Joel grew up in a very religious family, was married at the young age of 18, had 2 children by the age of 23. He also started and successfully ran a landscaping business for most of his 20’s.
His world fell apart soon after his sister committed suicide 19 years ago. This was the beginning of a dark time in which he battled depression, guilt and survived his own suicide attempt. The combination of all this was the catalyst for his move to BC and a life long pursuit of happiness.
Joel has invested over 10 years in personal development courses and has a solution focused coaching degree. He has coached youth sports including being a volunteer coach for the Special Olympics. Joel has since remarried and his creative skills are put to good use working with his wife in their jewelry business. Joel also is a building manager and is a skilled renovator that has a passion for reusing and up cycling materials.
Tune in for this important conversation at TalkRadio.nyc or watch the Facebook Livestream by clicking here.
Tonight’s show starts by introducing the guest named Joel Godden who grew up in a small town near Toronto. He is the middle child of three and his parents have been married for around 50 years. Growing up sometimes he would get bullied and had his first suicide contemplation at the young age of thirteen. He comes from a very religious family and had some tough times with his parents growing up. Every year or so, the family would buy and sell a house which resulted in them having to constantly move. This took a toll on everyone. Later, Joel’s sister unfortunately got into a car accident which led to a concussion and the unleashing of something that was dormant in her brain. All of a sudden, she was very dark and tried to kill herself over ten times before she actually did it. Today, the whole family still lives with the guilt of wondering what they could have done to save her.
When the suicide first happened, Joel was in shock and could not work for a while. His mother and father cried every night and gained a lot of weight. Eventually, Joel began to heal after attempting to fix the relationship with his parents. He brought them out to British Columbia where he lived and they talked about what they were thinking. Getting the opportunity to be open and honest with each other was so important. Joel also found relief from joining a healing group that gave him an additional opportunity to talk about what was on his mind. Both of them agree that opening up is key.
Growing up, Joel did not have a good relationship with his brother so he was not an available outlet for him but he used his yoga practices to calm his breathing and state of mind. Every time somebody goes through a tough time, they have their own way of coping with it. Next, Albert discusses his film Extra Innings and how he never thought it would have been completed. People have noted just how genuine the script is overall. Another coping mechanism for Joel is being able to take that memory of his sister’s suicide and using that to mention one of the greatest qualities about her.
Today, Joel is doing great. He has an amazing family and support system by his side. He will never forget the great qualities about his sister like the fact that she is a great listener. Joel remembers the times she would bake cookies and talk. Joel loved that he never felt judged when talking to her. In addition, the two both agree that a good way to get someone to open up is to ask someone questions and be curious. Joel is now an inspiration to many people. He has gone through adversity and turned his life around. Even through the multiple challenges he did not give up.
00:00:45.240 --> 00:00:53.010 Albert Dabah: hi there welcome my name is Albert dabba and I am the host of extra innings covering all the bases.
00:00:54.210 --> 00:01:00.480 Albert Dabah: I am a filmmaker a life coach and I would say, a mental health advocate.
00:01:01.650 --> 00:01:10.770 Albert Dabah: On extra innings we talked about many subjects, including family family relationships we talked about mental wellness.
00:01:11.220 --> 00:01:28.320 Albert Dabah: And we also talked about mental illness and the stigma of mental illness and the different diseases that people have that people deal with and the challenges such as depression and bipolar disease anxiety disorder suicide.
00:01:29.550 --> 00:01:37.350 Albert Dabah: Many subjects that people do not like to talk about and I believe that there is a stigma about talking about mental illness.
00:01:37.830 --> 00:01:50.370 Albert Dabah: And on the show we've had many different kinds of people, people from all over people working on all different kinds of occupations and I feel that dealing with this subject is a.
00:01:51.480 --> 00:02:00.870 Albert Dabah: Worldwide worldwide challenge because we're all human and have to deal with, where we come from and what happens in our journeys.
00:02:02.430 --> 00:02:18.210 Albert Dabah: Extra innings actually comes from a film that I have written produced directed and was done by my production company Simba productions and it is now playing on Amazon, so you can see it there.
00:02:19.410 --> 00:02:30.240 Albert Dabah: tonight on our show we have Joe gooden and Joe will be talking to us about his his journey his journey from where you came from to where he is now.
00:02:30.690 --> 00:02:43.410 Albert Dabah: We have took several times, and I am really grateful to have him on the show tonight so Joel how are you tonight tonight, or this afternoon for you, because you're in British Columbia is that right.
00:02:43.680 --> 00:02:45.960 Joel Godden: I am, it is three o'clock in the west coast.
00:02:46.380 --> 00:02:47.880 Joel Godden: Okay sunny warm day.
00:02:49.200 --> 00:02:54.990 Albert Dabah: Alright well right now it's raining here in New Jersey and that's where I am.
00:02:56.670 --> 00:02:57.270 Albert Dabah: So.
00:02:58.290 --> 00:03:03.960 Albert Dabah: We met a while back over the phone and we had a really good discussion.
00:03:04.320 --> 00:03:12.480 Albert Dabah: And I thought you would be a really good guests, to have on because of the different trials and tribulations the things that you've gone through in your life and where you are now.
00:03:13.080 --> 00:03:18.990 Albert Dabah: So maybe we'll just start like maybe tell us a little bit about yourself like where you grew up and.
00:03:19.920 --> 00:03:32.190 Albert Dabah: You know some of the things that we spoke about over the phone and and we'll we'll converse about that and let people know a little bit about you and the challenges that you have gone through and and where you are today so.
00:03:33.270 --> 00:03:35.370 Albert Dabah: Did you grow up in British Columbia or.
00:03:36.030 --> 00:03:39.750 Joel Godden: No, I did not, I was born in Toronto and.
00:03:39.780 --> 00:03:40.110 Albert Dabah: i'm.
00:03:40.470 --> 00:03:50.550 Joel Godden: Pretty expensive even back when I was born to live in Toronto my parents moved to a little town called Fort erie just across from buffalo so not too too far from where you are.
00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:54.570 Joel Godden: And I spent most of my life growing up kind of in a small town.
00:03:56.820 --> 00:03:59.760 Albert Dabah: small town outside of Toronto you mean right.
00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:03.870 Joel Godden: I know well, four degrees per week to two and a bit hours from Toronto.
00:04:03.900 --> 00:04:08.250 Joel Godden: So population when I grew up about 24,000 okay.
00:04:08.430 --> 00:04:15.390 Albert Dabah: Okay, and how did you make your way to British Columbia with that's a you know all the way out less.
00:04:15.870 --> 00:04:26.880 Joel Godden: One of the things with when something traumatic happens in your life is it can really alter the path you were on tour and we'll get into you know my story, but when.
00:04:27.720 --> 00:04:38.520 Joel Godden: I lost my sister my whole family really was like Bowling was just the pins went everywhere and we kind of decided as a unit, we should move and try something different, and that's kind of how we ended up here.
00:04:39.750 --> 00:04:46.770 Albert Dabah: uh huh so tell us a little bit about your family, how many in your family brothers, sisters your parents.
00:04:47.190 --> 00:04:50.280 Joel Godden: yeah i'm the middle my parents have been married.
