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EPISODE SUMMARY:
How we act in challenging situations depends on our emotional triggers and our personality strengths (and weaknesses). In this episode, we aim to equip you with the tools to thrive in leadership roles by examining the influence of emotional triggers and personal strengths and weaknesses on making strategic decisions. The audience will learn several frameworks to help them navigate such situations, while grounded in their own sense of sense and proactively rather than reactively.
In this episode, we aim to equip you with the tools to thrive in leadership roles by examining the influence of emotional triggers and personal strengths and weaknesses on making strategic decisions. We will introduce you to Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Strength Theory as practical frameworks for effectively addressing these challenges while maintaining your authentic identity and adopting a proactive, rather than reactive, approach. Join us for a thoughtful discussion on the development of your leadership identity, emphasizing personal growth and adaptability.
Inna Yulman is relationship counselor based in New York City. Her journey to this role is a unique one, as she has experienced two distinct professional careers. She have spent over two decades in the world of finance and have worn many hats, from being an asset manager running a portfolio of over $1 billion to a product strategist for a large analytics platform. Her work has spanned across large corporations, investment funds, and startups. At some point, she realized that some of her talents and personal values are unexplored in the world of finance, so she went back to the drawing board and reinvented herself as a relationship counselor. She has a master’s degree in psychology from Harvard University. Her therapeutic approaches include emotionally focused therapy (EFT), strengths-based coaching, behavioral change methodologies, and somatic work to address mind-body stress. Her expertise lies in helping clients understand their needs, communicate more effectively, and establish healthy boundaries. Inna works with a wide range of clients, including those in conventional and non-conventional relationship dynamics, including ENM, polyamory, LGBTQ+ .
Inna Yulman NYC Relationships Counseling
#WomenInLeadership
#EmotionalIntelligence
#EFT
#StrengthTheory
#SelfAwareness
#LeadershipJourney
#PersonalityStrengths
#EmotionalResilience
#PersonalGrowth
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#Empowerment
#LeadershipDevelopment
#LeadershipCoaching
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Tune in for this empowering conversation at TalkRadio.nyc
In this episode of The Hard Skills, Dr. Mira Brancu is joined by Inna Yulam, a relationship counselor, who has over two decades of experience in finance and a Master's degree in Psychology from Harvard University, as they start season two of the show! Dr. Brancu and Inna discuss the influence of emotional triggers as well as introduce the audience to Emotionally Focused Therapy and Strength Theory as they all contribute to help when leading with emotional intelligence. To start the discussion, Inna shares how she changed her career path from the intense world of finances to becoming a relationship coach and how the two fields are more similar than people may think. Inna then explains more as to what she does as a relationship coach, working with polyamorous, monogamous, and non-monogamous relationships or patients who participate in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). In her practice, she teaches boundaries of an individual and in a relationship, as well as finding emotional triggers, and defining self-worth.
After the first break, we return to Dr. Brancu and Inna finishes defining more concepts that Inna uses in her practice, specifically Strength Theory. They also discuss the role of therapy in relationships and how it can help support healthy relationship-building between partners. This concept is also relevant when it comes to leadership development to eventually have a leadership identity. When we navigate the world, triggers can develop or resurface, so it is important to understand where those triggers are coming from and how to overcome them in order to thrive in the environment. Inna highlighted how attachment theory can impact a person's ability to take risks and make mistakes, noting that a fear of risks and mistakes can lead to perfectionism or self-criticism. They examine more into making mistakes and how if people were to avoid making mistakes, they prevent themselves from being able to grow and learn from that experience. “You don’t need to be perfect in order to be okay with yourself,” says Inna. It is all about keeping an open mind about making mistakes and not tying yourself to being perfect.
As the discussion continues, Dr. Brancu and Inna bring up unhealthy gendered messages that can interfere with women trying to develop their leadership identity. Dr. Brancu and Inna also discuss the challenges women and individuals from marginalized backgrounds face in being authentic and taking risks without fear of negative judgments. Both agree on the need for women to identify and unlearn unhealthy messages that hinder their ability to thrive and to recognize the influence of their family, social, or cultural environment on their self-limiting beliefs.
As the episode comes to a close, Dr. Brancu and Inna continue to stress the importance of trust, accountability, boundary setting, and safety in leadership identity. Inna shares what steps people can take to understand themselves better so that people are able to reach their fullest potential and develop their leadership identity. It is not going to be an easy journey and some answers remain unanswered because each person’s journey is different, so not every method is going to work for everyone. So Dr. Brancu and Inna stress the importance of being self-aware, which can be from cognitive biases in decision-making.
Inna also mentioned her website, Mitc Relationships (https://nycrelationships.com/), as a resource for those interested in learning more about her services and polyamory.
00:00:45.260 --> 00:00:59.759 Mira Brancu: welcome to the hard skills. Podcast, I love it. When I have a guest who, just like gets into my music like I do, so welcome Ena, so the hard skills podcast
00:00:59.810 --> 00:01:09.040 Mira Brancu: is with me. Dr. Mayor bronk, who I work with leaders in healthcare research stem and other technical fields, who want to develop an authentic leadership identity
00:01:09.100 --> 00:01:20.660 Mira Brancu: and create a healthy, inclusive workplace environment to retain the best people doing the best work, in other words, developing the hard skills needed to make greater impact
00:01:21.050 --> 00:01:32.419 Mira Brancu: welcome to our second season. This season we are focusing on developing identity. This is the second stage of my strategic leadership pathway model.
00:01:32.500 --> 00:01:34.859 So that's why it's Season 2.
00:01:34.990 --> 00:01:37.769 Mira Brancu: And we are talking with Ena yeoman
00:01:37.800 --> 00:01:42.059 Mira Brancu: about leading with emotional intelligence and strength
00:01:42.160 --> 00:01:51.169 Mira Brancu: something that is hard to do when you're developing a leadership identity. Now we value evidence-based practical solutions. So be ready.
00:01:51.230 --> 00:02:04.840 Mira Brancu: Take notes. I always do reflect deeply. She will make you reflect deeply, I promise, and identify at least one small step to further develop your hard skills muscle.
00:02:05.150 --> 00:02:07.490 Mira Brancu: Let me introduce a little bit about
00:02:07.600 --> 00:02:12.619 Mira Brancu: Ena Ina. Yeoman is a relationship counselor based in New York City.
00:02:12.860 --> 00:02:22.890 Mira Brancu: Her journey to this role is a unique one, as she has experienced 2 distinct professional careers. She spent over 2 decades in the world of finance.
00:02:23.040 --> 00:02:32.159 Mira Brancu: including as an asset manager running a portfolio of over a billion dollars to a product strategist for a large analytics platform.
00:02:32.690 --> 00:02:47.190 Mira Brancu: Her work expand large corporations, investment funds and even startups. After checking that career off the list, she got a master's degree in psychology from Harvard University and became a relationship counselor.
