Fridays 10:00am - 11:00am (EDT)
WHAT WILL THE AUDIENCE LEARN?
- How to support youth at risk of relationship abuse
- What help is available to young survivors of dating violence in New York State
- How to identify signs of dating violence
- How tech-based abuse shows up for young people
- Information on how to learn more about dating violence
- How the legal system works in cases of dating violence
EPISODE SUMMARY:
Day One focuses its full services on youth, 24 and under, who are at risk of or experiencing relationship abuse. Through prevention programs, we reach 10,000 youth per year in workshops about consent,tech-based abuse, and healthy relationships. We train thousands of teachers, parents and other professionals to identify warning signs of abuse and intervene with safe and supportive guidance. For young survivors of dating violence Day One provides legal assistance and therapeutic counseling to help survivors achieve safety and stability. Our youth development programming builds the next generation of leaders in the anti-violence movement through advocacy and awareness projects designed and led by teens.
KEY WORDS:
#domesticviolenceawareness #domesticviolencesurvivor #DomesticViolenceAdvocate #againstdomesticviolence
Tune in for this sensible conversation at TalkRadio.nyc
Tommy D starts off the show by inspiring people to do what they love to do and to help people while doing it. He brings on Stephanie Nilva. They discuss how they both aspire to make the world a better place. Stephanie then discusses the journey her career has taken and how it has paved the way for where she is now. She discusses how she got into working with dating domestic violence victims and how she discovered how she wanted to help them.
Stephanie discusses how DayOne organization got started and how they educate people to deal with dating violence and what is and is not healthy in a relationship. Tommy D discusses how important awareness is. Just because people do not see something bad going on, that does not mean it doesn’t exist. They both discuss the media and how it influences young people.
Tommy D begins the segment by shouting out the website and how people can gain access to their resources. Stephanie discusses the educational resources that are on the website. Stephanie discusses some examples of abuse and some of scenarios that have played out in the past.
Stephanie and Tommy D discuss how to educate young children about what consent is. Stephanie discusses how she believes that it starts in elementary school. Tommy D shouts out the website and some helpful videos that can help young people.
00:00:33.020 --> 00:00:46.939 Tommy DiMisa: Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness! The show is called philanthropy and focus. I'd better say that right away, because I feel a rant coming on. So here is your boy to the nonprofit sector connector coming at you just below the roof
00:00:47.250 --> 00:00:53.580 Tommy DiMisa: top of the house. The whole thing in the attic, 2 flights up from the kitchen coffee, all the energy drinks
00:00:53.620 --> 00:00:55.280 Tommy DiMisa: fired up
00:00:55.340 --> 00:01:13.830 Tommy DiMisa: and ready to do philanthropy and focus where, somewhere in the vicinity of 130 episodes, or something. That was just an idea. And I tell you that not because I'm so great or I'm so special. But I know you all have plenty of ideas. Maybe that's just like a fig, that of your imagination. There's something out there, and it's just burning desire to create something
00:01:14.090 --> 00:01:27.219 Tommy DiMisa: I'm gonna lean in. Do me a favor. Just freaking. Do it like just freaking. Do it like if it isn't right. And I promise you it isn't going to be perfect when you come out of the gate. That's okay, you know, because we're figuring out ways.
00:01:27.380 --> 00:01:33.930 Tommy DiMisa: I think it was Thomas Edison. the light bulb, the incandescent bold right?
00:01:33.940 --> 00:01:53.129 Tommy DiMisa: 10,000 ways, he figured out, not to make the light bulb. Didn't say I failed 10,000 times, Tommy D. You need and call me to A. D. In fact, we never even met but hints that's 10,000 ways not to make the light bulb. So I'm going to say to you if something's bothering you, something's in, it's a bug a boo. It's like I want to go out, and I want to make this impact, and I want to change the world.
00:01:53.130 --> 00:02:07.760 Tommy DiMisa: Do the world a favor. Do yourself a favor and do your boy the nonprofit sector, connector favorite and go out there and just try it and do it. And that's it. And that's a lot of what we talk about here on philanthropy and focus. Because yes, I have leaders of nonprofit organization to do 2 things.
