[New Episode] Reinventing yourself through relationship transitions

How to change your mindset around relationship transitions. How to deal with loss/grief in a way that supports personal growth and evolution.

Relationships at midlife can get messy. A significant number of personal relationships break down at this stage of life and you might be surprised to learn that women are more likely than men to instigate separations and divorce. But even if you are the person in a couple who wants to move on, how do you do that in a way that has positive outcomes for the rest of your life? 

My guest this week, Evana Valle, guides women who are in relationship transition through self-discovery journeys to evolve and flourish re-evaluating and redefining the next chapter of their lives on their terms. She will be sharing with me how she supports women through relationship changes to help them transform what’s not working to experience a higher level of peace and fulfillment. 

https://www.evanavalle.com FB: https://www.facebook.com/InspiredPositiveLifeWithEvana IG: https://www.instagram.com/inspiredpositivelifewithevana/ 

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Join me for this essential conversation at TalkRadio.nyc or watch the Facebook Livestream by Clicking Here.

Show Notes

Segment 1

Starting off today’s show, Pat looks at what’s in the press relating to relationships and menopause. Cover Magazine has a story about Zurich and insurance. Zurich has support measures to support those impacted by menopause like in the workplace as well as educational programs. In the Daily Mail, there’s an article about relationships and love life after menopause. Also, Pat talks about an interview with Irish author, Marian Keyes. She suffered a major depression episode, linked to her mental health and menopause. She speaks on menopause and women and empowering women through her writing. Pat introduces her guest Evana Valle and invites her into the discussion about the positive articles Pat read to start the show. Evana talks about the experience of shame she first had with menopause and being able to overcome that. Unfortunately, as Pat mentions, menopause is associated with negative ideas that are made out of it like what againg means to someone or being unattractive. But with positive news and stories like what Pat talks about, it empowers women to look at their journeys as positive and almost magical as Evana describes it.

Segment 2

Pat talks with Evana about how she got to do what she does now with helping women live a life with more happiness and fulfillment. She says that in 2017, she was going through a bad relationship split. Her driving force and focus was that she wanted to be a better and stronger woman and someone who’s confident with herself. In order to do this, she says that she had to be willing to look at how she was making her decisions and her motivations. Evana said that she moved in with her mother and sister who thankfully were close to her. Her family, she says, were very supportive. Pat and Evana talk about worrying about either people’s opinions and how Evana had to let go of things like that in order to progress in her life. Evana speaks more about her time after her relationship breakup such as visiting a friend for the holidays and focusing more on her wellbeing and health. She mentions something that came to her mind while being on a flight to Costa Rica. This message to herself was to say yes to things she usually says no to. She started to allow herself to receive. This means receiving invites such as invitations from her friend she visited in Costa Rica or an invite to zumba. Her travels led her to discovering and evolving into a better person.

Segment 3‍

Segment 4

Transcript

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:07.589 Pat Duckworth: The press, and I have found some stories that relate to relationships, but there are some other stories as well.

00:00:08.099 --> 00:00:18.900 Pat Duckworth: So if you know me by now, you know that I am very keen on supporting women at menopause in the workplace and working with employers who wants to support women at work.

00:00:19.680 --> 00:00:35.520 Pat Duckworth: And this week cover magazine had a story about Sorokin insurance and zurich's has unveiled additional measures to its life stage policies which ensure that every employee has access to medical support for great.

00:00:36.390 --> 00:00:43.560 Pat Duckworth: The new support measures recognize that menopause will affect all employees, eventually, including those who have partners family or colleagues.

00:00:44.130 --> 00:00:57.000 Pat Duckworth: impacted with signpost resources and support available Sarah has began educational programs, with over 700 of its staff who have direct reports, including awareness training sessions.

00:00:58.260 --> 00:01:10.710 Pat Duckworth: By multiples expert lauren Sharon, who shared her individual story those individual stories, you know when you're talking about what happens that many apples can be very powerful they bring it home what's really going on.

00:01:11.400 --> 00:01:20.460 Pat Duckworth: And this is supported by managers toolkit targeted question and answer sessions and access to resources and experts on the people team for specific challenges.

00:01:20.940 --> 00:01:31.530 Pat Duckworth: As part of an ongoing education process that provider is also planning to roll out an online learning module which will be available to its entire workforce to continue to raise awareness.

00:01:31.800 --> 00:01:49.890 Pat Duckworth: So really helpful to have online resources, I help my clients with that and also having those live sessions, because sometimes the live sessions are so powerful because it gives people an opportunity to ask their questions and if you're in a safe environment for doing that.

00:01:51.090 --> 00:02:06.240 Pat Duckworth: A lot of women don't talk about this stuff and it can be their first opportunity to say could this be my mentor pause i'm experiencing this what's going on, and it can take a whole lot of fear, out of the subject so well done to Zurich insurance.

00:02:08.220 --> 00:02:11.160 Pat Duckworth: A message from an article in the Daily Mail.

00:02:12.300 --> 00:02:15.660 Pat Duckworth: The thrill of having your awakening after 50.

00:02:16.140 --> 00:02:27.630 Pat Duckworth: held back by anxiety and self doubt Sophie binge never enjoyed lovemaking even were married then after hitting the multiples she went on a mission to revitalize her mind and body.

00:02:27.930 --> 00:02:34.770 Pat Duckworth: So they can be this kind of misapprehension that we're all shutting up shop when we hit menopause and that's not.

00:02:36.420 --> 00:02:46.590 Pat Duckworth: Eight years ago she says she was a 47 year old duvall see and mother of one with a string of unsatisfactory failed relationships behind her and a general feeling of malaise.

00:02:46.980 --> 00:02:53.370 Pat Duckworth: Then, as a woman's workshop in sorry all her anxiety and self recrimination boil down to an Epiphany.

00:02:54.000 --> 00:03:03.450 Pat Duckworth: And she says that I had yet another I had yet to experience true sexual pleasure and intimate connection, this was why I felt at the very heart of me so last.

00:03:03.840 --> 00:03:17.460 Pat Duckworth: Today age 55 i'm happier than i've ever been i've experienced joy in the bedroom then true confidence outside it, those two things for me are inextricably linked yet confidence in intimate relationships it's.

00:03:18.240 --> 00:03:25.860 Pat Duckworth: got to be self confident, rather than being in different for sex the popular misconception about women going through the change.

00:03:26.100 --> 00:03:32.100 Pat Duckworth: i've discovered that women can reach their sexual peak in mid to late life and then have wondrous love lives.

00:03:32.490 --> 00:03:40.800 Pat Duckworth: Good sex brings us and energy and momentum that ripples into all aspects of our day leading to more vibrancy and focusing or weaker.

00:03:41.250 --> 00:03:54.660 Pat Duckworth: Regular intimacy also drives down cortisol and other stress hormones and balances our nervous system, lifting us out the anxious fight or flight mode that so many multiples of women grapple with, and they do anxiety.