00:04:51.510 --> 00:04:52.770 Joel Godden: 50 years plus now.
00:04:53.340 --> 00:04:56.460 Joel Godden: Oh wow got a younger brother my sister was older than me.
00:04:58.860 --> 00:05:06.690 Joel Godden: We we pretty normal family for how I grew up in you were quite religious but within my religion, everything was pretty normal I guess.
00:05:07.740 --> 00:05:17.760 Joel Godden: My dad had some anger stuff we know we dealt with that and I guess somewhere around maybe 10 1112 I really started getting.
00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:25.650 Joel Godden: picked on a little more often and school just being different with my religion and hail from you know you can't do this and that I couldn't really play sports teams and.
00:05:26.670 --> 00:05:36.360 Joel Godden: All that kind of stuff and they're on and I first kind of started feeling my first you know feelings of depression, I didn't know you don't really know not back then, today I guess.
00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:48.450 Joel Godden: He feeling talk about depression, I remember the vice principal and they pulling me aside and just asking me, are you Okay, and then look at home, like.
00:05:49.080 --> 00:05:57.450 Joel Godden: you're different than the other kids and seeing the warrior or whatever you just trying to figure that out, but I remember talking to my sister a lot back then.
00:05:58.410 --> 00:06:12.600 Joel Godden: about my struggles and I never really clicked into why she understood how I felt, you know the way I did and somewhere around 13 was the first time I seriously thought about committing suicide as an option which.
00:06:13.710 --> 00:06:21.180 Joel Godden: Was strange, you know, in a way wasn't that I saw it on a movie or wasn't another friend knew hey here's a good idea, this was something kind of their.
00:06:23.460 --> 00:06:28.530 Joel Godden: later in life when you get into the family, history and stuff and realize, there were some things in my family that we.
00:06:29.610 --> 00:06:36.300 Joel Godden: didn't talk about like a lot of families back then you didn't tell your friends who probably could have helped you or would have went wanted to.
00:06:37.530 --> 00:06:40.530 Albert Dabah: Let it your religious background, what is it.
00:06:41.010 --> 00:06:48.690 Joel Godden: What was it or my I grew up jehovah's witness my parents still are my brother and his wife are.
00:06:49.920 --> 00:07:00.000 Joel Godden: I am not anymore, I really do believe in something I believe in a spiritual connection I love the planets and I believe there's purpose to all of this.
00:07:01.080 --> 00:07:08.580 Joel Godden: But I don't so much anymore subscribe to one religion and there's a one right way to do it and one right way to worship God.
00:07:09.540 --> 00:07:23.430 Joel Godden: That is how I was raised and i'm thankful for that upbringing, it was tough for sure, at times, but it also kind of made me who I am and i'm quite a piece of that now, and there was definitely some rocky times with my parents, but we're good now.
00:07:24.540 --> 00:07:28.290 Albert Dabah: So let me ask you, coming from a family of Jehovah witnesses.
00:07:29.820 --> 00:07:36.060 Albert Dabah: Did you have any friends that were in school that were also from leading that kind of lifestyle.
00:07:37.860 --> 00:07:44.490 Joel Godden: My parents for my dad worked for living, but also to make money and get ahead, they would buy homes and fix them up.
00:07:45.120 --> 00:07:54.840 Joel Godden: And then sell them, so I moved a lot as a kid about every one or two years we flipped a home, which means I went to a different school and whatever friends, I had had to make new ones.
00:07:55.230 --> 00:08:04.740 Joel Godden: So sometimes I had some people from the Church, who were in that school, and that was good other times, it was just me, and that was really tough.
00:08:06.540 --> 00:08:07.320 Albert Dabah: So you're.
00:08:08.460 --> 00:08:11.190 Albert Dabah: you're older sister how much older washing, then you.
00:08:13.020 --> 00:08:13.560 Joel Godden: For years.
00:08:14.040 --> 00:08:17.700 Albert Dabah: For years, and what happened to her.
00:08:19.740 --> 00:08:29.070 Joel Godden: um my sister so she grew up and her nickname was tammy good in God say Sarah last name is Gordon and it's not because she was just.
00:08:29.730 --> 00:08:48.150 Joel Godden: got it yeah she was just such a good person, she was a missionary always happy listen to everyone, like just a wonderful person and one day her and my cousin got in a car accident and my sister had a really bad concussion and was in the hospital for a few days, and when she got out.
00:08:49.500 --> 00:09:06.390 Joel Godden: She just became a different person, and it was much like you here with hockey players or football players have a bad concussion and it just unleash is something that may have been laying dormant in their brain and she really, really went downhill fast and she went from.
00:09:07.770 --> 00:09:14.130 Joel Godden: This beautiful wonderful soul to a really struggling dark person and then about two and a half years.
00:09:15.840 --> 00:09:19.950 Joel Godden: got into drugs and multiple suicide attempts and then was done.
00:09:23.220 --> 00:09:25.890 Albert Dabah: So, how was that hadn't had the whole family yeah.
00:09:27.840 --> 00:09:43.380 Joel Godden: I mean, while it was going on, and my parents did everything to try to help her and she was went to all kinds of different doctors was on all kinds of different medications and I had two young kids at the time and I made a really, really tough decision.
00:09:44.670 --> 00:09:49.980 Joel Godden: my sister, you know she tried to kill us 13 times before she finally did it and.
00:09:50.010 --> 00:09:51.390 Albert Dabah: I went to see her times.
00:09:51.810 --> 00:09:52.950 Joel Godden: 10 times yeah.
00:09:53.820 --> 00:10:02.460 Joel Godden: And I went to see her in the hospital she was in care for about two two months, and I just remember holding her and hugging her and looking at her and I knew.
00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:11.760 Joel Godden: my sister was gone and that was probably the last bit of her, and I said, my goodbyes and it was really tough what I what I also had to do.
00:10:12.300 --> 00:10:25.230 Joel Godden: was making a decision to try to protect my young kids I didn't want them around my sister i've uterus kind of a threat and my mom was trying to everything to help them, and my oldest son and my sister quite close so she wanted.
00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:36.630 Joel Godden: To somehow that she's I guess she thought, maybe if she was around my kids it might help and I just made a decision to not see my sister anymore, and it caused quite a big family problem.
00:10:37.230 --> 00:10:44.550 Joel Godden: I remember getting this phone call from my dad you know you're you're not my son anymore never call, here again, and it was it was some tough tough stuff.
00:10:47.310 --> 00:10:52.170 Albert Dabah: You know you needed to break away for the sake of your family.
00:10:52.860 --> 00:10:53.610 Joel Godden: It was.
00:10:55.260 --> 00:11:02.760 Joel Godden: I mean, I was 25 when this all started, I was a young man with two young kids I wasn't even a manual I was a kid with kids.
00:11:02.790 --> 00:11:03.810 Albert Dabah: married young right.
00:11:04.470 --> 00:11:10.440 Joel Godden: 818 that's what you do and a lot of religions, you get married young and it was the same I had two kids and.
00:11:11.250 --> 00:11:22.890 Joel Godden: It was a lot and around that time there was a woman was depressed and she grabbed somebody baby and ran in front of the go train in Toronto my wife saw the story on the news and just.
