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EPISODE SUMMARY:
The audience will learn about the traumatic journey undertaken by Janet Sherlund which she writes about in her book Abandoned At Birth. She talks about her adoption and the process of searching for her own identity. Her book illustrates perfectly the subheading: "Searching for the Arms That Once Held Me.
In Abandoned at Birth, Janet Sherlund explores the inherent need adopted children have for a sense of belonging and the pain and courage that is required to discover their true identity. Janet Sherlund will explore with Karen and I the complex issues so many adoptees and their parents deal with including the emotions of rejection, loss, grief, denial and shame. The book reveals the pain and courage required to discover one's true identity. In honor of Mental Health Awareness month, I bring Karen Ross to co host this in-depth discussion of Janet's story. The intention is to provide a pathway to others who are seeking the answers to those same questions that develop when you are a child of adoption.
Website: https://www.fairwindscenter.org/staff/janet Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/janetsherlundofficial/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/people/Janet-Sherlund/61554866087004/
#adoption #trauma #abandonedatbirth
Tune in for this healthy conversation at TalkRadio.nyc
Frank is joined by his co-host Karen Ross and his guest Janet Sherlund. Together they will be celebrating Mental Health Awareness month by exploring Janet's powerful story about being abandoned at birth. Karen introduces Janet and discusses her book Abandoned At Birth and how it moved Frank to tears. Janet explains the facts about adoption in America and touches on her story about being adopted at birth and how it led to her struggle of identity. Janet touches on the seven core issues that impact anyone that has been adopted. She also talks about the shame of adoption that was prevalent when she was growing up in the 50s.
Frank highlights the effects of mental health for children who have been in the adoption process. He asks Janet about meeting her birth father and wonders if meeting her biological father later on in life cured her feelings of abandonment. Janet talks about adoptees having an everlasting feeling of an empty black hole in their core. She explains that one feels like something is missing. She adds that when she met her father it completely filled up. Frank mentions Janet meeting her mother for the first time and getting a very different reaction than from her father. Janet understood that it was from the shame that she could never let go of. She dedicated her book to her siblings for the connection she was able to make with them.
Karen shares her personal story and how her nephew was adopted into a family that already has four biological children. Karen’s nephew was raised to feel loved and equal, but it didn’t stop her nephew from suffering from challenges that stem from being adopted. Karen asks Janet to elaborate on the common threads that an adopted child feels. There’s a certain pain that an adoptee goes through that love cannot fix. Janet explains that learning about her biological family would have helped her overcome her pain. She discusses an unhealthy coping mechanism she adopted to ensure her place in the family. Before the commercial break, Janet discusses her time and college and how she had an emotional break.
Karen asks Janet what steps should an adoptee take if they live in one of the forty states that don’t allow adopted children to find their biological parents. Janet suggests finding support groups that focus on adoptees.
00:00:52.360 --> 00:01:22.339 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Hey, everybody, and welcome to a new episode of Frank about health. It is May sixteenth, 2024. We are live from the Hilton, Chicago, at the magnificent mile, and I'm here with my co-host, Karen Ross. We are celebrating another aspect of May, which is mental health Awareness Month. But in this particular example, we're not gonna talk about just mental health awareness. We're gonna be talking about a very powerful story on adoption trauma. And the search for one's identity
00:01:22.730 --> 00:01:27.780 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: based on the current guest and author of the book abandoned at birth.
00:01:27.910 --> 00:01:34.489 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: We're going to have a lot of details about that book, that story and all the mental health issues. But
00:01:34.530 --> 00:01:37.270 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: I need to issue a general disclaimer.
00:01:37.380 --> 00:01:44.850 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Unlike my other shows. When I talk about, you know medical issues where you can go out and find the appropriate treatments or solutions.
00:01:44.860 --> 00:01:53.050 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: This is about hearing a story of a woman who had mental health issues surrounding her search for where she came from.
00:01:53.170 --> 00:02:20.930 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: So we're not issuing a disclaimer that warrants you to question what we say today as opinions or thoughts that you need to speak to your doctor about. However, you will hear from Karen later on in the show about some legal aspects. So there's where my disclaimer applies. Keep in mind. These are facts that have been provided to us in the research of this particular show, and therefore we're only quoting them back. We're not here to argue them or create any kind of litigate the litigative
00:02:20.930 --> 00:02:25.019 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: situation. So they're not the views of talk radio Nyc.
00:02:25.020 --> 00:02:33.070 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Or a Frank about health, or of Karen Ross now, or of our special guest today, which, Karen, I will let you do the honors to introduce.
00:02:33.260 --> 00:02:36.120 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Wonderful! Thank you, Frank. It's great to be back.
00:02:36.290 --> 00:02:54.039 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: and I'm honored to introduce Janet, and thank you so much for joining us. This book is a real page, Turner. No question about that. And Frank even admitted to the fact that it brought tears to his eyes. It'll look to the throat. So there's no question that people want to read this.
00:02:54.120 --> 00:03:18.969 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: even if they haven't been adopted or don't know someone who has been, they probably will. I love the subtitle of the book after abandoned at birth, searching for the arms that once held me. I mean that in itself is a grabber. We want to talk about some of the facts and figures and laws and obstacles, and so on. And we're gonna do that upfront to kind of get it out of the way.
00:03:18.970 --> 00:03:29.789 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: way, because we really want to spend a lot of time for you to share your compelling story. So let me just introduce everybody to Janet Sherland.
00:03:29.850 --> 00:03:32.630 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: who was adopted at birth.
00:03:32.730 --> 00:03:54.050 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: And can we start out by sharing some of these facts about adoption today in our country. And just see what kind of position we're in. And has it changed, or is it the same for years and years. Share some of the most interesting and impacting facts about that with us, please.
00:03:54.240 --> 00:03:58.250 Janet Sherlund: Hi, well, Hi, Karen and Frank, and it's been. It's a pleasure to be here. Thank you.
00:03:58.410 --> 00:04:11.290 Janet Sherlund: There are 5 million adoptees in the United States today, and many more. Of course, in the Foster care system, adoption has changed a lot from when I was adopted in the 1950 S.
00:04:11.300 --> 00:04:17.940 Janet Sherlund: And I don't have personal experience with current forms of adoption. They're more open adoptions now.
00:04:18.209 --> 00:04:21.120 Janet Sherlund: But still the struggle for identity
00:04:21.269 --> 00:04:24.969 Janet Sherlund: exists in in every form of adoption.
00:04:25.000 --> 00:04:34.129 Janet Sherlund: Most of the information we hear culturally and socially about adoption centers on the birth or adoptive parents.
00:04:34.290 --> 00:04:35.410 Janet Sherlund: We both.
00:04:35.700 --> 00:04:47.789 Janet Sherlund: We talk about their wants and needs adoptive parents who want children or birth, parents who can't keep children or no one in their family can keep children. They need to to give them away.
00:04:47.930 --> 00:04:57.579 Janet Sherlund: We talk about their morality. We may judge birth parents who can't keep their children, and we grant sane hood to adopt the parents who adopt children.
00:04:57.910 --> 00:05:02.450 Janet Sherlund: But in those conversations the adoptee is not being thought of.
00:05:02.470 --> 00:05:10.470 Janet Sherlund: What does a human being need to grow into a intact, healthy, whole, integrated human being?
00:05:10.890 --> 00:05:18.610 Janet Sherlund: Well, one of the primary things they need is to have a connection to their heritage, their biological heritage, and their and and
00:05:18.900 --> 00:05:20.989 Janet Sherlund: the social heritage.
00:05:21.140 --> 00:05:25.879 Janet Sherlund: They need to know who they are, where they came from, and their story of origin.
00:05:26.090 --> 00:05:32.890 Janet Sherlund: They need to see themselves mirrored in other people. And and when you're adopted that's taken from you.