00:03:55.470 --> 00:04:10.290 Pat Duckworth: highest levels of anxiety can be assigned that of menopause because of the hormonal changes that are going on it's, not just because i'm in multiples I feel anxious it's that there are big hormonal shifts going on in the background.

00:04:11.760 --> 00:04:20.460 Pat Duckworth: Another celebrity this week, who opened up about menopause as part of a much bigger interview actually was Marion keys, the Irish author.

00:04:21.270 --> 00:04:36.600 Pat Duckworth: And she suffered a major depressive episode from the age of 45 and had to stop all her work years later, speaking with the Daily Mail she linked her struggle with mental health to the onset of have multiples she says.

00:04:37.380 --> 00:04:50.460 Pat Duckworth: It was never confirmed that the terrible depression, I suffered for four years from the age of 45 was linked to a minute pause but in retrospect, it makes sense at that time no one suggested my problem could be hormonal.

00:04:51.420 --> 00:04:57.510 Pat Duckworth: Key suggested that not enough is being done to come up with sufficient treatments for severe symptoms, she said.

00:04:57.960 --> 00:05:07.980 Pat Duckworth: If multiples happen for men they'd be given 10 years of work between 45 and 55 they will be treated with compassion gentleness and understanding.

00:05:08.640 --> 00:05:15.240 Pat Duckworth: The medicine they wanted will be made available, the therapy they needed their lives would be made easier keys added.

00:05:15.690 --> 00:05:23.280 Pat Duckworth: Despite the difficulty during keys have with her own menopause she's came to empower postmenopausal women through her writing.

00:05:23.940 --> 00:05:34.770 Pat Duckworth: talking to the Guardian about her romance novel again Rachel, which is about a middle aged woman who's recovering addict but finds love key said as a menopausal woman.

00:05:35.100 --> 00:05:50.700 Pat Duckworth: i'm banging the drums the idea that we don't all with a when we're 37 yes, we do I write about women being sexual possible to shed a faulty when we're supposed to shut up shop I don't know why that perception is there, but there we go.

00:05:51.870 --> 00:05:58.320 Pat Duckworth: Yes, magazine the shape shifting power of multiples I found all these positive stories this week.

00:05:59.280 --> 00:06:10.980 Pat Duckworth: The fear of losing one's us beauty worth appeal visibility and approval is hard to explain, most people raise female will just not it's the terror that many of us have built our lives.

00:06:11.430 --> 00:06:21.960 Pat Duckworth: egos livelihoods and relationships around menopause is the powerful undeniable quickening of these strengths, but that's not what this writing is about it's about the opposite.

00:06:22.320 --> 00:06:33.450 Pat Duckworth: it's about the local shape shifting of a body towards power i'm loving this already actually is quite a long article, if you will find it in yes magazine and there's lots of really good stuff in it.

00:06:34.140 --> 00:06:39.090 Pat Duckworth: There was the birth of the self that comes through the whispers of people with transforming wounds.

00:06:39.900 --> 00:06:49.830 Pat Duckworth: Those going through menopause do tend to burn off the bullshit there is that thing you hear about giving us facts I totally go along with that, I give so many less.

00:06:50.670 --> 00:06:55.080 Pat Duckworth: that's the real thing and it's not superficial it climbs out the loss of approval.

00:06:55.530 --> 00:07:06.450 Pat Duckworth: The phoenix rising is a menopausal phenomenon that requires a massive reframing of what worth truly is and how about this menopausal sexual awakening is no joke.

00:07:06.780 --> 00:07:12.330 Pat Duckworth: When the womb, and the heart settle into a mature alignment, there is an underworld of fearless pleasure.

00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:22.890 Pat Duckworth: If enough healing has occurred around violation of powerlessness, the body can finally leave the mind, for me, being met spiritually and sexually at this time of my life.

00:07:23.250 --> 00:07:33.510 Pat Duckworth: was given me a second chance to innocence, I found vulnerabilities be a doorway to a kind of fearless sexual cliff diving that is loving and very much alive.

00:07:33.990 --> 00:07:38.730 Pat Duckworth: Despite this menopausal transformation myself the one on passionately describing.

00:07:39.210 --> 00:07:52.890 Pat Duckworth: I also feel that my culture and society have failed me so badly I need elders to show me how to do this, but they are not built into my life that's what this show is about it's about elderly.

00:07:53.730 --> 00:08:09.000 Pat Duckworth: bringing this to the surface and saying it's fine, on the other side join me there, so my guest in the studio today is Yvonne of La and ivana What did you think of all those stories about we've been finding themselves, besides.

00:08:10.020 --> 00:08:19.020 Evana Valle: Oh, my God, first and foremost Thank you so much for allowing me to be on the show with you and I have to tell you in all those stories like I related to different pieces of it.

00:08:19.230 --> 00:08:34.860 Evana Valle: mm hmm you know it's there is a an evolution of ourselves of our relationship with ourselves in perimenopause and menopause and and I know i've just started it and who was the first person I call but.

00:08:35.400 --> 00:08:37.950 Evana Valle: My friend and colleague, because I was like I.

00:08:38.280 --> 00:08:41.880 Evana Valle: Until you're in it, you actually don't think you want to you don't want to look at it.

00:08:42.000 --> 00:08:51.690 Evana Valle: yeah, and so there is that just that that that veil of shame and I know that I experienced that initially, and then I went from that to hold on I actually want to be able to.

00:08:52.140 --> 00:09:02.670 Evana Valle: dance to this journey this evolution of myself beautifully so I empower myself, by reaching out to you and I think that's the strength of these journeys that were all.

00:09:03.270 --> 00:09:10.470 Evana Valle: invited to be on whether it's you know menopause is not one of choice, though, but you know, we still have to wait to go through it.

00:09:11.430 --> 00:09:13.500 Pat Duckworth: Well, if we think about it, you know.

00:09:15.240 --> 00:09:20.460 Pat Duckworth: The age that we've been going through menopause itself period stopping which is around the.

00:09:22.980 --> 00:09:25.260 Pat Duckworth: That has not changed for centuries.

00:09:25.980 --> 00:09:28.020 Pat Duckworth: And so many women didn't have the.

00:09:28.020 --> 00:09:32.040 Pat Duckworth: privilege of going through it they'd already died.

00:09:33.180 --> 00:09:52.950 Pat Duckworth: So I kind of start from it's a privilege to get to this age and with the knowledge and experience and everything that's going on, that means that this is a springboard for the next stage of life, it was a spring board for the next stage of my life and that's what I want for other women.

00:09:53.880 --> 00:10:03.930 Evana Valle: You know what, as you say that I actually takes me back to like the full cycle of when young women start their their menstrual cycle and that same.

00:10:04.290 --> 00:10:12.090 Evana Valle: That same negative relationship with it's like oh my God I can't wait till I don't have these periods anymore and it's actually ludicrous as part of our.

00:10:12.360 --> 00:10:21.180 Evana Valle: Our birthright as women like whether we choose to exercise on and have a child or not is a different conversation, but it is part of the beauty of us being women.

