This week, on The Conscious Consultant Hour, Sam is pleased to welcome Speaker, Podcaster, Mindset and Embodiment Coach, Drew Deraney.
During a 9-month span, Drew, the proud father of three, endured four faith-shaking life events that found him determined to find a better way to live.
Through intense self-reflection and awareness, he realized that in order to be happy he must adhere to his own standards of honesty, integrity and truth.
Drew found his purpose and mission in life which is to empower others ready to make a change and do the same. Drew is now writing his story instead of letting others write it for him.
In his #1 best-selling book I’ll Have What She’s Having: Memoir of a Reformed People Pleaser, Drew shares his personal journey and redefines what it means to "man-up" and to embrace our authentic self.
Tune in and share your questions and comments about what it means to stop being a people pleaser and live authentically on our YouTube livestream or on our Facebook page.
https://from-caving-in-to-crushing-it.castos.com/
On this episode of The Conscious Consultant Hour, Sam is joined by special guest Drew Deraney, a mindset and embodiment coach as well as a podcaster and speaker. They will discuss people pleasers and how to find their voice and truth. As always, Sam starts by sharing one of his blog posts and for this episode, he selected to read from “There Is Always A Choice Even When We Can’t See It.” To read this blog please visit www.talkradio.nyc/blogs for more details and more content from Sam. Afterward, he gives a formal introduction to Drew and shares what different events Drew went through that made him want to pursue his career about how to stop people pleasing. Those events include his divorce, Drew getting fired from his job, his child having suicidal aviation, and the passing of his father.
After the first break, we return to Sam and Drew discussing how Drew was able to get through those events, which all occurred in 9 months. For him, it was a matter of helping his children and his mother get through everything at that moment in time, and eventually asked himself, “What’s next?” Drew knew that he always wanted to start his own business, so he started his LLC, Profit Compassion, and shared about how he got through the pandemic as well as started to write his book and finally healed after everything he went through because of writing his book.
Moving along into the discussion, Drew talks about his book, I’ll Have What She’s Having, and the story behind why he gave it that title. From the discovery of his title, he discovered that he was a people pleaser and so it opened up a door for him to discover and write about for his book. The book is essentially the story of Drew trying to teach his younger self about everything he knows now and the many lessons he has learned throughout his life. From there, Sam and Drew discuss men’s groups, what they are, and how Drew conducts his groups.
As the episode comes to a close, Drew shares how he was able to be a reformed people-pleaser. He shares tips about what exactly he had to overcome those challenges of being a people pleaser, which includes him discussing what he was grateful for, managing his mental health, eliminating a victim mindset, and truly living life to the fullest every single day. To close out the show, Drew shares details about The Mindful Men Movement, which is helping discover their identity and eliminating challenges that prevent them from writing their story.
00:00:45.340 --> 00:01:08.290 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: good afternoon. Good morning. Good evening. Wherever you're tuning in from welcome to the conscious, consultant hour awakening humanity. I'm very, very pleased. You are all here with me today. We've got a wonderful show in store for you, as we always do here on the conscious consultant hour.
00:01:09.540 --> 00:01:16.209 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: We start off the show, as we always do.
00:01:16.290 --> 00:01:28.309 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: With a little blog post that I wrote a couple of years ago, just kinda going in order. And This Blog Post is entitled.
00:01:28.400 --> 00:01:32.700 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: There is always a choice. Even when we can't see it.
00:01:34.180 --> 00:01:46.390 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: We've all had to face the unexpected. We live our life, and then something happens. something that just doesn't sit well with us. We wonder why it happened?
00:01:47.120 --> 00:01:53.540 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Why do we have to deal with this now? It can feel disempowering or overwhelming.
00:01:53.870 --> 00:01:59.460 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yet if we give into those feelings we lose our real power.
00:01:59.760 --> 00:02:13.490 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: our real power to decide how we will show up how we will respond. what we will do about it. for ultimately the lesson is not about the other person
00:02:13.790 --> 00:02:23.259 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: or the situation we find ourselves in. It is about our choice. our choice to move forward or stay where we are.
00:02:24.450 --> 00:02:36.119 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: We all can find ourselves in those situations. When we are dealing with a boss, a Co. Worker, or relative. their behavior feels unacceptable to us.
00:02:36.240 --> 00:02:38.930 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: yet we feel we are stuck with them.
00:02:39.450 --> 00:02:46.629 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and while that may be true in some circumstances, it is not true in all circumstances
00:02:47.190 --> 00:02:51.660 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: we can make many different choices to change the situation.
00:02:52.290 --> 00:02:56.230 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: to change things, so they do not continue.
00:02:57.790 --> 00:03:07.250 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: It might mean confronting the person. or it could mean stepping away. Perhaps we need to limit communication
00:03:07.510 --> 00:03:09.700 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: or stop it entirely.
00:03:10.700 --> 00:03:15.930 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: There are always choices, usually more than we see in a moment.
00:03:16.600 --> 00:03:29.949 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yet ultimately it is about honoring ourselves. doing what feels right for us in the moment. Even if we decide to do something different in the future.
00:03:30.030 --> 00:03:35.000 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: it is our choice. and knowing can take that away from us.
00:03:35.830 --> 00:03:41.830 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So what do we need to make a choice about what is challenging at the moment.
00:03:42.340 --> 00:03:46.820 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: How can you respond in a way that honors you
00:03:48.820 --> 00:03:52.210 so? I wrote this a while ago.
00:03:52.860 --> 00:03:57.860 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: After having trouble with a mentor I was working with at the time.
00:03:58.460 --> 00:03:59.860 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and
00:04:00.060 --> 00:04:05.340 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and at the time.
00:04:06.090 --> 00:04:16.670 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: you know, it's funny. Sometimes we feel we don't have a choice, and the choice is staring right in front of us. and my relationship with this particular person had been.
00:04:16.750 --> 00:04:19.460 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: you know, good and bad over the years.
00:04:22.190 --> 00:04:33.639 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And so it was really. And we we came to a head about something where where we you know something that just we couldn't see eye to eye on.
00:04:33.780 --> 00:04:37.009 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And finally, after all the years of working with him.
00:04:38.360 --> 00:04:51.509 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: just like had to step away from that relationship. And it was a very difficult decision for me, because he was like up until then.
00:04:53.340 --> 00:05:00.339 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: because just there was no one else in the area to work with up until a short time before this happened.
00:05:02.810 --> 00:05:04.310 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and
00:05:05.560 --> 00:05:10.990 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And so I just couldn't. I just finally like saw an option.
00:05:13.540 --> 00:05:15.820 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So I am
00:05:20.660 --> 00:05:21.690 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: a
00:05:24.910 --> 00:05:28.880 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: I,
00:05:29.220 --> 00:05:34.879 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: you know, finally had to take a stance and say no like. I just can't do it.
00:05:35.360 --> 00:05:44.700 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And it was really hard for me, because
00:05:44.870 --> 00:05:51.349 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: the the work in which this person had been mentoring me was really very important to me.
