> 00:03:18.930 Mira Brancu: you go right back to the 1st stage of facing your new uncertainty.
00:03:19.130 --> 00:03:24.220 Mira Brancu: then working through considering your leadership, identity, and what adjustments you might need to make
00:03:24.250 --> 00:03:29.420 Mira Brancu: then, thinking through your leadership strategy and what's necessary now than before.
00:03:29.540 --> 00:03:38.390 Mira Brancu: then thinking about how to navigate the new levels of complexity and how to make that impact that you want at this new stage in your leadership journey.
00:03:38.590 --> 00:03:40.060 Mira Brancu: So it's cyclical.
00:03:40.390 --> 00:03:47.399 Mira Brancu: And that means if you're interested in those topic areas. And you have a new leadership challenge or you've been promoted recently.
00:03:47.650 --> 00:04:00.800 Mira Brancu: I strongly encourage you to either listen to those 1st 5 seasons or re-listen to the ones that most directly affect what you've been going through. At what stage? Okay. Now
00:04:01.150 --> 00:04:03.450 Mira Brancu: for season 6, through 10.
00:04:03.480 --> 00:04:13.559 Mira Brancu: I was thinking, through, what did. I want to dig into further around leadership hard skills now that we've kind of did the broad overview of those 5 stages.
00:04:13.620 --> 00:04:14.860 Mira Brancu: And frankly.
00:04:15.380 --> 00:04:24.259 Mira Brancu: I don't think that I'm ever gonna get tired of helping leaders think through the navigating complexity part of my model because it includes and touches on so much
00:04:24.370 --> 00:04:27.940 Mira Brancu: like developing strong, inclusive, high-performing teams.
00:04:27.950 --> 00:04:34.289 Mira Brancu: navigating workplace politics, advocating for your resources and so many other topics.
00:04:34.540 --> 00:04:51.210 Mira Brancu: So I just love helping leaders make sense of complex and challenging situations and bringing clarity from overwhelming information, factors, problems and concepts, and turning them all into simple, workable, practical solutions. So I thought.
00:04:51.330 --> 00:04:54.230 Mira Brancu: which part of all of that should I focus on?
00:04:54.820 --> 00:04:56.250 Mira Brancu: And then it dawned on me
00:04:56.540 --> 00:04:57.909 Mira Brancu: my new book.
00:04:58.130 --> 00:05:08.490 Mira Brancu: The Millennials Workbook for Workplace politics will be published soon, and what better way to dig into workplace politics.
00:05:08.900 --> 00:05:12.700 Mira Brancu: Now for those who have been listening for a while, you might say, Mira.
00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:15.919 Mira Brancu: didn't you already publish that book in 2021.
00:05:16.060 --> 00:05:22.610 Mira Brancu: Yes, I did publish the Millennials Guide to Workplace politics in 2021, and
00:05:22.770 --> 00:05:24.450 Mira Brancu: since that time
00:05:24.870 --> 00:05:36.130 Mira Brancu: I've been invited to run a number of book clubs speak and write on the topic, but about a year ago a young millennial named Sarah rose hopefully. I will bring her on the show soon
00:05:36.240 --> 00:05:40.809 Mira Brancu: came into my life. I will tell you about that story when she comes on the show.
00:05:40.970 --> 00:05:42.960 Mira Brancu: She loved the book
00:05:43.030 --> 00:05:46.340 Mira Brancu: and wondered if we had planned to develop a workbook.
00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:49.589 Mira Brancu: and I was like a workbook interesting.
00:05:49.730 --> 00:05:57.560 Mira Brancu: And she said, apparently she really enjoys workbooks as a better way to connect and apply the content. So
00:05:58.250 --> 00:06:09.740 Mira Brancu: my co-author and I invited her to co-write a workbook version of our book, and that's called the Millennials Workbook Guide to workplace politics. So
00:06:10.351 --> 00:06:28.270 Mira Brancu: along the way, it gave us a chance to re-review the content and update it. So yeah, without ever having this as an original intention to create a workbook around the book that I published. Now we have a workbook version plus some updated material. Since the original publication came out.
00:06:28.430 --> 00:06:37.579 Mira Brancu: and the book I haven't been talking about it, but it's coming out soon. It's coming out in early December, probably barring any sort of crazy
00:06:37.840 --> 00:06:52.290 Mira Brancu: layout issues, and I'm hoping to get my co-authors on one of the upcoming episodes. So you can hear the full background story of how I actually met Sarah, and the challenging decision points about writing the book together.
00:06:52.440 --> 00:06:55.320 Mira Brancu: so to celebrate and bring to life
00:06:55.620 --> 00:07:04.690 Mira Brancu: each of the chapters. Each season will expand on a different content area of the workbook, just to bring it to life.
00:07:05.090 --> 00:07:12.219 Mira Brancu: So for season 6. Through 10, the episodes will focus on things like gaining visibility.
00:07:12.590 --> 00:07:14.329 Mira Brancu: power and influence.
00:07:14.450 --> 00:07:16.020 Mira Brancu: credibility, building.
00:07:16.050 --> 00:07:17.340 Mira Brancu: visibility.
00:07:17.680 --> 00:07:19.360 Mira Brancu: trust, communication.
00:07:19.680 --> 00:07:21.150 Mira Brancu: negotiation.
00:07:21.210 --> 00:07:23.200 Mira Brancu: giving and receiving feedback.
00:07:23.530 --> 00:07:26.210 Mira Brancu: addressing unhealthy work behaviors.
00:07:26.280 --> 00:07:29.160 Mira Brancu: creating healthy, inclusive work environments.
00:07:29.310 --> 00:07:31.160 Mira Brancu: developing political savvy
00:07:31.570 --> 00:07:34.139 Mira Brancu: and developing healthy teams.
00:07:34.190 --> 00:07:38.370 Mira Brancu: and also just leveraging the privilege of power to make a positive difference.
00:07:38.490 --> 00:07:39.470 Mira Brancu: So
00:07:39.780 --> 00:07:42.909 Mira Brancu: are you excited as I am about these topics.
00:07:43.220 --> 00:07:44.809 Mira Brancu: I know. Right?
00:07:45.860 --> 00:08:03.089 Mira Brancu: So until then, let's dive into the client question for today. That's what I'm going to focus on as kind of a way to close out and wrap up the season. Season 5 and start anew with season 6. We'll do this this week.
00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:15.999 Mira Brancu: We'll do a really special rerun next week. There's a reason why we're doing that special rerun specifically next week, which happens to be Tuesday, November 5.th
00:08:16.130 --> 00:08:20.539 Mira Brancu: Some of you might know that is an important day in the Us.
00:08:20.880 --> 00:08:22.290 Mira Brancu: It's election day.
00:08:22.430 --> 00:08:24.470 Mira Brancu: and there's something that I want to
00:08:24.590 --> 00:08:29.170 Mira Brancu: rerun because it was such an important episode. So you will get that next week.
00:08:29.220 --> 00:08:31.850 Mira Brancu: And so this week is a way to sort of like.
00:08:31.870 --> 00:08:37.689 Mira Brancu: bring together some of the ideas that we've been talking about and move into workplace complexities
00:08:37.870 --> 00:08:42.039 Mira Brancu: for the next seasons. So let me talk about the client question for today.
00:08:42.659 --> 00:08:43.530 Mira Brancu: Okay.
00:08:43.940 --> 00:08:44.960 Mira Brancu: a client
00:08:45.200 --> 00:08:47.260 Mira Brancu: has been working with me
00:08:47.510 --> 00:08:55.919 Mira Brancu: for a number of months. And the other day she came back with wanting to.
00:08:56.030 --> 00:08:59.599 Mira Brancu: in her words work on emotion, regulation
00:09:00.190 --> 00:09:02.810 Mira Brancu: when she gets irritated or triggered at work.
00:09:03.870 --> 00:09:07.500 Mira Brancu: and you know she has been doing really well with it.
00:09:07.780 --> 00:09:09.850 Mira Brancu: So I wondered what was going on.
00:09:10.110 --> 00:09:10.950 Mira Brancu: and
00:09:13.030 --> 00:09:19.199 Mira Brancu: so we'll get into sort of what was going on for her. But the 1st thing that I always ask people to do
00:09:19.890 --> 00:09:24.820 Mira Brancu: when they're starting to think about like, how do I regulate my emotions in certain situations
00:09:25.070 --> 00:09:27.890 Mira Brancu: is to track what triggers you?
00:09:28.900 --> 00:09:33.499 Mira Brancu: In what situations do you find yourself most frustrated.
00:09:33.830 --> 00:09:36.130 Mira Brancu: and finding it hard to hold back
00:09:36.680 --> 00:09:39.139 Mira Brancu: or hard to focus on the situation.
00:09:39.750 --> 00:09:43.679 Mira Brancu: or with what personality styles you find it hard
00:09:44.290 --> 00:09:50.549 Mira Brancu: to hold back, or getting more frustrated, or with what kind of comments we all have our triggers. Right?
00:09:50.840 --> 00:09:55.640 Mira Brancu: So I asked her this question, and in this situation she described the following.