00:05:33.400 --> 00:05:39.020 Janet Sherlund: those of us that were adopted in the fifties, sixties, and seventies, which they call the baby scoop era.
00:05:39.280 --> 00:05:49.189 Janet Sherlund: Our adoptions were usually sealed, completely sealed. All the information about it is sealed, and in 40 States still, today our records are sealed.
00:05:49.230 --> 00:05:59.150 Janet Sherlund: So I'm in my sixties. My birth parents and adopted parents have passed away. The State of New Jersey, where I was adopted. Still, says Nope, you can't know who you really are.
00:05:59.550 --> 00:06:05.189 Janet Sherlund: and it's it's pretty crazy. So I think that
00:06:05.290 --> 00:06:06.380 Janet Sherlund: that the
00:06:07.380 --> 00:06:28.429 Janet Sherlund: adoption has changed. There are more open adoptions now than there were, but the fact is that many of us, many of us who are born in those decades still live, and are still being told by government agencies that you don't have the birth right, that everyone should have to know who you really are and where you come from.
00:06:28.880 --> 00:06:47.149 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Will you state that the there are a classic 7 core issues that impact anyone who's been adopted and that hasn't changed in all those years. Can you just touch on some of the? We may not be able to talk about all 7. But what are the most
00:06:47.300 --> 00:06:48.530 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: important.
00:06:48.740 --> 00:06:57.379 Janet Sherlund: Well, I I think that there's such a sense of, and I'm not going to be citing the you know the the list, and that's in the the sort of sociological books. But
00:06:58.530 --> 00:07:00.010 Janet Sherlund: There is just
00:07:00.080 --> 00:07:23.490 Janet Sherlund: in innate sense of grief and loss when you are separated from your birth, mother. And that happens also with babies who are taken to put in an incubator for an extended period. There's a real trauma. Babies in utero are not blank slates, and in utero we we certainly know well now that you hear your mother's voice and you you know her rhythms. And you
00:07:23.600 --> 00:07:26.209 Janet Sherlund: you're literally, biologically a part of her.
00:07:26.250 --> 00:07:29.299 Janet Sherlund: So to go from that, and then the the trauma of birth.
00:07:29.310 --> 00:07:41.040 Janet Sherlund: And if you're it's it's very important for a newborn to be connected after birth with their biological mother, it gives them a sense of security and safety. Now, this is what they know
00:07:41.170 --> 00:07:50.000 Janet Sherlund: when you are separated from that, either by being put in an incubator or for those of us adoptees taken away from your biological origins
00:07:50.540 --> 00:07:52.849 Janet Sherlund: and handed to strangers.
00:07:53.370 --> 00:07:54.860 Janet Sherlund: you feel that.
00:07:55.100 --> 00:07:59.530 Janet Sherlund: But as an infant. You don't have words to process it. You don't have language yet.
00:07:59.600 --> 00:08:08.769 Janet Sherlund: so you are not when you can't recall it later in life, because you didn't have words but for any of us. If I said to each of you
00:08:08.840 --> 00:08:12.809 Janet Sherlund: tonight, you're going to go live with that family down the street
00:08:12.850 --> 00:08:23.379 Janet Sherlund: people you've never met before. You know anything about them. You're gonna go live with them. Guess what? They're really nice. They're gonna take good care of you. And they're gonna really love you and give you a good life. But
00:08:23.990 --> 00:08:26.169 Janet Sherlund: you know they'll probably change your name and
00:08:26.682 --> 00:08:28.210 Janet Sherlund: and you're gonna go.
00:08:28.530 --> 00:08:33.109 Janet Sherlund: Wait a minute. I don't want to go live with some strangers that's gonna feel really uncomfortable and strange.
00:08:33.250 --> 00:08:43.940 Janet Sherlund: But we do that to infants who have no way of dealing with that, or or or understanding what they're going through. But it's trauma you're handed to strangers who smell different and sound different
00:08:43.990 --> 00:08:46.379 Janet Sherlund: and respond you differently. And
00:08:46.430 --> 00:08:49.499 Janet Sherlund: that detachment that that sense of.
00:08:49.650 --> 00:08:59.080 Janet Sherlund: First of all, there's grief and loss like where is where is the sounds and the smells and the familiar sense that I had for the past 9 months. And
00:08:59.110 --> 00:09:01.334 Janet Sherlund: and now there's a
00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:03.810 Janet Sherlund: a biological
00:09:03.820 --> 00:09:12.469 Janet Sherlund: feeling of separateness for Adoptees that even if you're in a wonderful home with parents who adopted parents who love you, and that's wonderful
00:09:12.810 --> 00:09:19.819 Janet Sherlund: that can't make up for the trauma of having been given away and rejected by your family of origin.
00:09:20.070 --> 00:09:28.100 Janet Sherlund: and 2 things can be true at once. You can be in a perfectly happy placement, and still have been traumatized by adoption.
00:09:28.450 --> 00:09:38.619 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Absolutely well. You talk about the separation from the biological mother, and we can all relate to how traumatic that can be.
00:09:38.880 --> 00:09:46.639 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: What about later in life, when one decides to seek out their biological mother. What about the biological father?
00:09:46.760 --> 00:09:57.439 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: It what comes into play there in terms of an adoptee, did they place a similar importance less? What have you found in that regard?
00:09:57.440 --> 00:09:58.810 Janet Sherlund: I think you know
00:09:58.820 --> 00:10:02.430 Janet Sherlund: in the past it I think it was less, because
00:10:02.460 --> 00:10:10.439 Janet Sherlund: certainly in the 19 fifties, when I was adopted the father's consent or knowledge wasn't needed at all. My biological father
00:10:10.610 --> 00:10:13.899 Janet Sherlund: discovered at age 75, that he had fathered me.
00:10:13.940 --> 00:10:16.880 Janet Sherlund: He had no idea he had bothered a child.
00:10:16.950 --> 00:10:25.230 Janet Sherlund: and certainly there, they didn't have to sign anything or agree to anything that has changed over the decades. But I think
00:10:25.500 --> 00:10:27.470 Janet Sherlund: many of us who are adopted.
00:10:27.810 --> 00:10:31.860 Janet Sherlund: It's primarily the mother you think about, because she knew that
00:10:31.900 --> 00:10:34.530 Janet Sherlund: she was having. Yeah, she was the one that carried.
00:10:34.530 --> 00:10:35.030 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Yeah.
00:10:35.030 --> 00:10:40.890 Janet Sherlund: Heard her voice. It was that connection. And there's something so primal about that
00:10:40.990 --> 00:10:48.470 Janet Sherlund: connection to the mother. As my, as my husband said, we're talking about my book and and these connections. And he said, You know
00:10:48.940 --> 00:10:54.250 Janet Sherlund: there's a reason why the dying soldier on the battlefield calls out for his mother.
00:10:54.890 --> 00:10:56.400 Janet Sherlund: Well, it is
00:10:56.580 --> 00:10:57.410 Janet Sherlund: primal.
00:10:57.916 --> 00:11:09.700 Janet Sherlund: and there are so many things that we don't have language for or understand in as human beings, that I think animals do better. I give this example of
00:11:09.730 --> 00:11:25.729 Janet Sherlund: a mother penguin looking out over a sea of 2,000 baby penguins, who to us look all I love, and she. So there is something that's that. You just know. I I don't know. It's like cellular, and when you're separated from your blood
00:11:25.870 --> 00:11:33.130 Janet Sherlund: you feel the difference. You may be with perfectly nice people, but you still feel different. Something's off. Something's different. Something's other.
00:11:33.920 --> 00:11:34.500 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: And.
00:11:34.500 --> 00:11:35.689 Janet Sherlund: And when you
00:11:35.880 --> 00:11:37.780 Janet Sherlund: do, you find your blood.