00:05:52.390 --> 00:05:59.629 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and I had been through a lot with them. And it's kind of like after going through so much.
00:06:01.970 --> 00:06:05.380 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: I really like.
00:06:07.330 --> 00:06:22.570 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: like, I didn't wanna let go, because it's like he put so much effort into it. And I've been through so many hard times with him, and he gave me difficult time on so much stuff. And even though really the relationship never really worked well, it's kinda like you put that much effort in. You. Don't wanna let it go.
00:06:24.700 --> 00:06:28.069 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And it really
00:06:28.150 --> 00:06:30.650 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: was challenging for me, because.
00:06:31.440 --> 00:06:40.880 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: you know, I always felt I had no choice in working with him, because if I wanted to be a facilitator in this work, and I wanted to to
00:06:40.890 --> 00:06:56.339 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: eventually graduate and and work in this work. There was just nobody else around. I didn't see any other choice. My wife she to God bless her soul! She was always like. There's always a choice. You can always do something, and I'm like, what the hell am I going to do? Who am I going to work with.
00:06:57.750 --> 00:07:07.089 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And but really what the choice was is that I never really stood up to this guy. I never really said like, No, this is unfair. This is not right
00:07:07.650 --> 00:07:11.279 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and really like, stood up for myself to him.
00:07:11.700 --> 00:07:24.360 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And then, when this final argument came and we were just butting heads, I'm like Nope, that's it. I'm done. I'm I'm going to somebody else. And that was because finally there was somebody else around that I could
00:07:24.510 --> 00:07:26.459 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: be mentored by
00:07:27.530 --> 00:07:30.410 and like within a day or 2.
00:07:30.820 --> 00:07:32.520 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Boom! I was gone.
00:07:32.680 --> 00:07:45.459 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and and that was my way of standing up for myself in the moment, but up until that time I really couldn't see a choice. I couldn't see a way through or a way past this.
00:07:45.790 --> 00:07:48.830 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: because there just didn't seem to be other choices.
00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:52.289 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yet other people I know
00:07:52.900 --> 00:07:55.230 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: managed to
00:07:55.490 --> 00:07:59.519 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: get past that kind of a
00:07:59.810 --> 00:08:01.080 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: challenge.
00:08:02.140 --> 00:08:10.049 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and the truth is, if I had done something about it early on. you know the whole thing probably would have been much different.
00:08:12.470 --> 00:08:13.610 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And
00:08:14.500 --> 00:08:27.920 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: you know, yeah, I can make excuses. There was fear, you know, if I confronted this guy, and he said No, and kicked me out, and then I wouldn't have anyone to work with. And you know all these stories I made up inside my head.
00:08:29.460 --> 00:08:33.380 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: But all those things were just so.
00:08:34.830 --> 00:08:47.540 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: We're just inside my head period, and that I'll never really know what would have happened had I stood up for myself, I never know what if I actually did see a choice because there really was a choice.
00:08:47.690 --> 00:08:50.820 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: The choice was, keep working with him, or the choice was leave.
00:08:51.970 --> 00:08:55.679 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and maybe I didn't have someone else to work with.
00:08:56.200 --> 00:09:02.640 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: But eventually I could have come back around like there were other possibilities that I just
00:09:03.730 --> 00:09:06.110 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: closed myself off to.
00:09:09.700 --> 00:09:14.389 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So it's not that we don't have choices in difficult situations.
00:09:17.190 --> 00:09:21.039 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: It's that the consequences of those choices.
00:09:21.290 --> 00:09:28.179 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Ones we don't like. And really it comes down to an option of sort of weighing.
00:09:33.900 --> 00:09:38.629 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: whether the the consequence that we don't really like that much.
00:09:40.380 --> 00:09:47.080 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: if it's worth it, rather than keeping going in the situation or any of the other choices that might be available.
00:09:48.680 --> 00:09:58.240 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And it's kind of interesting cause when I reflected back on it, it. It's so funny how. when I've worked with clients over the years and have coached people.
00:09:58.710 --> 00:10:05.679 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and they've said to me, Oh, but I had no choice. I'm like, did you really have no choice? Couldn't you have done this? That this or that?
00:10:05.890 --> 00:10:09.049 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And they're like, Yeah, no. But how could I do that? I couldn't do that.
00:10:10.340 --> 00:10:22.349 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And it's funny, because when we work with someone who's not emotionally involved in the situation, who can see things more objectively. that person can see a lot more choices than we see for ourselves.
00:10:24.070 --> 00:10:27.199 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and then that person can really
00:10:27.310 --> 00:10:36.240 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: show us where there are other choices. But when we're just by ourselves in this situation. Was there really out any guidance?
00:10:36.600 --> 00:10:41.579 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: It can really feel like we just we have no other choice.
00:10:44.290 --> 00:10:50.370 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So for me it was a big lesson that there's always a choice
00:10:52.200 --> 00:11:05.989 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: that if ever I say to myself I had no choice. That's a big red flag for me to say, wait a minute. Is that really true? Or am I just limiting the choices because they're uncomfortable for me?
00:11:07.100 --> 00:11:11.000 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: I really got to take up a good look at the situation.
00:11:12.800 --> 00:11:17.659 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And so that's what this blog post is really all about, a very personal one for me.
00:11:18.050 --> 00:11:23.929 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: but I hope one that my loyal listeners can relate to.
00:11:24.180 --> 00:11:32.330 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and the title of this blog post again is, there is always a choice even when we can't see it.
00:11:32.650 --> 00:11:39.490 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and you can always find my blog@talkradio.nyc. Slash blog.
00:11:39.810 --> 00:11:50.310 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and and hope you find it. And as well you can find it on my personal branded website, theconsciousconsultant.com all right. So
00:11:50.520 --> 00:12:01.279 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: now, after much to do, it is my pleasure to welcome to the show speaker pod cat, fellow Podcaster Mindset and embody Co. Embodiment. Coach
00:12:01.330 --> 00:12:13.869 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: drew Derraini during a 9 month span, drew the proud father of 3 endored 4. Faith shaking life events that found him, determined to find a better way to live
00:12:14.340 --> 00:12:31.199 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: through intense self reflection and awareness. He realized that in order to be happy he must adhere to his own standards of honesty, integrity, and truth. Drew found his purpose and mission in life, which is to empower others ready to make a change and do the same.
00:12:31.280 --> 00:12:47.980 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Drew is now writing his own story, instead of letting others write it for him in his number one best selling book. I'll have what she's having memoir of a reformed people. Pleaser drew shares his personal journey, and redefines what it means to man up
00:12:48.390 --> 00:12:51.400 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and to embrace our authentic self.
00:12:51.490 --> 00:13:10.690 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Welcome to the conscious, consultant hour drew. Well, thank you so much, Sam. I'm grateful to be here, and glad you're in my life, my man, my pleasure, my pleasure, my friend, and thank you for for coming on today. So so we just got a couple of minutes before first break. So I'm just curious.