00:10:21.720 --> 00:10:29.130 Evana Valle: And there needs to have more conversation more normalcy and some more magic around it and and you're doing that, with the show.

00:10:30.180 --> 00:10:32.970 Evana Valle: By bringing it to the forefront.

00:10:33.300 --> 00:10:45.660 Pat Duckworth: And yeah and the more we can find these positive stories, because the negative words around men a pause a you know it's one of the reasons women don't want to talk about it.

00:10:45.690 --> 00:10:46.290 Pat Duckworth: Because.

00:10:46.680 --> 00:11:05.790 Pat Duckworth: they're associated with aging and not being attractive and you know, a whole bunch of horrible stuff rather than okay that was like the first part of my life, and now I get to live another part of my life that's exciting.

00:11:06.450 --> 00:11:13.860 Evana Valle: Absolutely exciting and it was that experience to my home, we never talked about, I never heard my mom talk about it, so it just became a natural shame P so.

00:11:14.310 --> 00:11:23.670 Evana Valle: What you're doing actually helps those of us who had that experience to actually come out and talk about it and embrace it because we're not our mother's generation i'm not my mother.

00:11:23.970 --> 00:11:34.260 Evana Valle: And so, how i'm going about the street is completely different than how she did it and I respect her way, but I get to choose mine and with the resources, like you and your books helps that tremendously.

00:11:34.470 --> 00:11:50.340 Pat Duckworth: yeah and there's so much more resource now, and I think there's a whole generation of women coming through who've been much more open about their fertility and about you know and using technology using Apps tracking cycles.

00:11:50.760 --> 00:11:54.450 Pat Duckworth: And then they get to this point they go well where's all the stuff multiples.

00:11:55.560 --> 00:12:03.240 Pat Duckworth: And I start looking around, for you know how do I do this, how do I do this stage and because it hasn't been talked about.

00:12:04.680 --> 00:12:22.770 Pat Duckworth: You know this starting to be stuff when I when I wrote my first book hot women cool solutions 10 years ago there really wasn't much stuff yeah but you know the medical and health market has seen a huge market for this now.

00:12:23.490 --> 00:12:27.570 Evana Valle: Absolutely, even the holistic healthy alternative health there's huge.

00:12:27.930 --> 00:12:28.350 yeah.

00:12:29.400 --> 00:12:30.000 Evana Valle: Sorry.

00:12:30.360 --> 00:12:41.070 Pat Duckworth: yeah and a lot more in the UK, a lot more celebrities are speaking out, which is a good thing, because it raises the profile, it can be a bad thing if they go don't why you've got to do it is basically you.

00:12:41.610 --> 00:12:58.020 Pat Duckworth: know that was your way there's lots of other ways to have such a good conversation about us so join me after the break join me and my lovely guest Nevada valet after the bright when we will be talking about relationships see that.

00:15:11.400 --> 00:15:22.710 Pat Duckworth: Welcome back to the hot women rock radio show and powering women leaders at menopause and it just makes so much sense in this week when we've had valentine's day that we're talking about relationships.

00:15:23.370 --> 00:15:41.610 Pat Duckworth: So my guest today is the founder and CEO of Yvonne of La international if Allah guides women who are in relationship transitions and self discovery journeys to evolve and flourish reevaluating and redefining the next chapter of their lives on their terms.

00:15:42.090 --> 00:15:53.610 Pat Duckworth: Supporting many women and going through this herself ivana uses her proprietary system to help you transform what's not working so experience a higher level of peace and fulfillment.

00:15:53.910 --> 00:16:02.220 Pat Duckworth: Enabling you to take flight into a new reality you're creating and choosing powerfully as such an important one for choosing what.

00:16:02.790 --> 00:16:11.490 Pat Duckworth: she's a certified coach accredited by the International coaches federation is exceptionally skilled in the work of Dr renee Brown, who, I think we all love.

00:16:11.940 --> 00:16:27.090 Pat Duckworth: As a certified daring way facilitator, she embarks on this beautiful journey offering immersive global travel experiences and retreats live events group coaching and personal coaching welcome if honor it's such a joy to have you on the show.

00:16:27.690 --> 00:16:33.750 Evana Valle: Thank you so much, and it's awesome to be here awesome to be in conversation with you about like these great topics.

00:16:33.810 --> 00:16:40.620 Pat Duckworth: yeah and relationships and such a huge thing at this stage of life when you've got to.

00:16:41.130 --> 00:16:50.160 Pat Duckworth: Your early 40s into your 50s and 60s and you might be happily single looking for somebody in the long term relationship.

00:16:50.700 --> 00:17:04.560 Pat Duckworth: All sorts of things could be going on for you at this stage of life, but before we get there let's do a bit about your journey, how did you get to be doing what you're doing you're living in Italy now but tell us a bit more about where you've been.

00:17:05.520 --> 00:17:21.180 Evana Valle: Okay, well, let me start by saying, I am in Italy, and if you would have asked me when I started this journey, if I would be in Italy, I would have said you're crazy right because that's just how that's how my journeys evolve, but ultimately pat in 2017.

00:17:22.440 --> 00:17:34.230 Evana Valle: I was going through an unpleasant split and what I got clarity, though around that, as I did not want that relationship or that split to define me I actually wanted to emerge through that.

00:17:34.560 --> 00:17:53.130 Evana Valle: Because being a better and stronger woman and human and so that became my driving force and focus guiding me to make choices during the split and actually carries me now it's like you know what that is my intention is, I want to just be a better stronger woman.

00:17:53.250 --> 00:17:55.950 Evana Valle: And when I say stronger, I mean like with more confidence.

00:17:56.220 --> 00:18:04.410 Evana Valle: And more you know more peace of mind it's like you know what I be confident, who I am which I think a lot of these things actually parallel.

00:18:04.860 --> 00:18:21.900 Evana Valle: The the woman that i'm in right now is going through the peri peri mental pause journey right it's like Okay, how do I want to dance to this but, seeing that my my focus area is relationships will stick with that and will leave you to focus on that part, even though there's such overlap.

00:18:22.290 --> 00:18:23.400 Pat Duckworth: And when I really it's a.

00:18:23.400 --> 00:18:27.090 Evana Valle: toy it's all intertwined it's all intertwined isn't it.

00:18:28.440 --> 00:18:37.470 Evana Valle: And when I realized in order for me to fulfill that to come out as a stronger better person I actually had to be willing to do things differently yeah.

00:18:38.880 --> 00:18:49.320 Evana Valle: I have to be willing to look at how I was actually making my decisions and where they actually serving me like what was the motivations behind what I was doing.

00:18:50.040 --> 00:19:00.900 Evana Valle: And, knowing that making this choice and the commitment immediately opened up reality that I had to do things like there's obvious things that I had to do right away.

00:19:02.070 --> 00:19:10.530 Evana Valle: So for me, one of the things I had to do is I actually had to pack up and leave the home, where I had built with him.

00:19:11.310 --> 00:19:18.090 Evana Valle: Even though the House had sold like staying there was not serving my growth was not serving me.