00:11:37.830 --> 00:11:40.680 Janet Sherlund: I, in my experience there is an in
00:11:40.790 --> 00:11:46.210 Janet Sherlund: credible connection. Even if you know nothing about the people that you're standing next to. So
00:11:46.430 --> 00:11:51.670 Janet Sherlund: there is something there that we don't quite understand or talk about.
00:11:52.010 --> 00:12:09.719 Janet Sherlund: but it is almost it's sort of a an existential and emotional historical connections. That that should come into us is this holistic thing that we don't fully have words for. But that is very much a part of belonging and identity. That thread.
00:12:10.630 --> 00:12:15.000 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Can you mention that there are still 40 States where
00:12:15.190 --> 00:12:17.669 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: files are closed?
00:12:18.235 --> 00:12:23.760 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Do you know, if any, if any efforts are being made to change that in those States.
00:12:23.760 --> 00:12:45.162 Janet Sherlund: I think most States. There are probably groups that are are trying to affect that change in each State. I know I was adopted in New Jersey and about I don't know. 10 or 15 years ago there was a movement to open the records there, and I believe it was passed in both the House and the and the Senate in New Jersey, and it was vetoed by our then Governor, Chris Christie.
00:12:46.321 --> 00:12:54.840 Janet Sherlund: who, interestingly enough has an adopted sister, I'm I'm told, but so I think it's been an uphill battle in many States, and
00:12:55.110 --> 00:13:01.429 Janet Sherlund: it I don't. I think, part of the reason is that people don't understand what's going on in the Adoptees life
00:13:01.520 --> 00:13:15.999 Janet Sherlund: again. They about the birth parent and and back in back in my day of adoption. The records were primarily sealed because there was a culture of shame. There was such shame about a woman getting pregnant outside of of marriage.
00:13:16.150 --> 00:13:21.200 Janet Sherlund: and that certainly changed. And and and of course that's very offensive. To think that
00:13:21.490 --> 00:13:23.920 Janet Sherlund: you know the shame of my birth. Mother
00:13:24.440 --> 00:13:25.920 Janet Sherlund: takes precedent
00:13:26.280 --> 00:13:28.990 Janet Sherlund: over my authentic identity.
00:13:29.110 --> 00:13:31.190 Janet Sherlund: You know I'm a grown up.
00:13:31.190 --> 00:13:32.500 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: But I couldn't move.
00:13:32.500 --> 00:13:47.060 Janet Sherlund: And adopt. These are so infolent in infantilized their whole lives. And in most states there is, it comes up frequently as groups really push to open records. And and now I think adoption records is
00:13:47.560 --> 00:13:56.089 Janet Sherlund: the fight is still there. There's still people hanging on to that old culture of shame. And and now there's there's often
00:13:56.510 --> 00:14:03.429 Janet Sherlund: I think, insecurity on the part of adopted parents who don't want their children or the birth parents to be able to find each other.
00:14:03.670 --> 00:14:04.400 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Frightened.
00:14:04.400 --> 00:14:07.570 Janet Sherlund: There, and there's very much an inequity
00:14:07.680 --> 00:14:13.819 Janet Sherlund: in that. Nowadays, especially birth. Parents are often seen as less than
00:14:14.020 --> 00:14:14.849 Janet Sherlund: we never.
00:14:15.811 --> 00:14:39.839 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Ladies and gentlemen, if you have questions as well, we are. Now, this book is what we're gonna learn about in the next segment, including
00:14:40.060 --> 00:14:43.290 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: my questions about what you just mentioned, how to
00:14:43.350 --> 00:14:53.129 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: leading your natural parents. So please stay tuned right here on Frank, about health, on talk, radio, that Nyc. And on the social media that I just mentioned, it will be back to you.
00:17:05.650 --> 00:17:23.480 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Hey, everybody, and welcome back. Now, I just have to say it was very important for us to get all the facts out there about adoption records still being sealed in 40 States about understanding that there is no really looking into consideration for the adoptee as Janet mentioned, and there is also the fact
00:17:23.500 --> 00:17:42.570 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: that when anyone is in utero they have nothing but muscle memory. From the experience of those 9 months, I am sure that triggers the trauma after you've been carded to a new family, whether it's because that's the way it was planned, or if it happened, because of the incubator scenario that was also mentioned.
00:17:42.570 --> 00:17:55.020 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: So there's a lot to be said about mental health in this story, but it does come from one aspect which is simply your DNA. And that's what I wanna understand. First, I wanna first ask you, Janet.
00:17:55.417 --> 00:18:00.870 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: When you met your birth, father, because I know on another show that you did you mentioned you did?
00:18:01.550 --> 00:18:13.029 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: You had a very positive reaction in that. Would you say that a lot of your what would you call it? That feeling of a vacuum or abandonment was recovered.
00:18:13.940 --> 00:18:19.259 Janet Sherlund: Yeah, it was. That was a most amazing experience, something I never could have imagined.
00:18:19.719 --> 00:18:39.080 Janet Sherlund: First, I never imagined meeting my birth, father. It was always again my birth mother that I was thinking about, and I didn't. I did discover at 1 point that my birth father didn't know about me. So I thought, you know, how could this now, old man, who'd never knew about me, have anything meaningful?
00:18:39.587 --> 00:18:49.369 Janet Sherlund: As as far as not emotionally meaningful to me. And yet I wanted to know any medical information I could possibly get from him. So I said, Yeah, go ahead and and find him.
00:18:49.805 --> 00:19:09.639 Janet Sherlund: They did. And when we met and Adoptees often talk about having a big black hole in our middle in our center. It's just it feels like someone took a cookie cutter and just cut this hole out of you, and it's just black and empty and endless. And and it's just how you feel as you go through life. Something's missing, something central and critical is missing from you.
00:19:10.228 --> 00:19:17.329 Janet Sherlund: and we, my husband and I, drive to a a pointed place halfway between our home and my birth father's home.
00:19:17.430 --> 00:19:26.089 Janet Sherlund: and and I'm standing there. I'm panning. I'm so scared I don't know what to expect, and I'm just kind of in a fog.
00:19:26.120 --> 00:19:27.659 Janet Sherlund: and there's suddenly this
00:19:27.710 --> 00:19:40.470 Janet Sherlund: man in front of me, and and I'm holding my coat. It's winter, and I'm holding my coat and clutching it to me, and I'm just sort of freaking out. And all of a sudden their hands over mine. And there's this face looking at me, and these blue eyes looking right into mine.
00:19:40.510 --> 00:19:43.059 Janet Sherlund: And this man is saying, you are, Janet.
00:19:43.530 --> 00:19:46.350 Janet Sherlund: and it was my birthfather. And
00:19:46.977 --> 00:20:00.630 Janet Sherlund: in the moment I didn't know 2 things about the man. I couldn't tell you what his favorite color was, or his address, or anything about him. But in that moment that big black hole filled up like jam shut. Just chunk.
00:20:00.830 --> 00:20:01.719 Janet Sherlund: And I'm like.
00:20:01.900 --> 00:20:09.350 Janet Sherlund: what's going on like, how can this possibly be happening? It was so physical, it was so cellular. It was so.
00:20:09.610 --> 00:20:09.945 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: I.
00:20:10.280 --> 00:20:19.379 Janet Sherlund: The sentence I use is, I finally made sense. Just looking into this man's face and his eyes, I finally made sense. I could see myself.
00:20:20.326 --> 00:20:35.229 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: I would have to say that is the big lesson right there to prove that, at least for those that don't have words yet. When they were just born, that all of your knowledge of where you come from is inherent. It's in your DNA. It's in your biochemistry. So I think
00:20:35.600 --> 00:20:38.729 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: you know, the older we get as we live through life.