00:09:56.520 --> 00:09:58.739 Mira Brancu: she will call her Sandra
00:09:58.860 --> 00:10:05.700 Mira Brancu: was in a meeting, and she had team members with her people she supervised. So they were in the room. Okay?
00:10:05.770 --> 00:10:11.590 Mira Brancu: And this was a conversation with somebody who was technically a superior to her.
00:10:11.900 --> 00:10:13.639 Mira Brancu: But it wasn't her boss.
00:10:14.210 --> 00:10:15.960 Mira Brancu: and we'll call him Tim.
00:10:16.110 --> 00:10:16.930 Mira Brancu: So
00:10:17.160 --> 00:10:20.860 Mira Brancu: there was a power dynamic between Sandra and Tim.
00:10:21.340 --> 00:10:29.470 Mira Brancu: but it was not a situation in which Tim would be in a position to have direct impact on Sandra's performance evaluation, for example.
00:10:29.940 --> 00:10:33.460 Mira Brancu: right now Sandra came in into the meeting
00:10:33.580 --> 00:10:39.300 Mira Brancu: ready to have a good conversation like she came in with a positive attitude. She thought it was going to be a good conversation.
00:10:39.530 --> 00:10:44.859 Mira Brancu: She had pulled all of this data and policies to support her comments.
00:10:45.330 --> 00:10:46.710 Mira Brancu: She was ready
00:10:46.880 --> 00:10:51.640 Mira Brancu: to have a very thoughtful common sense kind of conversation.
00:10:52.140 --> 00:10:53.760 Mira Brancu: Okay, so
00:10:54.090 --> 00:10:55.100 Mira Brancu: let's just
00:10:55.720 --> 00:10:56.980 Mira Brancu: be clear
00:10:57.120 --> 00:10:57.990 Mira Brancu: that
00:10:58.320 --> 00:11:00.640 Mira Brancu: she came in with the intent
00:11:01.420 --> 00:11:03.980 Mira Brancu: that this was going to be a productive.
00:11:04.160 --> 00:11:06.620 Mira Brancu: good, healthy conversation.
00:11:06.730 --> 00:11:08.220 Mira Brancu: It was going to be easy.
00:11:08.240 --> 00:11:16.600 Mira Brancu: They would address it. They would come to some conclusion. Resolution. No, Biggie, like there was not like a big history here that she was telling me about right.
00:11:17.190 --> 00:11:17.930 Mira Brancu: But
00:11:18.740 --> 00:11:23.479 Mira Brancu: what she ended up doing at the very end is raising her voice.
00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:26.540 Mira Brancu: taking the discussion personally.
00:11:27.020 --> 00:11:28.740 Mira Brancu: and eventually saying, Tim.
00:11:29.010 --> 00:11:32.649 Mira Brancu: I've got a Phd. In this. I'm the expert. You're not listening.
00:11:33.460 --> 00:11:36.499 Mira Brancu: And Tim, in response, reacted in a shocked way and said.
00:11:36.850 --> 00:11:39.789 Mira Brancu: I'm just going to need to elevate this to a higher level. Leadership
00:11:40.610 --> 00:11:44.070 Mira Brancu: probably shut down the conversation right?
00:11:44.170 --> 00:11:48.679 Mira Brancu: And from his perspective he he no longer wanted
00:11:48.820 --> 00:11:54.589 Mira Brancu: to engage in the conversation didn't feel like he needed to defend himself. And that's how the call ended.
00:11:55.150 --> 00:11:55.910 Mira Brancu: No.
00:11:56.920 --> 00:12:00.020 Mira Brancu: Sandra's boundary setting and comment
00:12:00.410 --> 00:12:09.140 Mira Brancu: isn't necessarily bad. But she personally later, felt really bad about it, because it isn't how she normally
00:12:09.240 --> 00:12:17.180 Mira Brancu: addresses situations and conflict. And it's not how she wanted to come across. She felt like. She lost her cool.
00:12:17.560 --> 00:12:20.470 Mira Brancu: and she wished she could have done something differently.
00:12:21.590 --> 00:12:28.969 Mira Brancu: She was really upset with herself, tossing and turning at night about how frustrated she was with the situation
00:12:29.010 --> 00:12:31.459 Mira Brancu: and with her response to him.
00:12:32.085 --> 00:12:41.859 Mira Brancu: And she's like th. These are the things that I feel like. I want a better handle on. These are the things where I feel like.
00:12:42.426 --> 00:12:44.710 Mira Brancu: I don't have emotion regulation.
00:12:45.080 --> 00:12:46.730 Mira Brancu: right? So she asked me.
00:12:46.930 --> 00:12:48.880 Mira Brancu: how do I manage my emotions?
00:12:49.270 --> 00:12:51.380 Mira Brancu: I look at my colleague Bill.
00:12:51.520 --> 00:12:55.610 Mira Brancu: who will just respond all stoically all the time.
00:12:55.920 --> 00:12:59.199 Mira Brancu: He'll say things like, Okay, do what you want. With this
00:12:59.810 --> 00:13:01.770 Mira Brancu: he seems completely unfazed.
00:13:02.430 --> 00:13:03.480 Mira Brancu: And
00:13:03.550 --> 00:13:07.050 Mira Brancu: I mentioned these things. These situations to my partner, she said.
00:13:07.270 --> 00:13:12.170 Mira Brancu: and my partner says, Why do you let these people get under your skin so much. Just let it go.
00:13:12.790 --> 00:13:17.220 Mira Brancu: I wish I could be more like that. I wish I could be unfazed. I wish I could just let it go
00:13:18.650 --> 00:13:19.440 Mira Brancu: right.
00:13:19.610 --> 00:13:25.209 Mira Brancu: So. This is what she had a problem with. She was concerned
00:13:25.570 --> 00:13:27.309 Mira Brancu: that she could not let it go.
00:13:27.740 --> 00:13:32.279 Mira Brancu: and that she would escalate the situation in a way that felt bad.
00:13:32.440 --> 00:13:50.559 Mira Brancu: and when these things happened it would like overtake her. Thinking overtake her mind. She'd be constantly thinking about how upset she was with how she responded and how much she wished she could just be like unflappable like Bill, or just let it roll off her back like her husband. You know, said.
00:13:51.540 --> 00:13:55.839 Mira Brancu: but she didn't know how to do that, and that's what she was seeking my advice for.
00:13:56.160 --> 00:13:57.790 Mira Brancu: Okay, so
00:13:58.060 --> 00:13:59.629 Mira Brancu: we're going to break it down.
00:14:00.150 --> 00:14:02.720 Mira Brancu: But we are reaching an ad break.
00:14:02.840 --> 00:14:12.420 Mira Brancu: And so I'm gonna pause right there before we get to like solutions. And what's going on? We're gonna take a quick ad break
00:14:13.370 --> 00:14:18.329 Mira Brancu: and I want you to start thinking about what you would do in this situation. Okay.
00:14:18.750 --> 00:14:33.359 Mira Brancu: you're listening to the hard skills with me. Dr. Mira Branco, founder of Towerscope, a social impact company focused on helping leaders and teams navigate the complexities of today and lead better tomorrow by developing their hard people skills, muscle.
00:14:33.600 --> 00:14:36.610 Mira Brancu: We air on Tuesdays at 5 pm. Eastern.
00:14:36.770 --> 00:14:46.390 Mira Brancu: And if you'd like to join our online audience right now and ask me questions or share what you would do. I would love to hear from you. You can find us on Linkedin. You could find me at Mira Bronco.
00:14:46.949 --> 00:14:55.359 Mira Brancu: or you could go to talkradio dot Nyc and we're gonna explore this a little bit more, and we're gonna break it down after the ad break
00:14:55.630 --> 00:15:02.320 Mira Brancu: into like what's going on, how to understand this and then what to do about it. So we'll be right back in just a moment.
00:17:15.050 --> 00:17:21.529 Mira Brancu: Welcome back to the hard skills with me. Dr. Mira Branku and today we are
00:17:21.619 --> 00:17:31.799 Mira Brancu: walking through a client experience where they're wondering how to better regulate their emotions in a heated moment when they've gotten really frustrated.
00:17:31.990 --> 00:17:35.240 Mira Brancu: And so let's let's break this down. Okay.
00:17:35.770 --> 00:17:37.960 Mira Brancu: Sandra thinks the problem is
00:17:38.230 --> 00:17:40.380 Mira Brancu: she can't regulate her emotions.
00:17:40.900 --> 00:17:42.719 Mira Brancu: But I think it's slightly different.
00:17:43.400 --> 00:17:45.510 Mira Brancu: She thinks the problem she has.
00:17:46.330 --> 00:17:48.059 Mira Brancu: Okay is that
00:17:48.140 --> 00:17:49.840 Mira Brancu: somehow no one else
00:17:50.330 --> 00:17:51.790 Mira Brancu: has this problem
00:17:51.940 --> 00:17:52.780 Mira Brancu: right?