00:13:10.850 --> 00:13:19.359 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Would you mind sharing with our audience? What would these 4 fake, shaking events that happen? Absolutely?
00:13:19.430 --> 00:13:35.080 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: yeah, I guess I guess to some people they can get through it a little more smoother than I. The first faith is shaking. Moment was my divorce. That was final in April of 18, but the the the precursor to that was, I found out from my best friend that my wife was leaving me. So we went through 3 years of mediation.
00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:51.640 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Yeah, she called them him and his wife. To let them know to look out for me. We, my ex-wife and I, are both godparents of their youngest daughter.
00:13:51.670 --> 00:13:57.340 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: so I know she had the best intentions. But that he did contact me. At least I wasn't
00:13:58.160 --> 00:14:14.609 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I was still blindsided, but in a different way. So you know. So yeah, we went through 3 years of mediation to keep it out of the court system, and the divorce was final in April of 18. So to me that was the first faith, shaking moment, the whole that whole period because I was, I figured I could fix it.
00:14:14.850 --> 00:14:33.709 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Second faith, shaking moment. 6 months, one quick question on that where you go. So this was when you found out about this. This was a complete surprise to you like you had no idea this was coming. Yeah. And and that goes into why I'm doing what I'm doing within the men's personal development space. Because I
00:14:33.710 --> 00:14:47.449 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I kinda was living through life through the most, going through the motions and wasn't really aware I had a very low self awareness. You know, life puts things, and you just do A, BC and D, and you get through it. You go to the next thing, and you know.
00:14:47.530 --> 00:15:12.800 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: yeah, I did not see it coming. II didn't, wasn't aware of social queues. And well, I'm the kind of guy you need to tell me right away right upside the head. I don't take beating around the bush and stuff. So yeah, number 2 was, you know, I threw myself a fiftieth birthday party in October of 2,018 did I kinda rise up and
00:15:12.800 --> 00:15:18.210 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and and 10 days after that I was fired from my job at the hospital.
00:15:18.230 --> 00:15:28.199 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I'll make loss over that could do that. That was fun. Yeah, I was. I reported the hipaa violation. I was let go 10 days later.
00:15:28.300 --> 00:15:44.919 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: It was more the timing of me submitting it, not the fact that I did it. I didn't listen to the timing of it, and I just didn't thought it was right. And and yes, I was gone. 10 days later, and I was a man who my self-identity was tied to my family, my wife, and my job.
00:15:44.940 --> 00:15:51.400 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: which is a very unhealthy thing for a man to do to tie yourself identity to external things. So I was a wreck, and then.
00:15:51.540 --> 00:16:01.069 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: 10 days after, that is something to do with. 10 days after I got fired, one of my children had suicidal ideations, and
00:16:01.210 --> 00:16:03.119 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: That was that was rough.
00:16:03.360 --> 00:16:18.559 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: you know. I started already, started the victim and blame mindset, so I blame the wife for the divorce. I blame the boss for the firing. And now I'm blaming myself for this happening. Because, say, Drew, you took your your eye off the ball. You were focusing on the other things. And this happened.
00:16:18.610 --> 00:16:19.819 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and then I.
00:16:20.040 --> 00:16:30.940 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: 2 months after that happened, my father unexpectedly got sick, and he passed away. In mid January 2,019. So that was the 9 months we get hit with.
00:16:31.020 --> 00:16:37.440 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: you know your, your, your, your marriage, your job, your kid, and your and your father.
00:16:37.600 --> 00:17:00.150 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Oh, God, yeah, absolutely.
00:17:00.250 --> 00:17:07.680 And and if that's not enough to shake anybody's faith, I don't know what is. Alright.
00:17:08.700 --> 00:17:11.270 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: we're going to take a quick break when we come back.
00:17:11.490 --> 00:17:16.869 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Let's talk about what happened after all those faith shaking moments, and how you
00:17:17.000 --> 00:17:35.219 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: found your faith again. Absolutely alright. Alright! So everyone, please stay tuned. You're listening to the conscious consult now, or awakening humanity we're speaking this hour with Drew. Do rainy author of the book. I'll have what she's having memoir of a reform people pleaser, and we'll be right back
00:17:35.340 --> 00:17:36.909 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: in just a moment.
00:19:52.490 --> 00:19:57.119 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and welcome back to the conscious consult now awakening humanity.
00:19:57.500 --> 00:20:04.009 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: We're speaking this hour with true Deraney mindset and embodiment coach. So drew you
00:20:04.040 --> 00:20:06.910 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: you went through, I think, just about like
00:20:07.450 --> 00:20:31.560 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: th. The the only thing you didn't go through was really a personal health challenge. Because it's like I've I I've I've heard stories from different people of them, you know, losing jobs and and and losing parents and things like that, but usually the the, the crowning top of it was then they they hit some of their own like personal health challenge. And you didn't, thank goodness,
00:20:32.720 --> 00:20:40.330 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: But going through all of this in a 9 month period, basically, in less than a year, your whole world got turned upside down.
00:20:41.660 --> 00:20:43.750 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: How did you find your way through that?
00:20:44.960 --> 00:20:47.260 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: That's a good question.
00:20:48.580 --> 00:20:52.630 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Well, how did I? How did I find my way through it? I
00:20:52.720 --> 00:21:02.789 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: almost, didn't I? You know where we talked, you know I talked about the low self identity which to me is low self trust, low self love and low self.
00:21:03.330 --> 00:21:10.210 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: But when I say trust, love, and respect. So I had kind of low about myself there, and just those other. The first 2 things kind of knocked it even lower.
00:21:10.300 --> 00:21:19.659 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: So I say, when somebody has that low of a self identity. One of those 4 faith shaking moments you're ready to cave in. It's a catastrophe, right? I had 4.
00:21:19.730 --> 00:21:38.989 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: So yeah, I thought about not being around. I thought about whether it was I mean, I have a didn't have a plan for suicide. It was a thought, though. Certainly, I thought was just staying in bed all day and kinda given up. I had promised myself, Sam, that to be the best father I could be once I had children, and I have 3 kids.
00:21:39.310 --> 00:21:45.040 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and they are my life. So I die for them, and I'd live for them. And I knew that if I
00:21:45.140 --> 00:21:46.080 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: gave up
00:21:46.760 --> 00:21:51.480 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and children emulate the behavior of their parents that I would be
00:21:51.600 --> 00:21:58.700 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: doing something con contrary to what I promised myself, and and promised my God I would do.
00:21:58.810 --> 00:22:00.089 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and so
00:22:00.170 --> 00:22:03.510 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I was going to live, and the way I was going to do it
00:22:04.120 --> 00:22:13.079 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: was to do what men are supposed to do, Sam. And you know this right? We're supposed to suck it up, man, up! Don't show emotion.
00:22:13.530 --> 00:22:20.299 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Shown your support systems and just fix it. And so that's what I did. And
00:22:20.670 --> 00:22:29.079 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: II knew, though, to find clarity of purpose in my life, and to get to what I call the coping stage after a caving in stage. I needed that bridge
00:22:29.090 --> 00:22:37.099 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: so that bridge through those 2 stages was the clarity of purpose in my life, and I knew. you know, I know, that we we find the answers from within.