00:19:18.690 --> 00:19:26.940 Evana Valle: And so I had to do that, and so, thankfully, you know not far my family had a home, there is already space, like their guest room and.

00:19:27.570 --> 00:19:30.450 Evana Valle: So I moved in with my mom and my sister.

00:19:30.840 --> 00:19:41.730 Evana Valle: Despite the fact that I knew that people were going to speak, despite the fact that people had we're going to have a positive opinion about it a negative opinion upload a positive thing about him whatever whatever.

00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:50.130 Evana Valle: It actually all that had to go aside, because my focus was being a better stronger person and staying there was not serving me.

00:19:50.670 --> 00:19:51.180 Pat Duckworth: yeah.

00:19:51.780 --> 00:19:53.880 Pat Duckworth: We have some stages of your life for.

00:19:53.880 --> 00:20:01.500 Pat Duckworth: Other people's opinion thing can be really tough until you get to an age where you go let's just stop.

00:20:01.920 --> 00:20:13.680 Evana Valle: yeah well you get to an age where you get to a point in life that you realize that holding on to that worry is actually hurting you and me what holding on to that and staying in that situation would have hurt me.

00:20:14.250 --> 00:20:17.970 Evana Valle: And so it was it was like you know what know as much as that might happen.

00:20:18.180 --> 00:20:25.290 Evana Valle: I choose me first I choose my well being I choose my mental health my physical health, and so I did that.

00:20:25.950 --> 00:20:36.120 Evana Valle: But more than that this is what's great pat was here I am you know with at home with my mom my family who are so loving and so supportive and I face another situation.

00:20:36.690 --> 00:20:47.250 Evana Valle: Is me being the strong women, you know, like many of us are we're the we're the ones people go to where the ones who wear so many hats me being so vulnerable.

00:20:48.600 --> 00:20:53.820 Evana Valle: My mom specifically had a really hard time experiencing me like that.

00:20:54.390 --> 00:21:06.360 Evana Valle: yeah, and so I noticed myself not being able to grieve not being able to actually do what I had to do to work through this to become a better stronger person, and I was like morphing again.

00:21:07.200 --> 00:21:20.220 Evana Valle: And going hold on like this doesn't work for me if I actually want to come out stronger, this environment as much love, as there isn't there so much love it actually was an environment where I could just be me and be me in where I was.

00:21:21.240 --> 00:21:26.550 Evana Valle: At that moment, and you know coming up to the holidays pad I was like you know what.

00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:40.680 Evana Valle: I can't be in Canada, I can't be in berry walking the malls and this and that, where I have all these memories, and so we have a mutual friend Teresa and Pam you know from the etc, and I thought you know what I want to get away.

00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:43.170 Evana Valle: I want to get away, I want to break.

00:21:43.530 --> 00:21:55.770 Evana Valle: I want a new scenery I want to clean slate, and so I called Teresa St Theresa woody, what do you think of the idea if I come down for the holidays, and you know train oh my God that's great come on stay for the winter.

00:21:56.250 --> 00:21:56.520 So.

00:21:57.660 --> 00:21:59.130 Pat Duckworth: we're trying to live you.

00:21:59.760 --> 00:22:19.650 Evana Valle: know so exactly and so i'm like paradise right paradise and i'm like but at that point, I recognize I was so fragile that even thinking, the winter was too much for me and again taking care of me i'm like thank you so much, and i'm comfortable just coming, for you know Christmas.

00:22:19.860 --> 00:22:21.570 Evana Valle: And so here I am.

00:22:21.810 --> 00:22:24.690 Evana Valle: I booked my flight and i'm off to Costa Rica.

00:22:24.870 --> 00:22:26.040 Pat Duckworth: yay.

00:22:27.000 --> 00:22:36.570 Evana Valle: You know, and so I land in Costa Rica and i'm like I don't even land I missed a part that's so crucial, is being.

00:22:37.800 --> 00:22:49.590 Evana Valle: i'm on the plane and had you'll love, this is, I get on the plane and i'm in first class i'm front row first seat to get off to the board now I use.

00:22:49.830 --> 00:22:50.490 Pat Duckworth: My oh.

00:22:50.700 --> 00:22:54.480 Evana Valle: Oh, I don't even know I just left it to source and thanks for saying.

00:22:54.480 --> 00:22:59.790 Evana Valle: Thank you source, you know I think you're just telling me this is the right path that's what I took from that it's like you know.

00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:06.120 Evana Valle: First, one is actually meant nothing is like i'm in this seat that gets off first like this is a step in the right direction, I took it to be that.

00:23:06.690 --> 00:23:15.480 Evana Valle: And while I was on the plane pat I sat there and a message came to me, and it was you have to start saying yes to things that you say no to.

00:23:17.220 --> 00:23:25.770 Evana Valle: And I got that was to be part of this journey was to be to come out, I had to start saying yes, so I land Teresa and Pam are actually on a cruise.

00:23:26.070 --> 00:23:45.540 Evana Valle: They weren't even there and that's all perfect, but I land and within 24 hours of being that this beautiful tikka woman my Lammers wife Cynthia sheila beer says to me hey va because my name is Eva da na in Spanish, they say, Eva Eva would you like to come to zoom BA and i'm like.

00:23:47.190 --> 00:24:06.120 Evana Valle: That message on the plane came to me and pad normally i'm like I can't go I can't go dance unless i've got a cocktail in my hand so i'm like yes sure because of that message i'm like i'm gonna start saying yes, if I want something different, Pat, can I tell you that, yes, that first yes.

00:24:07.170 --> 00:24:10.920 Evana Valle: Open my eyes open my world.

00:24:12.120 --> 00:24:14.220 Evana Valle: And, more than anything, open my heart.

00:24:15.690 --> 00:24:26.040 Evana Valle: I got goosebumps, as I say that because I really recognize the power and the difference of that one yes made in my journey, because what that one yes did for me.

00:24:26.520 --> 00:24:38.550 Evana Valle: It put me into the Community it immersed me in the Community and more than Teresa Pam which they are all love I I allow myself to actually.

00:24:40.110 --> 00:24:40.860 Evana Valle: receive.

00:24:43.230 --> 00:24:43.950 Evana Valle: receive.

00:24:46.290 --> 00:24:46.830 Evana Valle: receive.

00:24:47.520 --> 00:24:48.150 Pat Duckworth: yeah.

00:24:48.900 --> 00:25:04.740 Pat Duckworth: You know and that's The thing that women find toughest know because we're so used to giving all the time and looking after other people there's something embarrassing about taking from somebody else and yet she had that lovely offer.

00:25:05.400 --> 00:25:18.390 Evana Valle: And that lovely officer and I not only did I have the lovely offers from her actually like the whole Community, without even knowing that they were doing, they were opening their arms and their hearts and their souls, and just holding me.

00:25:19.530 --> 00:25:29.340 Evana Valle: Here I am in Paradise the paradise is more than you know nature is a big part of my work and part of me, but more than the palm trees and the bananas trees and.