00:20:38.750 --> 00:20:49.699 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: the chemistry may slow down a bit, but those messages are forever permanent in the ingrained in your in your memory, in your, in your soul. So, as a result that I think
00:20:49.800 --> 00:21:00.459 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: they don't say that they're really coincidences. It was meant to be, you know. I I guess what I'd like to understand, though, is, how is it so ironic that in the book you mentioned that when you meet your mother.
00:21:00.740 --> 00:21:09.100 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: She was stoic, and she didn't even I mean you were acting accordingly, because you felt enlightened by finally meeting her.
00:21:09.280 --> 00:21:13.989 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: But she was distinctive, and whatever was there shame in.
00:21:14.460 --> 00:21:16.920 Janet Sherlund: She could never get past the shame.
00:21:17.070 --> 00:21:41.339 Janet Sherlund: so she just was stuck there, and she was in such denial, and and the agency even spoke about that in the in the paperwork around my adoption that she was, she was at a greater level of denial than any birth mother they never tell with. So she was an exceptional case. But she could not let me in. She just couldn't let me in, and so she was very stiff around me. And yet what's so interesting, or was interesting to me?
00:21:41.720 --> 00:22:03.190 Janet Sherlund: I learned so much about myself by meeting her, because physically there was such resemblances, and there were traits about myself that I don't necessarily like that I saw in spades and her, and it was like, cautionary tale! That's not an anomaly that could become something. Don't let that in. But but anytime I was around her, which is only a few times
00:22:03.520 --> 00:22:05.490 Janet Sherlund: I physically felt
00:22:06.020 --> 00:22:12.660 Janet Sherlund: comfortable. I physically felt like I am understood. I understand her and my siblings.
00:22:13.008 --> 00:22:16.389 Janet Sherlund: I get it! They get me. I am so relaxed
00:22:16.930 --> 00:22:18.830 Janet Sherlund: physically, cellularly.
00:22:19.110 --> 00:22:31.160 Janet Sherlund: but she just jammed me emotionally and just kept me out. It was the weirdest. It was such a mind trip to to be around her, because how can I be feeling so comfortable, and yet she continually gives me the message that I'm not wanted.
00:22:31.950 --> 00:22:36.370 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Here's the thing that I picked up, and tell me if I was because of the time in the fifties
00:22:36.790 --> 00:22:39.630 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: there was probably shame in being unmarried.
00:22:39.630 --> 00:22:43.160 Janet Sherlund: Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. I mean, it was absolutely, you know not.
00:22:43.490 --> 00:22:48.259 Janet Sherlund: It was just awful for for any young woman to get pregnant and out of marriage. Yeah.
00:22:48.540 --> 00:22:52.569 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Was it pressure from her career? She was involved in politics, right.
00:22:52.570 --> 00:22:59.629 Janet Sherlund: No, no, she was not. She was, you know. She was just out of high school when she got pregnant, so she didn't have any career at that point.
00:23:00.020 --> 00:23:00.960 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Oh, okay.
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:09.639 Janet Sherlund: You know. And then she went on to. She wanted to be a secretary, and eventually went into real estate that no, there was no, nothing political. It was just the times it was.
00:23:09.900 --> 00:23:14.062 Janet Sherlund: you know, and and there are a lot of great books written about the
00:23:14.770 --> 00:23:35.259 Janet Sherlund: What young women went through back then, and it's hard for us in in our this day and age to imagine it. But in that time period there were families that literally wouldn't talk to a daughter again if she got pregnant at a wedlock. They were just literally ostracized from the family for forever. It was a very serious infraction of the you know the social code back then.
00:23:35.270 --> 00:23:36.430 Janet Sherlund: So she was.
00:23:36.540 --> 00:23:38.289 Janet Sherlund: you know. She was certainly
00:23:38.800 --> 00:23:40.280 Janet Sherlund: ashamed of that.
00:23:40.550 --> 00:23:47.360 Janet Sherlund: What was difficult for me to understand. I was coming to her as a 56 year old woman who had had
00:23:47.420 --> 00:23:56.810 Janet Sherlund: had a very successful and happy life. I didn't need anything from her except to meet her and and have a hug, and and you know, see what we shared.
00:23:56.980 --> 00:24:08.449 Janet Sherlund: and she just couldn't. She now was on her second marriage. She hadn't lived in the same hometown since she was pregnant with me. I mean, there is no reason why we couldn't have met her cup of coffee and
00:24:08.570 --> 00:24:13.539 Janet Sherlund: and and had that connection. But she she just couldn't go there and do it.
00:24:13.540 --> 00:24:19.420 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: But as you're dedicating your book to your siblings from that second marriage, they embraced you, apparently correct.
00:24:19.420 --> 00:24:33.459 Janet Sherlund: Yes, I mean, I'm so lucky, and that's something the social worker that worked with me in search had been saying for 5 years to me. You need to reach out to your siblings. You're all adults. They have the right to determine if they want a relationship with you or not.
00:24:33.520 --> 00:24:39.480 Janet Sherlund: and I was afraid to. I thought, you know I I say things like well, I I thought they might be
00:24:39.490 --> 00:24:45.449 Janet Sherlund: sort of mean, too, because she seemed mean to me, and she raised them, but but really at the root of it.
00:24:45.540 --> 00:24:53.590 Janet Sherlund: even in my 50 s. Even after having a lifetime of therapy, of reading everything I could read about adoption, writing papers on it in college. All of that.
00:24:54.010 --> 00:24:56.060 Janet Sherlund: I didn't want to make her mad at me.
00:24:56.410 --> 00:24:58.449 Janet Sherlund: I still wanted her to want me.
00:24:58.950 --> 00:24:59.740 Janet Sherlund: So it's.
00:24:59.740 --> 00:25:00.440 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: So much.
00:25:00.440 --> 00:25:01.810 Janet Sherlund: Primal Connection.
00:25:02.657 --> 00:25:09.460 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: What was the impetus that caused you to decide to look for her? And how old were you.
00:25:09.860 --> 00:25:25.049 Janet Sherlund: Well, I wanted to search for her every day of my life I mean, child. I wanted to search for her, and I looked at every face, in every crowd, and wondered, you know, could you be my mother if someone said to me, Oh, do you know so and so they look a lot like you, I'd go. Oh, my gosh! I wonder.
00:25:25.280 --> 00:25:26.060 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Efforts.
00:25:26.060 --> 00:25:27.615 Janet Sherlund: Played it to me since I had.
00:25:27.810 --> 00:25:31.520 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: That's how you explain the picture that you chose for the book. Cover right.
00:25:31.520 --> 00:25:36.260 Janet Sherlund: Yes, and and the the subtitle searching for the arms that once held me, I
00:25:36.440 --> 00:25:43.340 Janet Sherlund: and a lot of Adoptees. We search because there's this feeling inside that we are not going to be whole
00:25:43.360 --> 00:25:50.830 Janet Sherlund: until we reconnect with birth, mother, with our origins. And and it's it we think this is going to be a way that's going to
00:25:50.980 --> 00:25:55.689 Janet Sherlund: help ease the the loss and the sadness and the grief that we experience.
00:25:56.097 --> 00:26:01.640 Janet Sherlund: I had again wanted to search my whole life. I didn't have any information with which to search.
00:26:01.670 --> 00:26:05.600 Janet Sherlund: and I also didn't want to offend my adopt parents.
00:26:05.910 --> 00:26:12.740 Janet Sherlund: and even though my my birth, and my adopted mother said, Oh, you should search! I knew she didn't really mean it. She was trying to.
00:26:12.740 --> 00:26:13.709 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: And be supportive.
00:26:13.710 --> 00:26:16.439 Janet Sherlund: But you know, children understand. You get those settlements.
00:26:16.440 --> 00:26:17.260 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: He gave you.