00:02:47.230 --> 00:02:58.330 Mira Brancu: using emotionally focused therapy, strength-based coaching, behavioral change, method, methodologies and somatic work to address body, mind, stress
00:02:58.490 --> 00:03:09.350 Mira Brancu: for entities includes healthy boundaries and effective communication for people in a variety of conventional and non-conventional relationship. Dynamics, including folks
00:03:09.520 --> 00:03:17.630 Mira Brancu: in ethical, non-monogamous ENM. Holly, Amory. and Lgbtq plus relationships.
00:03:17.730 --> 00:03:23.760 Mira Brancu: So this is gonna be a really amazing talk. Welcome, Ena. Glad to have you on the show.
00:03:23.790 --> 00:03:31.860 Inna Yulman: Thank you so much. I beyond excited to be here with you. Thank you guys. I am to remind us.
00:03:32.330 --> 00:03:37.859 Mira Brancu: how did we? How did we connect, I mean, I remember. Tell the audience, how did we get connected?
00:03:37.990 --> 00:03:42.880 Inna Yulman: Sure. So I
00:03:42.900 --> 00:03:45.600 I was involved in one of the startups
00:03:45.740 --> 00:03:52.329 Inna Yulman: which was focusing on building emotional intelligence. And
00:03:52.380 --> 00:04:07.539 Inna Yulman: for teenagers and making them more aware of what's going on. And I believe that you were friends with one of the co-founders, and it's been a remarkable discovery for me.
00:04:07.590 --> 00:04:12.569 Inna Yulman: I always enjoy our conversation absolutely, and so we we talk
00:04:12.590 --> 00:04:20.939 Mira Brancu: on kind of a regular basis and get like real dip deep, deep into stuff like we don't have like normal conversations like other colleagues. So
00:04:20.950 --> 00:04:23.960 Mira Brancu: so let's get into it. First of all.
00:04:24.410 --> 00:04:31.049 Mira Brancu: I'm sure people are sort of curious. How did you decide to transition from the hard, charging world of finance
00:04:31.590 --> 00:04:33.040 Mira Brancu: to relationship
00:04:33.270 --> 00:04:36.259 Mira Brancu: counseling. That's kind of a strange leap, right?
00:04:36.740 --> 00:04:37.730 Inna Yulman: Oh.
00:04:37.830 --> 00:05:06.390 Inna Yulman: I guess you can. You can think of it as a as a a strange leave. But in truth is, I think that there there a lot more commonalities than people assume and I'm gonna expand on that. But also the truth is, when I was in college. My, I had a dual major in in psychology and economics, and also concentration finance, because I am an immigrant kid.
00:05:06.390 --> 00:05:10.250 Inna Yulman: and they need certainty. And
00:05:10.520 --> 00:05:17.410 Inna Yulman: basically, I had a long career over 20 years in finance and
00:05:17.440 --> 00:05:29.690 Inna Yulman: and over time it became clear to me that some of my talents, and some of the values that I hold very dear are not being exercised in my career. So
00:05:29.790 --> 00:05:44.400 Inna Yulman: I thought long and hard. I am a bit risk averse. And basically, that's how I switched and you know, and it's been, it's been really, really rewarding
00:05:44.530 --> 00:05:52.850 Inna Yulman: what's interesting, and ha! In order to connect the 2, the 2 professions, the 2 fields.
00:05:53.110 --> 00:06:06.429 Inna Yulman: I guess I'm you know, humbly, or maybe not humbly. I am pretty good at systems thinking and both both areas anders require understanding of.
00:06:06.850 --> 00:06:23.019 Inna Yulman: You know how things come to exist. What are some of the key key aspects. And understanding those, you can really understand. What are the drivers whether it's macroeconomics or psychology
00:06:23.620 --> 00:06:31.160 Mira Brancu: and I think finance, there's an emotional and relationship
00:06:33.760 --> 00:06:49.569 Mira Brancu: when it comes to find relationship with money. They have a relationship with you, said financial stability. And you mentioned you're an immigrant. That's another commonality between us. Right? We're both immigrants. What country did you immigrate from?
00:06:50.790 --> 00:07:07.349 Inna Yulman: Well, so if you ask me a couple of years ago I would say that I I come from the Soviet Union. But today I say that I'm from Ukraine. Which is the unfortunate shift driven by the political situation.
00:07:07.430 --> 00:07:15.119 Mira Brancu: Yeah, yeah. So we had. We had similar experiences in kind of
00:07:15.860 --> 00:07:27.030 Mira Brancu: country and politics leading us to this immigration, you know, experience and completely get the
00:07:27.180 --> 00:07:40.959 Mira Brancu: combination of being interested in taking risks. The entrepreneurial nature of being an immigrant as well as the need for financial certainty. And
00:07:41.130 --> 00:07:47.340 Mira Brancu: so I just find, you know that whole kind of aspect interesting. Okay, but not to digress.
00:07:47.380 --> 00:08:17.029 Mira Brancu: Going back to like this connection of finance and relationship counseling. Let's just start with some definitions of kind of what you do right? We mentioned ENM. We mentioned polyamorous relationships. What is that for those who aren't familiar? Oh, absolutely and can I just dive back to what you said? I think that risk is a huge factor both in finance and navigating relationships.
00:08:17.050 --> 00:08:32.859 Inna Yulman: And finally, enough, in the whole aspect of attachment theory, which is something I will discuss later. And this kind of like at the core of of my practice is understanding how to take risks safely.
00:08:32.890 --> 00:08:58.690 Inna Yulman: And that's that's very, very interesting and also risks are incredibly important to understand when you deal with uncertainty. Right? How do you deal with risk when there's no so but to to answer your question about what I do. I deal with with individuals and couples?
00:08:58.820 --> 00:09:11.529 Inna Yulman: who are either in conventional monogamous relationships or non-monogamous relationships, and I help them deal with
00:09:11.710 --> 00:09:23.059 Inna Yulman: basically navigating navigating some of the changes in the relationship, understanding what these changes mean for them, understanding, helping them to
00:09:23.410 --> 00:09:41.470 Inna Yulman: gain an insight on on how to gain control in some of the issues that they're struggling with, how to let go of some of the things that they don't need to control, and also how to find themselves on the same side versus being a positional.
00:09:41.790 --> 00:09:42.909 Inna Yulman: Yeah.
00:09:43.280 --> 00:09:45.610 Mira Brancu: And and so,
00:09:46.240 --> 00:09:51.610 Mira Brancu: what are the kinds of complex
00:09:52.000 --> 00:10:16.020 Mira Brancu: risks or decision-making in relationships.
00:10:16.160 --> 00:10:17.280 Inna Yulman: A,
00:10:17.450 --> 00:10:24.180 Inna Yulman: you know, to wanting to explore something new wanting to
00:10:24.630 --> 00:10:39.140 Inna Yulman: to try new things. And at the same time create safety around the trying those new things, and at the same time for the partner to support and respect that desire without seeing it as a threat.