00:11:23.220 --> 00:11:33.720 Joel Godden: saw the similarities between my sister and was so afraid, like any other way just protect the kids and I was I made this tough decision to not see my sister anymore, it was she was my.
00:11:35.010 --> 00:11:38.160 Joel Godden: She is the most important person in my life, you know, and I had to make this awful decision.
00:11:38.820 --> 00:11:47.430 Joel Godden: And that was really, really tough to live with, but I had to do that and I didn't see her again for quite a while and didn't talk to my parents for almost two years.
00:11:48.240 --> 00:12:03.000 Joel Godden: And I just remember getting this phone calls at work, one day, and you better drive home your sister did it again and the doctors saying she's not going to make it and it was telling me about he was the best worst thing that ever happened to me.
00:12:04.410 --> 00:12:09.690 Joel Godden: Were there in the waiting area my sister they're trying to resuscitate her and we're having this awful family fight.
00:12:10.530 --> 00:12:19.980 Joel Godden: And I don't remember what we were saying to each other, but some pretty awful stuff hurtful things and I just remember kind of turning and there's the nurse at the door.
00:12:20.700 --> 00:12:29.280 Joel Godden: and saying you know I I don't know what's going on in this family, but you just lost a member of it, and maybe you want to think about how you talk to each other, it was somebody that effect and she walked away.
00:12:29.970 --> 00:12:41.250 Joel Godden: And we just went silent looked at each other, like what are we doing you know my dad wouldn't go in my brother wouldn't go in and I went in with my mom it didn't even look like my sister, you know but.
00:12:42.990 --> 00:12:44.820 Joel Godden: I just knew that there, there was.
00:12:45.930 --> 00:12:46.680 Joel Godden: We had to do something.
00:12:48.420 --> 00:12:55.080 Joel Godden: And we just like those words did hit us, we lost a member of our family, and we all did what we did, and all the things we did didn't work.
00:12:56.280 --> 00:13:03.420 Joel Godden: I lived with a lot of guilt around that decision for quite a while, and I think a lot of people who lose someone, especially to suicide wonder.
00:13:04.410 --> 00:13:14.580 Joel Godden: Could i've said something different, should I said something different, could have done something different, and that guilt and I internalize all of that was it really caused a lot of problems for me for for quite a while.
00:13:16.350 --> 00:13:16.800 Albert Dabah: mm hmm.
00:13:17.940 --> 00:13:25.050 Albert Dabah: yeah I think that's something that I mean, I know I can relate to and it's really tough when you lose someone.
00:13:26.610 --> 00:13:31.560 Albert Dabah: Any have any way that you lose them, but I believe suicide has a particular.
00:13:32.820 --> 00:13:45.150 Albert Dabah: You know, someone taking their own life it's not something that's done to them by you know, a car accident or cancer or something like that still is awful to feel and deal with, and you can feel guilt from that as well, but.
00:13:47.790 --> 00:13:48.750 Albert Dabah: I understand, then.
00:13:51.750 --> 00:13:53.070 Albert Dabah: i'll tell you real briefly.
00:13:54.090 --> 00:14:07.740 Albert Dabah: When my sister took her life, she wrote me seven letters seven days in a row I got a letter to live in Florida, and I didn't know what to say I didn't respond I.
00:14:08.220 --> 00:14:20.100 Albert Dabah: It was all about her being depressed and we have talked about it so many so many times and then she took her life, she had never tried before as far as I know, but she talked about it and.
00:14:21.030 --> 00:14:32.040 Albert Dabah: I knew that she was in trouble, and when you know you feel kind of helpless and feel like you know i've had so I had somebody talks with her about it.
00:14:32.820 --> 00:14:44.430 Albert Dabah: And when she left like these three suicide notes in my apartment which he stayed over and I had a one bedroom apartment it was like we were you talking about that was about six months and pushing it so.
00:14:45.930 --> 00:14:46.410 Albert Dabah: anyway.
00:14:47.640 --> 00:14:58.710 Albert Dabah: Well we're going to take a break now we'll get back and talking about you know how how how you dealt with this and how other people deal with it, and you know what happened afterwards so.
00:14:59.880 --> 00:15:07.230 Albert Dabah: we'll be right back with Joel gooden gotten to God and stay tuned we'll be right back, thank you.
00:17:23.820 --> 00:17:30.210 Albert Dabah: hi we're back with Joe garden here on extra innings so Joe how did, how did you.
00:17:31.680 --> 00:17:36.150 Albert Dabah: deal with the situation after your sister took her life, what what.
00:17:38.040 --> 00:17:42.750 Albert Dabah: You know you, you had a lot of guilty feelings, you said, and how did you deal with that.
00:17:44.040 --> 00:17:44.490 Joel Godden: well.
00:17:46.050 --> 00:17:50.010 Joel Godden: two ways started not dealing with a very well.
00:17:51.420 --> 00:17:55.860 Joel Godden: I would say I was in shock, I remember this ring landscape business very creative.
00:17:56.910 --> 00:18:05.910 Joel Godden: just doing all the designs and stuff I just remember going to work and trying to do what i've been doing for five years and, like a blank I couldn't do it my creative side.
00:18:06.600 --> 00:18:14.430 Joel Godden: Gone so I started losing jobs and almost you know ran out of money so that was kind of the first impact was it was just hard to function, you know.
00:18:15.840 --> 00:18:22.200 Joel Godden: I remember the funeral and trying to talk to people who I know in my whole life and they were all saying you know.
00:18:23.460 --> 00:18:28.380 Joel Godden: The things people normally would say, I know how you feel and your if you need me, but no one knew I felt like it was.
00:18:28.950 --> 00:18:37.620 Joel Godden: I felt very isolated, you know, so I had all this stuff going on inside and then all these feelings and I, in order to talk to anyone about I had.
00:18:38.490 --> 00:18:47.820 Joel Godden: My my wife at the time we had a pretty rocky marriage to begin with, but when my sister killed herself, I really went inside and I really isolated from her really.
00:18:49.140 --> 00:19:03.960 Joel Godden: And I just shut down like if I tried to open up the love anything it just opened up my heart to all the hurt and the sadness and grief and it was it was pretty rough there was about a year of just real depression and falling apart and.
00:19:05.190 --> 00:19:05.790 Joel Godden: wasn't good.
00:19:07.020 --> 00:19:07.380 Joel Godden: For.
00:19:08.940 --> 00:19:09.270 Albert Dabah: No man.
00:19:09.330 --> 00:19:16.020 Joel Godden: Well, my parents were in the same boat day my mom cried every day my my dad was depressed he gained a bunch of weight I gained a bunch of weight.
00:19:16.800 --> 00:19:20.460 Joel Godden: He had a hard time working, we just as a family like we got to do something.
00:19:21.300 --> 00:19:28.020 Joel Godden: And my mom and my sister had made a trip out to BC a long time ago and my sister said man i'd always know it'd be nice to live out here.
00:19:28.680 --> 00:19:36.330 Joel Godden: And I think that might have been the seed for my mom we decided to come so she bought a business out here, and two days before.
