Lynne Franklin is a best selling author and TedX speaker, but to put it more simply, she is an expert in Rapport, Persuasion and Communication Skills.
Join us as we explore her book, the viral TedX talk on mind reading, and what's next!
Tune in for this insightful conversation at TalkRadio.nyc or watch the Facebook Livestream by clicking here.
Starting off tonight’s episode, Graham introduces his guest, Lynne Franklin, a best selling author and a TedX speaker that has had more than 40 million views. Lynne studies how the brain works and takes research and shows how people can use these findings and apply it to their goals and communication with others in the real world. She gives an example of how the first seven seconds of first meeting with someone is filled with information based on one’s first impression based on someone’s name, body language, etc. She invented a seven second rule where in the first seconds of meeting someone, instead of giving your name, ask a question, or make a statement, because by seven seconds, usually our brain is already overloaded with information such as our first observations of a person. Lynne also talks about her first job after college was a residential treatment counselor working with a home for troubled boys who couldn’t live at home; while working with these young kids, she recalled a situation where she connected with a young boy who was troubled and almost sought out violence as a way to handle problems. Lynne spoke to the boy and convinced him to put his machete down. Although the boy was filled with anger, she paid attention to his body language and deescalated the situation. With an experience like this, Lynne says that she learned about getting someone’s attention and connecting with them.
Graham asks Lynne about how she sees stressful situations changing how we behave. She says that when we go through stress, “we lose ⅔ of our brain”. We lose our “emotional and thinking brain”, all we have then is fight, flight or freeze in stressful situations. If it is safe to do so, one way she says to calm yourself is to close your eyes. She also shows Graham a breathtaking technique as well as to ask yourself what are you feeling. In this way, you can name your emotions and wake up your “thinking brain”. You take it step by step to be grounded again. Lynne explains that we should use our conscious and subconscious mind to achieve certain goals. Our subconscious minds feed on a lot of the information that we forget that we know, which can help us along the way. We are what we think about most of the time.
Coming back from the break, Graham talks with Lynne about the topic of reading people’s minds and ways of connecting with others. Lynne gives examples of different kinds of people and how to connect with them. “Lookers” for instance, who are 75% of people in the world, care a lot about how they dress, their posture, facial expressions. One way she says to build rapport is to use visual language, and make enough eye contact with them. Another set of people are “listeners”; 20% of people in the world. For this group, they have a tendency to look down and to their left when they think; they also don’t care much for their appearance as much as lookers. The third set of people are touchers, 5% of the people in the world. They build rapport by leaning in, or touch you on your arm or shoulder. They aren’t trying to invade one’s space, but rather build a connection. As for their appearance, they usually dress comfortably rather than for fashion. To build rapport with a toucher, you let them touch you, appropriately of course. These kinds of people like to touch one’s arm or give lots of hugs. One can also connect with them is to use words like feel; “how does this make you feel?” it doesn’t necessarily have to be physical, but you can also nod your head and use this kind of language to let them know that they have your attention.
Graham talks with Lynne more about body language and connecting with others. He asks Lynne about whether she observes how someone else is communicating with others before she connects with them. She talks about how fortunately we all have “mirror neurons” which is what helps us mirror the behaviors of others around us in order to build rapport. Mirroring someone’s body language is natural in how we connect with someone else. Lynne explains an interesting fact that you can also change your own body language instead of mirroring so that the other person, who may have their arms crossed for example while sitting, may mirror what you are doing and change. Lynne also explains that one reason why she enjoys looking at different personality profiles is that she recognizes who someone is, how it’s different from herself, and asks if there's a reason for her to be in that conversation and make a connection. Graham asks Lynne what she thinks people might misunderstand about herself. Lynne says that most people think that she is a looker and an extrovert, but in reality she is a listener and an introvert. Lynne mentions that if you are nervous before a presentation, then you are focused only on yourself. In the past, like many other people who learned about presentations, she learned about how to fix the posture of your body and how to move around while speaking to an audience. But she talks about how it is easier to connect with others when realizing that if she forgets about how she should move her hands or other specific details, then everything becomes about the other person or audience which is one of the goals when presenting. She can focus on helping the other person and vice versa. Graham gives a big thanks to Lynne Franklin for coming on today’s show and sharing her insight and knowledge on connecting with others!
00:00:39.060 --> 00:00:42.810 Graham Dobbin: Welcome to talk radio dot nyc, this is the mind behind.
00:00:42.810 --> 00:00:54.900 Graham Dobbin: Leadership my name is Graham dobbin it's 5pm in New York on Monday it's 8am here in Sydney and leadership is all about knowing how we can connect with others.
00:00:55.200 --> 00:00:59.640 Graham Dobbin: How we can influence them and was crucially, probably the intent behind it.
00:01:00.030 --> 00:01:10.410 Graham Dobbin: and understanding others around us is key, and every single walk of life know or wouldn't last year we've we've been really lucky with better experts, such as Dr Tony our Sandra.
00:01:10.680 --> 00:01:19.410 Graham Dobbin: is one of the world's leading authorities behavioral styles of a Dr john Dee Martini looking at how we balance of perception and understand what's really going on.
00:01:19.830 --> 00:01:31.950 Graham Dobbin: we've hit the jackpot again today with today's guests, that we have is Lynn Franklin Lynn is an expert in reporting persuasion and is a communication skills coach and author.
00:01:32.460 --> 00:01:37.320 Graham Dobbin: of getting others to do what you want that's the Holy Grail getting others to do what you want.
00:01:37.770 --> 00:01:46.470 Graham Dobbin: and has a tedx talk called reading minds through body language it's only had 4.4 million views that so that's a bit daunting.
00:01:47.220 --> 00:01:51.180 Graham Dobbin: ones also global speaker with this stage, some of you may remember, we spoke with them.
00:01:51.540 --> 00:02:06.750 Graham Dobbin: Philip Thomas Ellen on this year he was the chair of the stage in Boston and there's a former President of the National speakers association and Illinois when was exactly what it means to get our message over good afternoon.
00:02:08.220 --> 00:02:09.900 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: happy to be here and having some fun.
00:02:10.290 --> 00:02:13.320 Graham Dobbin: yeah let's hope it continues that way that's the key.
00:02:14.760 --> 00:02:23.940 Graham Dobbin: I look look look I We hear a lot of people kind of talk about coaching and communication skills in the book it tells a pretty you do or stand you.
00:02:25.020 --> 00:02:28.500 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Okay, so I am a neuroscience nerd.
00:02:29.400 --> 00:02:40.380 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Which means I study how the brain works, and I take the boring arcane research and I turn it into practical tips that people can use to better connect with others.
00:02:40.680 --> 00:02:48.000 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: so that they can achieve their goals and how that looks it can be one on one executive communication coaching it can be.
00:02:48.300 --> 00:02:56.520 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: workshops, either for associations or for organizations that want to help their people have difficult conversations and you know.