00:10:39.370 --> 00:10:54.730 Inna Yulman: right? And of course I don't know if I make it sound simple. It's not simple and that basically involves to a large degree, creating trust, creating accountability, creating
00:10:54.750 --> 00:11:11.219 Inna Yulman: creating an understanding of what they can expect from each other, but at the same time working with each person in their relationship in order to help them understand who they are.
00:11:11.450 --> 00:11:20.869 Inna Yulman: and help them get grounded because a lot of times people externalize their safety. And they externalize their sense of self
00:11:20.980 --> 00:11:31.109 Inna Yulman: right and a lot of my work, both with monogamous, non-monogamous people is to bring that safety and self worth back.
00:11:31.950 --> 00:11:36.470 Mira Brancu: and I would assume
00:11:36.800 --> 00:11:52.839 Inna Yulman: that boundary setting might also be part of that exactly boundary setting is hugely, important, and I think I think boundaries are like a common word.
00:11:53.180 --> 00:12:01.550 Inna Yulman: these days. I think that I think boundaries, both in understanding what makes you feel safe right.
00:12:02.330 --> 00:12:18.159 Inna Yulman: and then we can have a long conversation about what kind of boundaries work, what kind of boundaries don't work right? But it is also very much about understanding what your needs are right, and being able to express them
00:12:18.270 --> 00:12:22.679 Inna Yulman: right, cause a lot of times people confuse boundaries and needs
00:12:23.110 --> 00:12:46.330 Inna Yulman: as well where boundaries and rules, and then we can. We can talk about that. And then something else that I feel is also very important to mention is that it's not just about boundaries, about understanding what doesn't work for you, but also kind of boundaries of who you are as a human being, so that you have a good perspective of
00:12:46.520 --> 00:12:56.420 Inna Yulman: and I'm gonna borrow your phrase where where you end and the other person begins, because a lot of times this is shifted in our society.
00:12:56.480 --> 00:12:58.600 Mira Brancu: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
00:12:58.660 --> 00:13:17.940 Mira Brancu: So. Here's what I'm hearing, so far as like part of what you think about in all relationships, they can be conventional or non-conventional. They could be personal or professional. In my opinion, right like it applies to all relationships, but establishing and creating trust, accountability.
00:13:18.290 --> 00:13:21.190 Mira Brancu: expectation, setting and discussing
00:13:21.300 --> 00:13:25.720 Mira Brancu: what those are, safety, what it means for you, what it looks like
00:13:26.040 --> 00:13:34.350 Mira Brancu: developing and understanding, a sense of self, self, self worth and boundary setting related to all kinds of things. Safety needs. Who you are.
00:13:34.660 --> 00:13:37.069 Inna Yulman: Does that sound right? Yes.
00:13:37.240 --> 00:13:40.940 Inna Yulman: that sounds right. And then there's
00:13:40.970 --> 00:14:01.129 Inna Yulman: one other very important aspect. And that is also understanding what triggers you and I think we're gonna discuss it later on, because a lot of times our triggers are a part of our history, or some people like to say our trauma. But we act on these triggers rather than
00:14:01.230 --> 00:14:08.520 Inna Yulman: on more concrete reality, and I think that that is important to understand. For basically anyone who deals with other humans.
00:14:08.880 --> 00:14:11.639 Mira Brancu: Yeah, so.
00:14:12.290 --> 00:14:40.909 Mira Brancu: understanding are triggers or traumas. And what does that mean? Ii mean, I think it's all interrelated as as you're talking about this, so we're gonna continue in just a moment with a few more definitions as we're laying the groundwork to how this applies to leadership development identity. We are nearing an ad break. So we're gonna take that, you're listening to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mirabu and our guest Ena yeoman.
00:14:41.300 --> 00:14:49.640 Mira Brancu: This new season of the hard skills has actually moved to Tuesdays at 5 0 PM. Eastern. So if you're listening, live Hello, welcome.
00:14:49.850 --> 00:15:04.389 Mira Brancu: If you would like to join us on online right now and ask questions in real time, you're welcome to, and you can also find us on Linkedin or youtube@talkradio.nyc, we'll be right back with our guest in just a moment.
00:17:09.730 --> 00:17:31.310 Mira Brancu: welcome welcome back. My guest is here with me in a yeoman, and she, if you're watching, live, or watching the recording, was bouncing up and down enjoying the music again. I'm gonna have this as a requirement now, for every guest is on. Alright. So we just got done talking through.
00:17:31.490 --> 00:17:37.160 Mira Brancu: Some definitions of what it takes to create a healthy relationship.
00:17:37.190 --> 00:17:52.130 Mira Brancu: And one last sort of set of definitions I'm curious about if you can share a little bit more about what is emotionally focused therapy. And what is strength theory? I know that you apply those to
00:17:52.210 --> 00:17:54.949 Mira Brancu: your relationship work. What do they look like?
00:17:54.990 --> 00:18:02.300 Inna Yulman: Absolutely so emotionally focused there, therapy and is
00:18:02.320 --> 00:18:25.390 Inna Yulman: there. There are 2 kinds. There is emotionally focus therapy, emotionally focused individual therapy, and they're both therapies are rooted in that Touchman theory. One is for working with couples and families, and one is for working with individuals. So in a nutshell.
00:18:25.930 --> 00:18:30.130 Inna Yulman: emotionally focused therapy views.
00:18:30.270 --> 00:18:33.030 Inna Yulman: how we see the world.
00:18:33.110 --> 00:18:47.129 Inna Yulman: something that is deeply rooted in our experiences in how we form close connections. Frequently it's the family, but also sometimes other important people in our lives.
00:18:47.370 --> 00:18:53.369 Inna Yulman: And basically at at the root of it.
00:18:53.440 --> 00:18:59.410 Inna Yulman: How safe we feel navigating the world.
00:18:59.950 --> 00:19:02.609 and how lovable we feel
00:19:02.670 --> 00:19:26.160 Inna Yulman: with people around us very much drives a lot of factors. Which I'm gonna dive into later. But but you know, ability to take risks, ability to make mistakes are hugely important, and these are very much within our experiences and how we've been conditioned.
00:19:26.250 --> 00:19:43.749 Inna Yulman: and the reason why it's called emotionally focused is because emotionally focus therapy views emotions as signal for what is actually going on for you. What is the interpretation? Because many of us are
00:19:43.780 --> 00:19:56.140 Inna Yulman: you know, are very smart. We have, like a huge intellectual, cognitive layer. But underneath it there are emotions which basically tell us you're safe. You're not safe.
00:19:56.160 --> 00:19:59.790 Inna Yulman: right? You were small. You were big right and
00:20:00.020 --> 00:20:07.220 Inna Yulman: helping uncover those helping connect to those really allows people to understand what is going out for them.