00:26:17.260 --> 00:26:21.300 Janet Sherlund: Parents. They say one thing, but they mean another. I just wanna hurt them.
00:26:21.691 --> 00:26:27.029 Janet Sherlund: I did try after college to sign up with a registry that was
00:26:27.230 --> 00:26:38.700 Janet Sherlund: then active, where you could sign it, you know. Send in your information, and they try and match, and I was so sure, given the false narrative. My adoption agency had told me, with the little information they shared with me at that time.
00:26:38.750 --> 00:26:47.539 Janet Sherlund: that my lovely, mature, wonderful birth mother would be searching for me, too, and it was after a few years I went. Oh, yes, no one's really looking for me.
00:26:47.640 --> 00:26:50.769 Janet Sherlund: and it also occurred to me then that
00:26:51.070 --> 00:26:55.209 Janet Sherlund: yes, I wanted to search and find, but I also wanted to be found.
00:26:55.560 --> 00:27:01.919 Janet Sherlund: And that's a real difference. Me searching is one thing, but the idea that someone would be looking for me and want.
00:27:01.920 --> 00:27:02.670 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Them.
00:27:02.670 --> 00:27:05.230 Janet Sherlund: Was so important, and that wasn't happening.
00:27:05.810 --> 00:27:06.070 Janet Sherlund: Yeah.
00:27:06.070 --> 00:27:17.269 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: At least had the luck of, even in the State of New Jersey to have that particular adoption agency person help you get the letters and paperwork when she was creating
00:27:17.280 --> 00:27:20.240 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: the necessary adoption. Proceeding
00:27:20.520 --> 00:27:21.030 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: correct.
00:27:21.030 --> 00:27:32.820 Janet Sherlund: That in in the college, when I wrote I had written a paper in college about identity and adoption, and I sent it to the agency and said, Please tell me whatever you can, you know, like I use that as a
00:27:32.910 --> 00:27:51.350 Janet Sherlund: as a sort of a calling card like I'm not just a crazy adoptee, you know. I've really studied this and thought about it. Please tell me whatever you can. They gave me a little information, but they also gave me a lot of false information like, Oh, your your birth parents are from a distant state. They were an hour and a half over the State line from where I grew up, I mean they were in a distant state, and.
00:27:51.350 --> 00:27:52.259 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Oh, you're on.
00:27:52.260 --> 00:28:01.379 Janet Sherlund: Things about, and and the definitely. The the agenda of the letter was, everything's fine. We did there. But you know we did a great job you should be happy. Don't ask these questions.
00:28:01.640 --> 00:28:09.779 Janet Sherlund: and it wasn't till I was in my 50 s. And discovered a link on the website of my adoption agency that said search
00:28:10.040 --> 00:28:22.840 Janet Sherlund: that I found out that they would connect, and adopting a birth parent if both mutually agreed, and that's when I applied to them. I had to wait 9 months before my name came up on the list.
00:28:22.910 --> 00:28:36.060 Janet Sherlund: Then I had to have an interview with them. Then I had to write a letter to my birth mother, and telling her why I wanted to meet her and get pictures, and then, and they had to be go between this and that's when they they found her right away. But she refused to meet me, so.
00:28:36.710 --> 00:28:43.450 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Okay, we're about to take our next step. But I have one final question, and that is, when did you know that you were adopted
00:28:44.030 --> 00:28:49.649 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: internally. As for adopted parents, why do I not feel?
00:28:50.390 --> 00:28:52.599 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: I how did that happen? Did you.
00:28:52.600 --> 00:28:56.200 Janet Sherlund: We? We always did there. 4 of us. We're all adopted from different families, and.
00:28:56.820 --> 00:28:59.400 Janet Sherlund: I always knew it was part of our bedtime story.
00:28:59.440 --> 00:29:01.730 Janet Sherlund: So while I knew I was adopted.
00:29:01.770 --> 00:29:12.639 Janet Sherlund: we didn't really talk about what that meant or how that felt. It was just we were all adopted, and I I actually was old enough. I was in second grade when we adopted my younger sister, and I remember going
00:29:12.730 --> 00:29:17.279 Janet Sherlund: with my parents to the agency to to pick her up. So I you know the process was very
00:29:17.590 --> 00:29:21.100 Janet Sherlund: apparent, but the meaning. The feelings were not discussed.
00:29:21.730 --> 00:29:37.380 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Understood. So, ladies and gentlemen, when we return in, Karen, I know you've got some questions. I'm anxious to hear what they are, because they're probably in line with what I'm thinking. But this is a very compelling book. You need to buy it as soon as this show airs. I mean ends. It's airing right now, right
00:29:37.694 --> 00:29:56.765 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: here on talk radio, dot Nyc and our socials. But if you have any other questions to add as well, the next section section 3 feel free to chat in Youtube or Linkedin or Facebook. And our engineer Logan will give us to what they are, and and it will do the best to answer. But this is a must read honestly. We'll be back with you.
00:32:00.760 --> 00:32:06.629 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Everybody and welcome back during commercial break a lot of conversations. You probably all out there are seeing us have
00:32:07.047 --> 00:32:27.040 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: again. Janet Sherlon's story is impeccable, and it's incredible. And it actually resonates a lot with Karen. So I'm gonna let this segment be about the shared experience that will. You'll learn about, and it'll all wrap up in the final segment. And how this all applies to one's mental health. So that being, said, Karen.
00:32:27.391 --> 00:32:38.649 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: very good, and if something comes to your mind, just give us a give us a ring. I was just mentioning to Frank that I have a nephew who is adopted.
00:32:38.840 --> 00:32:44.669 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: and he was adopted into a family that already had 4 biological children.
00:32:44.840 --> 00:32:50.249 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: and I think that he's never quite felt a part of that family.
00:32:50.400 --> 00:33:11.702 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: and my sister was always very open. That he was. He knew from the start that he was adopted and made to feel special, that, you know we all hear that adopted children are often told they were chosen, and that that makes them a little bit special. But remember my sister telling a story about
00:33:12.200 --> 00:33:15.280 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: this nephew finding some pictures.
00:33:15.330 --> 00:33:19.560 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: and he happened to find a picture of his biological father.
00:33:19.720 --> 00:33:27.200 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: and his biological father was tall and skinny, and so was this young man
00:33:27.250 --> 00:33:54.380 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: he loved. He he played basketball. He'd shoot baskets 24 HA day if you let him, and when you looked at his biological father. He looked the same tall, lanky, basketball type person, and he was a professional. Interestingly, the biological father. But it's my understanding that he's no longer with us. Nor is the biological mother, but this young man has continued to suffer
00:33:54.761 --> 00:34:02.009 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: some real challenges in life, and I think that we we all think that they come from the root
00:34:02.010 --> 00:34:26.559 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: of having been adopted. I'm sure you hear all kinds of stories, and I think you've alluded to a a common thread. But do you wanna talk a little bit more about that kind of a can take different. Take on different manifestations, look different and different families, different kids, but some more of those common threads that the adoptive child feels.
00:34:26.739 --> 00:34:29.699 Janet Sherlund: And I think it's it's so true. And and it's so.
00:34:29.759 --> 00:34:34.969 Janet Sherlund: I think it can be so difficult for adoptive parents to understand that love is not enough.
00:34:35.229 --> 00:34:42.409 Janet Sherlund: and that there is just something in in the wonderful book, The Primal Wound, by Nancy Newton Barrier that was written in the 1990 s.
00:34:42.894 --> 00:34:44.959 Janet Sherlund: She talks about the fact that
00:34:45.109 --> 00:34:51.129 Janet Sherlund: there is never a substitute for the primary mother that that no matter what you know.
00:34:51.239 --> 00:34:53.809 Janet Sherlund: they can tell you you were chosen or
00:34:54.419 --> 00:35:01.549 Janet Sherlund: so. They're blue in the face. But the fact is, someone gave you away someone. Didn't you want you? Them? Your blood gave you away.