00:17:52.990 --> 00:17:59.320 Mira Brancu: That she gets upset with people who touch on her trigger trigger points, and that somehow other people
00:18:00.230 --> 00:18:01.549 Mira Brancu: are unfazed
00:18:02.080 --> 00:18:05.079 Mira Brancu: by similar situations. But the reality is
00:18:05.880 --> 00:18:11.000 Mira Brancu: that most of us get upset when someone pushes our trigger points.
00:18:12.070 --> 00:18:13.180 Mira Brancu: It's normal.
00:18:13.840 --> 00:18:14.640 Mira Brancu: right?
00:18:14.880 --> 00:18:16.079 Mira Brancu: It's just that
00:18:16.120 --> 00:18:19.000 Mira Brancu: number one. We all have different triggers.
00:18:19.330 --> 00:18:22.429 Mira Brancu: right? Maybe Bill or her husband
00:18:22.800 --> 00:18:28.119 Mira Brancu: are just unfazed by the same things that she is bothered by, and that's why they say.
00:18:28.370 --> 00:18:31.939 Mira Brancu: you know, just let it roll off your back, or they don't react.
00:18:32.490 --> 00:18:35.379 Mira Brancu: Or the other option is.
00:18:36.010 --> 00:18:38.270 Mira Brancu: even if we have the same triggers.
00:18:38.540 --> 00:18:42.999 Mira Brancu: we might never know how someone feels about it.
00:18:43.300 --> 00:18:45.599 Mira Brancu: If they just have a good poker face.
00:18:46.330 --> 00:18:51.570 Mira Brancu: Right? So, for example, her colleague Bill might be just as annoyed
00:18:52.180 --> 00:18:55.680 Mira Brancu: be tossing and turning about it all night just like her, but
00:18:55.880 --> 00:18:58.220 Mira Brancu: he may have found a way to act
00:18:58.280 --> 00:19:05.599 Mira Brancu: like he's not bothered by it, which makes it look like he's unflappable. There's plenty of us who are like that right?
00:19:06.140 --> 00:19:07.240 Mira Brancu: Or
00:19:08.500 --> 00:19:11.739 Mira Brancu: this is just not his trigger at all right.
00:19:11.880 --> 00:19:12.950 Mira Brancu: and
00:19:12.980 --> 00:19:21.430 Mira Brancu: Sandra might not be privy to the situations that do visibly Trigger Bill. She might only be privy to the situations where she's in front of Bill, and he's unflappable.
00:19:22.030 --> 00:19:28.650 Mira Brancu: So she's making false comparisons about herself and what she's capable of versus other people.
00:19:30.010 --> 00:19:30.780 Mira Brancu: So
00:19:31.900 --> 00:19:35.289 Mira Brancu: the point of all of this is that emotion regulation isn't
00:19:36.030 --> 00:19:40.910 Mira Brancu: the ability to tamp down your emotions and feel nothing.
00:19:41.060 --> 00:19:43.120 Mira Brancu: or shut those emotions down
00:19:43.910 --> 00:19:50.089 Mira Brancu: frankly. That would be unhealthy to not be able to feel any of your emotions when you're
00:19:50.630 --> 00:19:55.139 Mira Brancu: feeling frustrated or under threat. Our brains are not wired that way.
00:19:55.730 --> 00:19:58.160 Mira Brancu: Emotion, regulation simply means
00:19:58.240 --> 00:20:03.360 Mira Brancu: that, despite, however, you might feel inside, you have found a way
00:20:03.950 --> 00:20:06.110 Mira Brancu: to regulate your reaction
00:20:06.370 --> 00:20:08.530 Mira Brancu: to that situation
00:20:09.480 --> 00:20:12.120 Mira Brancu: and create a calming environment for yourself
00:20:12.530 --> 00:20:15.179 Mira Brancu: and often for other people as well.
00:20:16.200 --> 00:20:18.439 Mira Brancu: You might still be a mess inside
00:20:18.770 --> 00:20:20.609 Mira Brancu: and feel terrible.
00:20:21.310 --> 00:20:24.220 Mira Brancu: And that reaction might be incredibly normal.
00:20:25.020 --> 00:20:29.539 Mira Brancu: It's just what you do with that situation and with your emotions.
00:20:29.850 --> 00:20:30.640 Mira Brancu: Okay.
00:20:30.920 --> 00:20:34.400 Mira Brancu: so what? What are the many ways that we
00:20:34.850 --> 00:20:41.810 Mira Brancu: manage emotions under threat? Okay, here are the many ways people react to situations when they feel
00:20:41.920 --> 00:20:43.279 Mira Brancu: that they are under threat.
00:20:44.980 --> 00:20:48.870 Mira Brancu: You may have heard of these, fight, flee, freeze.
00:20:49.290 --> 00:20:51.120 Mira Brancu: and there's a few others.
00:20:51.300 --> 00:20:52.170 Mira Brancu: Fun.
00:20:52.610 --> 00:20:55.009 Mira Brancu: Okay, I'm going to go through each of these
00:20:55.250 --> 00:20:55.950 Mira Brancu: fight.
00:20:57.090 --> 00:21:02.329 Mira Brancu: Many of us think about this as like directly being aggressive, debating, yelling, bullying.
00:21:03.380 --> 00:21:06.929 Mira Brancu: It could also be pushing your idea on someone
00:21:07.950 --> 00:21:12.680 Mira Brancu: charming or manipulating your way to get to the results you want.
00:21:12.810 --> 00:21:14.990 Mira Brancu: regardless of how they feel about it.
00:21:15.930 --> 00:21:20.999 Mira Brancu: All of these ways could be ways. You might engage in the fight response. You're moving
00:21:21.110 --> 00:21:22.240 Mira Brancu: towards
00:21:22.250 --> 00:21:23.350 Mira Brancu: somebody
00:21:23.570 --> 00:21:24.710 Mira Brancu: to push
00:21:25.010 --> 00:21:27.720 Mira Brancu: your agenda. Your beliefs.
00:21:29.010 --> 00:21:37.359 Mira Brancu: Persuade them, influence them. Argue with them, debate with them right to get to what you want. That's a fight response.
00:21:37.780 --> 00:21:40.720 Mira Brancu: right? That's 1 way to control the situation.
00:21:42.130 --> 00:21:43.000 Mira Brancu: Flee
00:21:43.290 --> 00:21:47.439 Mira Brancu: fleet is another way or yeah, to to to
00:21:48.280 --> 00:21:52.419 Mira Brancu: Address the situation right? To control the situation for yourself.
00:21:52.780 --> 00:21:54.380 Mira Brancu: It could look like
00:21:54.550 --> 00:21:59.279 Mira Brancu: running away. That's what flea sounds like right, but it could be walking away.
00:21:59.380 --> 00:22:03.770 Mira Brancu: It could even be making cynical or skeptical comments.
00:22:03.950 --> 00:22:06.830 Mira Brancu: mistrusting or assuming ill intent.
00:22:07.150 --> 00:22:08.700 Mira Brancu: holding grudges.
00:22:08.830 --> 00:22:12.380 Mira Brancu: avoiding someone, avoiding a conversation.
00:22:12.860 --> 00:22:15.290 Mira Brancu: avoiding seeing what you think and feel.
00:22:15.400 --> 00:22:18.490 Mira Brancu: These are all ways we flee literally
00:22:18.550 --> 00:22:19.680 Mira Brancu: or
00:22:19.900 --> 00:22:21.360 Mira Brancu: emotionally.
00:22:22.150 --> 00:22:25.010 Mira Brancu: from something threatening. You're pushing away
00:22:25.040 --> 00:22:31.070 Mira Brancu: right that these are all ways to push away the emotion and push away the person. Push away the situation.
00:22:32.140 --> 00:22:32.980 Mira Brancu: Right?
00:22:33.450 --> 00:22:34.130 Mira Brancu: Okay.
00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:36.210 Mira Brancu: what about freeze?
00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:39.390 Mira Brancu: Another way to think about freeze could be numb
00:22:39.810 --> 00:22:41.740 Mira Brancu: or even dissociate.
00:22:42.320 --> 00:22:45.300 Mira Brancu: Okay, freezing is shutting down.
00:22:46.190 --> 00:22:47.900 Mira Brancu: could be shutting someone out
00:22:48.360 --> 00:22:50.339 Mira Brancu: could be minimal responding
00:22:51.060 --> 00:22:52.969 Mira Brancu: could be using substances.
00:22:53.310 --> 00:22:56.850 Mira Brancu: it could be seeming to engage, but, in fact.
00:22:56.870 --> 00:22:58.910 Mira Brancu: not actually being in the moment
00:22:59.110 --> 00:23:03.290 Mira Brancu: like some people, might even black out and not recall the situation later.
00:23:03.760 --> 00:23:06.269 Mira Brancu: There's someone else there's somewhere else, right?
00:23:07.450 --> 00:23:12.199 Mira Brancu: disconnecting basically from the situation. So you're not directly affected
00:23:13.600 --> 00:23:19.820 Mira Brancu: being unapproachable or cold to people could be another way becoming detached from people.
00:23:19.830 --> 00:23:21.370 Mira Brancu: These are ways
00:23:21.560 --> 00:23:31.159 Mira Brancu: that we might freeze, numb, or dissociate. It's a way from to disconnect, from painful scary or threatening emotions or situations.