00:19:37.140 --> 00:19:46.500 Joel Godden: They were going to leave like I hadn't they were the last one I had you know, had my family it's only people I could talk to about this, and they were going to leave I would have been all alone, and I just decided i'm coming.
00:19:47.730 --> 00:19:48.780 Joel Godden: And I moved out here.
00:19:50.190 --> 00:19:57.480 Joel Godden: That come out here, I didn't know anybody didn't have a job, but it was like a start over you know, and I knew I had to find a way to be happy.
00:19:58.080 --> 00:20:06.870 Joel Godden: and find a way to deal with this stuff and it started, you know, it was a mess and it just you get busy trying to live a little bit each day.
00:20:07.500 --> 00:20:16.020 Joel Godden: And he'll kind of relationship with my parents and rebuild some trust, and that was a big start coming out to a place, you know that was new.
00:20:16.560 --> 00:20:24.330 Joel Godden: I mean that was really tough for me to go around and everybody who knew me like they either didn't want to talk to me because it was going to be the cell phone conversation or.
00:20:24.960 --> 00:20:36.990 Joel Godden: They try to talk to me, you know, and I had all this heavy stuff so it was never it was wasn't good but coming out to place where no one knew me I got to kind of was a fresh start, I think that was important.
00:20:39.900 --> 00:20:41.790 Albert Dabah: So you went out there with your family.
00:20:42.660 --> 00:20:50.760 Joel Godden: I did this first my mom and me alone my dad was selling the business, we had to finish that and train the guy he sold it to then my dad come out here.
00:20:51.240 --> 00:20:59.850 Joel Godden: So it was a really interesting time for my mom and me to spend some time talking about it, one on one and crying together and that that helped some initial healing.
00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:05.160 Joel Godden: I started making some new friends over here and they introduced me to my my first.
00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:16.770 Joel Godden: Just course my first course to work on myself landmark education, it was pretty aggressive stuff but super useful.
00:21:17.340 --> 00:21:26.400 Joel Godden: I never really looked at life another way other than through the Bible, I mean there's tons and tons of amazing stuff in the Bible and it's still valid all a lot of information, but.
00:21:27.060 --> 00:21:37.560 Joel Godden: Some specific things, but I was dealing with I was having a hard time finding some of those answers that I needed, so I started working on myself, so I started doing a lot of courses and reading different types of books that i'd ever read.
00:21:38.610 --> 00:21:43.380 Joel Godden: there's a quote I learned along the way you can't read the label from inside the JAR.
00:21:44.280 --> 00:21:51.180 Joel Godden: And when you start doing some of those you know self improvement courses that helps you kind of get perspective on what's been going on.
00:21:51.630 --> 00:22:06.690 Joel Godden: And then you can start getting specific help for some of the issues and I really did start making some good headway for quite a while I remember, I was in a I joined a depression group, which sounds kind of weird in itself, but I remember being in a group of about 12 people.
00:22:07.800 --> 00:22:15.300 Joel Godden: We meet up weekly, and I remember getting kicked out of that group for big pauses and I thought that was the strangest thing.
00:22:15.930 --> 00:22:22.710 Joel Godden: But I was at a class once I remember everyone's time all their problems and i'm like I had enough I don't like this is.
00:22:23.610 --> 00:22:28.710 Joel Godden: What do you do, what do you do as a hobby What do you do for fun and there was a master chess player in that group.
00:22:29.130 --> 00:22:36.780 Joel Godden: But he's social anxiety was so high, he couldn't play in person, so we only play online, there was a couple of artists, there was a woman who did pottery.
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:50.460 Joel Godden: As a couple of musicians and what I noticed was everyone was created every person in that group, but they were all not doing a lot of it, or at least as much as they would like because there were so busy managing their depression and I just.
00:22:51.570 --> 00:22:56.430 Joel Godden: I didn't want my story to be the rest of my life is i'm depressed I have this big thing that I have to manage.
00:22:56.910 --> 00:23:06.570 Joel Godden: And I knew there was another way I started asking some of these challenging questions and I ended up like I said getting me kicked out of that course for being too positive, which I thought was kind of funny.
00:23:08.190 --> 00:23:16.680 Albert Dabah: Well now, let me, let me step back for a little bit when you went out to British Columbia, to the west coast, we still married and.
00:23:17.220 --> 00:23:18.030 Joel Godden: We separated.
00:23:18.420 --> 00:23:28.500 Joel Godden: You separated yeah That was the hardest part of all of it is I left my two kids behind that was tough, but I was not in a place to be anybody's dad I was, I was a mess.
00:23:29.010 --> 00:23:29.790 Joel Godden: I was just that.
00:23:30.750 --> 00:23:32.550 Albert Dabah: that's an extra thing there that you look.
00:23:32.580 --> 00:23:39.840 Joel Godden: Huge i've done all kinds of work just around getting my son's back in my life and that's a whole other story next episode.
00:23:41.100 --> 00:23:50.700 Albert Dabah: wow well you know i'm so you took a landmark right the second i'm not yeah i'm aware of landmark I never took landmark but there was a.
00:23:52.980 --> 00:24:04.200 Albert Dabah: In my case, I mean my my I also lost my brother to suicide, so when he died I about three years later I was just running into some problems that I didn't know how to deal with and.
00:24:04.800 --> 00:24:15.150 Albert Dabah: I went to I somehow oh yeah I remember a teacher referred me i've taken a side class and she referred me to a therapist that she was seeing so that's when that's how I.
00:24:15.600 --> 00:24:25.500 Albert Dabah: First, got involved in the whole world of therapy yeah it helped a lot, because I thought I thought for myself that at the time, since I was.
00:24:26.010 --> 00:24:42.150 Albert Dabah: The youngest than five years younger than the next that I was one of four and my brother was the oldest so he was 12 years older than me, and it was never explained what was really wrong with him or anything and wasn't talked about a whole lot.
00:24:44.040 --> 00:24:55.860 Albert Dabah: And I thought that I could turn out that way, because what did I know you know I I felt isolated a lot and from from from a lot of things and.
00:24:56.940 --> 00:24:59.820 Albert Dabah: When you're feeling that kind of isolation and there's no real.
00:25:01.470 --> 00:25:18.870 Albert Dabah: You know I went to school, the school doesn't tell you, you know, I was just school and had friends, but I didn't talk about my brother at all, and that was the first time I you know, and I went to a therapist and and then I remember this side class I wrote a report, we got read some book.
00:25:19.950 --> 00:25:24.300 Albert Dabah: called they never promised you a rose garden and about woman visiting her.
00:25:25.950 --> 00:25:33.750 Albert Dabah: Her forget brother or a sister mental hospital and he was in a mental hospital months and we went on for a day or Sunday and.
00:25:34.620 --> 00:25:54.210 Albert Dabah: It was bizarre you know so but it helped me a lot and I really believe that it's important to go for help when when anything feels you know broken, to use the term or when you're feeling really depressed and you just can't get yourself together.
00:25:55.260 --> 00:26:00.000 Joel Godden: Well, it was one of the things we did in that course we wrote kind of our life story, and then you had to share it with a partner.
00:26:00.750 --> 00:26:13.680 Joel Godden: And their job was to just listen to you and not fix it not saying anything just listen and it's kind of the first time i'd ever really told a stranger start to finish the whole deal and the bigger part about how left me feeling.