00:35:01.589 --> 00:35:05.149 Janet Sherlund: and that is so hurtful and so traumatic, and
00:35:05.859 --> 00:35:14.439 Janet Sherlund: and you love alone can't fix that. And I think one of the things I think would have been helpful for me is to certainly have
00:35:14.469 --> 00:35:22.689 Janet Sherlund: have knowledge of my biological family. See pictures of, you know the people I look like, because I look like both my parents and my biological parents, very much
00:35:22.869 --> 00:35:32.909 Janet Sherlund: to know something about my ethnicity and my personality, and etc, and have that known and respected and talked openly about. Of course, that didn't happen back in the 50 s. 60 s. And 70 s.
00:35:33.119 --> 00:35:47.139 Janet Sherlund: And trauma can be expressed in a lot of ways. Sometimes I also hear the story that oh, I know people that have both biological and adopted kids. And the adopted kids are the good ones, you know they they behave so beautifully, and that the biological kids
00:35:47.479 --> 00:35:49.859 Janet Sherlund: and I say, Oh, Red Flag.
00:35:50.069 --> 00:35:53.229 Janet Sherlund: because in my family there are 4 of us.
00:35:53.339 --> 00:36:21.909 Janet Sherlund: 2 of us were the, you know, tried to be the perfect children, and 2 tried to be the hellions to where the hellions and it's that's very classic as an adoptee. You're either so scared and insecure. You want to be the perfect child, so that this family doesn't give you away, and you want to assure your place and your acceptance and and your love, and then another personality may do like 2 of my siblings, and just push back and test the waters and fight everything, and almost dare these parents to like to reject you.
00:36:22.560 --> 00:36:23.299 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Who knows?
00:36:23.300 --> 00:36:29.509 Janet Sherlund: There are 2 classic scenarios. And it's a fact that adopts have 4 times the suicide rate
00:36:29.550 --> 00:36:31.280 Janet Sherlund: that the general population does. I mean.
00:36:31.280 --> 00:36:32.320 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Really.
00:36:32.320 --> 00:36:34.849 Janet Sherlund: Trauma, and I think
00:36:34.890 --> 00:36:38.529 Janet Sherlund: I you know my way of coping was to be one of the, you know.
00:36:38.780 --> 00:36:47.110 Janet Sherlund: Try to be the perfect child, and that is that's not a good thing, and and anyone looking at our family would have said that about me. I think my parents felt that way about me.
00:36:47.190 --> 00:37:06.470 Janet Sherlund: That's not a good thing that's not healthy. I wasn't free to express my full range of emotions. I wasn't free to act. How my gut instinct might have me direct. I was so busy trying to mirror and behave in the way that my adopted parents would most appreciate and and to their values. And so
00:37:07.240 --> 00:37:19.500 Janet Sherlund: it doesn't allow for healthy development when you are so beholden to to people so so scared for your very safety and and existence.
00:37:19.760 --> 00:37:20.780 Janet Sherlund: and
00:37:21.040 --> 00:37:36.300 Janet Sherlund: I had such anxiety. Again! I just was born like this, more in tune to these things. I suppose I had such anxiety that when I was like 12 years old I started having really severe panic attacks, I mean.
00:37:36.420 --> 00:37:39.049 Janet Sherlund: like Lsd level panic attacks.
00:37:39.070 --> 00:37:43.789 Janet Sherlund: and they continued for for into my late twenties.
00:37:43.890 --> 00:37:55.049 Janet Sherlund: and I finally was able to deal, you know, got help and got some medication that at the time really helped me attack them, and and I since haven't suffered from them. But for that very formative period of my life
00:37:55.900 --> 00:38:02.820 Janet Sherlund: it ruled over all my decisions. You know things I would do or not do, and and and the fear I had
00:38:03.650 --> 00:38:09.639 Janet Sherlund: it came from living with such chronic anxiety of feeling, so alone, and untethered and
00:38:09.790 --> 00:38:12.830 Janet Sherlund: and just frightened and insecure and.
00:38:12.830 --> 00:38:13.640 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Blur.
00:38:13.640 --> 00:38:17.199 Janet Sherlund: You know, for and other siblings had other issues. But
00:38:17.672 --> 00:38:24.730 Janet Sherlund: mine was expressed in these really severe panic attacks, and yet I was so busy trying to be
00:38:24.880 --> 00:38:41.830 Janet Sherlund: perfect, child, that I would push myself to exhaustion to do things that scared me, and I'd suffer these panic attacks because I I just didn't wanna be seen, as you know, weak or embarrassed my parents by not being able to to do something and and it was
00:38:42.860 --> 00:38:55.349 Janet Sherlund: terrifying I every time I had when I thought I was dying or going crazy, and I was certainly not spending my adolescence, forming a sense of self and a strong core.
00:38:55.350 --> 00:38:55.690 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: I was.
00:38:55.690 --> 00:38:57.680 Janet Sherlund: Just trying to exist.
00:38:58.250 --> 00:39:02.239 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: You talk about several pivotal moments in your life.
00:39:02.370 --> 00:39:08.192 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: and you you came up with some really wonderful chapter titles, and
00:39:08.960 --> 00:39:11.279 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: it was finding your voice.
00:39:11.540 --> 00:39:28.900 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Tell us a little bit about what happened at that point, and and you've you've created your story in a chronology that makes it very easy to follow. Very interesting addition to the way you spell it out. But tell us a little bit about that part of your life.
00:39:29.210 --> 00:39:39.291 Janet Sherlund: Well, I think you're referring to the time when I was in college. And you know, I I think I just I really fell apart, I think when I when I got to
00:39:39.650 --> 00:39:42.159 Janet Sherlund: Pollgate, where I had transferred to and I
00:39:42.280 --> 00:39:43.450 Janet Sherlund: I had
00:39:43.690 --> 00:40:12.389 Janet Sherlund: sort of grown. I had been very dependent on my adopted parents growing up, and I had sort of now finally broke. I wasn't at home anymore. I was living away at college. I broke up with a high school boyfriend that I'd been too dependent on. And I was I I had changed universities to better study my chosen major, and I just at that point in time. I I had sort of let go of all my brutches I've been using, and I hadn't yet, and I was, I was really floundering.
00:40:12.680 --> 00:40:18.769 Janet Sherlund: and it just really took me sort of falling apart and sort of hitting bottom.
00:40:18.950 --> 00:40:26.560 Janet Sherlund: And then, you know, being able to push back up from from the bottom. I I you know, poetry and reading and finding some
00:40:26.980 --> 00:40:40.809 Janet Sherlund: last work, some coursework that talked about early childhood development. And I was like, Oh, huh! And then finding some some readings and work about adoption. And I was like, Oh, my gosh! The things I've been dealing with are are
00:40:41.240 --> 00:40:51.679 Janet Sherlund: as I'm adopted. And there, this is speaking to me. This is, this is telling my truth. And there wasn't a lot. This is the 1970 s. There wasn't a lot that I was able to discover at that point, but there was enough
00:40:52.220 --> 00:40:53.160 Janet Sherlund: that
00:40:53.830 --> 00:41:01.649 Janet Sherlund: it it it helped to me define what was going on, and that I wasn't crazy, and that I wasn't weak. I was just
00:41:01.690 --> 00:41:04.039 Janet Sherlund: fighting a lot and dealing with a lot.
00:41:04.800 --> 00:41:08.199 Janet Sherlund: And then really trying to
00:41:08.480 --> 00:41:12.599 Janet Sherlund: to start piecing myself together. Start, you know.