00:02:56.940 --> 00:03:13.710 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: That turns stories into things that actually resonate with people and move them toward the direction they need to go and also, I do culture communication, so I work with leaders of businesses to help the leaders talk the walk so everybody else can walk the talk.
00:03:15.270 --> 00:03:16.890 Graham Dobbin: boarding an arcane.
00:03:18.540 --> 00:03:19.350 Graham Dobbin: explain that.
00:03:22.980 --> 00:03:33.120 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Okay, so what example and i'm sure that plenty of you have been to networking meetings or meetings where you don't know people.
00:03:33.480 --> 00:03:43.680 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you've introduced yourself to somebody and you're doing a little chitchat and maybe about two minutes in you realize that you cannot for the life of you remember that person's name.
00:03:45.330 --> 00:03:48.330 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Alright, so here's the boring research.
00:03:49.590 --> 00:04:00.210 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: The first seven seconds after you meet a new person your brain is overwhelmed with information your conscious mind can only handle somewhere between 10 to 50 bits of information per second.
00:04:01.080 --> 00:04:07.620 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And so it's overwhelmed with new data and we start with people's hair sorry green that's, the first thing we noticed it.
00:04:09.570 --> 00:04:11.640 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: which gets feel fortunately for you, it helps people.
00:04:13.050 --> 00:04:22.440 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you know and it's their body language and how they sound and how they're dressed, and all this kind of stuff So the first seven seconds after you meet a new person your brain is deluge with information.
00:04:22.830 --> 00:04:30.420 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And somebody says, and you usually say hi my name is you know what's your name and the first seven seconds your brain has no bandwidth so it throws out their name.
00:04:31.440 --> 00:04:34.860 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: and on top of that research shows that names.
00:04:37.950 --> 00:04:44.250 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: it's have no inherent meaning in our brains unless we can make a quick association with them, so if I say.
00:04:44.400 --> 00:04:51.210 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: My name is Lynn and your sister's name is Lynn Okay, or if I say my name is Lynn but my nickname is red okay i'm wearing red, you can make a quick association.
00:04:51.390 --> 00:04:56.220 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But if I say my name is Vermont and you have never run into a normal before you like your brain just throws it out.
00:04:56.760 --> 00:05:08.670 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And unfortunately research also shows that our first names most important word in in the English or any language to us, so our brain is conspiring to so that we don't remember people's first names.
00:05:09.210 --> 00:05:18.900 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: that's the research so i've invented what I call the seven second rule, which is when you meet a new person never within the first seven seconds introduce yourself.
00:05:19.650 --> 00:05:25.200 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Instead, make a statement like oh it's a beautiful day outside and let them respond.
00:05:25.440 --> 00:05:34.320 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: or ask a question is this the first time you've ever been to a program like this and let them answer the question and, by the time they finished seven seconds have gone by.
00:05:34.590 --> 00:05:38.520 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And now you know you're ready to focus and you can look someone.
00:05:38.880 --> 00:05:46.590 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: In the eyes and ask their day, and when I say my name is Lynn Franklin forget my last name I don't care whether or not you remember that so just remember my first name.
00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:57.270 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And look me in the eyes, a couple of times and say my first name in conversation with me and that moves it from your short term memory into your long term memory, which helps you remember my name.
00:05:59.670 --> 00:06:08.190 Graham Dobbin: Is out so i've got this fear I think every single week when i'm introducing people you know I got everything written down that gets someone's name wrong, because I know how important it is it's.
00:06:08.220 --> 00:06:08.880 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Absolute.
00:06:09.000 --> 00:06:09.870 Is terrified.
00:06:11.250 --> 00:06:21.210 Graham Dobbin: When did you have that moment that you kind of knew what we've got this research, and we know what what what traditionally has said about neuroscience and the mind.
00:06:21.840 --> 00:06:27.120 Graham Dobbin: To that point the gun pulled on a minute i've got something else i'm going to go here there's something else I understand or see.
00:06:28.560 --> 00:06:34.860 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: You know and and, for me, the whole journey with neuroscience began about 10 years ago.
00:06:35.490 --> 00:06:42.480 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And I decided, I wanted to be a better version of me, and if I could do it on my own I would have done it by now.
00:06:42.840 --> 00:06:47.820 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So I decided to look around at personal development programs, and there were plenty of them out there, that said.
00:06:48.300 --> 00:06:59.850 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: You know, think good thoughts and good things will happen and I get the positive mindset stuff but i'm a business person and sitting and smiling at my phone will not necessarily make it ring with clients.
00:07:00.900 --> 00:07:10.470 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But I came across a program that had a neuroscience component and I thought, if there's a reason to do something one way because of how my brain works versus another I can get behind that.
00:07:10.920 --> 00:07:15.450 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And then, fortunately, for me, the whole field of neuroscience began to explode.
00:07:15.870 --> 00:07:21.450 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And all this research started showing up and that's when yep the boring and arcane research.
00:07:21.750 --> 00:07:33.300 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: All these things that happened in the brain, so I read them and then I try to figure out what does this stuff mean in the real world, and how can I share it with other people, particularly leaders, so that they can better connect with their people.
00:07:34.620 --> 00:07:41.340 Graham Dobbin: i'm curious what were you doing before that what was what was the lead up to that if.
00:07:41.820 --> 00:07:47.490 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: OK, so my first job out of college, I had degrees in psychology and English.
00:07:48.360 --> 00:07:59.100 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And my first job was as a residential treatment counselor in a home for troubled boys, so I work with boys 11 to 17 years old, who, for one reason or another, could not live at home.
00:07:59.640 --> 00:08:10.290 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And the toughest day I ever had on the job I had there and i'll still, let me tell you that story of Fred 14 year old boy standing three feet away from me.
00:08:10.740 --> 00:08:21.030 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: In that moment, I cannot tell you anything about how Fred looks because, all I can see is that he is holding the world's largest machete you're trying to call for help i'm going to cut you.
00:08:22.410 --> 00:08:29.040 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: I am the only adults in a boys group home Fred ran away, two days ago, and now he's back.
00:08:29.430 --> 00:08:41.850 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And I thought i'm the adults here, I have to tell Fred what to do so, I say to Fred you have to go to intake you can't be here, they have to clear you so that you can come back to Daniel cottage and be with the rest of us and Fred says i'm going to my room.
00:08:42.300 --> 00:08:50.160 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Fred why we have this conversation just go to intake now i'm going to run, we can do this, the easy way or the hard way just go to intake on go to my room.
00:08:50.400 --> 00:09:03.720 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So I call I go to the staff office to call for backup so I can have somebody be with the other boys who are on you and Daniel cottage and I can work with Fred to get them to intake Fred follows me to the office zips up in his backpack and pulls out this giant machete.
00:09:04.920 --> 00:09:09.570 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And then he brings it down and chops the phone cord my only lifeline to the outside world.
00:09:10.590 --> 00:09:13.050 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And I am there alone.
00:09:14.070 --> 00:09:17.850 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And now that I know neuroscience I know that i've lost two thirds of my brain.