00:26:14.700 --> 00:26:15.300 Joel Godden: and
00:26:16.470 --> 00:26:26.340 Joel Godden: Then we were done we cried and we hug and I just knew wow how long i've been told that it I need to get comfortable with talking about this and find a way to start the path of healing.
00:26:27.060 --> 00:26:34.770 Joel Godden: And it was kind of the humble beginnings of what I truly believe now is you know, really, the way to make a big difference with mental health is, we have to start talking about it.
00:26:35.460 --> 00:26:45.330 Joel Godden: And just accept that it isn't comfortable and sometimes it's maybe not the right person or place to talk about it, but not talking about it is always wrong, I really do believe.
00:26:47.040 --> 00:27:05.700 Albert Dabah: yeah no, I agree, I think that we need, I was listening to this course, the other day, a friend of mine who I grew up in the Jewish religion and grew up orthodox or religious but I turned away from the Orthodox way of life, I still believe in the religion but.
00:27:06.780 --> 00:27:11.580 Albert Dabah: In my case, you know my father didn't want me to play baseball because it was on Saturday.
00:27:11.910 --> 00:27:24.120 Albert Dabah: And I learned years later that because he didn't work on Saturday, but he also worked out of the country and moved out of the country he did work on Saturday, because they had a store in Panama I didn't know that till later, so it was.
00:27:24.120 --> 00:27:26.310 Albert Dabah: Okay, to work on Saturday, but I couldn't.
00:27:26.310 --> 00:27:26.490 play.
00:27:28.230 --> 00:27:30.930 Albert Dabah: So you know kind of a conflict over there.
00:27:32.730 --> 00:27:33.210 Albert Dabah: But.
00:27:34.350 --> 00:27:39.960 Albert Dabah: You know I knew that I wanted something that was against my father's will and.
00:27:40.320 --> 00:27:49.710 Albert Dabah: My mother was kind of like I mean they never supported me in that you never said how did you do, I was the game was the opposite where were you why did you why weren't you in temple.
00:27:50.610 --> 00:27:58.710 Albert Dabah: Why did you, you know you when you said you were coming you know, and you didn't well, I had a game, you know, and I come back from the game really excited.
00:27:59.520 --> 00:28:08.310 Albert Dabah: You know, especially if I did well you know, and I played with kids that from all different kinds of cultures, religions and all that and I went to a private school.
00:28:09.330 --> 00:28:17.670 Albert Dabah: Private Jewish school so advantages, is the antithesis of what they wanted for me, you know they would say like you know.
00:28:18.510 --> 00:28:28.200 Albert Dabah: don't hang around with those kind of people, I know what do you mean those kind of people and it gave me great pleasure to be with people that were different than me because.
00:28:29.280 --> 00:28:33.900 Albert Dabah: It was like I felt part of something else and.
00:28:34.950 --> 00:28:51.810 Albert Dabah: I think when you can start to separate yourself from some of the things that you grew up with that you don't really feel you're a part of it's the beginning of opening up and you know finding a new way for yourself so we're gonna take another break.
00:28:53.040 --> 00:28:59.310 Albert Dabah: And we'll be back with Joe garden and talk more about his story, thank you.
00:31:30.780 --> 00:31:32.400 Albert Dabah: hi we're back with Joe garden.
00:31:34.110 --> 00:31:48.210 Albert Dabah: So, Joe um when you were out in British Columbia, how did, how did you how did you get started in in in when you first moved out there and.
00:31:49.560 --> 00:32:05.190 Albert Dabah: You know, it must have been really I mean you're moving from the East to the West your sister passed away your family was there, which i'm sure helped a lot your mother was there, you said yeah What about your brother, you have another brother who said right.
00:32:06.030 --> 00:32:08.040 Joel Godden: my brother and I weren't close growing up.
00:32:09.180 --> 00:32:18.090 Joel Godden: we're a little closer now I definitely puts a lot of effort, as I got older into trying to expand that relationship getting to know him more but no he wasn't.
00:32:19.020 --> 00:32:30.210 Joel Godden: We weren't really close to that time we weren't close growing up and him and I didn't really talk about this stuff until much, much later after I had done a lot of work around it and healed all my my bits and stuff.
00:32:31.710 --> 00:32:39.030 Joel Godden: So my mom was pretty good I mean, of course, they still always wanted me to go back to the religion, because to them that's you know.
00:32:39.660 --> 00:32:46.890 Joel Godden: Just come back and do what the Bible says and that'll you'll be happy, but for me it just wasn't what I needed, you know.
00:32:47.880 --> 00:33:02.310 Joel Godden: So, really, it was just coming out here was a chance to make myself feel I want it to be me growing up my parents live under our roof you're going to do what we say, when I come out here, it was a chance to make me for me.
00:33:03.360 --> 00:33:20.040 Joel Godden: So I got to try all kinds of things like I got into some yoga and I still practice yoga every day to my stretches and just just the thought of when you get a really dark feeling around upset in your body that you can control that by simply breathing controlling your breathing.
00:33:20.430 --> 00:33:26.160 Joel Godden: You know I tried to talk to my parents about that stuff but it just they're pretty pretty close close to it.
00:33:28.320 --> 00:33:32.520 Joel Godden: But they see the difference, they see that i'm happy, you know and that's all I ever wanted was to be happy.
00:33:33.150 --> 00:33:42.060 Joel Godden: And it's pretty tough, you know when you're blaming yourself for someone being gone and I figured out one point, because I was never able to go to my sister's burial.
00:33:42.690 --> 00:33:54.720 Joel Godden: That I needed to say my goodbyes in a mom couldn't even write her name on the gravestone so unfortunately she was in an unmarked grave, so I remember having a friend, I went back to Ontario friend gave me a lift to the.
00:33:56.310 --> 00:33:59.820 Joel Godden: The graveyard and I remember just wandering around trying to.
00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:12.000 Joel Godden: Hopefully, I could stumble across like maybe that's it and I realized after a few hours that was futile and I just needed to just sit down, so I just sat down in the ground there's a bunch of poplar trees, I put my hands in the lawn.
00:34:12.630 --> 00:34:22.830 Joel Godden: And I just use some yoga practice is quieted myself and it just like imagining she's there and what do I need to say you know it was just really just a proper goodbye, and I forgive her.
00:34:23.640 --> 00:34:36.030 Joel Godden: And I forgive me, you know, and I love her and i'm going to get on with my life, I remember just kind of closing my eyes and in the wind picked up off the lake was sure Raven yards near the lake.
00:34:37.230 --> 00:34:45.750 Joel Godden: Is the popular leaves rustling and it was just this really peaceful feeling, you know, and I kind of knew okay it's time to really get into this healing and moving on.
00:34:47.340 --> 00:34:48.630 Joel Godden: there's still a lot of work to do, but.
00:34:49.770 --> 00:34:53.970 Joel Godden: I think it's really important to find a way to get some peace on your own terms.
00:34:55.410 --> 00:34:55.680 Joel Godden: You know.
00:34:57.870 --> 00:35:03.120 Albert Dabah: I think, is really helpful what you said, for people to know is how you know how to go through.