00:20:08.040 --> 00:20:25.710 Inna Yulman: And then, with respect to strength theory strength theory was developed it's very much at the core of positive psychology which was developed by Martin Saligand and interestingly, positive psychology.
00:20:25.860 --> 00:20:35.600 Inna Yulman: which is an umbrella over string. Theory was developed for dealing with helpless sense of helplessness, depression, and anxiety.
00:20:38.130 --> 00:20:47.769 Inna Yulman: it is doing something very unusual for our our society it rather than asking what is wrong with you. It is actually asking what is right with you
00:20:48.040 --> 00:20:50.060 Inna Yulman: and it
00:20:50.180 --> 00:20:52.450 Inna Yulman: it sees
00:20:52.780 --> 00:21:02.060 Inna Yulman: our ability to function as humans divided into 24 different strengths. So it helps you to connect to those strengths, helps you to recognize those strengths
00:21:02.230 --> 00:21:04.780 and navigate the world.
00:21:04.900 --> 00:21:17.740 Inna Yulman: Knowing that you have tools, that you have, these abilities, that you already have a toolbox to deal with. Many, many of the issues. And when people have that ability to
00:21:18.180 --> 00:21:28.379 Inna Yulman: to know that they have the means, they can navigate the world in a very different fashion than somebody who is who feels disempowered.
00:21:28.800 --> 00:21:39.409 Mira Brancu: Great thanks for helping to level the the playing field in terms of knowledge when it comes to healthy relationships.
00:21:39.480 --> 00:21:51.129 Mira Brancu: What do they require, and what kind of therapy and coaching interventions might support healthy relationship building. Now, it might be obvious to us
00:21:51.430 --> 00:21:56.710 Mira Brancu: how this applies to leadership development, identity, right leadership, identity development.
00:21:56.880 --> 00:22:07.679 Mira Brancu: But I'm sure it's not obvious to a lot of people. So let's get into that. How do these things. How do you see these things relate to the development of leadership identity from your just from your perspective?
00:22:07.910 --> 00:22:09.800 Inna Yulman: Right?
00:22:10.610 --> 00:22:22.559 Inna Yulman: it's it's a very good question. I view leadership as as just one of the subsets of of things we do on how we navigate the world.
00:22:22.800 --> 00:22:25.120 Inna Yulman: And and
00:22:25.420 --> 00:22:35.650 Inna Yulman: I think that when from the therapeutic perspective, a lot of times when people are navigating the world and taking complicated paths.
00:22:35.770 --> 00:22:48.930 Inna Yulman: all sorts of triggers come up with them. Right? For example, you mentioned uncertainty a number of times, and dealing with uncertainty is takes a lot of guts.
00:22:48.940 --> 00:22:55.939 Inna Yulman: takes an incredible perspective, takes composure right? And all of these
00:22:55.970 --> 00:23:00.459 Inna Yulman: are much better, much easier, achieved, when you
00:23:00.540 --> 00:23:16.479 Inna Yulman: actually understand what is going on for you. What is coming up? Where do you feel stressed? And then you can calibrate it right? You can really, truly say, Well, this is a real risk, or this is something that I am dealing with because I have
00:23:16.610 --> 00:23:18.489 Inna Yulman: some sort of attachment history.
00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:22.850 Mira Brancu: Yeah. And I love how you
00:23:24.520 --> 00:23:32.270 Mira Brancu: describe leadership as just one of the ways that we navigate the world because a lot of people think about this as like position.
00:23:32.340 --> 00:23:39.560 Mira Brancu: Right? But you can be. I mean, I say, this often. You can be a leader in any space regardless of your role.
00:23:39.770 --> 00:23:43.170 Mira Brancu: It's how you show up
00:23:43.300 --> 00:23:45.520 Mira Brancu: is how you
00:23:45.670 --> 00:23:48.789 Mira Brancu: create an environment of thriving
00:23:48.920 --> 00:23:53.960 Mira Brancu: for others around you. Right? That's simply what it is. But in order to do that.
00:23:54.540 --> 00:23:58.170 Mira Brancu: you really have to know yourself well
00:23:58.420 --> 00:23:59.870 Mira Brancu: and no
00:24:00.380 --> 00:24:09.449 Mira Brancu: what your triggers are, what's going to upset you? What's going to set you off so that you're not causing harm to the people around you who you're actually trying to help
00:24:09.630 --> 00:24:15.540 Mira Brancu: thrive or help move in a certain direction. Help the organization and things like that.
00:24:15.730 --> 00:24:17.650 Mira Brancu: So I'm sort of curious.
00:24:18.060 --> 00:24:26.879 Mira Brancu: yeah, go ahead. You were. Gonna say something. I was just saying, absolutely, you, you synthesize it. So well, yeah, so
00:24:27.010 --> 00:24:31.879 Mira Brancu: let's get real specific about some common challenges
00:24:32.020 --> 00:24:36.770 Mira Brancu: that we might see for leaders who
00:24:36.810 --> 00:24:38.509 Mira Brancu: might have trouble
00:24:38.810 --> 00:24:41.869 Mira Brancu: with things like
00:24:42.060 --> 00:24:46.600 Mira Brancu: attachment, safety boundary setting.
00:24:46.730 --> 00:24:58.979 Mira Brancu: you know. Self worth the things that you mentioned like, what what does it look like? Where are they likely to to sort of find themselves in a in a pitfall if they're not
00:24:59.430 --> 00:25:02.479 Mira Brancu: aware of these things about themselves?
00:25:03.490 --> 00:25:05.390 Inna Yulman: Right? Well.
00:25:06.830 --> 00:25:18.760 Inna Yulman: so great questions. And and there are so many ways so let's try to find the most interesting in the interest of time. Right?
00:25:18.830 --> 00:25:21.269 Inna Yulman: I think I think one of the
00:25:21.300 --> 00:25:24.029 Inna Yulman: ways in which,
00:25:24.730 --> 00:25:54.500 Inna Yulman: you know, attachment theory shows up is ability to take risks, as we mentioned already, and make mistakes right? And it's a and it's very, very important to understand what for a person to know and to be able to connect to what's coming up with them when they're thinking about risk right? Where they condition not to take risks, and thinking that risks are really horrible and risks are bad, and they should be avoided at all costs?
00:25:54.660 --> 00:26:02.639 Inna Yulman: Or have they been the? Have have they been kind of nurtured to perceive risks as
00:26:02.760 --> 00:26:19.479 Inna Yulman: as something that you know that it's the only way of adventure, just because they did not have a stable environment. And the way they made sense of things, they would just basically thrive and risk and be incredibly bored and stability.