00:41:12.950 --> 00:41:14.679 Janet Sherlund: doing a search and
00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:23.739 Janet Sherlund: reading everything I could get my hands on and and studying it. I did this independent study on in identity and adoption, and that really started to help me
00:41:24.100 --> 00:41:28.550 Janet Sherlund: find myself and find a voice, and and to
00:41:28.860 --> 00:41:31.730 Janet Sherlund: to try and understand what had been happening to me all those years.
00:41:31.730 --> 00:41:48.419 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Absolutely. Well, then, you mentioned your relationship with your biological siblings. I'm curious about your relationship with your adopted siblings, and you mentioned that 2 of you were one way and 2 were another way. What is your current relationship with them?
00:41:48.940 --> 00:41:54.849 Janet Sherlund: Well, sadly my older brother passed away. He had a a stroke, very young.
00:41:55.230 --> 00:42:03.001 Janet Sherlund: We didn't know he had inherited high blood pressure, and I, and he didn't really understand that and so
00:42:03.470 --> 00:42:21.329 Janet Sherlund: Sorry that he's passed for quite a while now he was one of the hellions, but he was also someone who was the other one that really took care of Mom and Dad and really helped with Mom and Dad a lot. And he was also the one who, when I was going through a really rough time in college, and I was just falling apart one day.
00:42:21.330 --> 00:42:33.879 Janet Sherlund: and I called him he was married and had little kids at the time, and I just called to just I don't know. Touch base with someone, and you know, get distracted. He jumped, he said, I'm coming to get you, and jumped in the car and drove 4 and a half hours immediately to come to.
00:42:33.880 --> 00:42:34.710 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Wow!
00:42:34.710 --> 00:42:38.470 Janet Sherlund: And so he was. He was someone that wanted to always help
00:42:38.480 --> 00:42:55.109 Janet Sherlund: and so him my younger brother. We were just talking the other day. He he doesn't live near me anymore, but I didn't. I never talked to him about adoption, and the last time I had, he said, No, I I'm not. Mom and dad are my parents. I don't care.
00:42:55.250 --> 00:42:55.980 Janet Sherlund: and.
00:42:55.980 --> 00:42:56.630 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Aye.
00:42:56.630 --> 00:43:08.549 Janet Sherlund: No, that's not true, he said. Actually, Eric, my other brother and I talked about adoption a lot growing up, and he said, and I think I was defensive because I thought if my real parents don't want me to hell them.
00:43:08.600 --> 00:43:10.090 Janet Sherlund: I don't want them either.
00:43:10.120 --> 00:43:15.209 Janet Sherlund: and he said, but now I realize I'd like to search. I I do want them.
00:43:15.320 --> 00:43:29.589 Janet Sherlund: And my younger sister and I did speak about it. Throughout our life she was 7 years younger than me. So and we weren't always together. I was off at college, etc, but we did speak about it, and I then actually helped her find her birth. Mother.
00:43:29.590 --> 00:43:30.060 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Up.
00:43:30.060 --> 00:43:31.639 Janet Sherlund: After I found mine so.
00:43:31.640 --> 00:43:50.620 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Interesting. I think we're going to another break. By the way, can your nephew relate to some of the stuff that I'm sure he can. I'm sure he can. I'm eager to share this show with him. He reads much, but I'd love for him to read your book.
00:43:52.090 --> 00:43:55.529 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: So, ladies and gentlemen, when we come back we will wrap up a lot.
00:43:55.969 --> 00:44:02.590 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: The importance of getting this book paper ways that I've picked up during the last 45 min
00:44:02.590 --> 00:44:27.059 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: about different mental health awareness issues to be aware of, not just for adoptees, but those that suffer from similar symptoms. And I guess maybe you wanna wrap up some of the adoption issues that the State should be looking into changing. So we'll be back right here on Frank about health to wrap up our entire show, and to really give a lot of kudos to Janet, sharing pretty much her fight.
00:44:27.230 --> 00:44:31.180 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Her identity where she came from is
00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:36.310 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: knows an annual relationship, whether they're DNA related or not.
00:44:36.420 --> 00:44:38.649 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: and it's an education for all of them.
00:44:38.740 --> 00:44:39.780 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Please take him.
00:46:43.050 --> 00:46:50.240 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Hey, everybody, and welcome back. We're now gonna wrap up the show and give a lot out there. But
00:46:50.400 --> 00:46:58.739 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: if you're an adult, or if there's something specific medical health issues, maybe we have some clarity on that.
00:46:59.650 --> 00:47:22.710 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: I also hear that it's hard to hear me. So I'm just gonna be very frank at this moment, and just speak right into the camera. So that being said, Logan, thanks for all the prompts and everything, and also thank you for monitoring any questions that may be coming in. But also, Jenna. Just so, you know, when the show is archived and people can replay it and stuff like that.
00:47:22.710 --> 00:47:42.686 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: You might get a lot of questions through your email or social media. So that's another avenue. But at least we've had a very thoughtful 45 min, and I know Aaron, you want all the names. No, today, Karen, you wanted to wrap up some key things in front of me.
00:47:43.640 --> 00:48:08.860 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: It was just a little bit of a technical glitch with a microphone. So he's not really trying to edge me up. If someone is listening to this, and or maybe they read your book and they're in one of those 40 States that still does not allow an adoptee to find their natural parent, and they decide. Well, boy, I'm going to do this.
00:48:08.860 --> 00:48:15.729 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: and I'm gonna change things for my life and other adoptees. What would you say should be their first step.
00:48:16.480 --> 00:48:37.300 Janet Sherlund: I would say to Google, what organizations in your State are there for adoption adoption advocates, and it's probably not organizations that are centered around adoptive parents. That might probably an organization that focuses on adoptees. And I think there are different ones in in estate law. These are all State laws. But
00:48:37.300 --> 00:48:48.309 Janet Sherlund: I think if you Google that you'll probably find some groups or you might find adopti support groups. And those individuals would probably have knowledge of that. But start by finding a group.
00:48:48.590 --> 00:48:55.919 Janet Sherlund: an advocacy group or just a support group for adoptees in your State, and I think that will lead you down the right path.
00:48:56.070 --> 00:49:23.779 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Absolutely well, I'm gonna pass it back to Frank, and I think he has a couple of other questions about the book. But I want to just echo what he has said, whether you are an adoptee and adopted parent, whatever your situation is, this is a an impactful, compelling book, and everyone should read it. So I'm going to sign off, so to speak, and pass it back over to Frank. But thank you so much for joining us today, Janet.
00:49:23.930 --> 00:49:25.329 Janet Sherlund: My pleasure. Thank you.
00:49:25.530 --> 00:49:37.620 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: And again, this is just so that all of you out there can hear me no offense to you, because, Karen, without you this show would have not happened. Thank you very much. You're very welcome now, basically, everyone out there.
00:49:37.660 --> 00:49:43.319 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: even though we've spent the last 45 min talking about what it's like for an an adoptee
00:49:43.490 --> 00:50:05.150 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: to go for the search for where they came from, and to experience either the pleasure or the trauma of that eventual meeting, if it does occur, or in Janet's case, to actually meet her biological father, which was not even part of her original intention, it at least gave her some of the benefits that she unfortunately did not seek, or did not receive from her mother when she finally met her.
00:50:05.230 --> 00:50:11.250 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: But yet there's the also aspect that I want to remind everyone that when you are in utero
00:50:11.270 --> 00:50:23.470 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: your life experience is memorized by your cells, by your DNA. This is something you can look up on Google or perplexity, that our DNA speaks louder than sometimes we do.
00:50:23.650 --> 00:50:46.909 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: The gift of words is something we learn after we're born. But listen to yourself. So I would say that one lesson to take away from this entire episode is that your intuition is key, like I always talk about on every episode. Self advocacy in your healthcare, whether it's mental or physical, is primal. It's necessary in order to have a decent quality of life, especially
00:50:46.910 --> 00:51:04.869 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: the type of life that Janet had in trying to seek where she came from, while having a good support network from your biological siblings that to me was a gift that from when I read it I think you you definitely had experienced not just that gift, but also the gift of meeting your father.