00:35:04.380 --> 00:35:06.510 Albert Dabah: These tragic.
00:35:07.680 --> 00:35:09.420 Albert Dabah: Tragic parts of life that.
00:35:11.100 --> 00:35:18.870 Albert Dabah: had to find your own way really to get through it, I wish well not so recently now no I was before covered, but it feels reason.
00:35:19.860 --> 00:35:28.890 Albert Dabah: That I I was getting my film in different places and doing talk backs, it was really so helpful for me to.
00:35:29.790 --> 00:35:43.980 Albert Dabah: Be live showing the film and then having people responding getting up and then asking all these questions and then also coming up to me, afterwards, and personally telling me their own story sometimes wanting to ask me more questions and.
00:35:45.240 --> 00:35:50.310 Albert Dabah: I realize how many people are affected by.
00:35:51.870 --> 00:35:52.560 Albert Dabah: Whether it's.
00:35:53.790 --> 00:36:00.750 Albert Dabah: some kind of mental illness or suicide there it's it affects so many people and.
00:36:03.060 --> 00:36:08.880 Albert Dabah: I started to feel really, really, I mean I feel really proud about making the movie.
00:36:09.390 --> 00:36:25.170 Albert Dabah: But I started seeing how it affects people and that made me feel really good and we had a doctor rotenberg from a Suicide Prevention agency and he's the director of the nc cause save SCI fi and he travels all around the world.
00:36:26.670 --> 00:36:27.600 Albert Dabah: Talking about.
00:36:29.250 --> 00:36:39.690 Albert Dabah: The stigma of so he's been on the show he talks about the stigma of mental illness and that we really can't prevent suicide, but we can help lessen the amount of suicide by education.
00:36:41.400 --> 00:36:48.720 Albert Dabah: yeah and he was on the show and we become friends, we haven't talked to him in a while, but we've talked a lot and.
00:36:50.430 --> 00:36:59.520 Albert Dabah: He basically read our script and the script that I written and he basically said, this is the most authentic thing I read on suicide.
00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:09.450 Albert Dabah: And he became say became our fiscal partner, we were able to raise some money as them being a non profit, so they got some money and we got some money to.
00:37:10.320 --> 00:37:19.200 Albert Dabah: To go ahead and make the movie and it helped a bit, but what really helped was the validation of working, you know long and hard on something that.
00:37:19.710 --> 00:37:28.530 Albert Dabah: You know I took over really 20 years from beginning to end to write script because I never really thought I would make it and then I did.
00:37:29.100 --> 00:37:36.210 Albert Dabah: Because I have a production company it wasn't like I just had this idea, I want to make a movie I always love films and a passion for film, so I got into.
00:37:37.410 --> 00:37:47.790 Albert Dabah: Video production and but never did a feature film, so I still have the production company and and I, but I was also I got an msw degree a life coaching degree.
00:37:48.420 --> 00:37:56.010 Albert Dabah: I do some life coaching and but now I see myself sometimes more as a mental health advocate as because I.
00:37:56.790 --> 00:38:08.280 Albert Dabah: I think it's really important and by doing the show and talking to people like yourself really helps I think others understand who see these challenges, but it's hard for a lot of people to talk about.
00:38:09.000 --> 00:38:15.570 Joel Godden: Well, I remember one of the first things I did when I come out here is, I wanted to give something back you know, and I called.
00:38:16.050 --> 00:38:24.630 Joel Godden: The there was a Suicide Prevention line over here and I wanted to volunteer some time, and I remember having this conversation on the interviews see by be a good candidate, they said actually.
00:38:25.380 --> 00:38:30.150 Joel Godden: You wouldn't be a good candidate because it's two recent for you, someone had committed suicide wait a minute.
00:38:31.350 --> 00:38:40.860 Joel Godden: I can't talk to people about suicide because i've recently experienced suicide of my family, so I was like well have you ever lost someone to suicide like no never like So how are you qualified I.
00:38:41.520 --> 00:38:41.790 Joel Godden: Think.
00:38:42.210 --> 00:38:51.120 Joel Godden: I think, believe me, I know what it feels like, how do you know what it feels like you know, it was this funny thing, but I kind of made this personal agreement it's part of why I took this this call with you.
00:38:51.780 --> 00:38:59.700 Joel Godden: Is that I will always have that conversation and not that I don't really want to, but I feel like when you go through something like that.
00:39:00.300 --> 00:39:08.520 Joel Godden: Because I know now having talked to some people who really helped you know shift some things for me, you can really make a difference for people out there.
00:39:09.060 --> 00:39:17.340 Joel Godden: and talking about it, I really do believe that is the way we really wanted in suicide for every would be find a way to talk about it openly.
00:39:18.060 --> 00:39:25.620 Joel Godden: And really get people who are sad and alone and isolating to talk and feel like they're part of something because that's the path to healing and.
00:39:26.490 --> 00:39:36.660 Joel Godden: Maybe I you know if they're thinking about happy things they're less likely to think about ending their life, you know I really do believe that and I know I when I i've actually tried to commit suicide.
00:39:37.320 --> 00:39:52.890 Joel Godden: All of the guilt from my marriage and my kids and I met the wrong girl all that stuff's you know it wasn't I wanted to live I just was so poorly able to do with all the sad things in my life and the bad feelings, I just wanted to end all of that.
00:39:53.940 --> 00:39:58.920 Joel Godden: You know, but I still wanted to be happy, I still wanted it to things and accomplish things, but it was such a struggle to do that.
00:39:59.430 --> 00:40:08.070 Joel Godden: That, I had a moment of a maybe the better, I was gone to, and I remember writing a simple simple letter I apologize to my kids and I said, you know tammy.
00:40:09.060 --> 00:40:17.880 Joel Godden: i'll see you soon based That was my sister's name and I said a prayer to God in if you want me to be here, you know wake me up and I will.
00:40:18.480 --> 00:40:25.290 Joel Godden: i'll do better, I promise you know, but if you don't I met piece i'm good because I can't handle this anymore or a blue word but that's what I said.
00:40:25.890 --> 00:40:32.400 Joel Godden: And I woke up you know I get a real sense i'm supposed to be here and part of it is for this and i'm wearing.
00:40:33.240 --> 00:40:40.410 Joel Godden: This little guy will get to that store maybe for the last part but it's it's a cookie cookie from a memory, I have with my sister and.
00:40:41.100 --> 00:40:49.380 Joel Godden: I wear this every day now I put this on about two weeks ago we just had is finished finishing touches and I will do that, so people asked me about it.
00:40:50.070 --> 00:40:57.480 Joel Godden: What is what are you wearing is that a cookie yes and I tell them the story about my sister, and when I get to do, then, is telling the best thing about my sister.
00:40:58.050 --> 00:41:04.770 Joel Godden: You know, it was essentially she was a really great listener and that's to me how I keep her memory alive it's not a bad memory anymore.
00:41:05.370 --> 00:41:12.870 Joel Godden: If I reframed it into you know, the best thing about my sister is and then that's a quality, I can put on myself, and I do.
00:41:13.380 --> 00:41:26.790 Joel Godden: And I want to realizing is when people hear my story they're starting to share some things in their life and my healing is now giving someone else permission to talk about it and he'll just like yours is doing the show like.