00:25:29.850 --> 00:25:39.240 Evana Valle: Is paradise was the people i've never met such beautiful loving kind generous people anywhere in the world, and that was my experience.

00:25:39.780 --> 00:25:47.250 Pat Duckworth: Fantastic and then you have to move, I know you didn't have to evolve from there, but why did you decide things move swiftly.

00:25:47.760 --> 00:25:55.020 Evana Valle: Well, I think you know inner growth edge, we all get to the point where we we've come to our our limits.

00:25:55.290 --> 00:26:01.980 Evana Valle: And I came to a point in Costa Rica, where I built my strength, I built my muscles and I wanted more like I felt like I hit my ceiling.

00:26:02.670 --> 00:26:10.890 Evana Valle: And so that led me back to Canada to clean up what I didn't realize, I was going to stay seven I end up staying from two weeks to 17 months.

00:26:11.130 --> 00:26:26.130 Evana Valle: And so, everything in Canada was kind of there and half on hold, so I went to clean that up all only to come back on a plane to come to Italy and do my adventure and do more work and do more route discovery for myself.

00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:30.300 Evana Valle: You know and that's been the evolution as i've as my shirt says travel to evolve is.

00:26:30.510 --> 00:26:39.900 Evana Valle: Through those experiences in the communities and the immersive miss I actually end discovering and evolving, who I am and what I how I want to show up in the world.

00:26:40.740 --> 00:26:43.650 Pat Duckworth: But how I How long have you been a little email.

00:26:44.550 --> 00:26:47.070 Evana Valle: I arrived, I know, sometimes i'm like when did I look.

00:26:47.310 --> 00:27:02.280 Evana Valle: December 2009 teen so i've been here for over two years I arrived right before the pandemic, I was actually traveling traveling all of southern Italy and Sicily, when the Canadian when the Canadian excuse me, the Italian Government shutdown because.

00:27:03.510 --> 00:27:03.870 Evana Valle: I was.

00:27:03.900 --> 00:27:16.560 Pat Duckworth: blocked yeah I remember that I remember, I remember talking to you when you down further south oh just we just hit the time to go to the break.

00:27:16.770 --> 00:27:24.030 Pat Duckworth: And when we come back you can talk more about how you now support other women in their relationship transition see you after.

00:27:24.030 --> 00:27:24.840 Evana Valle: My son.

00:29:27.570 --> 00:29:40.170 Pat Duckworth: Welcome back to the hot women rock radio show empowering women leaders at menopause where today i'm talking to my wonderful guest Yvonne of La about relationships and transitioning through relationships.

00:29:40.890 --> 00:29:55.770 Pat Duckworth: And so you went through a physical journey, as well as that emotional journey if all what, in your experiences, what are some of the common challenges that women in this relationship transition face.

00:30:02.550 --> 00:30:05.610 Evana Valle: hello, I was muting oh my God i'm sorry I was like.

00:30:06.270 --> 00:30:10.080 Evana Valle: So you know it's there's a lot of common challenges actually because.

00:30:10.710 --> 00:30:26.250 Evana Valle: What i'm working with women and having been through myself, one of the biggest challenges we have we can have a propensity to actually lose ourselves loser identity and who we are, so we come out of this, I remember sitting on the couch in Costa Rica going.

00:30:28.050 --> 00:30:38.640 Evana Valle: Great now what because I put so much investment not only my relationship with my ex but also family relationships, and here I am having creating a clean slate but.

00:30:40.080 --> 00:30:40.800 Evana Valle: Who am I.

00:30:42.540 --> 00:30:52.560 Evana Valle: Like who am I, and so that's a common challenge that that can be difficult to navigate if you don't allow yourself the space.

00:30:53.430 --> 00:31:04.170 Evana Valle: And the time to actually reconnect to view and that's how nature comes in right like nature's our teacher it's our mirror and nature grounds us.

00:31:04.830 --> 00:31:12.060 Evana Valle: You know I since being in Italy i've really developed a love of tracking and i'll do 2030 i've even done three days of 65 K.

00:31:12.810 --> 00:31:26.370 Evana Valle: But you need to be present to actually when you're out there, because you can hurt yourself and so nature being out there, whether you're appreciating the beauty of the sea or the flower like you're so it allows you to ground and be here.

00:31:27.810 --> 00:31:30.990 Evana Valle: To help us figure out who we are, we need to be present.

00:31:32.190 --> 00:31:44.370 Pat Duckworth: I think that's huge because a lot of women at menopause they say things like Oh, I feel like i'm disappearing I don't know who I am anymore yeah nobody notices me anything.

00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:55.440 Pat Duckworth: Because really you don't know you know, unless you're present with yourself if you've been giving a lot to other people, you might have lost yourself in that relationship.

00:31:56.040 --> 00:32:13.980 Evana Valle: Well, that and also how much you've identified with that role right like even a woman and men applause if they've put so much of their self worth in their body in their appearance right or or in a relationship like well who am I and i'm not a mother, because my kids have left.

00:32:14.220 --> 00:32:17.190 Evana Valle: and gone to school or who am I now that i'm separated.

00:32:17.580 --> 00:32:25.260 Evana Valle: Like there's a recalibration that needs to happen another discovery of not only who were you but who do you want to be.

00:32:25.890 --> 00:32:37.020 Evana Valle: Like it's that clean slate and you know what you actually get to create yourself and and bring what was serving to you from your relationship and leave behind what no longer benefits you.

00:32:38.070 --> 00:32:46.140 Evana Valle: And that is the journey that is part of the journey is that is that you know I think another big thing pat in.

00:32:46.650 --> 00:32:57.270 Evana Valle: Again, whether it be menopause relationships there's it's just it's the same relationship, but different, is prioritizing yourself, like in perimenopause like actually going.

00:32:58.050 --> 00:33:04.380 Evana Valle: Okay, you know what my health is actually important like if i've never worked out, maybe now's a good time to actually do some strength training.

00:33:04.800 --> 00:33:11.070 Evana Valle: yeah or or for me it, for me it looked like and a lot of my clients is creating boundaries.

00:33:11.250 --> 00:33:12.060 Evana Valle: With people.

00:33:12.900 --> 00:33:19.530 Evana Valle: You know, like you know I can actually continue to do this every day for you, because I actually have to put the oxygen mask for myself.

00:33:19.890 --> 00:33:27.150 Pat Duckworth: yeah and even on the nutrition side Oh, I would like to eat better, but I have to cook for my family.

00:33:30.270 --> 00:33:34.770 Pat Duckworth: What is good for your family if you've got you know teenagers or.

00:33:34.770 --> 00:33:41.970 Pat Duckworth: Young people in the House, but calories The carbohydrates, everything that they need that's not your body.

00:33:42.540 --> 00:33:55.260 Evana Valle: No, no, and the genius I remember a couple of weeks back with Jennifer hop I actually was because I listened to your episodes when she was saying, the three foods that actually can met can just drop the symptoms i'm like writing these down.