00:23:31.230 --> 00:23:33.579 Mira Brancu: especially when you cannot flee or fight.
00:23:33.620 --> 00:23:35.220 Mira Brancu: or it's just not in your way.
00:23:36.430 --> 00:23:44.499 Mira Brancu: a final way that we've learned in research that some people address certain kinds of threatening situations are
00:23:44.740 --> 00:23:45.710 Mira Brancu: fun.
00:23:45.960 --> 00:23:49.630 Mira Brancu: Another word for this is tend and befriend.
00:23:50.100 --> 00:24:05.750 Mira Brancu: Okay, some people will go to great lengths to do everything right, support someone else's point of view over their own become deferential. People please ingratiate themselves all to avoid conflict or threat.
00:24:07.280 --> 00:24:13.689 Mira Brancu: and sometimes in situations where one person feels like, they're being more abusive or bullying.
00:24:13.770 --> 00:24:18.389 Mira Brancu: This response could truly be a self-protective survival mechanism.
00:24:18.470 --> 00:24:22.300 Mira Brancu: So there's no judgment in how we each respond.
00:24:22.330 --> 00:24:24.600 Mira Brancu: Some of us respond in one
00:24:24.630 --> 00:24:27.499 Mira Brancu: common way all the time to all threats.
00:24:27.580 --> 00:24:33.609 Mira Brancu: Some of us have different response styles depending on the threat and the situation. The context right?
00:24:33.830 --> 00:24:38.519 Mira Brancu: I am sure that you can think of many personal situations like this
00:24:39.240 --> 00:24:40.820 Mira Brancu: in your personal life.
00:24:41.160 --> 00:24:43.759 Mira Brancu: where you've engaged in one way or another, and
00:24:44.190 --> 00:24:53.599 Mira Brancu: the same applies to the work world, right, because you're a human and you don't change who you are, just because you're at work. You might act differently right?
00:24:53.830 --> 00:24:57.699 Mira Brancu: But the same situation applies to the work world. Now
00:24:58.970 --> 00:25:05.050 Mira Brancu: think about what might happen when you're in a situation where you have one threat response
00:25:05.600 --> 00:25:09.839 Mira Brancu: and the other person has the same or a different threat response.
00:25:10.560 --> 00:25:15.090 Mira Brancu: Right in this situation both people had kind of the same threat response.
00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:17.479 Mira Brancu: It was mostly in the fight mode.
00:25:18.020 --> 00:25:21.679 Mira Brancu: Sandra felt Tim was. Tim was belittling her.
00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:23.520 Mira Brancu: so she attacked back
00:25:23.800 --> 00:25:26.120 Mira Brancu: with telling him about her expertise.
00:25:26.870 --> 00:25:29.070 Mira Brancu: Tim received that as a threat.
00:25:29.290 --> 00:25:33.189 Mira Brancu: and then he told Sandra he was going to literally escalate the situation
00:25:33.710 --> 00:25:41.080 Mira Brancu: that could be fight, it could be flee. It was one of those it could be. It could be a little bit combination of both right.
00:25:41.290 --> 00:25:43.300 Mira Brancu: But there was a push and a shove back
00:25:43.450 --> 00:25:44.280 Mira Brancu: right?
00:25:44.590 --> 00:25:47.959 Mira Brancu: You can't do that to me. Oh, yeah, you can't do that to me.
00:25:48.370 --> 00:25:50.300 Mira Brancu: Here's what I'm gonna do to you. Right?
00:25:50.600 --> 00:25:53.480 Mira Brancu: We can think of lots of situations where this could look different.
00:25:54.350 --> 00:26:01.489 Mira Brancu: Sandra might get annoyed and want to debate Tim and Tim might shut down and say, That's the end of the conversation and hang up.
00:26:01.890 --> 00:26:06.739 Mira Brancu: That would be a fight against a flea response
00:26:07.210 --> 00:26:10.429 Mira Brancu: right? And imagine
00:26:10.560 --> 00:26:17.020 Mira Brancu: if that sort of blew up, and she kept pushing and pushing, and he kept shutting down.
00:26:17.180 --> 00:26:25.220 Mira Brancu: Right. That is not a great situation. Neither of neither of these situations, whether it's fight, fight, or fight, flee, or anything like that, are great situations.
00:26:26.280 --> 00:26:27.090 Mira Brancu: Now.
00:26:28.140 --> 00:26:30.359 Mira Brancu: those are the threat responses. Okay.
00:26:31.250 --> 00:26:33.189 Mira Brancu: let's add even more nuance
00:26:34.030 --> 00:26:36.439 Mira Brancu: work and leadership style.
00:26:36.770 --> 00:26:37.590 Mira Brancu: Yes.
00:26:38.770 --> 00:26:40.650 Mira Brancu: Sandra's leadership style
00:26:40.960 --> 00:26:47.629 Mira Brancu: is one in which she likes to influence and persuade people to get around an idea
00:26:47.990 --> 00:26:52.049 Mira Brancu: by bringing in data and policies and her experience.
00:26:52.660 --> 00:26:55.459 Mira Brancu: and once people are aligned with her ideas.
00:26:55.690 --> 00:26:58.999 Mira Brancu: she will use her results, oriented style
00:26:59.320 --> 00:27:04.489 Mira Brancu: to get people moving and doing and holding them accountable when they aren't achieving results.
00:27:04.640 --> 00:27:07.349 Mira Brancu: and she can get pretty passionate and driven
00:27:08.010 --> 00:27:10.649 Mira Brancu: right. She can get passionate about the clarity
00:27:10.750 --> 00:27:12.060 Mira Brancu: for idea
00:27:12.180 --> 00:27:16.840 Mira Brancu: and driven to get to results and hyper focus on those results.
00:27:18.420 --> 00:27:29.590 Mira Brancu: There's always a shadow side to all of our strengths, and for her the downside to that style is A. She will take it personally if you aren't a fan of her idea, or dismiss it.
00:27:30.160 --> 00:27:31.760 Mira Brancu: or don't align.
00:27:32.860 --> 00:27:33.720 Mira Brancu: B.
00:27:33.950 --> 00:27:38.639 Mira Brancu: She will get frustrated if you don't understand her idea, because it's so clear to her.
00:27:39.510 --> 00:27:41.979 Mira Brancu: and see it might be hard for others
00:27:42.050 --> 00:27:44.690 Mira Brancu: to get her to open up
00:27:44.720 --> 00:27:46.880 Mira Brancu: to different ways of doing things
00:27:46.920 --> 00:27:48.779 Mira Brancu: or to get her slowing down.
00:27:49.370 --> 00:27:50.190 Mira Brancu: So
00:27:50.690 --> 00:27:52.489 Mira Brancu: one of the things we discussed
00:27:52.610 --> 00:27:55.799 Mira Brancu: is when her style clashes
00:27:56.010 --> 00:28:00.280 Mira Brancu: with other work or leadership styles. What does it look like
00:28:00.580 --> 00:28:02.240 Mira Brancu: in the case of Tim.
00:28:02.380 --> 00:28:05.880 Mira Brancu: He is also a highly results oriented person, which
00:28:06.250 --> 00:28:09.219 Mira Brancu: you would assume. Then they'd get along. But
00:28:10.080 --> 00:28:19.560 Mira Brancu: he has a clear way of doing things, and he thinks his way is the right way. So imagine the discussion that seemed between someone who is trying to persuade
00:28:20.230 --> 00:28:23.479 Mira Brancu: and someone who's already thinking their way is the right way.
00:28:23.530 --> 00:28:26.009 Mira Brancu: and both are being stubborn about it.
00:28:26.820 --> 00:28:30.699 Mira Brancu: It is basically what happened. Push came to shove
00:28:31.550 --> 00:28:32.420 Mira Brancu: right.
00:28:32.870 --> 00:28:38.610 Mira Brancu: Sandra and I also reviewed other work and leadership style she has clashed with and why?
00:28:38.850 --> 00:28:43.919 Mira Brancu: And that is a topic for another day. But basically, it's important to understand
00:28:44.160 --> 00:28:45.570 Mira Brancu: who you're working with.
00:28:45.910 --> 00:28:47.910 Mira Brancu: what they value and prioritize
00:28:48.080 --> 00:28:49.450 Mira Brancu: what they fear
00:28:49.820 --> 00:28:51.570 Mira Brancu: and what motivates them.
00:28:51.760 --> 00:28:57.789 Mira Brancu: So you can speak not just your language, but also somebody else's work language.
00:28:58.590 --> 00:29:00.300 Mira Brancu: Okay? So
00:29:00.420 --> 00:29:03.319 Mira Brancu: so far, we learned what happens when we're under threat.
00:29:03.410 --> 00:29:06.030 Mira Brancu: how different work styles might clash.
00:29:06.440 --> 00:29:10.369 Mira Brancu: Okay, one final consideration is what happens
00:29:12.120 --> 00:29:14.330 Mira Brancu: when we use
00:29:14.650 --> 00:29:18.730 Mira Brancu: certain skills when we're most stressed out.