00:09:19.020 --> 00:09:33.180 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: All I have left is fight flight or freeze didn't know that at the time, so all I could think of to do was babble but Fred Fred I, like you, if you like, fee, and you don't want to hurt me and there's nothing in alfred's looking at me that saying he's agreeing with anything i'm saying.
00:09:34.200 --> 00:09:40.020 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So I just keep babbling and you don't want to hurt me and you don't want to get into the world of hurt you're going to get into if you hurt me.
00:09:40.530 --> 00:09:48.570 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: At which point I see Fred blink and later he'll tell me that he started thinking about what his life would be like if he nice to me.
00:09:49.200 --> 00:09:57.030 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: That Daniel cottage wouldn't be as home the boys in the hallway would be his friends, the police would come and drag him off to juvenile Hall, and they would lock him up.
00:09:58.380 --> 00:10:06.960 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But all I saw was the blink and somehow I knew it was my chance, so I stuck my head out, and I said Fred just make it easy on yourself and hand me the knife.
00:10:07.620 --> 00:10:17.880 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And I was scared to death, he was gonna bring that knife down and shot my hand but I knew I had to keep it out there, I needed to show Fred that I thought he was a good kid and give him the chance to act like one.
00:10:18.900 --> 00:10:26.340 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And I can't tell you how long I stood there sweating through everything I had on until Fred finally side and handed me the knife.
00:10:27.570 --> 00:10:31.920 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And this has become the litmus test for my job long as nobody pulls a machete on me i'm having a good day.
00:10:33.930 --> 00:10:49.950 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But the truth is, I was standing there telling you I talking to Fred about me yo you don't want to hurt me and blah blah blah, and it wasn't until I until I said something about him how is this going to affect him that I was able to connect with them.
00:10:51.060 --> 00:10:56.520 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So that kind of sparked in me a lifelong interest in how do you reach unreachable people.
00:10:57.570 --> 00:11:04.140 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And how do you connect with people, and so the gift I gave to Fred is that they they kept him in the Program.
00:11:04.740 --> 00:11:14.580 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So that he graduated and didn't end up on the jail you're on the street in jail or dead and I ended up with the, how do you connect with people and that's kind of been where i've.
00:11:15.210 --> 00:11:22.230 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: focused ever since, in one way or another, either through writing or communicating or teaching other people how to speak or speaking myself.
00:11:24.360 --> 00:11:28.980 Graham Dobbin: When i'm going to because i'm going to make a big assumption here, you said that you were working can attack the.
00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:37.230 Graham Dobbin: These boys that can live at home, etc, so i'm going to guess that this wasn't your world before you did that job.
00:11:38.130 --> 00:11:51.840 Graham Dobbin: And how enlightened it was that kind of working with a group i've done it myself I kind of understand where you're walking to that and it's like wow I didn't actually realize that What would it be like this or that this was other people's experience what was that, like, for you.
00:11:52.230 --> 00:11:59.220 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: mm hmm well ya know it's true because I knew Fred story I knew that his mother was a schizo frantic.
00:12:00.090 --> 00:12:03.690 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you'll and he had told me that he run away to go home and be with her.
00:12:04.110 --> 00:12:20.070 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: You know, and that he found the machete in the hall closet and he took the machete number one to prevent her from ever using it on him, you know and Sue to have something to protect himself if she came at it and that was not a world I came from.
00:12:21.420 --> 00:12:31.980 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you know, and so, for me, the idea of working in the children's home was I just spent a bunch of years on my own education and focusing on myself now it's time to give back to the Community.
00:12:32.700 --> 00:12:39.510 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So that's why I took the position and and yo bye bye joke is a year and a day one broken nose and three correct drips later I got a social work.
00:12:41.370 --> 00:12:41.880 Graham Dobbin: wow.
00:12:43.230 --> 00:12:45.270 Graham Dobbin: Such like a football match i'm.
00:12:46.380 --> 00:12:50.670 Graham Dobbin: said something there i'm kind of refined give people the chance to act.
00:12:51.900 --> 00:12:59.940 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Like what they're really like i'm being slightly paraphrasing that I get that I give people the chance to actually be they really are.
00:13:01.620 --> 00:13:06.300 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And it's true because I knew on some level that Fred really didn't want to hurt me.
00:13:07.410 --> 00:13:17.220 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But what I pieced together later because you know I had literally lost my mind is that people have been telling Fred what to do his whole life in it, but looking past him.
00:13:17.640 --> 00:13:29.130 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And there, I was sitting there saying Fred you got to go to intake so I was just another adult who wasn't seeing him, and as far as he was concerned, he needed to pull a machete on me, in order to get my attention.
00:13:30.420 --> 00:13:35.340 Graham Dobbin: Right, and that was that was basically his reality, whether it's a schizophrenia.
00:13:36.780 --> 00:13:39.900 Graham Dobbin: You probably need to get attention, other ways i'm.
00:13:41.340 --> 00:13:42.390 Graham Dobbin: Interested i'm.
00:13:44.070 --> 00:13:44.880 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: By the way, this.
00:13:44.910 --> 00:13:51.990 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: This has taught me everything I needed to know to survive in the business world things like make them think it's their idea and don't back them into a corner.
00:13:52.890 --> 00:13:53.850 Graham Dobbin: She don't just.
00:13:55.440 --> 00:14:03.150 Graham Dobbin: Say well it's silly between that and get a leadership business world that we're in the moment, so that is the you do ceiling.
00:14:03.570 --> 00:14:12.750 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Oh yes, oh yeah well because you know we're all under stress and I, I believe that all of us like Fred feel chronically unseen and unheard.
00:14:13.860 --> 00:14:25.110 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And when we're able to get somebody's attention and truly connect with them, for we want to have that experience and then ultimately we want to give that experience to other people.
00:14:27.900 --> 00:14:33.570 Graham Dobbin: um you mentioned the Canada what stress we're going to go to going to go to a break in a moment when we come back.
00:14:35.340 --> 00:14:42.300 Graham Dobbin: I do definitely want to talk about where's the natural tendencies, for it to be go, how do we communicate what do we do, and I know a lot.
00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:47.370 Graham Dobbin: A lot of time to kind of talk about that and there's some theories watch a tedx video.
00:14:47.970 --> 00:14:58.350 Graham Dobbin: very, very clear on on what happens i'm going to be curious just because we're talking about in this moment what happens when we get stressed, what kind of things kick in.
00:14:58.710 --> 00:15:09.660 Graham Dobbin: And how does that change your shoe listening to the mind behind leadership we are lucky enough today to be speaking with Lynn Franklin about persuasion and.
00:15:10.410 --> 00:15:22.950 Graham Dobbin: And how we can get influence others to kind of maybe do what we want and we can read the body language and begin to the site hi we're going to communicate with the other person will be right back after the leaves.
00:17:41.010 --> 00:17:42.420 Graham Dobbin: Welcome back to the wind bang leadership.