00:22:37.340 --> 00:22:46.950 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: At that time I knew I wouldn't find the answers from within. If I asked my head, my heart, and my gut. Should I live, all 3 would have said no, so I couldn't listen to myself.
00:22:47.010 --> 00:22:52.530 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I had to look outside of myself, and I looked at the into the eyes of my 3 children and my mother.
00:22:53.010 --> 00:23:07.320 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and I said, right now, this is the clarity, and the purpose of my life is to get through this and help them get through this alright didn't really care at that point getting myself through it. So I did what I did, and on the other side
00:23:07.370 --> 00:23:13.039 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I think I felt they were. They were well off. They're okay, you know. I was a shell of myself.
00:23:14.620 --> 00:23:19.090 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: so so I got them through it, and I got me through it empty.
00:23:19.110 --> 00:23:24.220 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And then you know the what's next question came up. And that was the next challenge.
00:23:25.600 --> 00:23:27.880 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
00:23:28.980 --> 00:23:42.330 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And thank you for your honesty, and thank you for for really it's understandable that anyone in that situation would consider giving up.
00:23:45.090 --> 00:23:58.340 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Was there anything that happened during that time? A coincidence, a serendipity, I mean something that just happened that just renewed your faith. Or was it really just powering through it?
00:23:59.220 --> 00:24:11.049 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: the faith piece, I mean, you know II mentioned I also blame God for taking my dad. So I was still in a victim, mindset and you know my hope. I always wanted to start my own company.
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:14.009 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and what I do recall is
00:24:14.200 --> 00:24:23.940 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: the month before my dad got sick. He was healthy, 80 year old on his birthday end of November, and we were at his house for birthday party, and when I was ready to leave
00:24:24.020 --> 00:24:27.040 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: he said to me, Drew, We want to tell y'all how proud I am of you.
00:24:27.290 --> 00:24:37.710 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Dad. I know you're proud of me. What? Why are you telling me that now he goes? I don't know how the hell you're doing it, you know. First the divorce and then the job stuff. And now now you're you know, one of our kids, you know the kid
00:24:37.890 --> 00:24:45.979 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and yet you're still there, taking care of the other 2 kids, and you come here every day and and check on your mother and me. I don't know how you're doing it.
00:24:46.510 --> 00:24:57.060 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I do. Wanna tell you I know the whole life. You wanted to own your own company. I always told you not to. My dad was with Ibm for 35 years, and that's what you do. And so I followed suit. I was in healthcare for 24 years.
00:24:57.790 --> 00:25:00.200 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: he said. Do what's going to make you happy.
00:25:00.290 --> 00:25:09.530 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and your mother and I will support you, no matter what. And I started crying and gave him a hug and a kiss, and I said, Thank you, Dad, and that's when I so I started prophet compassion.
00:25:09.760 --> 00:25:19.829 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: My intention was to start my own healthcare consulting company, to educate caregivers on how to effectively communicate with patients and families, to help them navigate the plan of care
00:25:19.960 --> 00:25:34.080 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: so they could leave the hospital healthier than when they got there. Truthfully. What's happening now? In healthcare? Patients are getting sicker after they leave, and I felt I could impact the industry stronger on the outside than on the inside.
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:41.390 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: The thing is, Sam. When my dad passed away when he died I let my dream die because I had so many self limiting beliefs.
00:25:41.400 --> 00:25:46.710 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: So I didn't start that company. So I had this this Llc. Called profit compassion.
00:25:46.760 --> 00:25:55.279 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: which I called it profit compassion, because we all can profit from being compassionate, and we can all profit from people being compassionate towards us.
00:25:55.310 --> 00:26:03.099 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I had it sitting there, and then I get a cold call which I never answer on my cell phone. And it was a company asking me if I wanted to buy a franchise.
00:26:03.850 --> 00:26:19.420 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And so part of my people. Pleasing skills. My rationalization came in. I said, Oh, yeah, I could. I could bias franchise. That's like having my own company. Yeah, I'll shell out 56 grand, and I will just learn the insides, and I'll I'll do that.
00:26:19.860 --> 00:26:35.110 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And I shunned away from healthcare because they burned me, or so I thought so. II bought a franchise. It was a business consulting great business model. It was just helping companies save money, which is honorable. It's just not like what I was doing in the hospitals, and
00:26:35.330 --> 00:26:38.260 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: so I did that without knowing how to run a
00:26:38.440 --> 00:26:47.910 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: you know company, I mean, I'm my ego and I had a fight and my ego one, and so I could run a company, and you know, for you know, then then Covid hit, and I'm here.
00:26:47.960 --> 00:27:04.459 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Look in the word pivot, you know. And I'm like, Okay, I'm supposed to hire these companies, and no companies are open, and I'm in new my New Jersey home, not being able to see anybody. What the heck am I gonna do? So, you know, I had started to virtually network across the country.
00:27:05.160 --> 00:27:07.979 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and, you know, trying to be optimistic.
00:27:08.100 --> 00:27:10.910 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And the you know
00:27:11.300 --> 00:27:24.099 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: what we ended up happened next was, this is the pivotal thing that started to give me. Faith is, I'd always wanted to write a book, and I never had the content. And now I knew I had content. So I was on a networking event.
00:27:24.160 --> 00:27:27.939 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and I forget what you know where it was taking place. But I was virtual.
00:27:28.110 --> 00:27:36.049 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and I met someone who was a book editor, and she was out in Arizona. and her buzz line was how to write a book in 90 days without writing a word
00:27:36.160 --> 00:27:45.639 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: right up my alley, Sam. How so I jumped at that. We had a call. It ended up being the way the process was. It was over Zoom, and we just talked.
00:27:45.940 --> 00:28:00.859 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and in the background otter was there. Which is that transcription thing, and it would take my words and put it on paper, so it'd be my words on paper, and I then could re listen to the recording and change my words and change the tone. It was wonderful.
00:28:01.450 --> 00:28:07.639 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: The pivotal moment was as I told my story, and I told it to everybody, anybody who would listen.
00:28:08.750 --> 00:28:10.830 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I started to heal myself from within.
00:28:12.050 --> 00:28:18.270 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Hearing my voice. Hearing my story with my ears. I started to heal, and it was cathartic, and
00:28:18.850 --> 00:28:31.179 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: when I was on with other people they'd start telling me stories, and they say, Drew, II don't even know you, and I never told the story before, and they're crying, and I'm feeling better telling it, or they'd say, I haven't told a story in years. I thought I was over it, and I'm obviously not.
00:28:31.680 --> 00:28:39.740 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And so, midway through writing a book. I wake up one morning on a Saturday in August 2,022.
00:28:40.330 --> 00:28:43.269 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And I said, Oh, my God! I know my purpose in life.
00:28:43.990 --> 00:28:48.770 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: It's to get men specifically to start opening their mouths.