00:26:19.500 --> 00:26:47.960 Inna Yulman: Right? So we can talk about that. We can also talk about ability to make mistakes, right ability to make mistakes and perfectionism. Are very much tied to how we were brought up, how we were able to explore right? So if we were reprimanded every time we made a mistake, and it didn't work out
00:26:48.100 --> 00:27:01.580 Inna Yulman: right then. It will either condition us not to take risks at all, because not taking risks means not making mistakes or being incredibly self critical.
00:27:02.310 --> 00:27:04.750 Inna Yulman: About, you know.
00:27:05.200 --> 00:27:25.140 Inna Yulman: not doing well or trying to control for too many things. You know, and then and then also something that is very, very important to understand is that very rarely, I'm sure it's possible, but very rarely. We talk differently to ourselves versus how we talk to others.
00:27:25.220 --> 00:27:36.640 Inna Yulman: Right? So if we are very critical of ourselves, we will certainly be very critical of others right? And it may show up in different ways.
00:27:37.250 --> 00:27:45.090 Inna Yulman: but you know, and then there are some people who seem supportive of others, but critical of themselves. But there is still this
00:27:45.570 --> 00:27:54.409 Inna Yulman: difficulty of of treating our ourselves and humanity differently in the at the top level.
00:27:54.660 --> 00:27:59.560 Mira Brancu: Yeah, all of these are excellent examples. I might.
00:27:59.760 --> 00:28:08.780 Mira Brancu: My mind is racing with all of these examples. I'm just gonna choose one for now, for for the sake of of time before the add break.
00:28:08.910 --> 00:28:22.220 Mira Brancu: I'm interested in the making mistakes piece, because you talked about one end of the spectrum which is fear of making mistakes leads to perfectionism. I also see the opposite end of this spectrum.
00:28:22.410 --> 00:28:24.480 Mira Brancu: which is
00:28:24.740 --> 00:28:28.339 Mira Brancu: what Patrick Lencioni says around
00:28:28.390 --> 00:28:36.110 Mira Brancu: the the most, the greatest challenge for leaders is overcoming their need for invulnerability.
00:28:36.380 --> 00:28:48.999 Mira Brancu: their need to demonstrate for themselves and other people that they know everything. They got it. They're they're strong.
00:28:49.060 --> 00:28:56.230 Mira Brancu: They're invulnerable, and I think that also keeps you from making good mistakes
00:28:56.370 --> 00:29:02.949 Mira Brancu: that are necessary for growth. I don't know. I'm curious to hear what you think about like that in the context of
00:29:03.060 --> 00:29:23.199 Inna Yulman: kind of attachment theory. Development? Yeah, no, absolutely. I think. So from the attachment theory perspective, there is. There's one one of the ways you can create. An attachment is a secure attachment, right? And a person who
00:29:23.520 --> 00:29:27.960 Inna Yulman: who is securely attached feels lovable
00:29:29.360 --> 00:29:33.480 Inna Yulman: even when they make mistakes. So basically, their self worth
00:29:33.550 --> 00:29:37.130 Inna Yulman: is independent from their performance.
00:29:37.470 --> 00:29:45.730 And that's that's an incredible gift. Because what happens is that these people are free to do whatever they want. They don't question whether this will impact.
00:29:46.310 --> 00:29:59.199 Inna Yulman: you know whether they're good or bad, right? And I think that that is sort of the crystallization of positive vulnerability right where you don't need to be perfect
00:29:59.360 --> 00:30:05.610 Inna Yulman: in order to in order to be okay with yourself, right? And that
00:30:05.700 --> 00:30:14.230 Inna Yulman: unties your hands for you know, to so much freedom you can explore, you can,
00:30:14.350 --> 00:30:24.639 Inna Yulman: take risks. But at the same time you can also say you know what I actually don't know everything, but I am willing to learn
00:30:25.010 --> 00:30:28.750 Inna Yulman: right because I can, because I believe in myself.
00:30:28.910 --> 00:30:50.150 Inna Yulman: And at the same time something else is that when you are, you know, like when you are, you're okay with making mistakes. You can also get on stack when you see that that your strategy is not working, and that is something I dealt with finance a lot where you see that your strategy isn't working
00:30:50.360 --> 00:30:56.740 Inna Yulman: you need to be able to pivot right? And if you
00:30:57.210 --> 00:31:04.050 Inna Yulman: tie your identity to always being right. it's almost impossible to pivot
00:31:04.100 --> 00:31:18.429 Mira Brancu: right? And this, stop there, this is this is this is gold. Let's stop there for an ad break. You're listening to the hard skills with me. Dr. Mirabon and our guest, Ena, yeoman, will be right back in just a moment.
00:33:19.390 --> 00:33:28.569 Mira Brancu: welcome back to the hard skills with me. Dr. Maya Branku and our guest today, Ena, yeoman, we've been talking a lot about how?
00:33:28.950 --> 00:33:34.409 Mira Brancu: The ideas around healthy relationships
00:33:34.420 --> 00:33:46.629 Mira Brancu: and attachment theory and strength based theory, all connect to leadership, identity, development and some of those ways that we were talking about are
00:33:46.830 --> 00:33:52.790 Mira Brancu: around taking risks, how? How we sort of develop our relationship to risk taking
00:33:52.800 --> 00:34:07.999 Mira Brancu: minimizing mistakes are addressing, how we feel about mistakes, and how that ties our hands when we're not able to adjust in that way. How we speak to ourselves in critical ways, or to others in critical ways.
00:34:08.110 --> 00:34:10.919 Mira Brancu: right? And as we were talking
00:34:11.350 --> 00:34:14.970 Mira Brancu: you know a lot of people who who listen to the show and know me
00:34:15.270 --> 00:34:27.149 Mira Brancu: know that I'm really interested and passionate about supporting women and leadership. And also, you know, women with additional intersectional identities where it's
00:34:27.260 --> 00:34:28.830 Mira Brancu: very difficult
00:34:28.840 --> 00:34:32.709 Mira Brancu: to tease apart, who you are at your core.
00:34:32.980 --> 00:34:34.790 Mira Brancu: the strengths that you have.
00:34:35.060 --> 00:34:37.309 Mira Brancu: separate it out from the
00:34:37.330 --> 00:34:43.150 Mira Brancu: unhealthy gendered messages that we receive.
00:34:43.469 --> 00:34:48.360 Mira Brancu: that then we internalize as part of ourselves when they're not really
00:34:48.409 --> 00:35:05.680 Mira Brancu: part of ourselves, and how to extract ourselves. And so one example is, taking risks is a big one, right? Women socialize not to take risks. And so are many people from marshallize backgrounds, because the moment that they take a risk and put themselves out there, the moment that they want to
00:35:05.930 --> 00:35:13.060 Mira Brancu: sort of show their authentic side or be vulnerable, they might be
00:35:13.300 --> 00:35:19.570 Mira Brancu: subject to negative judgments that are coming from, you know, many
00:35:19.680 --> 00:35:28.160 Mira Brancu: inequities surrounding racism or sexism, or things like that. And so in those situations. Then
00:35:28.250 --> 00:35:32.109 Mira Brancu: how do you extract yourself
00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:36.079 Mira Brancu: from those negative messages and still
00:35:36.100 --> 00:35:48.850 Mira Brancu: find a way to show up, to take the risks necessary to develop, to grow right? How do you still develop healthy relationships? How do you sort of enter into your own leadership identity.