00:17:42.420 --> 00:17:50.520 Graham Dobbin: we're speaking with Lynn Franklin and Lynn we're talking about how we communicate with others what's kind of the best practice or what's the best way.
00:17:51.060 --> 00:18:09.900 Graham Dobbin: But we also know that when stress comes into you just mentioned a very stressful moment we don't always kind of go back to or be our best selves are reacting in in in that we are striving, you see that stress or stressful situations changes over behave.
00:18:11.460 --> 00:18:25.320 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Well, and, and for that I turn to somebody who I truly enjoy his name is Dr mark Wilson, and he came up with a process that you know and and I will paraphrase it the oh crap to okay process.
00:18:26.130 --> 00:18:35.910 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And he believes that when you while and research indicates, when you are under stress, you can lose two thirds of your brain.
00:18:37.590 --> 00:18:45.840 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So the, there are three kinds of are three parts of your brain that you have the first is the survival brain where you have fight flight or freeze.
00:18:46.620 --> 00:18:53.670 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: The second part is your emotional brain, which obviously you have mad sad glad hurt and afraid and all the permutations in between.
00:18:54.120 --> 00:18:57.090 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Your emotional brain, by the way, is also where you make decisions.
00:18:57.840 --> 00:19:02.220 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: We all think we make decisions in the next part of our brain, which is the thinking brain but we're full of crap.
00:19:02.580 --> 00:19:07.500 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: We decide things emotionally, and then we back and fill with oh here's here the wonderful reasons why I chose them.
00:19:07.980 --> 00:19:17.700 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But the scoop is that when you're in a particularly stressful situation, the way I was with Fred you literally lose your emotional brain, which means you cannot make decisions.
00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:28.020 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you lose your thinking brain, which means you cannot plan or look into the future, all you literally have left is fight flight or freeze.
00:19:29.100 --> 00:19:32.070 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And what I was in with Fred was freeze.
00:19:33.330 --> 00:19:41.520 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Which is why I just stood there and baffled who's the best I could do so for us to know that when we're truly under stress.
00:19:42.180 --> 00:19:53.730 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you know, and when we're dealing with other people so other people under stress could get really angry with us and disproportionately angry, to the situation you know or other people could become very fearful.
00:19:54.090 --> 00:20:10.920 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: or other people could freeze that's how it affects our behavior and what gholston says is that there's a process to getting your brain back after you've lost your mind and in situations like this, so if you find yourself truly stressed out.
00:20:12.090 --> 00:20:17.790 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: The best thing to do to start getting your brain back is if it's safe close your eyes.
00:20:18.810 --> 00:20:24.360 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Because your brain is already overstimulated and you need to calm yourself.
00:20:25.140 --> 00:20:34.800 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: The next way you call yourself, is to take a year to take breaths where your exhale is three is twice as large as long as your inhale.
00:20:35.160 --> 00:20:52.710 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So, as a matter of fact let's do it together and inhale for three breaths and exhale for six so we'll call ourselves okay ready in yellow without one 1000 2003 excel but thousand one 1002 1000 31,004 1000 5006 so you've already started calming your body and your mind.
00:20:53.730 --> 00:20:58.050 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And the next thing you do is you ask yourself what am I feeling.
00:20:59.550 --> 00:21:02.280 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Because that starts waking up your emotional brain.
00:21:03.510 --> 00:21:11.550 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Because a lot of us will spend a lot of time trying to convince ourselves we're not angry or we're not afraid, or you know or we're not feel frozen.
00:21:12.990 --> 00:21:17.040 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And instead of investing the energy in that if I if I admit.
00:21:17.550 --> 00:21:34.260 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: The kids got a machete i'm scared to death okay that i'm not spending the energy saying Well, no, I can handle this no i'm admitting i'm a deal i'm afraid and there's a line out there, you know name it to to tame it once I convey my emotions, I am not at the mercy of them.
00:21:35.550 --> 00:21:40.740 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And, as I named my emotions i'm starting to wake up that emotional brain that second part of me.
00:21:41.610 --> 00:21:57.030 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Which is the part of me that can make decisions so i'm starting to awaken the rest of my brain and ultimately i'll get to the point where I can wake up my thinking brain, as I make decisions and then be able to see what I need to do next.
00:21:58.590 --> 00:21:59.190 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: That makes sense.
00:21:59.910 --> 00:22:00.600 It does.
00:22:01.740 --> 00:22:04.380 Really cute I hear people talking with the breathing.
00:22:05.520 --> 00:22:09.510 Graham Dobbin: Before and it works I get that but closing your eyes.
00:22:10.980 --> 00:22:16.530 Graham Dobbin: And I kind of always taught us about relaxing but it's kind of stopping the overload of information as well.
00:22:16.950 --> 00:22:17.400 Right.
00:22:19.140 --> 00:22:27.630 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Right, because your your unconscious mind can handle 14 million plus bits of information per second your conscious mind can only handle 10 to 15.
00:22:28.980 --> 00:22:40.740 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And so, part of it goes on to, and you know and and if you're interested, we can talk about the the power of setting goals and why that works about uniting your conscious in your unconscious mind.
00:22:41.400 --> 00:22:52.590 Graham Dobbin: Please i'm actually curious have a day there's that there's a watch how I talk a lot of a golden in in over the work and also i'm on the show and so many people got different.
00:22:53.040 --> 00:23:01.140 Graham Dobbin: viewpoints of it, what our goal is to kind of know this visualization but it sounds like we're going a little bit deeper with this one.
00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:03.450 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you know and here's the truth.
00:23:03.960 --> 00:23:18.960 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: You already know that your subconscious mind has access to more information than your conscious mind does so, I say set goals and take advantage of all this information that your subconscious mind has that you don't know you have so, for example, right now.
00:23:19.950 --> 00:23:27.450 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: You and I are both sitting, so I know I could ask you how does your derriere feeling the Chair, how does your butt feeling to see.
00:23:28.290 --> 00:23:40.200 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you know, two to five seconds ago you weren't paying any attention to that, and now you are so the scoop is our subconscious mind pays attention to what our conscious mind tells it.
00:23:41.670 --> 00:23:47.970 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And then the support team plus million bits of information it bubbles up the stuff that we're asking for.
00:23:48.390 --> 00:23:55.260 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Which is why oftentimes if you're trying to remember the name of someone you went to high school with.
00:23:55.800 --> 00:24:03.240 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you can't for the life of you remember that name but you'll wake up at two in the morning and it will be there it's like when you set a goal.
00:24:03.990 --> 00:24:12.840 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: you're sending information from your conscious mind down into your subconscious mind what starts chewing on it and has access to all this information that you forgotten that you have.
00:24:13.410 --> 00:24:25.020 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And then ultimately because your subconscious wants you to get what you want it will bubble up things to help you so it could be strategies that you could use or words that you can say or things that you can write.
00:24:25.320 --> 00:24:35.280 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: That will help you get your goal, so I say us, you know get both of your your minds your subconscious and your conscious mind working with you to get what you want.