00:51:04.930 --> 00:51:11.540 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: I think, meeting your mother, you had to, for many reasons, obviously in your quest. But
00:51:11.670 --> 00:51:17.200 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: considering that you did not receive what you wanted, you definitely learned a lot
00:51:17.220 --> 00:51:19.340 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: I would I would venture to guess
00:51:19.860 --> 00:51:21.740 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: he and I have a friend in common.
00:51:23.410 --> 00:51:29.670 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: not, Janet, cause that's you the replacement, child Forum, Judy Mendell.
00:51:29.670 --> 00:51:30.190 Janet Sherlund: Yes.
00:51:30.190 --> 00:51:31.370 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: And she
00:51:31.400 --> 00:51:34.029 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: actually lived with her parents.
00:51:34.060 --> 00:51:41.109 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: but she was considered a replacement due to the death of a sibling, and she apparently experienced
00:51:41.510 --> 00:51:50.059 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: some of the same traumas. You did so, I guess, if anything, my big takeaway besides the DNA argument or DNA theory is that
00:51:50.250 --> 00:51:51.519 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: when you are.
00:51:51.640 --> 00:51:54.349 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: quote unquote, abandoned or unwanted.
00:51:54.690 --> 00:51:56.060 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: The trauma
00:51:56.140 --> 00:51:58.549 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: really sparks off all the other
00:51:58.580 --> 00:52:25.010 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: personality attributes that one can have anxiety. You mentioned. Panic attacks, depression, probably even Ocd or Ptsd. Or depending on the circumstances, what would you say? Is the common thread in all of the mental health attributes that people suffer from that adoptees? Go through? Is it predominantly of a psychiatric nature, or is it a behavioral one?
00:52:26.040 --> 00:52:44.197 Janet Sherlund: That's hard to say. I I think most adoptees have Ptsd, and I think that again we have 4 times the suicide rate. We have a very high addiction, and and you know, substance, abuse problem, and also over represented in the penal system, the legal system and the mental health.
00:52:45.676 --> 00:52:47.270 Janet Sherlund: facilities so
00:52:47.980 --> 00:52:51.560 Janet Sherlund: trauma. And one thing I'd like to say to Adoptees is.
00:52:51.580 --> 00:53:03.129 Janet Sherlund: listen to your gut, as you're saying, you're not crazy. It there's nothing wrong with you. You are facing an immense trauma that is not socially recognized. We are asked to be grateful for the lives we are given.
00:53:03.160 --> 00:53:19.739 Janet Sherlund: and we people just don't understand this trauma. But listen to your gut. Believe in yourself, and find strength and and support and help in therapists or support groups or other people books that affirm that
00:53:19.740 --> 00:53:35.210 Janet Sherlund: so that you become strong, and then gather all the information you can about yourself, biological self, and piece it together, and you will ultimately be strong enough to face the such a lone feeling that you that you live with as an adoptee.
00:53:35.280 --> 00:53:42.139 Janet Sherlund: But trust yourself, you know that it's happening to you. Don't let anyone tell you this isn't, or you shouldn't be. It is.
00:53:42.240 --> 00:53:45.300 Janet Sherlund: and find the support and help to get you through it.
00:53:45.430 --> 00:53:45.900 Janet Sherlund: You'll.
00:53:45.900 --> 00:53:52.124 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Including hopefully try to do whatever legislative activities they can do to overturn the unseen
00:53:53.420 --> 00:53:54.239 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: of a lot of people.
00:53:55.030 --> 00:53:55.805 Janet Sherlund: Absolutely.
00:53:56.580 --> 00:53:57.889 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Hit the right quote
00:53:58.150 --> 00:53:59.160 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: from
00:53:59.310 --> 00:54:12.850 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: your your your people at this is for all of you listeners and viewers out there, because this is the sure way. I believe you will want to go out and buy this book.
00:54:13.170 --> 00:54:20.609 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Dennis Sherlund raised her family and served on nonprofit boards in education, health and the cultural arts. Before writing her memoir
00:54:20.670 --> 00:54:27.170 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: abandoned at birth, her single, most significant life event was being given up for adoption
00:54:27.190 --> 00:54:46.889 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: being adopted, made her feel as though she was living a borrowed life, undermined her sense of trust and personal value and impacted every decision she's made. It also led to a lifelong quest to find her biological mother with the hope of finally meeting a tether to this world, a sense of belonging, and ultimately herself.
00:54:47.360 --> 00:55:04.359 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: The memoir fulfills a lifelong dream of becoming a published author, as well as raising awareness about loss and grief and adoption, and why it takes more than love to survive the trauma. It is on point, it is cohesive, it is a must read.
00:55:04.630 --> 00:55:08.909 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: I highly recommend it. Please announce where they can buy this book.
00:55:09.490 --> 00:55:19.259 Janet Sherlund: Anywhere. Books are are sold. Your local bookstore Barnes and noble.com Amazon dot com bookshop.org, and and your local bookstore.
00:55:19.690 --> 00:55:22.139 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Is there an audible version.
00:55:22.140 --> 00:55:30.980 Janet Sherlund: There is. There is a an an auto auto, yeah, auto, and an ebook, and the hard copy all out. Yes.
00:55:31.683 --> 00:55:41.846 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Awesome, awesome. Well, I'm getting the prompts for 2 min to ending. So thank you, Janet, and I'd like to thank Deb Zip out there, if you're watching
00:55:42.770 --> 00:55:53.050 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: twice is this time so far? I look forward to potentially working with you again on other very poignant stories about mental health and the sense of belonging and identity.
00:55:54.490 --> 00:56:03.930 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: at the time. Thank you, Karen. We will be here together in 3 more weeks, as we celebrate whatever health awareness. Month June provides
00:56:03.940 --> 00:56:08.550 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: we're here at the Hilton, Chicago. Magnificent mile at the Hilton suites.
00:56:09.029 --> 00:56:15.680 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: Beautiful view of Lake Michigan. So I have pictures. But for anyone who wants them. My email is.
00:56:18.089 --> 00:56:41.069 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: And if you're interested when you talk about the DNA, I have worked with people where we find belief systems that go all the way back to babyhood. So can be life changing for people. And we can do that through the very simple.
00:56:41.220 --> 00:56:49.036 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: easy process of hypnotherapy
00:56:51.060 --> 00:56:53.080 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: that will be set on
00:56:53.390 --> 00:57:02.350 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: data shows tomorrow on talk radio that Mit include. Glad to be in focus with Tommy B. And then I'll always Friday with Steve Fry.
00:57:02.410 --> 00:57:08.050 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: On Tuesday we have the hard stimulus with Dr. Ranj. After that we have the happy spot.
00:57:08.140 --> 00:57:11.680 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: And then on Thursday, after the conscious installer.
00:57:12.540 --> 00:57:13.800 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: excuse me.
00:57:14.340 --> 00:57:17.449 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: and our show politics, health.
00:57:18.642 --> 00:57:23.360 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: excuse me, and some other issues, is another episode of Frank about health.
00:57:23.390 --> 00:57:27.440 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: I will have a better voice next week, and at the same time.
00:57:27.520 --> 00:57:31.300 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: body, mind, body, health, and politics. At 2 o'clock
00:57:31.701 --> 00:57:45.819 Frank R. Harrison/Karen Ross: one o'clock, actually. And then I'm at 5, and I will see you all next week. Thank you again for everybody. Thank you, Logan. Thank you, Sam, and thank you. Deb. Alright, bye, bye.
00:57:45.820 --> 00:57:46.560 Janet Sherlund: But bye.
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