00:02:07.760 --> 00:02:32.439 Tommy DiMisa: I help them tell their story and amplify their message. But sometimes it's a leader of an organization who is not the founder, but on a day like today it is a leader of an organization who is the founder who, I had a great opportunity, only a week and a half to go to me for the first time to shout out to the New York City, Imagine awards day one Stephanie Nil, but is here. We're going to get this second. She's a special guest, so I'm just going to rant a little bit longer. But
00:02:32.920 --> 00:02:35.449 Tommy DiMisa: I had the opportunity to meet with stuff and your team
00:02:35.690 --> 00:02:51.399 Tommy DiMisa: and I, I got a a heck of an education and really just scratching the surface of what the organization does, but also just an education from a societal society's perspective. And we'll talk about that today. Really, I think it's all about nonprofits changing the world.
00:02:51.400 --> 00:03:16.399 Tommy DiMisa: and they're out there on the front lines doing it. And I say, when it's a founder, it's somebody had an idea they saw an opportunity, you know, an entrepreneur in the for-profit side. They see an opportunity in the marketplace. They go ahead, and they do the thing. They make the change on the nonprofit side, we see a need. We see an opportunity to address that need. And that's what leaders and founders of organizations do. So now I'm going to say hello to Stephanie, and then I'll leave backgrounds and bios and things
00:03:16.400 --> 00:03:19.979 things like that. And I'll probably put the air conditioner on, because, although I'm dressed like.
00:03:20.180 --> 00:03:43.900 Tommy DiMisa: you know. It's summertime, I will tell you. It gets hot at the top of the house. It gets warm in an attic, you know, so like I really am in an attic for anybody who didn't know that. Anyway. Stephanie, good morning. Welcome to philanthropy and focus. Welcome to my world, my network, because you know what, wherever you go, whenever you do, I want to stay connected, and I want to make introductions for you and for the organization. So first of all. Good morning. How are you?
00:03:43.900 --> 00:04:01.930 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: Good morning. Thanks, Tommy. I'm so excited to be here. I am doing great. I'm really thrilled to have a chance to talk about the organization. I'm always. I'm happy to discuss day, one's work and the impact on youth dating violence, and how we can all do better to promote healthy relationships in the world.
00:04:01.930 --> 00:04:23.870 Tommy DiMisa: That's it, and that's what it is. I mean the the mantra, the tagline, if you will, is give me the tagline. I know it would say it for me day. One love should always be safe. I talk a lot about love. I talk a lot about compassion. I talk a lot about making a world a better place, right? That's what it is. I got 50 years left, and it's funny because I've been saying that for like 2 years.
00:04:23.870 --> 00:04:50.279 So here's the deal. What's the impact I'm going to make? Well, we'll figure it out. What's the impact you all are going to make. You're right. I'm speaking to the people listening. You might find this podcast. And you might not know who this wild man is, or you might find this on Facebook, and you're not know you might not know who Tommy D. Is, but you might be inspired by the work that we're doing, you might be inspired. You might be inspired to go to the website, which is day one and Y org day one and Y org.
00:04:50.640 --> 00:05:06.080 Tommy DiMisa: You may never go to the website, but you may take the tidbits that Stephanie and I talk about, and you may bring them to educate people in your community. Maybe you're an educator yourself. Maybe you will plug into the curriculum that they have. But I'm getting ahead of ourselves. But the point of this is, it's all there for you.
00:05:06.080 --> 00:05:36.070 Tommy DiMisa: Okay? So in my 50 years, I'm going to make a big impact. And I'm going to change the world. How are you going to change the world. How are you going to make an impact? I you to do days of service? I did 55 days of service. Okay, so 5 to hit 60, and I will tell you, Stephanie, and everybody else listening the little secret. About once I hit hashtag 60 days of service, we start back at one, and it's called hashtag 70 days of service, and that's how it goes. So now the cat is out with catch out of the bag. All right, Stephanie. I want to get into this. I want to get into your background, because
00:05:36.070 --> 00:05:47.040 Tommy DiMisa: obviously our experience in life is what informs us to make change our our experience in life is what gives us the insight. And and and really.