00:29:19.170 --> 00:29:29.830 Mira Brancu: Right, Sandra said to me, 99% of the time I'm calm and cool under prices. So I don't know why the situation caught me off guard like that, I should be able to manage it. Well.
00:29:30.680 --> 00:29:44.729 Mira Brancu: okay. So we're gonna come back after the Ad. Break to explore this next step. Okay, we talked about what happens when we're under threat. We talked about different work styles and how they might contribute to the situation, and how they might
00:29:44.830 --> 00:29:47.660 Mira Brancu: sort of cut down your coping mechanisms.
00:29:47.850 --> 00:29:54.580 Mira Brancu: And when we come back we're gonna explore one last contributing factor
00:29:54.910 --> 00:29:56.230 Mira Brancu: and then
00:29:56.250 --> 00:30:00.999 Mira Brancu: come up with 4, a four-step solution to this situation.
00:30:02.290 --> 00:30:23.229 Mira Brancu: All right. You are listening to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branku. And if you are online right now, and watching on Linkedin, you can definitely send me questions or thoughts, or what you think we ended up doing, or what your recommendation is, I will respond, and otherwise we will be right back in just a moment.
00:32:27.360 --> 00:32:32.060 Mira Brancu: Welcome back to the hard skills with me. Dr. Mira Branku.
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:37.650 Mira Brancu: So we just got done talking about
00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:40.000 Mira Brancu: what
00:32:40.110 --> 00:32:45.710 Mira Brancu: contributes to our stress response. Right? What happens when we're under threat?
00:32:45.920 --> 00:32:49.310 Mira Brancu: How our different work styles might clash
00:32:50.130 --> 00:32:56.320 Mira Brancu: and the final thing that I want to touch on is what happens when our coping skills are depleted
00:32:58.530 --> 00:33:02.749 Mira Brancu: in our client situation that we've been talking about, Sandra said to me.
00:33:02.990 --> 00:33:09.990 Mira Brancu: 99% of the time I am calm, and I'm cool under pressure under crisis. I don't understand
00:33:10.190 --> 00:33:12.769 Mira Brancu: why this situation caught me off guard.
00:33:12.820 --> 00:33:16.409 Mira Brancu: and why other situations like this catch me off guard
00:33:17.060 --> 00:33:20.530 Mira Brancu: because I should be able to. I have the coping skills. I should be able to manage it.
00:33:20.680 --> 00:33:24.040 Mira Brancu: So I asked Sandra what happened that day
00:33:24.630 --> 00:33:27.429 Mira Brancu: that could have made it different from other situations like
00:33:27.832 --> 00:33:34.140 Mira Brancu: Let's just break it down. What might be different in these kinds of situations, and specifically in this situation.
00:33:35.130 --> 00:33:40.040 Mira Brancu: and when she described her day it was clear it wasn't necessarily a typical day.
00:33:40.620 --> 00:33:44.899 Mira Brancu: She got woken up several times in the middle of the night with a family emergency.
00:33:45.840 --> 00:33:56.119 Mira Brancu: All these calls from her mom, who is in a nursing care home and fell out of bed. So she had to respond to those calls from the nursing home and emergency room, and then
00:33:56.370 --> 00:33:57.659 Mira Brancu: she came to work.
00:33:57.700 --> 00:33:59.250 Mira Brancu: and she got bombarded
00:33:59.480 --> 00:34:02.369 Mira Brancu: with one urgent issue after another.
00:34:03.020 --> 00:34:12.770 Mira Brancu: So by the time this meeting came around. Despite her fantastic coping skills, her coping resources had already been quite depleted.
00:34:13.830 --> 00:34:14.610 Mira Brancu: Now
00:34:14.830 --> 00:34:16.079 Mira Brancu: who we are
00:34:16.570 --> 00:34:21.880 Mira Brancu: under high stress is not who we are. Under our typical circumstances.
00:34:22.199 --> 00:34:25.189 Mira Brancu: we might be incredibly
00:34:25.739 --> 00:34:29.859 Mira Brancu: capable of managing all kinds of stress in our leadership roles. That's
00:34:29.949 --> 00:34:32.970 Mira Brancu: how many of us got into leadership roles.
00:34:33.400 --> 00:34:34.260 Mira Brancu: But
00:34:36.350 --> 00:34:38.579 Mira Brancu: we're not at our best.
00:34:38.739 --> 00:34:40.750 Mira Brancu: When we're under high stress.
00:34:41.380 --> 00:34:42.830 Mira Brancu: we're at our worst.
00:34:43.870 --> 00:34:44.900 Mira Brancu: our worst
00:34:45.350 --> 00:34:46.570 Mira Brancu: sides
00:34:46.750 --> 00:34:54.480 Mira Brancu: come out, and sometimes it's just a shadow side to our strengths because we tend to overdo over, dig in to our strengths.
00:34:55.620 --> 00:34:58.579 Mira Brancu: and then those are no longer serving a purpose.
00:34:58.650 --> 00:35:00.800 Mira Brancu: They're not serving us well. So
00:35:01.310 --> 00:35:03.020 Mira Brancu: she wasn't tracking.
00:35:03.130 --> 00:35:07.590 Mira Brancu: that she was inching towards being at her worst and reduced coping
00:35:07.850 --> 00:35:09.999 Mira Brancu: resources. So, of course.
00:35:10.510 --> 00:35:16.810 Mira Brancu: the worst part of her otherwise passionate, charming, persuasive self
00:35:17.930 --> 00:35:19.320 Mira Brancu: turned into
00:35:19.380 --> 00:35:21.130 Mira Brancu: taking things personally.
00:35:21.830 --> 00:35:24.169 Mira Brancu: getting passionate in negative ways.
00:35:24.740 --> 00:35:27.890 Mira Brancu: trying to persuade, persuade, and it not working.
00:35:28.200 --> 00:35:31.170 Mira Brancu: and then digging in more and more
00:35:32.010 --> 00:35:33.510 Mira Brancu: right. So remember
00:35:33.590 --> 00:35:40.890 Mira Brancu: that your greatest strengths become your greatest liabilities when they're over utilized, and we are likely to dig in and overuse our strengths
00:35:41.270 --> 00:35:44.440 Mira Brancu: when we're under a lot of stress
00:35:45.550 --> 00:35:51.990 Mira Brancu: I want you to think about and write down. If you're not sure what that looks like. I want you to write down your your greatest strengths
00:35:53.040 --> 00:35:55.109 Mira Brancu: and what it looks like to dig in.
00:35:55.540 --> 00:35:56.880 Mira Brancu: to overdo
00:35:57.540 --> 00:36:00.469 Mira Brancu: right to overwork
00:36:00.560 --> 00:36:04.310 Mira Brancu: when when you're results oriented, what might that look like?
00:36:05.350 --> 00:36:08.559 Mira Brancu: You might shut people out just to get something done.
00:36:08.970 --> 00:36:12.370 Mira Brancu: you might become impatient with people just to get things done.
00:36:12.960 --> 00:36:20.519 Mira Brancu: or what might it look like when you're a very diligent, focused, methodical, careful person.
00:36:21.030 --> 00:36:25.909 Mira Brancu: You might become over perfectionistic to get it right and to do the right thing
00:36:26.160 --> 00:36:32.240 Mira Brancu: right, or you might become critical when somebody is cutting corners
00:36:32.690 --> 00:36:34.430 Mira Brancu: causing your work to look bad.
00:36:35.100 --> 00:36:36.800 Mira Brancu: What might it look like
00:36:37.420 --> 00:36:43.300 Mira Brancu: if you are a really kind, compassionate, thoughtful, empathizing person?
00:36:43.790 --> 00:36:44.690 Mira Brancu: Well.
00:36:45.130 --> 00:36:50.899 Mira Brancu: you might shut down and not give people feedback when they're actually taking advantage of you.
00:36:50.970 --> 00:36:55.530 Mira Brancu: You might not hold people accountable, and you might let things slide that shouldn't slide
00:36:55.630 --> 00:36:56.900 Mira Brancu: shouldn't pass.
00:36:57.390 --> 00:37:02.140 Mira Brancu: All of these are just shadow sides to our strengths. Right? So
00:37:02.940 --> 00:37:06.140 Mira Brancu: now that we know that Sandra's threat response was to fight
00:37:07.640 --> 00:37:09.569 Mira Brancu: and her work style response
00:37:09.590 --> 00:37:13.570 Mira Brancu: is to keep persuading to make someone get on board
00:37:13.680 --> 00:37:15.629 Mira Brancu: and aligned with her idea
00:37:17.070 --> 00:37:22.500 Mira Brancu: and her stress response is to take someone's dismissiveness of her idea as personal
00:37:23.750 --> 00:37:24.560 Mira Brancu: right
00:37:24.760 --> 00:37:25.850 Mira Brancu: to me.
00:37:25.920 --> 00:37:29.390 Mira Brancu: This isn't completely about emotion regulation.
00:37:30.220 --> 00:37:34.899 Mira Brancu: but how she manages not feeling or being in control.
00:37:36.390 --> 00:37:39.270 Mira Brancu: Tim took control in various ways.