00:33:55.830 --> 00:34:01.320 Evana Valle: Right it's like oh right, because that is like it relationship we it's really.

00:34:01.710 --> 00:34:11.250 Evana Valle: The journey is the relationship with yourself and part of the relationship with yourself as a relationship with your body and how you treat your body, how you talk to your body, not only with nutrition.

00:34:11.550 --> 00:34:18.810 Evana Valle: exercise, but even your thoughts and your beliefs like we're redefining this relationship, whether it comes from an experience of a split.

00:34:19.230 --> 00:34:36.600 Evana Valle: or or even one like coming out of relation and wanting to create a new one, I knew that I didn't want the same relationship coming into my space and so that meant I was the common denominator, so I had to put my needs and my priorities first, so I could show up and have a different relationship.

00:34:36.960 --> 00:34:59.670 Pat Duckworth: yeah yeah So how do women begin that journey what's the starting point if the baby, the left a relationship or kind of considering who they are, what they're doing they're just starting on a new relationship, how they get started into a good transition into a healthy relationship.

00:35:00.600 --> 00:35:15.360 Evana Valle: Great question great question, I think one of the biggest things is as women we're Doers especially like women right we just want to we've been the ones who have just execute execute execute and we've been able to reach all of our goals, because of that.

00:35:15.480 --> 00:35:17.280 Evana Valle: And this at this juncture and at.

00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:22.020 Evana Valle: This point in our life and life like we have another half of life ahead of us.

00:35:22.650 --> 00:35:29.430 Evana Valle: And so we really have a choice, and if we want to go about that second half, or that better half whatever you want to call it.

00:35:29.760 --> 00:35:37.260 Evana Valle: Then it's actually time to slow down and reevaluate reevaluate the things that are important to you and i'm going to tell you something.

00:35:37.890 --> 00:35:46.590 Evana Valle: You get there, not by knowing what you want, but sometimes by knowing what you don't want and that's the starting point is actually going what actually.

00:35:47.490 --> 00:35:56.400 Evana Valle: A how do I feel right now, like it's that that dealing with that loss, I had a loss that I had to deal with, regardless of how it ended regardless of.

00:35:56.760 --> 00:36:06.630 Evana Valle: It was right to it like there's a loss and to actually allow yourself to feel that but also not drown in the bathtub of that loss.

00:36:07.200 --> 00:36:13.380 Evana Valle: You know, and that is part of prioritizing yourself and getting started is acknowledging where you are.

00:36:14.280 --> 00:36:27.420 Evana Valle: And what's needed right now, like I did right I got on that plane, I went I got I can't do this here so for me my starting point was actually allowing myself giving myself permission i'm a people pleaser.

00:36:28.740 --> 00:36:39.660 Evana Valle: i'm all about like having others be happy, and yet it got to the point in my life, where the oxygen mask had to come on me and it is that evaluation process and that's what I work with women.

00:36:40.260 --> 00:36:40.860 Evana Valle: To do is like.

00:36:41.010 --> 00:36:49.170 Evana Valle: What is like a lot of women in this in this dance have relationships with them, because they have children with them well how do you want that to look.

00:36:49.470 --> 00:37:05.070 Evana Valle: yeah and it doesn't happen overnight so you're still empowered and still able to create that better stronger person, on the other side because reality is, as you grow your dynamics with others are going to grow and they're not going to necessarily like it all the time.

00:37:05.820 --> 00:37:12.300 Pat Duckworth: yeah you know I have very fortunately been happily married for 44 years now.

00:37:13.590 --> 00:37:17.550 Pat Duckworth: I was just a child, when I got married and.

00:37:18.570 --> 00:37:30.930 Pat Duckworth: When people asked me how do you stay married for that low I so my biggest tip is giving some space to each other, because every day we're growing and developing.

00:37:31.950 --> 00:37:41.430 Pat Duckworth: And every day we're a little bit different than what we were the day before, because we learn something new we've had a new experience we've printer and ally, with different.

00:37:42.060 --> 00:37:53.100 Pat Duckworth: And there has to be space that you give each other to express who you're becoming and it's you're very fortunate if 44 years later, you still like it.

00:37:53.820 --> 00:38:04.320 Pat Duckworth: yeah she's had 44 years worth of different experiences and growing, and you know, so I think that is one of the biggest tips is.

00:38:04.740 --> 00:38:16.290 Pat Duckworth: Be prepared to give somebody the space to grow don't think you can put them in aspect and they're going to stay the same forever, you can love who they're becoming yeah.

00:38:16.680 --> 00:38:24.750 Evana Valle: And allow yourself that love to become the person that you are becoming as much as you allow that space, whatever that looks like for your part.

00:38:25.260 --> 00:38:27.030 Pat Duckworth: yeah absolutely.

00:38:28.080 --> 00:38:31.710 Pat Duckworth: yeah So what can help What helps women at this stage.

00:38:33.630 --> 00:38:36.780 Evana Valle: Well, I think one of the most important things is.

00:38:37.710 --> 00:38:50.520 Evana Valle: surrounding yourself or putting yourself in a nurturing environment and circle So for me just because I did it the way I did it doesn't mean that everyone has to pick up their life and move to Costa Rica, to actually be able to do this absolutely not.

00:38:50.850 --> 00:38:55.620 Evana Valle: But there's ways to do it without doing that and that's part of what my.

00:38:56.010 --> 00:39:04.590 Evana Valle: My live experiences of my virtual experience is I support that nurturing environment, so you can do that work, you can do that exploration for yourself.

00:39:04.860 --> 00:39:15.870 Evana Valle: Because if you just keep doing life, the way you've been doing and and not give yourself like choose who you're actually sharing with like Bernie says like that trust is like five people on a one by one by one.

00:39:16.530 --> 00:39:26.520 Evana Valle: one inch by one inch piece of paper, who can you truly open up with, not everyone needs to know every detail, especially not on social media so allow yourself the space.

00:39:27.000 --> 00:39:40.170 Evana Valle: to know who, who has your back and who, you can open up to not only about what you went through, but what you want, like who's going to be who's going to fan those flames, but also be objective.

00:39:40.500 --> 00:39:42.030 Evana Valle: To you, I think that's one of the one.

00:39:42.060 --> 00:39:46.230 Evana Valle: Of really, really important thing to want me to share another Pack.

00:39:46.290 --> 00:39:47.280 Pat Duckworth: yeah i'd love for you.

00:39:48.360 --> 00:39:54.060 Evana Valle: So I think what's really great is also focusing do things that bring you joy.

00:39:55.260 --> 00:40:04.230 Evana Valle: Like joy tracks positivity so you know, for me it was getting outside and being outdoors and reconnecting with nature.

00:40:04.860 --> 00:40:18.060 Evana Valle: And I think there's value in nature in and of itself, but whatever that is do an old hoppy take up a new interest I threw myself into Costa Rica part of the immersive learning a language I threw myself into that language.

00:40:18.510 --> 00:40:24.390 Evana Valle: I also created a Facebook page that we're live on as well, like that Facebook page gave me a purpose.