00:05:47.810 --> 00:05:57.949 Tommy DiMisa: I think you would agree. The thing about it is, we're just really here to impact other people, make it a better place for other people and bottom line make the world a better place. Right?
00:05:58.120 --> 00:05:59.630 Tommy DiMisa: Yeah.
00:05:59.760 --> 00:06:16.690 Tommy DiMisa: here is what I want to do. You're gonna see me leave the screen for a second because I'm not kidding. I have to turn the air conditioner. I'm about to melt. So I want you to just give me your background. You know you started out, you. You know you were an attorney. I just take me back, because ultimately my my leaders, my friends, who lead organizations.
00:06:17.150 --> 00:06:46.580 Tommy DiMisa: they literally are impacted by something in their life that makes them have this figment, I say, of their imagination to create. Can you start us off with your story? Was there something early on that drew you? I know the story that drew you to the work and founding this organization. But was there something that drew you to social work to connect with society, to support people in general? I am back in 2 s
00:06:46.580 --> 00:06:59.520 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: wanted to. I knew I wanted to do nonprofit. So those were the. I tried to aim my classes that direction. I took a clinic. I would take internships for public interest organizations or women focused organizations and so on.
00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:24.880 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: And then, when I graduated I wanted to continue in the same kind of work. So I, my first job was doing domestic violence work. actually, in the orthodox Jewish community which was fascinating. And you know, it's a community that faces a lot of barriers and and you know, some days I really see a lot of similar similarities really, between all communities that face barriers. So the youth that we work with today. it.
00:07:24.880 --> 00:07:38.920 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: you know everybody faces different barriers. They keep them from accessing help related to domestic violence. so that was my first job and I did a few different things over the years, but really centering around either family, court, family law.
00:07:39.050 --> 00:08:06.890 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: but always coming back to domestic violence work. And then, honestly you know, in my first year is working with adults. I would talk with them about what their experiences had involved, and so frequently folks would say that they first experienced harm when they were dating. So before they got married, I, especially in the the first communities I worked with, I was really working with adults who are long into their marriages, may have a couple of kids, and so on. So they were describing situations that have been
00:08:06.890 --> 00:08:17.900 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: going on for decades. And so then this idea, to join up with an organization that was focused on youth. And think about, how can we grow that in New York? How can we think about
00:08:18.070 --> 00:08:44.779 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: both simultaneously helping? Yup? young people people who've experienced harm in their relationships. But how do we get ahead of that? How do we incorporate prevention so that we don't ever have to see them. On the other side. There doesn't need to be lawyer work because people are able to learn about how to treat others with respect and identify harmful patterns early on, and can make changes and make decisions that will help them stay safe. In addition to again talking to young people to
00:08:44.950 --> 00:08:47.690 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: about not harming others to begin with.
00:08:47.960 --> 00:09:10.229 Tommy DiMisa: So I I, there's wow. First of all, so much there. I have about 75 questions which will have to do a second show identify patterns. I want to. I want to make a note of that so we can get into that I want. So you are always sort of drawn to this Dv space. It sounds like the domestic violence base and and can you talk about family court? And like, you know, when you went to
00:09:10.230 --> 00:09:35.859 Tommy DiMisa: law school. Did you even know at that point that when I get out like this is, you know, because if people go to law school that's like a it takes specific. You're now an attorney. You could put a as queue behind a name. And well, what do I do now? Doesn't mean, you know. Now, now your path isn't drawn out for you. You can do the type of work you do right. We we're doing the work you're doing it running an organization. You could be an in-house council. You can go work for the government. I mean, it's probably
00:09:35.890 --> 00:09:42.840 Tommy DiMisa: a million different tracks that people can go on so even it was it early on for you that you knew that would be a focus as well.
00:09:43.520 --> 00:10:06.610 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: I I think that the internships I looked for when I was in law school were focused on women. Girls were focused on civil rights, type areas and so on. But this was a long time ago. Honestly, it was the nineties, and there wasn't a family law clinic in my law school at that time. There was. There certainly wasn't a domestic violence clinic, either. So I would. I did a clinic that really just helped people with social services in general.