00:37:40.280 --> 00:37:41.889 Mira Brancu: and Sandra decided
00:37:41.990 --> 00:37:43.819 Mira Brancu: she was going to take control back
00:37:43.920 --> 00:37:46.139 Mira Brancu: because she was feeling out of control.
00:37:46.660 --> 00:37:51.499 Mira Brancu: and the way that she decided to take control back was by telling him he needs
00:37:52.110 --> 00:37:55.639 Mira Brancu: to attend to the fact that she's an expert and she's got a Phd.
00:37:57.120 --> 00:38:02.419 Mira Brancu: And she said. Other kind of mean, nasty things, you know
00:38:02.470 --> 00:38:03.720 Mira Brancu: that she didn't mean.
00:38:04.550 --> 00:38:05.610 Mira Brancu: and
00:38:06.110 --> 00:38:09.210 Mira Brancu: her words may or may not actually do anything.
00:38:09.690 --> 00:38:11.620 Mira Brancu: It may not have changed a thing.
00:38:12.070 --> 00:38:13.399 Mira Brancu: and in fact.
00:38:14.720 --> 00:38:17.300 Mira Brancu: she was so annoyed at her response
00:38:17.390 --> 00:38:22.769 Mira Brancu: that her attempt at taking control led her to feeling less in control.
00:38:23.200 --> 00:38:28.360 Mira Brancu: This is what she truly meant about emotion, regulation. She wanted to feel in control.
00:38:28.930 --> 00:38:39.579 Mira Brancu: and in that situation she did not feel in control, and the thing that she did to try to gain control backfired on her because she really didn't like how she presented
00:38:39.820 --> 00:38:41.529 Mira Brancu: and how she felt after that.
00:38:42.230 --> 00:38:43.100 Mira Brancu: Okay.
00:38:44.290 --> 00:38:48.710 Mira Brancu: now that we've dissected that, let's move on to what she could have done differently.
00:38:50.070 --> 00:38:53.370 Mira Brancu: Here's where I differ from many coaching
00:38:55.010 --> 00:38:56.820 Mira Brancu: coaches and psychologists.
00:38:57.860 --> 00:39:00.680 Mira Brancu: Once people have insight into their behaviors.
00:39:00.780 --> 00:39:02.719 Mira Brancu: they need to do something with that
00:39:03.550 --> 00:39:05.390 Mira Brancu: insight isn't enough.
00:39:05.700 --> 00:39:10.440 Mira Brancu: Some coaches, some psychologists stop at insight. Now you have insight. Now you know what to do.
00:39:10.690 --> 00:39:12.623 Mira Brancu: I'm not. I'm not convinced
00:39:13.340 --> 00:39:14.829 Mira Brancu: I'm a behavioralist.
00:39:15.060 --> 00:39:16.530 Mira Brancu: So I feel like
00:39:16.920 --> 00:39:19.980 Mira Brancu: changing our bad habits that hurt us.
00:39:20.490 --> 00:39:28.970 Mira Brancu: That's the meat. That's where the growth happens. That's the challenge. We have many bad habits that we keep repeating over and over again, they're really hard to change.
00:39:29.340 --> 00:39:31.310 Mira Brancu: Some of them are so small
00:39:31.840 --> 00:39:39.679 Mira Brancu: but so massive in their impact. So I focus on what are the tiniest little habits that you can change, that have a massive impact.
00:39:39.750 --> 00:39:41.199 Mira Brancu: That's my interest.
00:39:42.070 --> 00:39:48.220 Mira Brancu: So it doesn't have to require deep empathy or some complex intervention. It can be simple
00:39:48.570 --> 00:39:49.970 Mira Brancu: and practical
00:39:50.430 --> 00:39:52.799 Mira Brancu: as long as you practice it. Okay.
00:39:53.060 --> 00:39:56.339 Mira Brancu: so here's what we discussed as next steps.
00:39:56.530 --> 00:39:57.330 Mira Brancu: First, st
00:39:58.620 --> 00:40:01.200 Mira Brancu: I explored with her all of the different
00:40:01.540 --> 00:40:04.039 Mira Brancu: work and leadership styles like I mentioned
00:40:04.460 --> 00:40:06.529 Mira Brancu: their fears and motivations.
00:40:07.000 --> 00:40:11.030 Mira Brancu: and our next step is to help her respond in different ways to different styles.
00:40:12.250 --> 00:40:18.190 Mira Brancu: Okay, we don't have nearly enough time on the show to talk about that. But I described some of those styles.
00:40:18.610 --> 00:40:35.440 Mira Brancu: and when I work with clients I will dig into helping people understand different styles, different motivations, different fears, fears that each style has, and how to help and understand different styles and how to work with those styles to minimize conflict. And just better understand people and yourself.
00:40:35.510 --> 00:40:37.910 Mira Brancu: Okay? So we we did some of that.
00:40:38.420 --> 00:40:39.260 Mira Brancu: Second.
00:40:39.960 --> 00:40:43.169 Mira Brancu: I asked her to think about how she wants to feel
00:40:44.070 --> 00:40:45.570 Mira Brancu: and what message
00:40:45.870 --> 00:40:47.370 Mira Brancu: she wants to convey
00:40:47.530 --> 00:40:49.879 Mira Brancu: the next time she is in the situation.
00:40:50.870 --> 00:40:52.459 Mira Brancu: Do you want to feel calm.
00:40:53.040 --> 00:40:54.110 Mira Brancu: kind.
00:40:54.310 --> 00:40:55.500 Mira Brancu: powerful.
00:40:55.780 --> 00:40:56.840 Mira Brancu: clear.
00:40:57.530 --> 00:41:03.010 Mira Brancu: What conveys the kind of emotional regulation you want to experience
00:41:03.120 --> 00:41:04.320 Mira Brancu: for yourself.
00:41:04.550 --> 00:41:07.910 Mira Brancu: and you want others to receive from you.
00:41:09.850 --> 00:41:12.470 Mira Brancu: So I asked her to write these words down.
00:41:13.180 --> 00:41:14.560 Mira Brancu: Each time
00:41:15.560 --> 00:41:20.070 Mira Brancu: she knows she will have a challenging conversation.
00:41:21.510 --> 00:41:23.830 Mira Brancu: I asked her to
00:41:23.980 --> 00:41:27.940 Mira Brancu: take 1 min right before she enters that conversation.
00:41:28.350 --> 00:41:33.449 Mira Brancu: write down her words on a pad of paper. Sometimes it could change, based on situation.
00:41:34.330 --> 00:41:37.660 Mira Brancu: and put that pad of paper in front of her within sight.
00:41:38.070 --> 00:41:41.910 Mira Brancu: so she can keep looking down and reminding herself.
00:41:42.870 --> 00:41:44.150 Mira Brancu: I am calm.
00:41:45.490 --> 00:41:46.440 Mira Brancu: kind.
00:41:46.990 --> 00:41:48.160 Mira Brancu: powerful.
00:41:48.390 --> 00:41:50.080 Mira Brancu: clear. For example.
00:41:50.390 --> 00:41:51.939 Mira Brancu: I'm going to portray
00:41:52.190 --> 00:41:53.560 Mira Brancu: feeling calm.
00:41:54.220 --> 00:41:56.770 Mira Brancu: I'm going to portray being kind.
00:41:57.400 --> 00:42:01.009 Mira Brancu: I'm going to experience feeling powerful.
00:42:01.420 --> 00:42:02.610 Mira Brancu: I'm going
00:42:02.670 --> 00:42:03.959 Mira Brancu: to be clear
00:42:05.510 --> 00:42:07.240 Mira Brancu: and just keep looking at that
00:42:07.340 --> 00:42:12.310 Mira Brancu: because it's the intention that you set. That helps you sort of calm down
00:42:13.640 --> 00:42:18.220 Mira Brancu: the activating threat response. That's the amygdala in the brain.
00:42:18.840 --> 00:42:22.160 Mira Brancu: Right? That's the threat response. It helps you calm it down
00:42:22.450 --> 00:42:24.159 Mira Brancu: and get back online
00:42:24.350 --> 00:42:26.249 Mira Brancu: to starting to feel
00:42:27.220 --> 00:42:29.310 Mira Brancu: some level of control
00:42:29.390 --> 00:42:30.710 Mira Brancu: of your intention.
00:42:31.400 --> 00:42:32.230 Mira Brancu: Okay?
00:42:33.520 --> 00:42:34.390 Mira Brancu: 3.
00:42:35.030 --> 00:42:36.649 Mira Brancu: In an ideal world.
00:42:37.360 --> 00:42:40.389 Mira Brancu: If she's able to track down how she's feeling
00:42:41.540 --> 00:42:45.179 Mira Brancu: and whether she's having a particularly stressful day.
00:42:45.480 --> 00:42:48.480 Mira Brancu: I want her to consider rescheduling
00:42:48.850 --> 00:42:53.399 Mira Brancu: an important conversation that will require more emotion regulation on her part.
00:42:53.440 --> 00:42:55.929 Mira Brancu: then she might be able to offer herself.
00:42:57.450 --> 00:43:06.540 Mira Brancu: If your coping resources are depleted, and you recognize that by the end of the day, or by the time you have that meeting. It isn't the best time to have that high stakes discussion.