00:41:27.840 --> 00:41:35.460 Joel Godden: we're doing this we're giving people permission to keep talking about to keep healing and we have to you know we have to.
00:41:36.060 --> 00:41:41.010 Albert Dabah: yeah no I totally agree that's you know real quickly.
00:41:42.420 --> 00:41:50.820 Albert Dabah: I was at the dentist today and irie had a memory, while I was there he's a good friend of mine, the dentist and it was like years and years and years ago.
00:41:51.300 --> 00:42:02.340 Albert Dabah: When my sister was in town she lives in California and she was in town and I said oh john i'm going to the dentist now so i'll see you when I get back to staying at our House that I grew up in and.
00:42:02.940 --> 00:42:08.760 Albert Dabah: She goes Oh, let me go with you, what do you mean what do you want to go to the dentist with me, I want to because I want to hang with you.
00:42:09.270 --> 00:42:19.440 Albert Dabah: So Okay, you know she comes to dance with me, she was 10 years older than me and so he calls me to come in and she goes Oh, can I come in, can I come in to the room.
00:42:21.000 --> 00:42:22.200 Albert Dabah: Like what, for you know.
00:42:23.400 --> 00:42:32.580 Albert Dabah: You know so be with you so she comes in, and this is how sweet she was like she didn't things that people or no he wouldn't do she kept asking.
00:42:33.360 --> 00:42:38.130 Albert Dabah: My friend David the dentist what are you doing now like, what are you doing now like.
00:42:38.940 --> 00:42:51.180 Albert Dabah: Like really asked him how you know what what was he doing as a dentist to me at that point he she and she really wanted to know, and she always had questions she was always so interested in what people did.
00:42:53.070 --> 00:42:59.130 Albert Dabah: You know, and I was like I was embarrassed quite frankly I was thinking what is she doing you know, like.
00:42:59.610 --> 00:43:08.550 Albert Dabah: What is he thinking about her, but again, it was like me judging her and yet I think back, and I think how she was always interested in people and once they did.
00:43:09.510 --> 00:43:31.080 Albert Dabah: And I found that so really even though, at times, I was embarrassed I was also really proud that I had a sister that was so inquisitive and that wanted to know more and but she was quirky me she definitely had a quirky way about her and she would sometimes be annoying in her quirkiness.
00:43:32.880 --> 00:43:50.040 Albert Dabah: And, but she really had this love of life and it's something that i'll always remember about her, and today I was, I went to when I went to see him I you know it's almost like I don't think I always think about her when I see him, but you know I did today so.
00:43:51.210 --> 00:44:02.100 Albert Dabah: Anyway, I think you're right it's really important to talk about this subject and we're gonna have to take another break and we'll be right back with Joe gotten Thank you.
00:45:07.080 --> 00:45:07.500 poster.
00:46:35.400 --> 00:46:43.920 Albert Dabah: hi we're back with Joel gooden on extra innings covering all the bases so Joe how's how's everything going for you right now.
00:46:45.990 --> 00:46:54.990 Joel Godden: Now you know it's been it's been really good it's it's almost strange to me because I spent a good part of my life every day was kind of sad and then.
00:46:55.410 --> 00:47:03.480 Joel Godden: I did a lot of work to undo all those sad feelings and now, sometimes it feels funny like I almost wait for something to go wrong, because I feel pretty good.
00:47:04.650 --> 00:47:05.130 Albert Dabah: yeah.
00:47:05.310 --> 00:47:12.240 Joel Godden: yeah that's that are consistent effort and training and getting some help and creating a lot of healthy relationships and.
00:47:13.290 --> 00:47:13.590 Joel Godden: I.
00:47:14.850 --> 00:47:23.520 Joel Godden: Try to surround myself now with really, really good people, I have a amazing wife, who is such a really great partner and everything that I do and we laugh every day.
00:47:24.060 --> 00:47:30.390 Joel Godden: Sometimes she's laughing at me sometimes we're laughing together, I think that's a huge part of it too it's just finding a way to laugh.
00:47:31.200 --> 00:47:36.780 Albert Dabah: yeah yeah that's great tell us about that cookie you started to talk about it.
00:47:36.780 --> 00:47:37.530 Joel Godden: Yes, so.
00:47:38.760 --> 00:47:39.540 Joel Godden: my sister.
00:47:41.250 --> 00:47:49.560 Joel Godden: She had a lot of things she was really great at baking not one of them and what was done what is she she made.
00:47:50.430 --> 00:47:57.540 Joel Godden: The best worst cookies you know I ever made my life, so I go over there, to talk something i'm upset when I go see my sister.
00:47:58.080 --> 00:48:06.120 Joel Godden: And okay i'll make cookies and part of me is like, please, please don't make cookies yes either burn them or they'd be too salty or just they were always bad.
00:48:06.750 --> 00:48:24.780 Joel Godden: You know, but the best part of it was because once she made those cookies put them at the table, and she was just the gift of listening, no matter what I had to say, she would just listen to me and I never felt judged and that's the quality of my sister I really try to embody now is.
00:48:26.190 --> 00:48:33.480 Joel Godden: No matter what someone has to say in any situation that I can really give them the gift that my sister always gave me that gift of listening and.
00:48:33.990 --> 00:48:38.430 Joel Godden: I kind of where this is my personal token around being comfortable with telling that story.
00:48:39.180 --> 00:48:45.450 Joel Godden: I don't want her story to be that she committed suicide at 31 I wanted to be she's the best listener, I ever met.
00:48:46.290 --> 00:48:58.800 Joel Godden: And that's one way to get people to open up and talk is to find a way to be a really great lesson and you for me personally that's that's a quality I work on all the time, whether it be with my wife my kids even myself.
00:49:01.380 --> 00:49:17.700 Albert Dabah: You know there's a lot we have in common, because my sister was also a great listener, and I realized that even more now that I haven't thought about that as you talk about it that she was an amazing listener and.
00:49:19.530 --> 00:49:28.590 Albert Dabah: And she also used to tell me, you know go for your dreams so me to pursue baseball was she was my number one fan.
00:49:29.280 --> 00:49:46.020 Albert Dabah: And I went out to California and play some baseball and I was totally against with my parents wanted me to do, but I think what you just said, really hit me in the harshest now about listening, because she was such a good listener, and she would call and she would talk about herself but.
00:49:47.220 --> 00:49:58.290 Albert Dabah: She always listened and she would always say you got to come out here and now it's really strange, I have three children, and two of them live in Santa Monica California.
00:49:58.740 --> 00:50:09.120 Albert Dabah: And they love it there and it's just so bizarre that you know I like they had never been my my older middle kid my daughter.
00:50:09.600 --> 00:50:18.450 Albert Dabah: I have a son is the oldest he lives in Fort lauderdale but he she went out there for two different job interviews but her idea was, I just want to live in California.
00:50:19.200 --> 00:50:34.260 Albert Dabah: And she got the job and she's been living there ever since it's been about i'm not even sure how many years, four or five years now she's 30 years old and then my other daughter left last year, and they live right near each other they're real good friends and.