00:40:24.630 --> 00:40:35.430 Evana Valle: To keep going and keep doing something that not only helped me but helped others so whatever that is start doing things that bring you joy, while you're in this transition.

00:40:35.640 --> 00:40:43.650 Evana Valle: Like don't sit on the couch or don't drown in the bathtub do things that actually are going to help you flourish, even if you don't know what that path is.

00:40:44.100 --> 00:40:52.440 Pat Duckworth: I assume you know, like if you're doing something you love you're going to meet people in the environment, who love to and then.

00:40:52.890 --> 00:41:01.650 Pat Duckworth: you've got something in common, rather than forcing yourself like to do a car maintenance class because there might be some guys there, and you actually hate it.

00:41:02.220 --> 00:41:02.640 yeah.

00:41:04.410 --> 00:41:11.400 Evana Valle: And even even on top of that pat like even if it's not like you might not be going there to meet people.

00:41:11.700 --> 00:41:21.570 Evana Valle: Like it could just be a pure joy of they're going to Zuma class just to move your body and release the energy and just like do I mean like super helped me reconnect with my body.

00:41:21.900 --> 00:41:31.680 Evana Valle: yeah both from a sexual way but also just like ground myself and my intuition like so whatever that is for you it's really important whether like.

00:41:31.890 --> 00:41:43.890 Evana Valle: This the secondary benefits for me was the actual exercise like zoom but for me like you said, created a Community connected me to my body like all these things, why joy.

00:41:44.550 --> 00:41:47.790 Evana Valle: And I kept going because it gave me joy, I put a smile on my face.

00:41:48.570 --> 00:41:57.510 Pat Duckworth: Fantastic and I think that's really important that connection with the body, because we can get to this age and start to dislike our bodies.

00:41:57.930 --> 00:42:09.030 Pat Duckworth: Now, your it's not your body's, for you know it gets a bit older and I look in the mirror every day, and my spirit self going you're looking great.

00:42:09.510 --> 00:42:16.620 Pat Duckworth: And my ego might go Oh, I think there's another wrinkle there but it's not my ego that matters it's my spirit but masses.

00:42:16.950 --> 00:42:30.840 Pat Duckworth: And it thinks we're doing a pretty good job and we're going to keep going and so doing something like yoga polities connecting with your body and giving it a chance to experience joy.

00:42:30.870 --> 00:42:33.300 Evana Valle: is really fantastic.

00:42:33.990 --> 00:42:45.840 Pat Duckworth: Ah, so we're going to the break on our hi there of thinking about moving those bodies and getting back in love with we'll see after the break when i'll be asking about of top tips even.

00:44:44.100 --> 00:44:56.730 Pat Duckworth: Welcome back to the last sector hot women rock empowering women leaders at menopause where my guest today is Yvonne of La and we're talking about transitioning through relationships.

00:44:57.030 --> 00:45:08.010 Pat Duckworth: And how important it is to do self care and to understand yourself as you move into perhaps another relationship or a better relationship with yourself.

00:45:08.520 --> 00:45:19.110 Pat Duckworth: we're getting to that point of the show ivana where I need to ask you about your top tips, what is it what's The one thing that a woman can do to improve our life in a relationship area.

00:45:20.730 --> 00:45:27.270 Evana Valle: wow um I think the main thing is giving yourself permission to do it differently.

00:45:29.400 --> 00:45:37.320 Evana Valle: You know, things have worked everything that we've accomplished everything that we have up until now has been amazing and.

00:45:37.860 --> 00:45:42.240 Evana Valle: It doesn't mean that you have to continue doing it, the way you've done it up until now.

00:45:42.660 --> 00:45:55.740 Evana Valle: You know, as I say, you know do it on your terms like part of doing it on your terms it's probably that does mean doing it differently, because you've most women have always done it based on someone else's expectations and so.

00:45:56.280 --> 00:46:08.370 Evana Valle: doing it differently means putting yourself up front and Center like you can't just abandon your responsibilities and turn your back on that stuff i'm not suggesting that for one second what I am saying, though, is.

00:46:08.790 --> 00:46:21.330 Evana Valle: move yourself up the totem pole because reality is, if you don't take care of yourself and really a transition of perimenopause all these things are events, in my opinion, as a catalyst to grow.

00:46:21.990 --> 00:46:35.130 Evana Valle: yeah and so because, and if you take that invitation right and then taking that invitation, it allows us it, it allows us to take the time to look at ourselves what we want and how we want to proceed.

00:46:35.550 --> 00:46:41.010 Evana Valle: And so doing things differently and on your terms means you actually have a clean slate.

00:46:41.520 --> 00:47:03.210 Evana Valle: You get to choose how you actually navigate this split, as well as the the next the next chapter, and so, for me, and what I do with women is I do create experiences, whether they be virtual or in person is and I kind of replicate that I don't replicate how do I say it.

00:47:04.800 --> 00:47:12.510 Evana Valle: I integrate elements that benefited and serve my journey so to me it's like when I say travel I don't mean.

00:47:12.900 --> 00:47:24.030 Evana Valle: you're going to go to Cuba for a week and he was gorgeous, by the way, and you're just going to land a beach and drink at the bar it's like you know what that's that's a vacation that's amazing and there's a time and place for that.

00:47:24.540 --> 00:47:32.640 Evana Valle: What i'm speaking about is an immersive experience so you're not living there, but you're actually amongst the Community.

00:47:33.450 --> 00:47:48.690 Evana Valle: And you're and you're connecting with nature, so you could be porcini mushroom picking and then you're making pasta, too, I mean like those experiences to just bring you back to the simplicities but also immerse yourself into a different a different physical location.

00:47:49.830 --> 00:48:00.030 Evana Valle: But really in service to yourself, and so you can't so it's a moment of putting that oxygen masks so you can you can have some space for yourself.

00:48:01.230 --> 00:48:04.170 Evana Valle: and come back recharged and rejuvenated.

00:48:05.640 --> 00:48:18.240 Evana Valle: And and and have a have a better understanding of who you are what you want, and I do this virtually to pack right it's not like you have to come to Italy, although I hear a lot of people i'd love to go to Italy.

00:48:18.540 --> 00:48:18.720 Evana Valle: You know.

00:48:20.100 --> 00:48:29.880 Evana Valle: But it is like there's different ways of getting there, but I think the main thing is is really giving yourself permission to do it differently and, for me it looked like that, but you can do it just by going to a park.

00:48:30.870 --> 00:48:44.580 Evana Valle: Taking a long weekend within like in England and going going to a beautiful park or just booking a hotel room for two days and just allowing yourself the luxuries, and the space to be with the things that matter to you.

00:48:45.330 --> 00:49:02.640 Pat Duckworth: yeah i'm very fortunate, where I live within five minutes I can be walking across fields and go to a little bored and look at the acorns and see how the springs developing and you know that's very fortunate, and you can do that, wherever you are.

00:49:03.180 --> 00:49:06.630 Pat Duckworth: walking down the street in London, you can see whether the bad for coming on the.