00:24:35.640 --> 00:24:44.340 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: The only caveat that's important to know about your subconscious mind is that it cannot tell the difference between a positive thing a positive goal and a negative goal.
00:24:45.420 --> 00:24:59.760 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So, if you think you're going into a new business presentation and, if you think oh gosh they're never going to buy off on this idea well your subconscious mind here's never going to buy off on this idea and guess what it will find ways for you to shoot yourself in the foot every time.
00:25:00.960 --> 00:25:05.040 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So be very careful what you feed your subconscious mind.
00:25:06.390 --> 00:25:17.310 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And i'll just give you an example, I was in a networking meeting last Thursday, and I said, one of my goals is to get another one on one coaching client.
00:25:18.360 --> 00:25:30.900 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: I set it out loud and within a day I had somebody call me and say you know I heard you say that you wanted another you know executive communication coaching client and I thought about it, and I really need that.
00:25:33.000 --> 00:25:37.440 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Okay it's like magic you know that's you know people talk about the law of attraction.
00:25:37.860 --> 00:25:52.140 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But I say because I set that goal, then I was prompted by my subconscious mind probably well, you have a goal see something about it, so I said something about it in the meeting and then was able to you know, to create that.
00:25:52.560 --> 00:25:59.040 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Because I was I had both my conscious and my subconscious minds, working together with me, so I say, one of the most powerful things you can do.
00:25:59.460 --> 00:26:11.130 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: is to be aware and set goals, because they've even done research about people who set your new year's goals, which are of course notoriously useless, but the.
00:26:11.790 --> 00:26:20.460 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: You know the study shows that if you sat down and wrote your goals for the coming year and put it in a drawer and just left it there throughout the course of the year.
00:26:20.850 --> 00:26:34.980 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: By the end of the year, if you open up that door and pulled out that sheet, you would be amazed by the number of things that you've accomplished, even though you hadn't been focused on them in particular that year, so that, for me is the power of the subconscious mind let's.
00:26:35.730 --> 00:26:42.750 Graham Dobbin: cut the thing you mentioned earlier, you know um you realized that you wouldn't just ringing by hoping it suffering.
00:26:43.470 --> 00:26:57.210 Graham Dobbin: And this, I suppose, this is a difference because, when people hear that positive mindset and goal setting and all that kind of stuff I you know regular basis that push back of it doesn't work or it's just bit is actually bring it into context hmm.
00:26:57.660 --> 00:27:02.850 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Well, and I think it's Brian Tracy the sales coach who said, you are what you think about most of the time.
00:27:03.720 --> 00:27:18.510 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And it's true if i'm thinking about what it is that I want to welcome into my life and i'm setting that mindset out there, it does change how I think and act in part because once again my subconscious mind is sending up stuff to help me get what I want.
00:27:19.800 --> 00:27:31.020 Graham Dobbin: And there's a call that is thrown a boat and a lot of these courts are talking about without really thinking about it, and this one day go for the you think you can, or you can't you're absolutely right.
00:27:32.040 --> 00:27:32.160 Graham Dobbin: and
00:27:32.700 --> 00:27:48.750 Graham Dobbin: And the million people are here to kind of throw that out there and just like letting it go rather than seriously thinking about it, and if you think you can't do something you're absolutely and what would it be able to do so, the isn't it amazing you're seeing that you know this.
00:27:50.190 --> 00:27:57.240 Graham Dobbin: morning and I can i'm going to go back to that again just kind of what we spoke about the beginning and then we've got this these insights which are not new.
00:27:57.690 --> 00:28:03.270 Graham Dobbin: If you look at Andrew Carnegie or they'll county you really can't Mark Twain if we look at all these kind of people who.
00:28:03.570 --> 00:28:16.170 Graham Dobbin: Who were talking about mindset shift and and what could be done with it, but you think thinking grow rich none of these are all, you know that they have to be taken from scripture yeah it's still something we need to practice.
00:28:17.400 --> 00:28:36.210 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Because it's a pricing well yeah because it requires mindfulness I mean it is so easy to get buried in the minutia of our day, and you know and look at the next thing that needs to do or the next five things that need to be done and just to it's easier to react than it is to act.
00:28:38.040 --> 00:28:45.090 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And when you set goals, and you know, and when you're sending this information down into your subconscious mind, it is an action.
00:28:46.440 --> 00:28:55.110 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And then other things are made possible because you took an action, as opposed to yeah if I just it's true once again positive mindset it's great stuff.
00:28:55.470 --> 00:29:06.960 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But if I don't attach but so here's another line from scripture yeah the Lord helps those who help themselves, yes okay so take what it is that you want and take a step there you know, and I.
00:29:07.380 --> 00:29:24.780 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And i've heard the line to activity begets activity, there are times when i'm not quite sure what to do so, I can sit there and be frozen and not have anything happened, or I can take a step in some direction and I usually find that that at least welcome something else in.
00:29:26.250 --> 00:29:35.760 Graham Dobbin: And let's go to break when we come back row ring really keen noted kind of dig into this this reading minds stuff and this these this this this know this.
00:29:36.270 --> 00:29:52.260 Graham Dobbin: Thinking about how we can tell other people communicate just by looking at them or listening to them or reading what they've got and you're listening to the main behind leadership we've got Ben Franklin today and we will be talking about reading mains after the break.
00:29:56.700 --> 00:29:57.720 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: All the.
00:32:34.350 --> 00:32:35.940 Graham Dobbin: Welcome back to the mind buying leadership.
00:32:36.060 --> 00:32:36.720 Graham Dobbin: We are with.
00:32:36.900 --> 00:32:38.220 www.TalkRadio.nyc: Lynn Franklin today.
00:32:38.550 --> 00:32:41.550 Graham Dobbin: And Lynn reading minds.
00:32:43.380 --> 00:32:50.700 Graham Dobbin: Before we even speak to people you say we can understand how we can communicate with them explain more please.
00:32:51.900 --> 00:33:01.350 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Okay, so what i'm talking about reading people's body language to read their minds it's truly is figuring out how people think.
00:33:02.520 --> 00:33:11.070 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And their body language will tell us which way they think so, the most common kind of thinking is I call them lookers.
00:33:11.910 --> 00:33:24.450 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: People whose brains think they process information in pictures and images 75% of people in the world fall into this category and and it is you know culturally agnostic.
00:33:25.350 --> 00:33:42.780 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And so, if you want to figure out if somebody's a looker you look for body language like this, you know, the first thing is that they usually have good posture and they dress well because appearance is important to them and their offices, if you get to see them are usually nicely done.
00:33:43.830 --> 00:33:59.190 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: next thing you notice about lookers is that they generally have wrinkles in their foreheads because people look up when they remember something and so lookers because they think visually look up more often, they have wrinkles in their foreheads.
00:34:00.210 --> 00:34:06.000 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Other things about lookers is that they generally have thin lips so.