00:35:49.140 --> 00:35:54.909 Mira Brancu: knowing that not all people will accept you for who you are in the way that you show up.
00:35:54.960 --> 00:35:58.399 Mira Brancu: You know I am curious to hear any thoughts that you have around this.
00:35:58.530 --> 00:36:11.679 Inna Yulman: Absolutely. I think it's a it's a very, very important question, and it's a very complicated question right? Because if it was simple we would have done it already
00:36:11.820 --> 00:36:14.860 Inna Yulman: 50 times right?
00:36:15.110 --> 00:36:17.440 Inna Yulman: I think that
00:36:18.730 --> 00:36:21.149 Inna Yulman: it is very difficult to
00:36:21.640 --> 00:36:23.319 Inna Yulman: tease out that
00:36:23.330 --> 00:36:27.460 Inna Yulman: socialized, nurtured a
00:36:28.630 --> 00:36:32.709 Inna Yulman: mindset right? And and the way
00:36:32.930 --> 00:36:44.389 Inna Yulman: the way to do this very, I think, very slowly and very gently, is to really try to help people understand
00:36:44.440 --> 00:36:53.510 Inna Yulman: who they are and what they can do right? Because I you know, I come from a generation where you know
00:36:54.770 --> 00:37:12.420 Inna Yulman: there were a lot of messages that women cannot do certain things right. And I created a way of navigating the world, and I was. I worked at investment banking. I worked in for big insurance companies and an asset management. I
00:37:12.450 --> 00:37:13.720 Inna Yulman: created
00:37:13.870 --> 00:37:19.420 Inna Yulman: a way of navigating the world by being quote unquote, nice.
00:37:19.790 --> 00:37:20.730 Inna Yulman: right?
00:37:21.040 --> 00:37:21.830 Mira Brancu: Hmm.
00:37:22.030 --> 00:37:31.489 Inna Yulman: And I have to say that many of my colleagues were fantastic. I got a lot of support in my work.
00:37:31.660 --> 00:37:35.389 Inna Yulman: but the truth is that the way I internalize my role
00:37:35.650 --> 00:37:41.939 Inna Yulman: was probably self-limiting in many ways right? And it took me
00:37:42.030 --> 00:37:45.759 Inna Yulman: a very long time to even start paying attention to them.
00:37:48.590 --> 00:37:53.030 Inna Yulman: What led you? What led you to know you're supposed to pay attention to it?
00:37:55.490 --> 00:37:57.830 Inna Yulman: it's
00:37:58.080 --> 00:38:02.460 Inna Yulman: a good question. So for me. And
00:38:02.660 --> 00:38:12.749 Inna Yulman: it's it. This, this whole area is a difficult area I come from. I come from a family of multi-generational trauma.
00:38:12.840 --> 00:38:15.319 Inna Yulman: My
00:38:15.470 --> 00:38:30.720 Inna Yulman: my mom was a holocaust survivor. She was in a Ghetto my dad was also part of the, you know, like suffered from the Stalinist regime. So a lot of the messages that I was getting
00:38:30.760 --> 00:38:33.299 Inna Yulman: where don't stick your head out
00:38:33.430 --> 00:38:48.649 Inna Yulman: right and speaking of risk right and at some point, I came to realize it just became clear to me that my my take on risk is irrational.
00:38:50.930 --> 00:38:56.020 Inna Yulman: and I think that at some point I just
00:38:56.350 --> 00:38:59.239 Inna Yulman: somehow guess that
00:38:59.300 --> 00:39:03.729 Inna Yulman: that. The way I see the world is probably not an accurate representation.
00:39:04.430 --> 00:39:09.610 Inna Yulman: right? And from there I basically started to UN like, unravel
00:39:09.930 --> 00:39:10.790 Inna Yulman: what
00:39:10.910 --> 00:39:25.269 Inna Yulman: you know how things actually are right. And but it is. It is something that I personally work work on every every day, just trying to understand what are my self limiting beliefs
00:39:25.780 --> 00:39:30.109 Inna Yulman: and and I think that when it comes to my clients.
00:39:30.580 --> 00:39:37.509 Inna Yulman: and women, you know, I think it's important for them to understand what are the self limiting beliefs?
00:39:37.600 --> 00:39:41.170 Inna Yulman: Right? And it's and it's difficult to navigate because a lot of
00:39:41.190 --> 00:39:44.850 Inna Yulman: a lot of things that we are
00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:45.910 Inna Yulman: good at
00:39:46.080 --> 00:39:59.520 Inna Yulman: right or sometimes not valued in in the system where we work. So, for example, a lot of a lot of times emotional intelligence is not
00:39:59.530 --> 00:40:09.190 Inna Yulman: is not seen as a as a strong suit, while some other ways that are much more.
00:40:10.070 --> 00:40:16.159 Inna Yulman: you know, much more aligned with kind of like this, alpha. Go getter mentality are
00:40:16.820 --> 00:40:28.960 Mira Brancu: right. Yes, and it could be the opposite, too. So sometimes what we are good at is are is not valued necessarily right? So
00:40:29.020 --> 00:40:33.920 Mira Brancu: you know. Let's say. supporting people in teams
00:40:33.970 --> 00:40:44.509 Mira Brancu: right for bringing in revenue, for example, or creating a calm, healthy environment over taking
00:40:44.550 --> 00:40:47.590 Mira Brancu: massive culture change risks
00:40:47.760 --> 00:40:55.690 Mira Brancu: and going into like a merger and acquisition. Or you know things like that right? There are also
00:40:55.970 --> 00:41:01.299 Mira Brancu: times where the opposite is also also also the case, which is that
00:41:01.320 --> 00:41:06.940 Mira Brancu: sometimes women are good at being
00:41:07.030 --> 00:41:10.280 Mira Brancu: risk takers, aggressive, bold.
00:41:10.450 --> 00:41:19.920 Mira Brancu: and that is sometimes also shut down as aggressive. Bossy bitchy, whatever whatever the label is, because people don't
00:41:20.100 --> 00:41:26.560 Mira Brancu: want to see or feel comfortable, seeing women in those roles that are traditionally assigned
00:41:26.580 --> 00:41:28.900 Inna Yulman: to, you know, as masculine traits
00:41:28.950 --> 00:41:30.490 Mira Brancu: and
00:41:30.740 --> 00:41:35.330 Mira Brancu: And so then they feel like they need to tamp down that like
00:41:35.450 --> 00:41:38.140 Mira Brancu: good strength that they have.