00:28:48.780 --> 00:28:50.449 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: sharing their story
00:28:50.760 --> 00:28:54.819 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: share in emotions and heal in themselves from within.
00:28:54.930 --> 00:29:01.980 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And so I walked away from the franchise. I breached a 10 year agreement thankfully. The franchisor. I
00:29:02.140 --> 00:29:05.780 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: basically transferred my clients to another franchisee, and the Franchisor
00:29:05.950 --> 00:29:11.349 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: said that they were. They respected me all along because they had known my story, and they were not going to
00:29:11.510 --> 00:29:18.610 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: doing, and they let me walk, and I immediately didn't know what to do. Now. I had no income, no way to make money.
00:29:18.680 --> 00:29:20.280 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: sold the marital home.
00:29:20.340 --> 00:29:28.640 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And I ended up starting a men's group, not knowing how to do it. And I realized II made that men's group from what Drew needed.
00:29:28.770 --> 00:29:30.630 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and then I realized that
00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:48.570 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I needed to do something else. I pause that. And then I went on my journey to all the stuff I'm doing now. I made a vow that I'm gonna build a very strong foundation and my business. So when I put heavy stuff on it, it wouldn't collapse like the franchise was. So I spent the better part a year and a half up to now.
00:29:48.620 --> 00:29:50.620 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: knowing I wasn't going to bring in money.
00:29:50.870 --> 00:29:58.739 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I now have a solid foundation, and you know you do the right thing through service and kindness, and the money will follow. So.
00:29:58.800 --> 00:30:04.559 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: in a long answer to your short question now restored in God.
00:30:04.730 --> 00:30:13.770 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: because I realized he gave me so many opportunities that were right in front of me. that because I hadn't practiced self-awareness. I didn't see them
00:30:13.870 --> 00:30:24.350 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: once I got did that self awareness and and they were self reflection. All of a sudden I started seeing things instead of barriers. They were opportunities. And I'm like, Oh, my God! This stuff was in front of me the whole time
00:30:24.380 --> 00:30:25.469 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and see it.
00:30:25.750 --> 00:30:30.739 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah, so yeah. So my faith has been restored. And wonderful. Wonderful.
00:30:30.840 --> 00:30:37.519 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah, kind of having choices that are right in front of us and not even realizing it. Right? Absolutely. Yeah.
00:30:37.570 --> 00:30:49.210 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: awesome, awesome. Alright. I cease a couple of my loyal listeners checking in on the live stream scenario. Glad that blog post resonated with you, and Patty, always grateful for you listening in and sharing the show.
00:30:49.250 --> 00:31:15.369 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: We're gonna take another quick break. And so when we come back, let's talk a little bit about this book that you wrote, and I'd love to know like where that title came from. And just you know what the book is really all about and how it's impacted. People. Okay, Drew. Awesome. So everyone, please stay tuned. You're listening to the conscious consult now awakening humanity. We're speaking this hour with my guest, Drew Duraini, author of the book.
00:31:15.720 --> 00:31:17.609 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: I'll have what she's having
00:31:18.440 --> 00:31:23.089 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: memoir of a reformed people, pleaseer, and we'll be right back in just a moment.
00:33:27.170 --> 00:33:31.740 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and welcome back to the conscious consult now awakening humanity.
00:33:31.880 --> 00:33:43.939 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So drew you titled your book. I'll have what she's having obviously an homage to that line, and you've got mail. Why did you title it? That
00:33:44.100 --> 00:34:01.970 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: actually it was the movie when Harry met Sally? Oh, when Harry met Sally right we were in the. They were in a diner, and it was yeah, that was not the reason I named it that. However. It, it is funny, and I'm and I let people think that because certain will love it. But the actually, the name of the book initially
00:34:02.390 --> 00:34:06.670 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: was going to be called. how do you like your eggs
00:34:07.790 --> 00:34:12.380 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: like finding your real self. That's initially what it was. And
00:34:12.570 --> 00:34:17.650 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: when people asked me why I was gonna call it that, it took me so long to explain it.
00:34:17.739 --> 00:34:25.940 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: People said, You're going to lose people. No one's going to go in a store and buy. But how do you like your eggs? It came from my basically my while I'm writing the book
00:34:25.960 --> 00:34:36.989 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I had like an emotional breakdown. Because when you're repeating all this stuff over and over again, it just adds more negative feelings to your brain, and it anchors it, and all that kind of stuff. And I told my editor I wanted to stop, and she goes. Well, you know what
00:34:37.330 --> 00:34:43.040 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I think. This is the good time it's tell you to do this. Go watch the movie runaway bride.
00:34:43.219 --> 00:34:56.579 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And I said, I already seen it. Why do I have to wait? She was just watch it, and that's with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. Now the one she's like has 5 fiancees, and each one she leaves at the altar anyway. So I start watching so like a Friday night.
00:34:57.010 --> 00:35:02.359 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and I'm watching it. And she and my editor had said, pay special attention to. When I talk about eggs
00:35:02.560 --> 00:35:18.019 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I'm like, what do you mean? She goes. Just just listen for the word eggs. I'm like, alright fine, long story short, Richard Gere, as a reporter trying to validate a story he wrote about Julia Roberts finds all the different fiancees that were left at the altar by her, and asked them the specific question, like.
00:35:18.050 --> 00:35:37.739 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: when you were dating her, How did she like her eggs? And the fiancee would say, well, she likes him. She liked them, scrambled like me, and and the fiance, too, was like well over easy, like I like my like, I, you know. So each one had a different like way to make eggs, and and each time she had said, Those are her favorite eggs. So
00:35:37.740 --> 00:35:52.029 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: so at the last scene was like or second last scene. That's her in the kitchen, cooking eggs, many different, multiple, different ways to find out which one she it was really hers. And then the last scene. She yells out to Richard Gere, Benedict!
00:35:52.150 --> 00:35:57.840 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And he goes, Benedict Arnold! And she said, No eggs, Benedict eggs, Benedict are my favorite eggs.
00:35:57.850 --> 00:35:59.629 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and it hit me, and I started crying.
00:35:59.890 --> 00:36:05.449 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I realized what my my editor was telling me. I've been a people pleaser my whole life
00:36:05.990 --> 00:36:06.910 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: that
00:36:07.300 --> 00:36:15.400 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: when people would want would say something, I would say, well, I want them to like me. So maybe I'll just like the same thing they do. We have something in common.
00:36:15.590 --> 00:36:22.690 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And I started thinking about all my decisions, whether it was my wife, or dating, or friends, or jobs, or anything.
00:36:22.850 --> 00:36:43.489 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I was the agreeable guy, the nice guy, the one who drew. Can you do this for me? Sure, Drew. What's your favorite color and all the green like hers. It was just like, that's so. When I started telling that story was freaking too long, you know, just like now it was too long. So my! When I had started that men's group, II had these 8 tribesmen I called guys who had helped me volunteer to build this up.
00:36:43.550 --> 00:36:49.659 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and I was talking to 2 of them, and when I told the story I said, You're going to lose us. What? Tell us what the book's really about.