00:34:07.380 --> 00:34:11.850 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: yeah and it's a chicken and an egg thing we're not sure why more lookers have been lips, but they do.
00:34:12.690 --> 00:34:21.870 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you know and another good tell about lookers is that they give you lots of eye contact, they give you eye contact all of the time.
00:34:22.380 --> 00:34:25.590 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So when you see this kind of body language.
00:34:26.220 --> 00:34:34.950 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: chances are good you're looking at a look oh and look there's also generally hold stress in their shoulders a little bit so their whole children little hunched up, so this is how you can tell a looker.
00:34:35.430 --> 00:34:54.000 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: 75% of the people in the world, and when you're in the presence of a looker you can do two things to build rapport with them, the first thing you do is you give them lots of eye contact because lookers truly believe, if you are not looking at them you're ignoring them.
00:34:55.500 --> 00:35:04.110 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: The second thing you can do with lookers is you use visual language I see what you mean or picture this.
00:35:05.070 --> 00:35:20.160 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Because that's the kind of language they're using when they speak to themselves so you're literally speaking their language so that's lookers 75% of people in the world, their brains think in pictures and images.
00:35:21.690 --> 00:35:25.770 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: The next group of people second largest group 20% of people in the world.
00:35:27.030 --> 00:35:32.490 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: They think in words and sounds and they are listeners.
00:35:33.660 --> 00:35:41.970 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So listeners, the body language you see from a listener, is that listeners not as well, dressed as lookers because appearance isn't as important to them.
00:35:42.930 --> 00:35:53.640 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: listeners also have a tendency to look down and to the left, because that is where they look when they that's where everybody looks when you remembering something you have heard.
00:35:54.420 --> 00:36:04.380 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And when listeners are doing that their ears are pointed at you so listeners use their ears, the way lookers use their eyes, because they're trying to get information from you.
00:36:05.310 --> 00:36:20.580 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: listeners also have a tendency to you know these are the people who will you know click their pens or bang them on the table, and you know, sometimes listeners, yes, sometimes listeners when they're thinking will move their lips.
00:36:21.750 --> 00:36:33.120 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: or they'll even model to themselves, like to myself now and it's not that the crazy is that they process information auditory so they are literally speaking to themselves.
00:36:34.770 --> 00:36:43.470 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So listeners 20% of the people who are you want to connect with a lister you do two things first you do not give them lots of eye contact, because it freaks them out.
00:36:45.090 --> 00:36:53.100 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Instead, when they're speaking you look at them and then look away and when they're speaking you look at them and then look away, they don't want to be the Center of attention.
00:36:54.360 --> 00:36:58.440 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: next thing about listeners, is that you use auditory language.
00:36:59.550 --> 00:37:13.950 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: want to hear what you have to say about this or let's speak about these things, because once again that's the kind of language they're using in their heads so listeners 20% of the people in the world, their brains think in words.
00:37:15.510 --> 00:37:16.470 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: In words and sound.
00:37:17.790 --> 00:37:29.670 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: which takes us to the final of 5% of people in the world, and these people are touches now what you think so touches These are people who think in feelings and tactically.
00:37:30.690 --> 00:37:41.460 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: In feelings and tactically so the biggest tell in the pre code word world of a toucher is these people are ready to give you a giant bear hug whether or not they've ever met you before in their lives.
00:37:41.790 --> 00:37:54.900 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Because what touches want to do is decrease the physical space between you and them as a way of building rapport so a lot of times touches will be leaning in or touches will touch you on the arm or the shoulder.
00:37:55.860 --> 00:38:08.940 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Once again they're not trying to invade your space they're trying to create connection that way touches in general are dressed for comfort rather than style and they also have a tendency to have full lips, a big lips.
00:38:10.380 --> 00:38:14.280 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And they also have a tendency to have deeper voices.
00:38:15.630 --> 00:38:24.690 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So those are touches and they also have a tendency to look down into the right because they look down into the right that's where everybody looks when you're remembering something you have felt.
00:38:26.280 --> 00:38:35.100 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But if you notice these characteristics and you want to build rapport with touches you do two things first you let them touch you.
00:38:35.640 --> 00:38:47.160 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: appropriately, obviously, and if you feel comfortable with that, but you know I came from a German family in Minnesota so you know people just never touched, and if anybody has to you.
00:38:48.210 --> 00:38:57.450 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Know Okay, so that doesn't build report, which means that if there is a touch or barreling down and you wanting to give you a giant bear hug and you don't feel comfortable with that.
00:38:58.530 --> 00:39:07.560 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: You need to find a better way to connect with them so maybe it's the elbow bump or maybe it shaking hands or or maybe it's nodding toward them.
00:39:07.950 --> 00:39:15.780 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Because once again they're trying to decrease physical space and that's how they build connection that's what they're looking for, as opposed to backing up or getting stuff.
00:39:17.010 --> 00:39:23.970 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And then the other thing you do to build rapport with teachers is that you use feeling or tactical words.
00:39:24.600 --> 00:39:41.310 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So let's get in touch or I want to reach out with you and discuss that or how How does this making you feel because, once again, those are the words that you're using to speak to themselves the touches 5% of people in the world, their brains think in feelings and tackling.
00:39:42.780 --> 00:39:51.330 Graham Dobbin: it's interesting use that that language at the end of reaching out because that's kind of what are those that a lot of people say.
00:39:52.020 --> 00:39:59.550 Graham Dobbin: And a lot of people they kind of don't understand so culturally moving moving from the UK to the US was that was probably the biggest shift they ever did and.
00:40:00.450 --> 00:40:13.470 Graham Dobbin: And people talk about reaching out all the time, but you said that in the UK it's like nobody really understands what it really means, and I could not, I could not understand how many hugs I got when I moved to New York.
00:40:13.950 --> 00:40:17.640 Graham Dobbin: Everybody all the guys want to give you a hug everybody wants to give you a hug.
00:40:18.360 --> 00:40:32.760 Graham Dobbin: And it just kept it was so taking that back in so deep do you see differences when we say 75 20% 5% do you see differences geographically of you have been any kind of thoughts around that.
00:40:33.510 --> 00:40:48.750 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But and not not so much while geographically, culturally, so, for example, people in Japan, you know and and some of the other cultures in the Orient giving people looking people directly in the eyes is considered rude.
00:40:50.670 --> 00:40:57.750 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: People you know in Brazil and and other South American countries love to hug and that's just the culture.
00:40:58.260 --> 00:41:09.930 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So when major signs like that are not available then you just look for other signs and, frankly, you don't even have to be in somebody's presence to be able to figure out how their brains work.
00:41:10.770 --> 00:41:20.250 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: All you need to do is listen to their language when they speak, or you know or read their language in emails.
00:41:20.820 --> 00:41:31.050 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Because it's the language that we speak to ourselves in lookers will use more visual language automatically listeners will use more auditory language and teachers will use more feeling attack the words.
00:41:33.630 --> 00:41:36.000 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: You know, as my fact let's do it let's do a little thought experiment.