00:41:38.250 --> 00:41:44.719 Mira Brancu: because that is also sometimes judged negatively, even when the trait itself
00:41:44.740 --> 00:41:50.129 Mira Brancu: is judged as a good trait in a quote, unquote leader, like a traditional leader. Absolutely right?
00:41:50.780 --> 00:41:55.580 Inna Yulman: Yeah, no, absolutely. And and sometimes it's in. It's a it's almost a
00:41:55.900 --> 00:42:08.510 Inna Yulman: irreconcilable conundrum, right? Because they want you to be a strong leader, but a nice, strong leader, right? Right? And and and then it just becomes
00:42:08.520 --> 00:42:15.130 Mira Brancu: impossible to navigate. That's right. Yeah. So we the the thing that I
00:42:15.160 --> 00:42:21.049 Mira Brancu: like to use the term that I like to use and it came out in 1992.
00:42:21.140 --> 00:42:39.940 Mira Brancu: You know. Breaking the glass ceiling was the narrow band of acceptable behavior for women, and we still have that narrow band of acceptable behavior. Right? Like you said be, you know, bold, but nice or dominant, but nice, or you know things like that.
00:42:40.220 --> 00:42:42.469 Mira Brancu: one thing that I do wanna mention
00:42:42.540 --> 00:42:47.269 Mira Brancu: is this idea of self limiting beliefs when Tina says
00:42:47.500 --> 00:42:54.190 Mira Brancu: self-limiting beliefs and we all have them. By the way, that we're working through this is not
00:42:54.740 --> 00:42:59.530 Mira Brancu: something where we should be using it against women.
00:42:59.850 --> 00:43:06.139 Mira Brancu: As a crutch or something where like they need fixing.
00:43:06.390 --> 00:43:28.249 Mira Brancu: which is a real pet peeve of mine. It's that we have our own self limiting beliefs because of the messages that we've received that are unhealthy or unhelpful to our ability to thrive. And we have to sort of identify those things and unlearn them and relearn what's important. And and Co, you know, helps us be our true selves or our strengths. Right?
00:43:29.400 --> 00:43:38.550 Inna Yulman: Yeah, and what's interesting? I think you're right. I think women struggle with a lot of self limiting beliefs.
00:43:40.040 --> 00:43:45.940 Inna Yulman: And this work, you know, in our world. But there is another aspect of it, and that is
00:43:46.510 --> 00:43:56.690 Inna Yulman: A lot of times we take the value system of our family, or if our environment, and then we keep carrying it. And it takes
00:43:56.740 --> 00:44:05.029 Inna Yulman: takes a lot of open-mindedness and a lot of freedom to actually say, you know, what is this something that I want to continue with
00:44:06.180 --> 00:44:08.080 Mira Brancu: yeah.
00:44:08.350 --> 00:44:36.410 Mira Brancu: boy, let's let's stop there before this next ad, break I think that's a great place to stop. You're listening to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mirabranku, and with our guest, Ena, yeoman. This is our new season. Tuesday's 5 pm. Eastern. Write it down. Put it in your calendar. If you'd like to join us online and ask any questions, you still have a chance in this last section that we're nearing, and we'll be right back with our guest in just a moment.
00:46:36.350 --> 00:46:37.350 Strap this
00:46:39.630 --> 00:47:03.539 Mira Brancu: welcome back to our last segment here on the hard skills with me, Dr. Mirabu, and with our guest, Ena, yeoman. And we're talking about the connection between knowing yourself, well knowing how to develop develop healthy relationships and understanding where you stop and someone else starts
00:47:03.570 --> 00:47:12.810 Mira Brancu: in order to understand what you're bringing to the table, to our relationship to your leadership identity.
00:47:12.830 --> 00:47:23.560 Mira Brancu: In order to have the best impact and not escalate things as well. So we've been talking a lot about
00:47:23.810 --> 00:47:32.710 Mira Brancu: You know, these concepts of trust, accountability, boundary setting safety. How we.
00:47:33.170 --> 00:47:42.480 Mira Brancu: you know learn things from, you know, growing up and how we start connecting, reconnecting with ourselves.
00:47:42.510 --> 00:47:45.360 Mira Brancu: And you know, I'm just wondering
00:47:45.620 --> 00:47:50.260 Mira Brancu: as we're talking here. What are some steps that people can take
00:47:50.270 --> 00:48:06.740 Mira Brancu: in order to engage a little bit more around understanding themselves, developing a much more clear picture of their leadership, identity, development, and moving in a world in in a much more kind of intentional way.
00:48:07.910 --> 00:48:09.800 Inna Yulman: Absolutely.
00:48:10.690 --> 00:48:24.779 Inna Yulman: I think that a lot of times. I think it's important to notice you've thought patterns right? So, for example, when when you start
00:48:24.970 --> 00:48:35.910 Inna Yulman: being afraid of making a mistake. Right? Just notice your that that thought train right? I am afraid to make a mistake, because
00:48:36.160 --> 00:48:37.639 they will think
00:48:37.650 --> 00:48:40.300 Inna Yulman: I am stupid. I'm being stupid as bad.
00:48:40.410 --> 00:48:51.110 Inna Yulman: right? And then noticing the emotions that that occur while this is happening, understand where you feel it in your body right
00:48:51.140 --> 00:48:55.790 Inna Yulman: and over time this practice will actually start helping you
00:48:56.020 --> 00:49:04.250 Inna Yulman: start helping you to gain a perspective that you know what. Right now, this moment you're being triggered, something is happening.
00:49:04.560 --> 00:49:09.489 Inna Yulman: And then you just basically have to pause and set and think, is this something that is.
00:49:09.540 --> 00:49:15.049 Inna Yulman: that is kind of my, my, my value systems
00:49:15.130 --> 00:49:30.119 Inna Yulman: that are being in play? Or is that actually something that is going on with reality? And then another aspect of that I just want to bring up, because I think it's important, particularly you know, as as
00:49:30.480 --> 00:49:42.020 Inna Yulman: for people in leadership positions, it is very, very important to keep in mind that we are all subject to our cognitive biases
00:49:42.080 --> 00:50:05.969 Inna Yulman: right? And understanding your cognitive biases. Is noticing them is very, very important. Right? How do you set your performance? Metrics is important rather than look, you know, being part of the suffering from the confirmation bias or after observer bias or some policy, some cost policy bias. Right?
00:50:06.020 --> 00:50:17.910 Inna Yulman: Having having paying attention to these things is is extremely important, because it allows you to untangle what is actually going on.
00:50:18.560 --> 00:50:28.220 Inna Yulman: And I think that once you can create a a clear view of quote unquote reality, it is much easier to make decisions.
00:50:28.770 --> 00:50:33.370 Mira Brancu: Yeah, absolutely. So. A couple of things are are coming up for me. Number one.
00:50:33.640 --> 00:50:38.539 Mira Brancu: noticing your thought patterns and your emotions is actually not always easy.