00:36:49.820 --> 00:37:04.299 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Alright, it's about, you know, being a people pleaser and always trying to do stuff for people and always ha having what they'll. And one guy said, Well, how about calling. I'll have what he's what he's what she's having. And I said, Well, yeah, that's exactly it. Because what would happen if I was at a restaurant.
00:37:04.310 --> 00:37:18.139 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: whether it was my wife or after divorce on a date, or friends whatever. I'd always want to get like let's say the steak, and I'm holding the menu at, and the waitress comes over and goes to the woman. What would you like? And the woman would say, I'll have salmon
00:37:18.300 --> 00:37:23.630 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: the way it just comes to me, sir, what would you like? And I'm about to say steak and I go. I'll have the.
00:37:24.460 --> 00:37:26.989 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I'll have this. I'll have what she's having.
00:37:27.090 --> 00:37:39.810 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: That sounds good. So that ended up, that is it, in almost every aspect of my life. And then one of the other guys did it in a silent, a private chatty, he said. How about memoir of a reformed people, pleaser?
00:37:39.950 --> 00:37:54.729 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And I'm and so it it's really the that's that's how we came up with the title. It was, I'm glad I asked. On the outside, the guys like, what do you think means more of of who I am
00:37:55.990 --> 00:37:57.670 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and so
00:37:59.230 --> 00:38:07.690 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: is the book, the story of the the this 9 month period, or is really the book about your life?
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:16.299 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: It's it's both. I wrote it as the drew of right now educating the drew of years past. And so what
00:38:16.780 --> 00:38:42.029 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: it kinda again, I initially started like right before I met my wife. And that's kind of where it starts. But what I did in the background was I overlapped? I looked at every aspect of my life, and I and the years mean a lot to me, because I'll know what year I graduated high school, graduated college. So that helped me. So I did it in like more like every 5 years. And I, what about some big things that happened in my life during those 5 year increments.
00:38:42.030 --> 00:38:49.280 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and how I made my decisions, and how I remember feeling at the time when I made a decision, that it wasn't aligned with my whatever. And
00:38:49.280 --> 00:39:05.679 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: so what I did is, I then took all those things, those stages in my life. I try. III thought about how I made the decision so I could kinda get some teaching moments, and I had a lot of patterns and and how I made decisions. So I it was like what I
00:39:06.040 --> 00:39:13.510 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: would have done if I had the tools necessary to to make a different decision is how the book's written. So I kind of overlap
00:39:13.550 --> 00:39:16.770 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: each aspect of my life with some like
00:39:16.950 --> 00:39:19.640 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: teaching moments, but I call them something different in the book.
00:39:19.800 --> 00:39:25.160 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And so that's how it's kind of written. It's it goes II I'll tell a part of my life.
00:39:25.220 --> 00:39:27.639 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and then I'll go into like the teaching moment.
00:39:27.660 --> 00:39:30.469 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Gotcha gotcha. Yeah. So
00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:39.279 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: now you you mentioned a few times men's work and men's groups, and it's something that I've been seeing more and more lately.
00:39:39.400 --> 00:39:47.610 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: you know, they've been women's groups and support groups for women. There's personal coaching groups.
00:39:47.930 --> 00:39:55.739 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: What's different about men's groups. When you say men's work or men's groups, what does that really mean?
00:39:56.950 --> 00:40:05.540 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: It means that men have been told how to act and behave and be
00:40:05.670 --> 00:40:08.030 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: for such a long time.
00:40:08.200 --> 00:40:16.610 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: That it's turned into a brainwash. And so men have been told by society.
00:40:17.030 --> 00:40:19.619 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: You know, with all this
00:40:20.770 --> 00:40:29.720 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: toxic masculinity made all these made-up terms that we cannot be masculine. You can't be strong provider fixer all this kind of stuff.
00:40:29.830 --> 00:40:43.679 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and we've also been told it's not. It's a weakness to cry and ask for help and all that stuff. So we're being told. Don't be who God created you to be. And also. Don't be this, you know this other stuff. So it's like.
00:40:44.040 --> 00:40:44.990 who are we?
00:40:45.100 --> 00:40:52.209 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: What are the rules? What are the what are our roles now? They're blurred. Don't do this, don't do that. Don't do this.
00:40:52.340 --> 00:40:58.799 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I feel that the man man has been isolated, and when you isolate a human being
00:40:59.080 --> 00:41:00.790 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: they become inactive.
00:41:01.040 --> 00:41:04.779 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and when you become inactive you let other people write your story.
00:41:05.110 --> 00:41:06.819 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and you're not living.
00:41:07.040 --> 00:41:12.030 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And I honestly believe, and it's not just our country. It's across the world
00:41:12.830 --> 00:41:17.590 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: that men are are in a precarious position right now.
00:41:17.850 --> 00:41:24.580 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: because for the most part we don't know what our role is in society.
00:41:24.840 --> 00:41:25.520 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Hmm.
00:41:28.930 --> 00:41:30.850 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: so it's really about
00:41:32.030 --> 00:41:48.680 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: men finding their way through to be men in today's modern world. Absolutely, absolutely. I mean, I have this free webinar. I do. It's called, get over yourself how to use the caveman formula to overcome self sabotage.
00:41:48.960 --> 00:41:58.649 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: It's it's just an acronym of how I got through to go from caving into coping to crushing it, because that's what I talk about in my. And
00:41:58.660 --> 00:42:09.890 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and yeah, I men and caveman times. Men were the providers. They go out and hunt and get the food, and the women did everything else in the background, and helped out with the family and all that.
00:42:09.930 --> 00:42:13.910 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: But the family was always together. And then, as we've gone
00:42:14.010 --> 00:42:24.570 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: across years like the man has really not allowed himself to evolve to still be that strong strength of a person and
00:42:24.670 --> 00:42:26.689 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: you master emotions.
00:42:26.890 --> 00:42:30.680 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: We've been taught to suppress emotions. And
00:42:30.790 --> 00:42:37.929 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and so that's why the K-man formula you know, it's no particular order. But each behavior behind the letter
00:42:37.950 --> 00:42:40.420 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: is how I have created
00:42:40.570 --> 00:43:00.539 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: my myself to really redefine what it means to man up, and that's combining strength with empathy and doing it in a certain way. So that's yeah. I just think men are lost right now, and it's time to evolve, but not evolve in the way that mainstream is telling us to evolve, evolve in the way that we are authentic self feel we can evolve.
00:43:00.820 --> 00:43:03.020 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Mmm.
00:43:07.980 --> 00:43:13.409 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: so with with everything that's gone on, and what you've learned
00:43:15.090 --> 00:43:21.599 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and what you're trying to embody. Now, do you see your sons picking up on it
00:43:21.950 --> 00:43:30.339 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: because they're grown up in a different world? I mean, like every generation. It's it's like a different world that we grow up in.
00:43:30.360 --> 00:43:35.160 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: How are they responding to this idea of men's work? And and this this idea of.