00:41:36.570 --> 00:41:38.730 Graham Dobbin: No one knew, you were going to do this.
00:41:41.070 --> 00:41:42.060 Graham Dobbin: that's really safe.
00:41:43.980 --> 00:41:45.660 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: have plenty of thoughts.
00:41:46.650 --> 00:41:48.990 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Okay, so, so I want you to close your eyes.
00:41:50.130 --> 00:42:03.900 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And I want you to think of an important memory that you have so it could have been your 10th birthday party, it could have been when your first child was born.
00:42:05.280 --> 00:42:07.290 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: It could have been when you turn 21.
00:42:09.390 --> 00:42:19.890 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Now yeah there you go now pay attention to how you're remembering this are you seeing it like a movie like a series of pictures and images.
00:42:21.540 --> 00:42:27.180 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Or are you remembering what people said or describing things to yourself.
00:42:29.160 --> 00:42:32.940 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Or are you remembering how you felt or how things felt to you.
00:42:35.040 --> 00:42:38.070 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: All right, Graham open up your eyes tell me what it was like.
00:42:38.610 --> 00:42:48.390 Graham Dobbin: um yeah the movie I can hear the words afterwards, and I can kind of feel the get the feeling in the order with the movie sound feeling.
00:42:48.990 --> 00:42:52.350 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Right right so you're hey Graham you're a looker.
00:42:54.300 --> 00:42:55.800 Graham Dobbin: You know I don't know.
00:42:59.400 --> 00:42:59.670 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: yeah.
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:07.560 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But yeah and and frankly so so now, you know who you are, which is great, the problem is that you will treat the rest of the world, as though they're all lookers.
00:43:08.850 --> 00:43:15.720 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you know and that's where the breakdown happens, of course, you're already connected with 75% of the people in the world, so you got a head start on other folks.
00:43:16.290 --> 00:43:21.900 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But let me tell you a quick story, I was delivering this program to.
00:43:22.380 --> 00:43:31.740 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: a bunch of business people and I had a guy come up to me afterwards and said, you know we're interviewing for position, and there was a guy we were interviewing who just never looked at me the entire time.
00:43:32.190 --> 00:43:38.460 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But every time I asked him a question he gave me an answer, so I I first I thought it was a slacker but now I knew he was tracking with me.
00:43:39.480 --> 00:43:55.590 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And I said Okay, he said so Now I know he's a listener, I said okay so what's the position and he said we're a digital marketing firm so it's client contact and I said okay know that as a listener, he can have difficulty giving people eye contact.
00:43:57.360 --> 00:44:11.490 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So if 75% of the people in the world are lookers and frankly touches also appreciate I contact you have to ask whether or not he can be trained to give people eye contact and to be.
00:44:13.230 --> 00:44:20.550 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And yo and if he can great then hiring and if you can't then keep looking for somebody else.
00:44:23.430 --> 00:44:25.320 Graham Dobbin: After the break we'll.
00:44:27.090 --> 00:44:27.570 Graham Dobbin: get some.
00:44:30.780 --> 00:44:43.290 Graham Dobbin: Really again kind of the questions are jumping out here, I heard you mentioning about lips about the physiology of people so curious to dig into that and also given what you do.
00:44:43.770 --> 00:44:47.310 Graham Dobbin: Given the given the given the insights that you have.
00:44:48.090 --> 00:44:53.820 Graham Dobbin: big question is, what did people misunderstand about you most we're going to ask that, after the break.
00:44:54.030 --> 00:45:09.390 Graham Dobbin: So going to look at the physiology but what did people misunderstand about you, mostly you're listening to the mind behind leadership we have Lynn Franklin with us here talking about body language persuasion and how we can connect we'll be right back after these.
00:47:17.100 --> 00:47:29.880 Graham Dobbin: Welcome back to behind leadership live we mentioned there that the workers have similar lips and touches fruit loops can be explained her.
00:47:30.780 --> 00:47:42.450 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Know it's a chicken and egg thing we're not quite sure why it's true it's just that it is because I don't think looking at people well, of course, it could be that, looking at people so much mix your purse your lips.
00:47:44.730 --> 00:47:45.750 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And the people you're hanging out with.
00:47:48.660 --> 00:47:59.490 Graham Dobbin: We can open up a whole can of worms there i'm looking at so when you meet some people into a room let's talk about networking that's kind of that's one of the things before someone says something.
00:47:59.970 --> 00:48:11.790 Graham Dobbin: I I i'm going to make the assumption again we're looking at the shoulders, looking at the lips we're looking about how they stand, we give the say don are you watching how people are interacting with each other, before you talk to them.
00:48:12.510 --> 00:48:13.200 Graham Dobbin: Yes or.
00:48:14.490 --> 00:48:22.710 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: yeah and you know and and once again also when they're speaking with me the words that they use just to confirm what i'm seeing visually too.
00:48:23.160 --> 00:48:26.220 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Because, because the scoop is and people say to me well, I.
00:48:26.760 --> 00:48:36.720 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: feel like I could do more than one way of thinking and they're absolutely right, we all do, all three, but just the way we have a dominant hand we have a dominant style.
00:48:37.140 --> 00:48:45.570 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So we default to that and, as a matter of fact, if you if you looked at me, of course, i've been looking at the camera the whole time here would be.
00:48:45.570 --> 00:48:54.360 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: photography but you know if we were in conversation I would be looking at you and your guests would most likely be that i'm a looker.
00:48:55.230 --> 00:49:02.790 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: i'm not i'm a listener, yes, I know all the words to songs back to when my parents were kids too.
00:49:03.300 --> 00:49:14.910 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: I cuz I I I think in words and sounds, but if I spent my entire career you're looking down into the left and having my ear pointed at you i'd be alienating like 80% of the people in the world.
00:49:15.660 --> 00:49:30.960 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: I cannot change the way my brain works, but I can be flexible and meet people where they are, fortunately, for all of us we've got something in our brains called mirror neurons as a mirror mirror on the wall.
00:49:31.620 --> 00:49:43.710 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you know back in the old days when our brains primary job was to keep us alive, one of the parts of our brain was always paying attention to how other people were acting.
00:49:44.280 --> 00:49:55.200 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you know and what they were doing and then prompting us to act in a similar way or to have you know to position our bodies in a similar way, so if somebody was leading in.
00:49:55.470 --> 00:50:06.150 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Well, our bodies were automatically prompted to lead into to mirror the behaviors, of the other people around us, because if we were to different they might kick us out of the tribe.
00:50:06.780 --> 00:50:11.400 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So this stuff is going on now, and one of the ways to build rapport with people.
00:50:11.580 --> 00:50:22.230 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: is to mirror their body language, because once again if a touch her is leaning in and you lead and then you're building rapport if a touch was leaning in and you're leading back then you're not.
00:50:22.830 --> 00:50:27.450 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So there's part of our brain that just pays attention to that, and you and you may notice this now that you're aware of it.