00:43:07.100 --> 00:43:08.739 Mira Brancu: Can you reschedule it?
00:43:09.210 --> 00:43:11.029 Mira Brancu: Can you say, hey?
00:43:11.690 --> 00:43:15.119 Mira Brancu: Something came up. I'd love to reschedule this if you can.
00:43:15.460 --> 00:43:29.440 Mira Brancu: That would be an ideal situation, so that you find a different time, a different day, where you might be a little bit more at your best self, with better coping resources available to you, so that you're not pulling out
00:43:30.320 --> 00:43:32.039 Mira Brancu: those at your worst
00:43:32.170 --> 00:43:36.670 Mira Brancu: situations right? The opposite of your strengths, the over digging your strengths.
00:43:37.290 --> 00:43:39.620 Mira Brancu: Now, finally, Number 4,
00:43:40.460 --> 00:43:45.790 Mira Brancu: I asked her to generate a few open-ended questions that she can ask in the moment
00:43:46.410 --> 00:43:50.199 Mira Brancu: to buy herself some time when she's feeling her temperature rising.
00:43:51.250 --> 00:43:53.590 Mira Brancu: asking open-ended questions.
00:43:53.820 --> 00:43:59.480 Mira Brancu: instead of making statements or closed-ended pointed questions, buys you time in the moment.
00:44:00.460 --> 00:44:06.489 Mira Brancu: And again, when your amygdala is firing, when you're activated, when you're feeling stressed.
00:44:06.660 --> 00:44:10.119 Mira Brancu: whatever small amount of time that you can buy
00:44:10.460 --> 00:44:14.350 Mira Brancu: to sort of calm, that reaction, the threat response.
00:44:14.770 --> 00:44:15.890 Mira Brancu: does help.
00:44:16.250 --> 00:44:17.610 Mira Brancu: So, for example.
00:44:17.800 --> 00:44:19.400 Mira Brancu: she can think about like
00:44:19.440 --> 00:44:22.780 Mira Brancu: asking, what other options can we consider
00:44:23.500 --> 00:44:25.490 Mira Brancu: what led to this situation?
00:44:25.850 --> 00:44:27.640 Mira Brancu: What led to this decision.
00:44:27.960 --> 00:44:30.259 Mira Brancu: how? How can we better align around this
00:44:31.520 --> 00:44:35.890 Mira Brancu: now closed-ended questions and pointed questions? Are things like, Why did you do that?
00:44:35.930 --> 00:44:37.540 Mira Brancu: Is this really what you want.
00:44:38.050 --> 00:44:46.859 Mira Brancu: It puts people on the defensive and invites a threat response from them. So that is not what I wanted from her. I wanted her to think about some questions
00:44:48.270 --> 00:44:49.390 Mira Brancu: that could
00:44:49.510 --> 00:44:50.939 Mira Brancu: by her time.
00:44:51.090 --> 00:44:54.330 Mira Brancu: but in a way that opens up the conversation
00:44:54.490 --> 00:44:58.350 Mira Brancu: and brings more information in, without shutting the other person down
00:44:58.410 --> 00:45:03.850 Mira Brancu: and helping her regulate a little bit more her own threat response.
00:45:04.550 --> 00:45:10.269 Mira Brancu: so that she can start thinking about like, how do I feel in the situation. What do I want to do with this situation?
00:45:11.430 --> 00:45:12.240 Mira Brancu: Okay?
00:45:13.050 --> 00:45:14.030 Mira Brancu: So
00:45:15.520 --> 00:45:17.240 Mira Brancu: that's what we talked about.
00:45:17.430 --> 00:45:18.620 Mira Brancu: Number one.
00:45:19.920 --> 00:45:23.960 Mira Brancu: understanding different work styles different threat responses. Right?
00:45:24.760 --> 00:45:25.660 Mira Brancu: 2.
00:45:26.290 --> 00:45:33.549 Mira Brancu: Think about what message she wants to convey, and writing down those words right in front of her to have her it in front of her
00:45:34.000 --> 00:45:34.910 Mira Brancu: 3
00:45:35.980 --> 00:45:38.270 Mira Brancu: tracking. How she's feeling that day.
00:45:38.590 --> 00:45:41.220 Mira Brancu: Is it a particularly high stress day?
00:45:41.320 --> 00:45:43.410 Mira Brancu: Can she reschedule.
00:45:43.560 --> 00:45:45.579 Mira Brancu: if not 4,
00:45:46.020 --> 00:45:51.190 Mira Brancu: write down and use open-ended questions to buy herself time in the moment.
00:45:51.390 --> 00:45:52.699 Mira Brancu: all of this
00:45:53.000 --> 00:45:53.900 Mira Brancu: helps
00:45:54.470 --> 00:45:55.900 Mira Brancu: create some space
00:45:56.410 --> 00:45:57.740 Mira Brancu: between you
00:45:57.790 --> 00:46:00.429 Mira Brancu: and your threat response. And
00:46:00.760 --> 00:46:03.570 Mira Brancu: how you actually want to choose to respond.
00:46:04.770 --> 00:46:06.290 Mira Brancu: Okay, so
00:46:06.820 --> 00:46:08.450 Mira Brancu: we're reaching an ad break.
00:46:08.550 --> 00:46:11.279 Mira Brancu: When we come back we'll recap.
00:46:11.830 --> 00:46:14.350 Mira Brancu: We'll think about how this might apply to you.
00:46:15.090 --> 00:46:17.860 Mira Brancu: how it might apply to other situations in your life
00:46:18.550 --> 00:46:19.689 Mira Brancu: and really
00:46:19.850 --> 00:46:20.859 Mira Brancu: close it out.
00:46:20.970 --> 00:46:28.609 Mira Brancu: Okay, you're listening to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branco. You can find us on Linkedin at
00:46:28.890 --> 00:46:32.560 Mira Brancu: Talkradio, Dot, Nyc. Or Mirbronku. If you have any
00:46:32.670 --> 00:46:35.390 Mira Brancu: additional comments, questions.
00:46:35.540 --> 00:46:36.949 Mira Brancu: thoughts to add
00:46:37.180 --> 00:46:40.910 Mira Brancu: recommendations. In addition to the 4 I already mentioned.
00:46:41.620 --> 00:46:47.310 Mira Brancu: please share them, and I'll respond to them in real time. Otherwise we'll be right back in just a moment.
00:48:51.520 --> 00:49:08.670 Mira Brancu: Welcome welcome back to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branco. So we've been talking today about a client situation where they were wondering, how do I better emotionally regulate when I'm stressed out, frustrated with
00:49:08.810 --> 00:49:12.110 Mira Brancu: somebody I'm in a meeting with, or somebody. Something happened at work.
00:49:13.340 --> 00:49:27.410 Mira Brancu: and the way that I broke it down is that sometimes these responses are not just about emotion regulation. They're also about like how we manage various situations when we want to feel like we're in control.
00:49:27.630 --> 00:49:39.999 Mira Brancu: And we're not feeling like we're in control, right? We might be great at emotion regulation most of the time. But there are certain situations that feel like our control has been taken away, or like we've been
00:49:40.290 --> 00:49:56.200 Mira Brancu: put under a threatful situation. You know, and threatening situation. And even though it's not threatening to somebody else, it might feel that way to you. Right? So what we learned today first, st we learned 3 types of responses
00:49:56.550 --> 00:49:57.700 Mira Brancu: number one.
00:49:58.160 --> 00:50:04.229 Mira Brancu: That threat response, our threat response is when we feel like we're under threat, even if
00:50:04.760 --> 00:50:08.470 Mira Brancu: we're not under like actual real threat, like, you know
00:50:09.060 --> 00:50:17.680 Mira Brancu: a cyber tooth tiger is not chasing us right now, but we feel under threat because somebody felt threatening to us, and each of us have a different
00:50:17.930 --> 00:50:22.259 Mira Brancu: threat reaction, a different threshold to what we feel is
00:50:22.410 --> 00:50:24.420 Mira Brancu: stressful and and threatening.
00:50:24.550 --> 00:50:27.559 Mira Brancu: and we might have different responses.
00:50:28.250 --> 00:50:35.380 Mira Brancu: and each as a person as well as each individual might have different responses, different situations. So
00:50:35.570 --> 00:50:45.300 Mira Brancu: those threat responses were, fight, flee, freeze, and fawn, and I described how it might look like for different people. It's not always obvious. Okay.
00:50:46.690 --> 00:50:51.890 Mira Brancu: then, number 2, second type of response style. It's our work
00:50:52.120 --> 00:50:54.330 Mira Brancu: or leadership style.
00:50:54.530 --> 00:51:00.060 Mira Brancu: We each have different ways of leaning into our work different ways that we prefer.
00:51:00.200 --> 00:51:05.800 Mira Brancu: And some of those things are massive strengths. It's why we're successful.
00:51:06.620 --> 00:51:08.429 Mira Brancu: right and
00:51:08.810 --> 00:51:11.060 Mira Brancu: every strength.