00:10:06.610 --> 00:10:14.679 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: You know, this is Today, my school and other schools. Lots of schools have domestic violence clinics. so these are areas that have just been
00:10:14.680 --> 00:10:40.629 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: really, you know, silenced and and hidden in the shadows because of the shame, the blame that's associated with interpersonal violence. so I didn't identify domestic violence per se. When I was in law school as something I wanted to do. But it was an opportunity that came about in my first job. which was really just a fellowship, as I said, focused on domestic violence and the orthodox community? because it's really important to look at
00:10:41.030 --> 00:11:03.540 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: smaller communities, isolated communities. How do you think about? How do you bring help to it, Particularly sectors of the population that might be in to space additional barriers? Everybody faces barriers of one sort or another, and that that overarches everything. But some have specific things might be related to language, access, religion, geography, etc.
00:11:03.580 --> 00:11:15.349 Tommy DiMisa: So thank you for all that. So I I got it sometimes when I don't know the definition or understand something, I realize that others might not as well. So I like to pull out things like that. So when you say a clinic now, I always thought I'd make a great attorney.
00:11:15.350 --> 00:11:44.929 Tommy DiMisa: I've not gone to law school, which is the reason I'm not an attorney at. It's probably they might be in one or 2 other reasons, but it's really because you have to go to law school. I think there was one state you don't have to go to law school a movie with you know. Catch me if you can. Where, like. He. He came in, you know, but that that anyway. good move, though. So what is a clinic when you refer to that in the law school?
00:11:44.930 --> 00:11:53.760 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: I really just highly recommend clinical work, because what it is is, you know, you can take a lot of classes. You can read the books you can sit and argue in class, and, you know.
00:11:53.760 --> 00:12:22.720 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: go back and forth with a professor. But there's nothing like having genuine clients and clients approach law schools because they know or they learn about those clinics, and they recognize that the there's an opportunity to to make a real difference in individuals lives, or sometimes groups, you know, depending on what the clinic focuses on. So I worked with a a young man at that time. Again, this was the mid nineties. who was HIV positive, and was struggling to keep his the apartment that he was living in because he wasn't.
00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:34.269 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: There was no marriage for people in same-sex relationships. So he wasn't on a lease, wasn't married to his partner. His partner had died, and so on. So it was an opportunity to really make a difference in somebody's life.
00:12:34.270 --> 00:12:58.479 Tommy DiMisa: who is facing eviction? Well, well, while struggling with health care issues so so you will work. You're in. Excuse me. You're in law school at Cardos, a law, right? And you're working in the clinic. And this gentleman, it approaches you to get services. Just so I'm grasp. I, wow. So back to the bethetic law clinic at at Cardoso Law school. Yeah. Cut out right on that set. Say it again one time. What?
00:12:58.570 --> 00:13:02.770 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: That's b e t z e d e K.
00:13:02.810 --> 00:13:09.549 Tommy DiMisa: That zetic mall clinic at card, those a shout out, All right. So let's talk about that.
00:13:09.590 --> 00:13:11.490 Tommy DiMisa: that that experience
00:13:11.500 --> 00:13:17.680 Tommy DiMisa: sort of that's it sounds like a civil rights issues involved there, too. Right? Like
00:13:17.700 --> 00:13:42.440 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: having access. you know, we weren't. We weren't taking on marriage. But you know, housing access and what that. But we did have to prove what that relationship was, because the law in New York, at least at that time it did recognize it to a certain degree in kind of vague language. Okay, wow. So I I to me. And again, it's not like, not necessarily clinic like you're taking batting practice. You're actually a clinic where you're in the game, you know, little basic practice for
00:13:42.440 --> 00:14:07.439 Tommy DiMisa: for lawyers, but like not just like in the cage taking, you know, pitches actually doing the work because you're serving somebody, too. And again, I'm assuming, yeah, right are very, very cool. Maybe they should change it from clinics to being in the game. I don't know. That's just a Tommy d thing, hey? If you want to find out about it. Colonel, is a law school. Send me a text. We'll talk about it. listen. So we are going to take a quick break, but this is how we disagree.