00:43:35.280 --> 00:43:41.070 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: You know, this other way of being as a man. That's that's a good question, cause I'm I'm really concerned about the youth.
00:43:41.310 --> 00:43:48.140 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and nowadays, and it was more compounded with with covid with the isolation. And these
00:43:48.240 --> 00:43:51.710 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: these kids, nowadays, these generations, they
00:43:52.140 --> 00:43:55.130 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: aren't challenged to critically think
00:43:55.360 --> 00:44:03.870 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: they're having different challenges in society, communicating well and and and thinking for themselves. And
00:44:03.940 --> 00:44:06.699 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: so that's what I've let my boys know.
00:44:06.890 --> 00:44:12.330 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: You know that that is what I'm doing. I think my oldest son, Matthew.
00:44:12.460 --> 00:44:15.019 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I believe he's proud of me because
00:44:15.300 --> 00:44:23.440 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: he's so far ahead. Cognitively. This kid is brilliant, and he comes up with things you wouldn't know, he said. He knows that I have been a weak man.
00:44:23.590 --> 00:44:30.139 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: that I allowed people to push me around and whatnot, and and I believe he's proud of me for what I'm standing for.
00:44:30.390 --> 00:44:39.799 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And he he and I have some deep conversations. I mean, you know, it's wonderful, my middle Guy Nikki.
00:44:40.020 --> 00:44:46.010 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: He's a quiet guy. He doesn't like to really share his emotions and speak. And so he and I, you know
00:44:46.110 --> 00:44:47.760 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: we'll work. We'll work on that
00:44:47.950 --> 00:44:50.550 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: But it's
00:44:51.670 --> 00:44:59.910 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: IIII believe truly that I'm building my legacy, that when I'm not here anymore. my boys are gonna respect
00:45:00.030 --> 00:45:04.800 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: the work that I'm doing, because I'm putting service and kindness first and money second
00:45:05.360 --> 00:45:16.449 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and and you know, when they were growing up, yeah, I worked at hospitals, and for 5 years I was in Manhattan, so that commute was far, and I believe I put money first.
00:45:17.440 --> 00:45:25.750 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: even though I said, I'm family, Guy. I believe I was putting money first in the job first, and staying, you know, and and where I really wasn't as present as I
00:45:25.860 --> 00:45:29.150 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: as as I should have been for them when I was home with them.
00:45:29.240 --> 00:45:40.749 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: You know, not maliciously, but you don't realize you're doing it when you know you don't know what you don't know. Awesome, awesome. Alright! It's time for us to take our last break when we come back.
00:45:41.580 --> 00:45:45.890 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: I'm going to ask you, how do you stop being a peak? People pleaser?
00:45:46.210 --> 00:46:08.589 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And we'll see we'll take it from there and and talk about what's going on and what you're offering out to people now. Okay, Drew, absolutely awesome. So everyone, please stay tuned. You're listening to the conscious consult now awakening humanity, and we'll be right back with our guest, drew Rainy to tie it all up in just a moment.
00:48:16.400 --> 00:48:27.089 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: so drew. The subtitle of your book is memoir of a reformed people pleaser. So how do you go from being a people pleaser to being a reformed people pleaser.
00:48:27.290 --> 00:48:32.610 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Alright. Well, you you can reform everybody. I'm still a work in progress, like we all are.
00:48:32.680 --> 00:48:58.649 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: So I haven't crushed it yet. I'm getting there so alright. So you mentioned about not having a health scare during that 9 month period. II did have one back in 2,007 when my wife we had our oldest son, Matthew, and my wife is pregnant with Nicholas W. My wife and I both worked in a hospital in the opera, in an operating room outpatient, and I was a materials manager. She was a recovery room nurse and I had a panic attack that we all thought was a heart attack.
00:48:58.760 --> 00:49:07.399 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: so I was brought out on a stretcher. I remember passing by her. She's crying, pregnant with with Nick, and I get brought to the hospital.
00:49:07.420 --> 00:49:14.340 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and it was, you know, diagnosed as a panic attack. And so immediately, you know you, it's
00:49:14.370 --> 00:49:21.410 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: the way our Western health care is. They don't go into like looking at the root cause of this, they think of the symptoms. So I was
00:49:21.480 --> 00:49:28.919 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: suggested to go see a psychiatrist and immediately put on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, and that's where it all started.
00:49:29.190 --> 00:49:32.039 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And so fast forward to
00:49:32.210 --> 00:49:34.580 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: becoming the reformed people pleaser.
00:49:34.910 --> 00:49:39.490 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I in all the research I've done, and the self-reflection and self-awareness.
00:49:39.650 --> 00:49:49.009 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: you know, I realize, and and I'm not a doctor. I'm not clinical, so don't quote me on medical stuff, although I've been close enough to hospitals and doctors and nurses to know. I know. What I'm talking about
00:49:49.140 --> 00:49:53.169 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: is that when when an individual is depressed.
00:49:53.600 --> 00:50:00.699 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: there's an issue with his past. and it's usually regret regret for the past.
00:50:00.940 --> 00:50:15.159 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: So, working on myself. And I've been working with my psychiatrist to wean me off the these pharmaceuticals. I have been able to a lot of work the last 7 years to replace my regret for the past with forgiveness.
00:50:15.460 --> 00:50:17.889 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and it's forgiveness of myself
00:50:18.490 --> 00:50:23.869 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: for not having the decision-making tools at the time to decide any differently.
00:50:24.100 --> 00:50:33.640 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Stop beating myself up, so I forgive myself, and I've learned to forgive others for the error of their ways. They do not know what they what they don't know.
00:50:33.700 --> 00:50:40.309 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and so my past is now my past. We all have the past, and I know my past helped me grow
00:50:40.340 --> 00:50:44.599 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: to who I am now. So forgiveness was step number one.
00:50:45.650 --> 00:50:51.010 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and then, now weaning myself off the antidepressants with my my doctor.
00:50:52.020 --> 00:50:54.649 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Number 2. Anxiety.
00:50:55.070 --> 00:50:57.120 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: good ol fear of the future.
00:50:57.240 --> 00:51:08.649 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: you know, think, and grow rich. Napoleon Hill talks about the 6 basic fears I've always had a fear of, you know. Once I became an adult and a fear of poverty, fear of it's mostly fear of criticism.
00:51:09.020 --> 00:51:10.750 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: What people think of me.
00:51:10.880 --> 00:51:16.439 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: That was my fear and my anxiety, the future, the fear of failure, even the fear of success.
00:51:16.920 --> 00:51:24.319 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: So, in order to combat my anxiety, you know. The first 2 chapters of of Napoleon Hills Book are on Desire and Faith.
00:51:24.780 --> 00:51:30.110 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: I needed to have a purpose for something to look forward to, hope, and still hope.
00:51:30.230 --> 00:51:41.750 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And II wanted to reinstall that faith in God. Right so desires the first chapter in his book, and faith is a second, so I have successfully replaced the fear of the future
00:51:42.020 --> 00:51:50.540 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: with desire and faith. And now, in my, I have successfully weaned off the anti-anxiety medication with my doctor.