00:50:38.850 --> 00:50:41.440 Mira Brancu: If you're finding yourself
00:50:41.890 --> 00:50:51.089 Mira Brancu: triggered, meaning you're having an extremely strong reaction. You're you're feeling anxious. You're feeling.
00:50:51.130 --> 00:50:52.579 Mira Brancu: you know.
00:50:52.910 --> 00:51:05.340 Mira Brancu: sweaty. Your your stomach is like in in the pit of your, you know. Gut and you may not be able to label that, and why? In the beginning. And so
00:51:05.420 --> 00:51:15.099 Mira Brancu: going to a therapist going to a coach asking your closest friends and people that you trust to talk through.
00:51:15.110 --> 00:51:22.190 Mira Brancu: What just happened? Why am I having this reaction and slow you down enough to for for your
00:51:22.430 --> 00:51:37.210 Inna Yulman: frontal lobe to come back online to make sense of it is half the battle right? Yes, absolutely. And it's so important to you're absolutely right. It's very difficult to
00:51:37.350 --> 00:51:45.809 Inna Yulman: to think creatively and be and gain a perspective when you are actually triggered.
00:51:45.840 --> 00:51:57.529 Inna Yulman: but even noticing these things and paying attention to them ideally without judging them. you know, judging themselves oneself in
00:51:57.660 --> 00:52:01.030 Inna Yulman: in this, in this difficult period.
00:52:01.080 --> 00:52:19.850 Inna Yulman: right will help you understand that something has happened right? And then you're right. I think that processing this with somebody who is supportive and somebody who can give you a perspective without this critical judgment is very, very helpful. Yeah, eventually, when you practice this enough.
00:52:19.910 --> 00:52:23.739 Mira Brancu: you can actually be your own observer, and you can
00:52:23.800 --> 00:52:30.800 Mira Brancu: catch yourself yelling at someone, or having like a real rude response, and then saying to yourself.
00:52:31.090 --> 00:52:46.550 Mira Brancu: Why did I just do that? What was about me? Or was that about you? Or was that about some other thing that happened earlier on that I'm taking it out on somebody else? Right? But then you can self correct quickly, like, I'm sorry that
00:52:47.090 --> 00:52:57.360 Mira Brancu: that wasn't about you. That was me working through something, you know, like it just makes you a much stronger leader when you're this self aware. Right?
00:52:57.420 --> 00:53:00.999 Mira Brancu: the other thing that you mentioned is cognitive biases.
00:53:01.060 --> 00:53:06.370 Mira Brancu: Now, a lot of people do not know what their cognitive biases are, they think
00:53:06.700 --> 00:53:15.510 Mira Brancu: that their reality is the true reality? Right? So let's just sort of, I'm just gonna put a few things out there. Number one.
00:53:15.800 --> 00:53:20.119 Mira Brancu: Transparency bias. That is, when
00:53:20.300 --> 00:53:44.740 Mira Brancu: we think we're clear. And we're actually not that clear with someone like, we think it's obvious what we're saying makes sense. And then people don't actually feel like it makes sense at all. Another common one, naive realism, right? The the belief that what we perceive, is the true reality, and everyone perceives it exactly the same way, not true people, not true. And then finally.
00:53:44.890 --> 00:53:51.649 Mira Brancu: confirmation bias, one of the most common ones. Right is if like.
00:53:51.780 --> 00:54:09.470 Mira Brancu: you know, Dana and Olivia agree with me. But Ena and Jana don't agree. Then Dana and Olivia definitely right, because they agree with me, and Nina's totally wrong because she disagrees with me. Right? Okay. So
00:54:09.790 --> 00:54:14.070 Mira Brancu: as we're closing out here. Where can people find you.
00:54:15.050 --> 00:54:27.319 Inna Yulman: the easiest way to find me is to go to my website. My website is Mit relationships, plural.com, and they're welcome to write to me.
00:54:28.000 --> 00:54:38.799 Mira Brancu: And thank you. Yes, I'm putting up her website right now for those who are listening later on and are not watching this. This is a beautiful website. By the way, you know.
00:54:38.940 --> 00:54:41.500 Inna Yulman: What will they find there?
00:54:41.640 --> 00:55:09.239 Inna Yulman: So you can find you can find a little bit about information about me. My services. You know the page about polyamory and non monogamy as well as support groups that I'm running. But if if anything that we discuss today resonates. I'm very, very happy to to catch up with any of the people that we're listening to the podcast and.
00:55:09.260 --> 00:55:17.950 Inna Yulman: you know, discuss, clarify anything that would be helpful. I feel like we touched a lot of very, very interesting topics.
00:55:18.120 --> 00:55:21.039 Inna Yulman: and there is so much more to explore
00:55:21.440 --> 00:55:28.460 Mira Brancu: absolutely. What's one takeaway you want people to leave with, based on everything that we've talked about so far.
00:55:28.830 --> 00:55:33.789 Inna Yulman: I think one takeaway that
00:55:34.040 --> 00:55:44.390 Inna Yulman: it's probably the hardest and is the most important is to understand that a lot of times we are dealing with a lot of personal issues.
00:55:44.590 --> 00:55:45.690 Inna Yulman: right?
00:55:45.880 --> 00:55:50.479 And and then those personal issues, we start projecting
00:55:50.640 --> 00:56:02.619 Inna Yulman: threat and being in danger. And the truth is a lot of times. This is not the case right? And it helps us it it it helps us to understand this so that
00:56:03.020 --> 00:56:08.520 Inna Yulman: we don't have a modit strategy we don't have.
00:56:08.860 --> 00:56:35.079 Mira Brancu: we are not confusing our personal triggers with what is actually going on? Absolutely. I completely agree. That is a great takeaway and audience. What did you take away? More importantly, what is one small change that you can implement this week, based on what you learned from Enabrancou or Ena yeomen, and at Talkradio, Nyc. So we could cheer you on.
00:56:35.350 --> 00:56:47.249 Mira Brancu: In addition to being a live show. Remember, we are now on itunes and spotify, go, subscribe to the podcast leave a review, share with others to help increase our visibility, reach and impact.
00:56:48.100 --> 00:56:59.810 Mira Brancu: Now join us next Tuesday, thirty-onest October thirty-onest, when we are, gonna do a really really special show? Live coaching with the leader Alyssa hair.
00:56:59.880 --> 00:57:05.690 Mira Brancu: You do not want to miss this behind the scenes. Intimate coaching experience do show up so.
00:57:05.880 --> 00:57:15.960 Mira Brancu: Thank you, everyone. Thank you to talkradio, dot Nyc. For hosting. I'm Dr. Mirabanku, your host of the Hard Skills show. Thank you for joining us today with our guest. Ena.
00:57:15.980 --> 00:57:19.330 Mira Brancu: Have a great rest of your day. Wherever you're tuning in from
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