00:49:06.630 --> 00:49:18.090 Pat Duckworth: trees, or whether somebody's got crocus's in their garden, or you know we all have these chances to connect to nature and really to think about what that means to us and about.

00:49:19.590 --> 00:49:22.740 Pat Duckworth: Such an important hot any other top tips.

00:49:23.370 --> 00:49:32.310 Evana Valle: yeah I just want to comment on that and I think it's all everything you said is really, really great, and I think something to be mindful and i'm sure it's also you noticed this or i'd be curious to know is.

00:49:32.760 --> 00:49:45.150 Evana Valle: At this point in this juncture, women crave Community going through this and I think one of the beautiful things is to have that Community so yeah so that's one of the advantages of joining.

00:49:45.600 --> 00:49:52.830 Evana Valle: An empowering group or having an allowing yourself a different type of break and experience.

00:49:53.730 --> 00:50:02.400 Evana Valle: So I just want to say that because that's one of the things as much as we can do it, and do it on our own we've been conditioned to do it kind of like me with the hands held open like I had to receive.

00:50:02.700 --> 00:50:04.290 Evana Valle: and part of that process.

00:50:04.470 --> 00:50:08.400 Evana Valle: is allowing yourself to receive so you can be replenished.

00:50:10.380 --> 00:50:20.790 Evana Valle: yeah I think another big thing is again we're all deep down we're just deliver deliver deliver is rather than the perfect plan is just focus on progress.

00:50:21.690 --> 00:50:28.560 Evana Valle: You know, focus on progress rather than perfection you're going to get there and it's a matter of.

00:50:29.520 --> 00:50:36.570 Evana Valle: Allowing yourself to like for me was being a better stronger person I had no idea what that meant like I said, if you would have asked me if i've started a call.

00:50:37.230 --> 00:50:48.150 Evana Valle: or five years ago that I was going to be living in Italy with the Italian restaurant, I would have said no, but focus on the progress, let one step lead you to the next, it will, if you're present and and.

00:50:48.810 --> 00:50:58.110 Evana Valle: open to that and and that doesn't mean you're going to move to another country just means that your your journey will unfold, for you have to allow yourself.

00:50:59.220 --> 00:51:09.990 Evana Valle: That you know I remember, I was working with a client kind of I can share, and you know she had she had children with her ex and she she wanted a new relationship with him.

00:51:11.160 --> 00:51:19.170 Evana Valle: And he was very overpowering and very in her life, and so we took progress steps to redefine that relationship.

00:51:19.530 --> 00:51:30.660 Evana Valle: So, for her her importance was I want a new relationship with him I can't just say bye so it's progress it's like you know well, first we gotta get you got to get to know who you are and what's important to you, and what do you want.

00:51:30.810 --> 00:51:32.670 Evana Valle: yeah and then these things come.

00:51:33.480 --> 00:51:45.900 Evana Valle: To think that you have a perfect plan right out the gate and think you're going to get it it's not just be I think it's really kind of compassion allow yourself the space and focus on the progress rather than the perfection to get there.

00:51:45.990 --> 00:52:02.910 Pat Duckworth: But i'm confident women are able to express what they want it's hard for people, I always say it's like when somebody comes to your House, or when they come to my house, I say, would you like a drink and they go yes please I say tea or coffee and they go whatever you're making I go.

00:52:04.140 --> 00:52:09.900 Pat Duckworth: i'll make what you want, what would be easier for you know tell me what you want, and it will be easy.

00:52:11.070 --> 00:52:15.510 Pat Duckworth: Oh, have you got any you know anything just tell me what you want.

00:52:15.510 --> 00:52:18.450 Pat Duckworth: yeah be what it's like in relationships, where you guys.

00:52:18.450 --> 00:52:21.180 Pat Duckworth: have something to be different okay well.

00:52:22.590 --> 00:52:23.040 Evana Valle: yeah.

00:52:24.390 --> 00:52:27.870 Evana Valle: yeah, and so there is that space right and that that takes time.

00:52:28.260 --> 00:52:30.090 Evana Valle: So, like, I was in a relationship for.

00:52:30.090 --> 00:52:33.870 Evana Valle: 10 years like that just doesn't I don't I just don't do that in a night.

00:52:34.200 --> 00:52:43.560 Evana Valle: yeah didn't develop in the night, you know and really reality is a lot of what we bring into our relationships actually come from earlier relationships, including our parents.

00:52:43.860 --> 00:52:53.160 Evana Valle: And so there is more to unfold so it's I think the main the main messages allow for the progress you're not going to nail it out of the park, but be kind to yourself in that process.

00:52:53.940 --> 00:53:02.160 Pat Duckworth: So Inshallah we're getting very close to the end you have got a wonderful giveaway for the first five listeners So what are you offering them.

00:53:03.000 --> 00:53:12.120 Evana Valle: What i'm offering them is I would invite anyone who wants to have another conversation, and maybe just to build a bit more personal conversation with me.

00:53:12.540 --> 00:53:21.720 Evana Valle: Go to my website ivana valley.com go to the contact us put your information in send me an email in this in the subject, or whatever just put.

00:53:22.110 --> 00:53:29.430 Evana Valle: Hot women rock so I know you came from the show, and I will send you a calendar invite and let's just keep the conversation alive, you know, I think.

00:53:30.150 --> 00:53:43.620 Evana Valle: it's really important that we, we are supporting one another in this journey, and you know I would love to have some time with you and just kind of hear what's going on in your life and and what how I can help if there's anything I can do.

00:53:43.650 --> 00:53:51.930 Pat Duckworth: that's really generous so jump in on that first five people get very quickly and i'll put the link in the hot women radio show Facebook.

00:53:51.960 --> 00:54:04.560 Pat Duckworth: US Thank you so much you've been an amazing guest you shared so much if you've missed any of the previous shows and Jennifer whole form that I did, only a few weeks ago with Dr Tara Lynn go to hot women rock.

00:54:05.340 --> 00:54:18.780 Pat Duckworth: dot nyc and look for hot women rock and you will find all of the recordings there if you need more help with your menopause hot winning cool solutions was my first book and I know if mama has grabbed a copy of her.

00:54:20.970 --> 00:54:35.460 Pat Duckworth: Stay tuned now for dismantle racism with Reverend Dr tlc where her guest today is Dr Dome and it says let's talk about race and have a hard things and we know it's not an easy subject so that is brilliant do stay tuned.

00:54:36.330 --> 00:54:43.380 Pat Duckworth: Next week i'm talking to talk about another sexy subject money i'm going to be talking about money next week.

00:54:43.920 --> 00:54:58.110 Pat Duckworth: And how women deal with money at midlife with the amazing Ellen kosher from originally from America and now living in Switzerland so talk about financial planning doesn't sound sexy, but trust me it's sexy if you haven't got any money it's not.

00:55:00.840 --> 00:55:07.860 Pat Duckworth: Thank you, so my producer Thank you again ivana stay tuned for Reverend Dr tlc and i'll see you next week have a great week.

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