00:14:07.440 --> 00:14:17.729 We do the show. We set up the story because we're going to talk about the organization. They want everybody to talk about education and advocacy and legal services, and all these things that day one is providing.
00:14:17.730 --> 00:14:42.060 Tommy DiMisa: And if I'm not mistaken, 70 20,000 young people get education, is it? Each year. It's yeah. 20,000 people in New York City are are supported by this this work. We will get into all that. We're going to take a quick break, Stephen. You know the founded executive director of Day one is here, and you avoid the nonprofit sector connectors here because I have to be because it's my show, and that's how it works. We're going to take a quick 90 s break right back.
00:16:52.460 --> 00:16:55.590 Tommy DiMisa: It's like
00:16:55.840 --> 00:17:19.950 Tommy DiMisa: I can't. I can't get to the I can't get to the show. Call through the static. Join Tommy in the attic. That's what the shows all about is philanthropy and focus, and it is live show. We do this show, live every single Friday morning. And here's what I want to tell you. You never know how things in life are going to affect you affect other people, be connected to other people. And I just got a text message from a friend, a colleague of mine.
00:17:19.950 --> 00:17:48.339 Tommy DiMisa: who said to me, This is a conversation that really resonates with me just from some things in my own life, and that's what I want to say. So you know what? Here's the deal I was. I was visiting a friend of mine, Lauren Blockos, at the Alzheimer's Disease Resource Center out of Long Island. We were talking about a documentary that she and the organization have the rights to to go out and show and documentary is about Robin Williams, and it's about Louis body dementia, and and I cannot wait to go see this because there's a Robin Williams quote that I use all the time.
00:17:48.470 --> 00:17:53.050 Tommy DiMisa: and I say it like this. Everyone, you know, is fighting a battle.
00:17:53.080 --> 00:17:57.200 Tommy DiMisa: You know nothing about B kind.
00:17:57.370 --> 00:18:13.980 Tommy DiMisa: Always be kind always. That's what I talk about love and compassion. Those 4 boys from Liverpool, right? We need other things. But all we need is law, right? We do need some other stuff, but if we drive it to that point, this was on rehearsed. I didn't plan on going in that little tangent. But
00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:40.059 Tommy DiMisa: when you're the nonprofit sector, connector man. I live in tangents. I live out there just as Stephanie, when we met, and she was like trying to keep me on message while we were doing an interview about the New York City. Imagine or chat out the imagine awards we will find out within just a matter of days. Who the finalists are. We have the semi-finalists go to Nyc. Imagine Wardscom and what I see. Imagine words.com, or just hit me up on Instagram, Tommy, d Nyc, alright. So look!
00:18:40.520 --> 00:18:56.010 Tommy DiMisa: You never know who's dealing with what? You never know what folks lives are like, and we have to be here for each other. I will stop and pause with that I want to do. I want to read something, though, right here day one focuses on full services on you 24 years and under who are at risk
00:18:56.070 --> 00:19:19.220 Tommy DiMisa: of experiencing relationship abuse through prevention programs, they reach 10,000 per year. Oh, my goodness, education programs, advocacy. I had such a great opportunity as your organization as a semi-finalist right now in the New York City. Imagine where I had the opportunity to meet with you and some of your team gang. I see that because I'm a committee member from the beginning of the New York City manager was this third annual event.
00:19:19.300 --> 00:19:24.180 Tommy DiMisa: I love that opportunity to meet with people and learn about their organizations. So I got.
00:19:24.470 --> 00:19:39.060 Tommy DiMisa: quote unquote a sneak peak of the organization. Let's set it up, though. Let's set up. Let's take it from your background. Your concern for people. You know your concerns are making an impact, and how that rolls into what is now known as day one, please.