00:50:35.820 --> 00:50:45.030 Albert Dabah: You know it's just bizarre how they ended up in California, I think I mean you know California has an allure to it it's the west coast, the beach and they're right near the beach.
00:50:45.720 --> 00:50:59.250 Albert Dabah: But um I there's something about it, I feel special because that's where my sister live and that's where she really you know she lived there she got married at 18 and lived there till she died, which was age 46.
00:51:00.120 --> 00:51:07.980 Albert Dabah: So when we have you know somewhat similar stories and I think a lot of people probably can identify with what we're talking about.
00:51:08.580 --> 00:51:17.460 Joel Godden: Well, it to me is the thing it's one of the really great ways to kind of reframe the conversation because it it's not an easy conversation for a lot of people to hear.
00:51:17.790 --> 00:51:24.600 Joel Godden: me hey you know let's talk about your sister while she killed herself, no one wants to talk about that, but if I say you know what my sister.
00:51:25.050 --> 00:51:37.500 Joel Godden: The best thing about her was she would listen and she was an amazing list of the best listener, I ever experienced, like everyone wants to know someone like that, and you were saying about your sister Maybe she was quirky but she was curious.
00:51:37.920 --> 00:51:46.500 Joel Godden: Valuable we were to get people to talk, yes, get them to talk about themselves be ask them questions about themselves why you like that, why do you do that, why do you wear those clothes like.
00:51:47.730 --> 00:51:51.330 Joel Godden: Being curious with people is a great way to get them to open up and talk.
00:51:51.960 --> 00:51:57.030 Joel Godden: Right, those are pretty great qualities and I wonder almost anyone dealing with any sort of grief.
00:51:58.350 --> 00:52:10.170 Joel Godden: Could reframe it for a moment to be able to talk about something they were proud of that person up for quality about them, that really made them special that they can apply moving forward so it's almost like they're still there.
00:52:11.190 --> 00:52:13.290 Joel Godden: And I believe that's a really great way to do it.
00:52:14.190 --> 00:52:20.640 Albert Dabah: I think that you know i'm in so I joined this survivor group of people who lost a loved one to suicide and.
00:52:21.930 --> 00:52:27.810 Albert Dabah: I think I went at least a dozen times now, they do it virtually i've been to a few virtual one since Colbert.
00:52:28.380 --> 00:52:35.100 Albert Dabah: And the last one, when I was going it was the same people there, I mean there's always some different people, it was a small group, maybe 1012 people.
00:52:35.820 --> 00:52:45.690 Albert Dabah: And so the last one that I went to virtually was about a month I think it's one it's once a month yeah and I went to one about two months ago, firstly, I mean and go anywhere, I was here but.
00:52:46.950 --> 00:52:55.830 Albert Dabah: They were all new people, and I think all of them had lost someone fairly recent, and I think it really takes time.
00:52:56.400 --> 00:53:11.220 Albert Dabah: For people to you know that whole group I mean I think there's all kind of periods and up you know you look different slopes of getting through it and or feeling it I don't think you like, I was asked many times how many people did you get.
00:53:13.170 --> 00:53:21.450 Albert Dabah: Some closure on the idea of what happened in your family, and I said I don't think there's ever closure to it, I think it's the movie made me.
00:53:22.980 --> 00:53:29.220 Albert Dabah: see them in a way, I mean I wrote them in a way that I felt that they were and the way I saw them from my perspective.
00:53:29.670 --> 00:53:43.470 Albert Dabah: And it gave some life to them and many times when I think of my brother and my sister, I see the characters that play them in the movie because I watched it so many times, and you know work on it so on and so happy with the actors and.
00:53:45.270 --> 00:54:03.180 Albert Dabah: I had a lot of experience in casting before I did the film and and here's a script that I knew these characters you know really well, and so I don't, so I think that when you're first lose someone it's it's it's it's devastating it's like you can't like you said you were in shock.
00:54:04.080 --> 00:54:13.590 Albert Dabah: I remember, I was in shock I when I heard the news I was like and I felt so guilty that I didn't respond to any of her letters and I think these are common.
00:54:14.340 --> 00:54:29.400 Albert Dabah: feelings that people have and what could I have done differently, what could I have said why didn't I say this one, and I emphasize this more and all these kinds of things, but you really don't have control of you know what someone else can do.
00:54:30.810 --> 00:54:31.800 What they're going to do.
00:54:34.950 --> 00:54:39.390 Albert Dabah: Well it's nice to see that you know, things have really changed around for you, I mean, I think that.
00:54:41.580 --> 00:54:52.410 Albert Dabah: it's it's inspirational to me, and I think it's inspirational anyone from listening to this can see that there are ways to get through this and.
00:54:54.090 --> 00:55:04.740 Albert Dabah: In with like, what are we grew up in a family grew up in a family that has a mother and father and usually that have certain ideas, different cultures.
00:55:05.250 --> 00:55:18.240 Albert Dabah: And like in yours, it was Jehovah witnesses was their religion, I grew up in the Orthodox Jewish family again I think both very strict about how to live your life.
00:55:19.680 --> 00:55:21.270 Albert Dabah: Whatever their differences are.
00:55:22.650 --> 00:55:33.390 Albert Dabah: And if you feel the time that you don't fit in you, you have to figure out where do I fit in and that that's that's a challenge, I think everyone goes through, to some degree, everyone.
00:55:35.220 --> 00:55:46.560 Albert Dabah: So one thing I want to say is I heard this lecture the other day, and it was about this rabbi talking about sensitive people he's talking about it's a broken world and we need to light up the world and.
00:55:47.040 --> 00:55:54.660 Albert Dabah: When when there are people that are ultra sensitive and that sometimes they see things that other people don't see in the world can be harder for them.
00:55:55.320 --> 00:56:04.320 Albert Dabah: And, and I think that's very true and I think that's why there are a lot of whether they're artists or not orders, but people that are maybe more sensitive than others.
00:56:04.680 --> 00:56:15.870 Albert Dabah: who see things in a different light and other people see them, and it can make it harder for them, sometimes people can't understand why why you know why can't you just accept this.
00:56:16.560 --> 00:56:33.750 Albert Dabah: But you know, sometimes the leaders of have some great things are people that are very sensitive and take something very seriously and go with it, and some people can so people can, so I think by talking and listening, and that is really the way to get through.
00:56:35.100 --> 00:56:37.080 Albert Dabah: Whatever challenges, you might have so.
00:56:38.160 --> 00:56:45.810 Albert Dabah: Joe we're gonna have to wrap this up and it's really been a pleasure talking with you tonight this afternoon for you and.
00:56:46.830 --> 00:56:53.010 Albert Dabah: You know I wish you the best of luck going forward and maybe one day we'll meet again.
00:56:53.820 --> 00:57:02.280 Albert Dabah: And I really appreciate, you and I know you do some coaching and keep it Keep it up keep talking and keep listening.
00:57:03.210 --> 00:57:06.150 Joel Godden: The conversation will keep going in my answer, thank you for your time.
00:57:06.630 --> 00:57:10.260 Albert Dabah: Okay, all right Thank you so much goodnight everyone and.
00:57:11.910 --> 00:57:17.580 Albert Dabah: Watch extra innings if you have a chance and have a good night Thank you bye bye.
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