00:51:50.610 --> 00:51:57.050 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: so now, not regretting the past, and I'm not afraid of the future. You gotta live in the moment Sam
00:51:57.160 --> 00:52:03.590 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and I had that blame and victim mindset in order to combat that I grabbed on to gratitude.
00:52:04.430 --> 00:52:15.810 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Gratitude is huge, it I'm grateful for not just my family and my health and my friends, but the fact that I can get out of bed the fact that I can walk. So I started, like.
00:52:15.830 --> 00:52:24.160 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: you know, writing down every day a hundred things I'm grateful for, and you can get down to the nitty, gritty man if I'm grateful for a cup of coffee.
00:52:24.180 --> 00:52:38.989 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Well, I need a coffee mug to be grateful for, and like my creamer and my, how about? Where do you put the creamer in the fridge? I'm thankful to have a fridge, and how about, you know, when you reach for the fridge, it's gotta handle them thankful for. I mean, really getting down to them to that.
00:52:39.150 --> 00:52:51.010 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And so you think about what happens to your brain. As far as anchoring things you eliminate regret. victim and blame, mindset and fear.
00:52:51.180 --> 00:52:53.719 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and you replace that with forgiveness.
00:52:54.000 --> 00:52:57.090 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: gratitude, desire, and faith.
00:52:57.810 --> 00:53:09.349 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: how that can transform a human being. And it did it for me. A lot of work, lot of support from others, lot of change in my belief system. We'll probably talk about a belief system, too, when whenever you want. But
00:53:09.440 --> 00:53:17.769 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: you know, we're in essence. Our most of our lives were live at other people's belief system. We don't even realize it. So I totally replaced my belief system.
00:53:17.870 --> 00:53:32.740 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: got rid of myself limiting beliefs with all those 4 things I told you about. and I created a paradigm in my book called The Cope Paradigm, that, coming through stronger the sea is clarity of purpose that got me from the caving in stage to the coping stage. That's that bridge
00:53:33.020 --> 00:53:34.700 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: always opportunities.
00:53:34.940 --> 00:53:41.009 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Once I crossed that bridge into coping, I started seeing barriers as opportunities. Mind shift, change.
00:53:41.170 --> 00:53:45.469 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: The p is progression. The minute you can see barriers as opportunities.
00:53:45.660 --> 00:53:52.770 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: you start to take action and you start to progress. There goes my confidence starts building, and so does my trust and my respect for myself.
00:53:52.870 --> 00:54:17.660 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And then the E is evolution. You evolve, the more small wins you celebrate when you're progressing the close the more you evolve. And now I'm towards the end of the coping stage, and that final bridge is the evolution to the transformate, the the, the crushing it stage, then that's more like the Abraham Maslow hierarchy of. So I'm not there yet. Now I am taking people on that journey with me because I want to bring there too. So
00:54:17.660 --> 00:54:32.439 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: that is what I did. And you know the the the human being is 70,000 or so thoughts a day. So I'll have these negative thoughts coming in. But the key is just you. Ha! When you have a feeling, it's always related to a thought.
00:54:32.500 --> 00:54:37.680 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: and I stopped that thought. If it's a negative thought, so I won't take me down that rabbit hole.
00:54:37.990 --> 00:54:42.439 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So we we just got a couple of minutes left. What's the mindful man movement?
00:54:42.720 --> 00:54:53.340 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: The mindful man movement is really emphasizing to men empowering men to be? Much more mindful. And my coaching practice really starts with
00:54:54.000 --> 00:55:05.490 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: really empowering men to acknowledge their thoughts and that and that, and that's that's all about finding their own identity. I want them to define and design
00:55:05.580 --> 00:55:08.069 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: their desired identity.
00:55:08.090 --> 00:55:17.459 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And once we do that, we go for mastering emotions, and what we, how we do it is we eliminate all those self limiting beliefs that were tied to that identity.
00:55:17.510 --> 00:55:26.780 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Let's get rid of those, and once a man knows who he is and where he's going, we start to help him write his own story, and that's all about leading with purpose.
00:55:26.820 --> 00:55:47.400 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: And so that that is all. With the mindful man movement is acknowledging thoughts, mastering emotions leading with purpose. And there's so many ways we can do that. And I want to take men, one man at a time, man, and just bring them to who they can be their best self with inner peace. And that's what the man, mindful man movement is
00:55:47.440 --> 00:55:49.340 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: wonderful wonderful.
00:55:49.720 --> 00:56:05.759 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Well, Drew, thank you so much for for coming on the show today, and and sharing of yourself and and your story. It's these kinds of conversations are the important conversations that I think need to happen more frequently and more publicly as well.
00:56:05.890 --> 00:56:17.849 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: If people want to learn more about you, get in touch with you, how do they find you, you know, where do they find you? Absolutely thanks for asking. My website's profit compassioncom.
00:56:17.870 --> 00:56:43.930 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: Or you can email me a Druid profit compassion.com. I do you know, I host that free webinar about getting over self sabotage? Third Thursday of every month? My website has the link to that it's free. I host a men's, a men's group called Tribal Stoics. Monday mornings at 10 Am. Eastern links in the on the on my site, too, and a coaching practice. You can learn about that. I also host A, podcast called from caving into crushing it.
00:56:43.970 --> 00:56:49.930 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: You would just look that up. I'd love for you to listen. But a anything you guys need, you have a question just
00:56:50.030 --> 00:56:53.469 Drew Deraney - The Mindful Man Movement: shoot me an email. I'd love to love to help anybody. I really can do
00:56:53.570 --> 00:57:02.680 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: wonderful, wonderful! Thank you so much, Drew. Thank you so much for showing up for the work that you do, and for being drew.
00:57:03.190 --> 00:57:25.499 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Thank you, Sam, I appreciate it. You're so so, so so welcome, and of course, thank you, our loyal listeners for tuning in each week. Without you there is no show and just a little reminder. If you missed any part of today's show, you can always catch the replay on talk, radio, Nyc, and on all the major, social platforms, Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, and on all the big
00:57:25.510 --> 00:57:34.410 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Podcasting platforms, apple, Google, spotify Pandora, Iheartradio. Wherever you find Podcasts, you can find the conscious consult. Now.
00:57:34.510 --> 00:57:48.949 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: thank you all for tuning in. Don't forget later today. 5 pm. It's Frank Harrison and his show, Frank about health, and on Fridays, as always we have our blocks of show with us, kicking off with Tommy Dmisa and his show philanthropy and focus. At 10 Am.
00:57:48.950 --> 00:58:09.340 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Followed by Stephen Fry and his show always Friday at 11, and we're gonna have some new shows starting on the network really soon. So if you have not yet go to talk radio down in Yc. And sign up for our newsletter. Just click on the join the try button. So you can stay informed of our schedule and the shows coming up.
00:58:09.830 --> 00:58:14.360 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Thank you all for tuning in. We will talk to you all next week.
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