00:50:27.870 --> 00:50:35.580 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: That you know you might be in a meeting with somebody who's sitting there with your with your hands crossed on his lap and notice that yours are too.
00:50:36.300 --> 00:50:40.320 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Because our brain automatically prompts us to do that, but the cool thing about this.
00:50:40.650 --> 00:50:52.470 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Is that if you're in a meeting where somebody is being very resistant to Union with the arms folded and yo and just what you can do is take their body language and loosen it up just a little bit.
00:50:53.010 --> 00:50:58.230 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: You know you shouldn't be standing there waving your arms if they're if they're tight, but you take it one step.
00:50:58.680 --> 00:51:11.160 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: softer than where they are because they have mirror neurons in their brains to and they'll pick up on this and you'll be amazed that people's body language will soften if you show them the way.
00:51:12.180 --> 00:51:16.860 Graham Dobbin: Which is a separate go It makes me look the toenail with Sandra he.
00:51:17.880 --> 00:51:25.320 Graham Dobbin: kind of one of the thought leaders on disk and behavioral styles and that type of thing you know we've got myers briggs.
00:51:25.530 --> 00:51:27.600 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: got all these different types of assessments.
00:51:27.930 --> 00:51:38.130 Graham Dobbin: about how people are hyper like to talk about how they like to communicate or ticket information and there was this and they were looking at this as well hi This is all kind of fit together.
00:51:39.210 --> 00:51:52.920 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: You know, and I love the the four quadrants personality profiles and there are different names for all of them, but you know you've got the you know the driver the amiable give me, you know cooperator the expressive.
00:51:53.340 --> 00:52:09.540 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Whichever ones you use these things are truly useful because chances are, if you know about them, you know who you are yeah myers briggs love that kind of stuff but the scoop is I don't have time to sit down and figure out whether somebody is an Ai nfp or something else.
00:52:10.560 --> 00:52:18.660 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And so I like the four quadrants because there are user friendly yeah and you know, and so, for example, and you were talking about networking before.
00:52:19.080 --> 00:52:24.300 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: I went to a networking coffee, with a guy, who was a president of a market research firm.
00:52:24.810 --> 00:52:33.510 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And five minutes into the meeting, it was clear that he wanted to spend the next 15 minutes telling me all about his company.
00:52:33.870 --> 00:52:50.010 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And just how they do market research now in the days before I would have done any of these personality profiles, I would have thought Well he just wants to talk about himself well what a self centered jerk, how can I get out of here as soon as possible, but because I was more aware of.
00:52:51.480 --> 00:53:02.700 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: The personality styles I looked at him and thought well he's an analytical guy and he wants to build rapport with me by explaining in excruciating detail exactly what his company does so I will understand.
00:53:03.780 --> 00:53:08.340 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Okay, he is being who he is so, then, for me the question becomes.
00:53:09.660 --> 00:53:22.890 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: Does he know people who who might be good people for me to know, and I thought the answer is yes, and I thought, am I willing to pay the price to sit here and listen to him talk for the next 15 minutes.
00:53:23.370 --> 00:53:31.260 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: In an effort to build rapport with them with him so he'll feel comfortable introducing me to the people who know him who should know me and I thought yeah i'm willing to do that.
00:53:31.830 --> 00:53:41.760 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: So it was literally five minutes before the top of the hour and he turned to me, and he said so, what do you do, and you know, and I am a driver, I can tell people in five minutes, what I do.
00:53:42.390 --> 00:53:48.390 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And I did, and within a week he introduced me to a guy who became a great client of mine for years.
00:53:48.960 --> 00:53:56.640 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: What I love about personality profiles, is that I don't have to punish people I no longer punish people for being who they are.
00:53:57.480 --> 00:54:08.490 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: I just recognize who they are, how that differs from who I am and asked myself if there's a reason for me to be in this conversation, and if there is then I stay in it.
00:54:09.240 --> 00:54:20.190 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And if there isn't because when you're networking, there are times when you're sure yet you're standing across from somebody who's never going to pay any attention to you, who doesn't even let you finish the sentence before he or she or they interrupt you.
00:54:20.700 --> 00:54:26.640 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And you know and doesn't really care to make a connection well, those are the catch and release people you say thanks very much.
00:54:26.910 --> 00:54:33.720 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: it's been interesting talking with you, I know that you're there are other people here, you want to network with as well enjoy the meeting and then let them go.
00:54:35.130 --> 00:54:39.630 Graham Dobbin: When the last one is actually fluid and before we got a couple of minutes left and.
00:54:40.890 --> 00:54:55.080 Graham Dobbin: Thank you so much for into i'm really keen to know, but if people misunderstand about you, most of all, so as i'm kind of thinking go to networking when you talk about what you do, which is obviously you got you got a slightly different.
00:54:56.160 --> 00:54:59.460 Graham Dobbin: way of communicating what you do and in an insight.
00:55:00.870 --> 00:55:02.220 Graham Dobbin: kind of misunderstanding, when you.
00:55:04.230 --> 00:55:11.310 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: You know I don't know that it's a misunderstood, most people think i'm a looker and that i'm an extrovert but i'm actually a listener, and an introvert.
00:55:11.820 --> 00:55:19.950 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: But the so The difference is and I learned a long time ago, especially when I was doing presentation, training, you know because plenty of times people.
00:55:20.130 --> 00:55:30.720 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: will say okay presentation trying to get stand with your feet shoulder width apart, you know so you're in a power pose and you know, and you don't feel your arms around and blah blah, and you know and and so when I started doing.
00:55:31.410 --> 00:55:41.730 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: you're speaking myself, and I was thinking about all that stuff It made me incredibly nervous, or what am I doing with my hands were at my feet and I quickly realized it's not about me.
00:55:42.300 --> 00:55:59.310 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: it's about the people who are in the audience and my job is to give them, you know, to present information in a way, they can see it hear it, and feel it and then make a good decision about whether or not, what i'm suggesting is something that's usable for them.
00:56:00.390 --> 00:56:07.230 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: And so you know that's that's the blessing whenever you're in any kind of conversation or doing any kind of presentation.
00:56:08.040 --> 00:56:14.850 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: If you're nervous it's because you're focusing on yourself yeah but as soon as I focus on the other person i'm not nervous anymore.
00:56:15.090 --> 00:56:27.570 Lynne Franklin: Persuasive Communication: i'm making it all about them and i'm not thinking about what my hands are doing and, frankly, then it's easier to connect with me and I increase the chances that i'll get what I want and that i'll be giving the other person information that he she or they want.
00:56:28.380 --> 00:56:39.090 Graham Dobbin: Interesting we've come full circle and this give people the chance to act like they really want to give people the chance to take in information like they want to live Franklin Thank you very much for your time.
00:56:39.810 --> 00:56:54.060 Graham Dobbin: This evening on talk radio dot nyc you've been listening to the main behind leadership Thank you so much to some live events in the bank going to make sure that this all runs smoothly and producing perfectly for us, we will be back with you next one day good night.
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