00:51:11.320 --> 00:51:13.970 Mira Brancu: When you overdo it when you dig in.
00:51:13.980 --> 00:51:16.340 Mira Brancu: or when you become complacent.
00:51:16.790 --> 00:51:19.609 Mira Brancu: and you're not monitoring yourself.
00:51:19.660 --> 00:51:23.680 Mira Brancu: can become a liability. It could be your shadow side.
00:51:24.340 --> 00:51:26.290 Mira Brancu: Do you know what your strengths are.
00:51:26.800 --> 00:51:31.960 Mira Brancu: Do you know what the shadow side is to overdoing those strengths? If not.
00:51:32.400 --> 00:51:34.879 Mira Brancu: I strongly, strongly recommend
00:51:35.080 --> 00:51:36.600 Mira Brancu: that you start
00:51:36.690 --> 00:51:55.559 Mira Brancu: doing some self awareness and self development work. It could be done through assessments, coaching, therapy, asking friends, and supervisors and mentors for feedback. I have done all of these things in order to get my, you know, to understand myself better. And I recommend it to all of my clients. Okay.
00:51:55.720 --> 00:51:56.490 Mira Brancu: so
00:51:56.780 --> 00:51:58.060 Mira Brancu: threat response.
00:51:58.450 --> 00:52:00.359 Mira Brancu: your work style response.
00:52:00.370 --> 00:52:04.219 Mira Brancu: The last type of response we talked about was the stress response.
00:52:05.160 --> 00:52:08.180 Mira Brancu: When do you know you're stressed out?
00:52:08.460 --> 00:52:09.780 Mira Brancu: Can you tell?
00:52:10.520 --> 00:52:11.700 Mira Brancu: How do you know?
00:52:11.990 --> 00:52:13.330 Mira Brancu: What does it look like?
00:52:13.940 --> 00:52:17.329 Mira Brancu: I will tell you that people who are
00:52:17.620 --> 00:52:19.080 Mira Brancu: usually
00:52:19.130 --> 00:52:22.950 Mira Brancu: like Sandra, calm under pressure
00:52:23.340 --> 00:52:25.270 Mira Brancu: can handle a lot
00:52:25.820 --> 00:52:28.010 Mira Brancu: are most of the time
00:52:28.730 --> 00:52:29.990 Mira Brancu: unfazed.
00:52:30.370 --> 00:52:32.060 Mira Brancu: cool as a cucumber
00:52:32.180 --> 00:52:34.960 Mira Brancu: can manage crises amazingly well.
00:52:35.570 --> 00:52:38.530 Mira Brancu: Those are also the same people
00:52:39.250 --> 00:52:40.850 Mira Brancu: that are shocked
00:52:40.980 --> 00:52:43.529 Mira Brancu: when all of a sudden they let loose
00:52:43.940 --> 00:52:47.649 Mira Brancu: on somebody, and they weren't expecting it because
00:52:47.930 --> 00:52:53.859 Mira Brancu: they are less likely to attend to their stress response because most of the time they're not stressed out.
00:52:54.190 --> 00:52:57.129 Mira Brancu: So they're going to go about their lives
00:52:57.490 --> 00:53:10.279 Mira Brancu: chill, cute, cool as a cucumber, not even paying attention to when they're stressed out. And sometimes it. It's those people that really need more help figuring out?
00:53:11.641 --> 00:53:19.820 Mira Brancu: When am I actually stressed? What does that look like? What are those situations that deplete my coping resources and coping skills
00:53:20.080 --> 00:53:24.450 Mira Brancu: and knowing that and being able to track and catch it soon
00:53:24.970 --> 00:53:27.470 Mira Brancu: and having a system to be able to do that.
00:53:27.650 --> 00:53:32.579 Mira Brancu: Okay, so those are the 3 types of responses. We talked about threat.
00:53:33.040 --> 00:53:34.200 Mira Brancu: response
00:53:34.780 --> 00:53:38.910 Mira Brancu: work, style or leadership style responses and stress response.
00:53:40.190 --> 00:53:44.340 Mira Brancu: And we talked about 4 steps to intervene. Okay.
00:53:44.600 --> 00:53:45.720 Mira Brancu: step one.
00:53:45.900 --> 00:53:47.799 Mira Brancu: Understand yourself and others.
00:53:48.140 --> 00:53:51.119 Mira Brancu: How might your styles and preferences clash?
00:53:51.640 --> 00:53:58.040 Mira Brancu: How can you leverage complementary strengths and styles? How can you meet somebody where they're at
00:53:58.200 --> 00:53:59.670 Mira Brancu: instead of pushing
00:54:00.020 --> 00:54:03.060 Mira Brancu: them or pulling them to where you are.
00:54:03.250 --> 00:54:09.420 Mira Brancu: How can you address and identify when they're also having a stress response? Right?
00:54:10.400 --> 00:54:13.300 Mira Brancu: So understand yourself and others. 2
00:54:13.690 --> 00:54:15.860 Mira Brancu: create emotion intentions.
00:54:16.450 --> 00:54:17.999 Mira Brancu: How do you want to feel
00:54:18.930 --> 00:54:21.320 Mira Brancu: and create the environment around you?
00:54:21.880 --> 00:54:25.700 Mira Brancu: Make that intention before you enter a stressful
00:54:26.680 --> 00:54:33.049 Mira Brancu: or high stakes conversation. If the conversation is important to you, if you think it's going to be a little tense.
00:54:33.100 --> 00:54:36.079 Mira Brancu: create an emotion intention, and write it down
00:54:36.480 --> 00:54:37.410 Mira Brancu: 3
00:54:37.830 --> 00:54:43.669 Mira Brancu: schedule or reschedule high stakes conversations for a time that you can be at your best.
00:54:44.930 --> 00:54:48.960 Mira Brancu: and 4. Use open-ended questions
00:54:48.990 --> 00:54:50.780 Mira Brancu: to buy yourself time.
00:54:52.070 --> 00:54:58.089 Mira Brancu: Okay? So those are the 4 steps that I recommend. Now let's go back to emotion regulation for a second.
00:54:58.210 --> 00:55:00.539 Mira Brancu: The point of emotion regulation
00:55:00.730 --> 00:55:02.780 Mira Brancu: is that you do it well.
00:55:02.900 --> 00:55:09.800 Mira Brancu: and to do it well, you must 1st be good at identifying and labeling your emotions in the moment.
00:55:09.960 --> 00:55:14.039 Mira Brancu: People who have a hard time doing this are more likely to react in ways
00:55:14.070 --> 00:55:16.409 Mira Brancu: that feels surprising and unexpected.
00:55:17.550 --> 00:55:23.329 Mira Brancu: I will say that people who have learned to numb their feelings and squash them down and ignore them
00:55:23.470 --> 00:55:31.929 Mira Brancu: who have been invalidated or dismissed for their emotions, who have been psychologically or emotionally abused, or have traumatic experiences?
00:55:31.960 --> 00:55:37.089 Mira Brancu: Do you have a harder time identifying, labeling and even trusting their emotions. And if that's you.
00:55:37.340 --> 00:55:45.849 Mira Brancu: make sure to seek out a therapist who can help you learn how to get better. At this I promise it's worth it to learn how to listen to your inner self.
00:55:46.970 --> 00:55:50.489 Mira Brancu: Okay, there is lots more I can say on this. But in essence.
00:55:50.670 --> 00:56:05.860 Mira Brancu: when you can identify your emotions, especially feeling stressed out or under threat, you are more likely to have options, and the options I shared can help you slow down. Take a breath by a few seconds, which is all you need to minimize the likelihood of making an impulsive
00:56:05.870 --> 00:56:07.569 Mira Brancu: or destructive response.
00:56:08.280 --> 00:56:22.420 Mira Brancu: Instead, Sandra can look at her list, remind herself she wants to portray a calm, polite collaborator. Say, Tim, I appreciate that you feel your hands are tied. What options do we have, and it will buy her just enough time.
00:56:24.020 --> 00:56:25.080 Mira Brancu: Okay.
00:56:25.340 --> 00:56:31.630 Mira Brancu: do you want to keep learning and growing with me? Look out for the millennials, workbook for workplace politics coming out soon.
00:56:31.880 --> 00:56:37.410 Mira Brancu: I'm a leadership, consulting and coaching psychologist and founder of towerscope and towerscope Leadership Academy.
00:56:37.510 --> 00:56:50.769 Mira Brancu: The stuff we talk about is also part of our private coaching and learning community for socially conscious growth, oriented high achieving leaders in disrupted industries, looking to find their leadership path and make a greater impact.
00:56:51.560 --> 00:57:01.370 Mira Brancu: You can learn all about us@www.go towerscope.com, and click on Leadership Academy or click around for our other services.
00:57:01.700 --> 00:57:08.789 Mira Brancu: In addition to being a live show, we're on itunes and spotify and apple podcasts and everywhere. So please
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00:57:16.080 --> 00:57:27.630 Mira Brancu: Thank you to talkradio, dot Nyc. For hosting. I'm Dr. Mira Branco, your host of the Hard Skills show. Have a great rest of your day wherever you're tuning in from. Thank you all. Take care, bye, all.
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