00:19:39.140 --> 00:20:03.360 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: Yeah. So we started out as just 2 people, myself and one other staff member. And now we have over 30 folks focused on all these different areas, as I said, about intervention and prevention. so we have a team of educators, and they go to middle schools, high schools, their talk. They're delivering workshops, talking about what is a healthy relationship. Look like
00:20:03.440 --> 00:20:10.649 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: what resources available. And then technology-based abuse technology based abuse technology based to use
00:20:10.690 --> 00:20:34.859 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: And then, you know, we deliver the similar trainings for adults, because too many adults don't recognize the warning signs. They can get into a victim, blaming mode and question somebody who's experiencing something which can really silence them and prevent them from getting help. So we want to build those skills so that when a young person approaches a teacher, a guidance counsel, or a coach, it doesn't matter, you know a lawyer, a social worker anywhere. that that person is equipped
00:20:34.860 --> 00:20:59.509 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: to provide sensitive guidance, respond appropriately. Give the right referrals, referrals, you know, and and be be ready for the types of complexity the young people can bring to disclosing harm that they're experiencing. So then, those educational programs often lead to referrals from those professionals and schools or youth programs that come over to our legal or social services
00:20:59.510 --> 00:21:09.180 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: teams. We also have a presence in the family justice centers. Those are nationwide centers for kind of one stop shops for domestic violence services. People could just walk in and get help.
00:21:09.190 --> 00:21:28.579 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: and we're there to be the youth specialists. So we have a presence in, you know the 5 boroughs. And then also again, we get school based referrals. They come through an intake process through our social services team. so they're going to talk through what somebody is experiencing. And that might be, I'm uncomfortable. I don't like what's happening in my my relationship or
00:21:28.640 --> 00:21:52.410 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: I'm getting physically assaulted. I've experienced rape. I you know any. It could be any. I'm being stocked in online or in my school, or I'm scared to leave my house because my partners in a gang, and they know where I live. You know there's all sorts of scenarios that can show up for young people. And then we provide you leadership programming because we want to make sure that we are strengthening our messages by the most powerful messengers out there.
00:21:52.410 --> 00:22:01.790 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: which is young people themselves. Let we want young people to bring their powerful voices to their peers. Active support systems for other youth and schools.
00:22:02.070 --> 00:22:19.700 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: and then become the advocates that can change the world. But like leaders of the future in anti violence work. We do a touch of policy work as well to make sure that the laws that are getting passed out there are, let's say, hospitable to use, because you can pass a lot of laws envisioning.
00:22:19.700 --> 00:22:35.459 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: you know, some older predator, or, you know, with a team. But you may not be thinking about what to what happens if this is going on between 2 people in the same high school. And the law is gonna ha! impact those folks differently. So we want to weigh in and make sure that legislation acknowledges that sort of scenario.
00:22:35.750 --> 00:22:37.489 Tommy DiMisa: Yeah, I I
00:22:37.800 --> 00:22:39.419 Tommy DiMisa: I gotta be honest, you know.
00:22:40.130 --> 00:22:43.219 Tommy DiMisa: in doing this show over the years now.
00:22:44.570 --> 00:22:51.629 Tommy DiMisa: I don't want to say, like some of the episodes of this show are like soft and fluffy, and things like that. And and
00:22:51.950 --> 00:23:14.530 Tommy DiMisa: I I I always tell people get out of your comfort zone, I say, that's where life begins like begins out of your comfort zone, and I will tell you in my own experience, that we had an episode of the show but last year, and it was about human trafficking, and I'll tell you. I was scared to do the show. I was scared because I I scared what I was gonna learn. I was just scared period like that. And and I, when we did the show and
00:23:15.130 --> 00:23:32.200 Tommy DiMisa: my life is affected and changed by doing that show. And I and I hope that's what happens to other people by plugging into what we're doing. And you know the topics of conversation. Again, I'm raising for children, right? And and these are conversations that, you know. Yeah, we have to have. And
00:23:32.470 --> 00:23:43.839 Tommy DiMisa: I tell you all that gang. Just did you say to to be aware, yeah, some of this stuff might be scary. Well, good, because that's what we have to do is change the world and face it a better place. So sorry if you're a little scared don't turn the dot.
00:23:43.840 --> 00:24:08.780 Tommy DiMisa: Yeah, awareness matters like it. This is like, you know, things don't go away just because you just don't pay attention. Is things right right and literally, your reaction to something. You're you're having an 800 number handy. You're knowing that day one exists all of those things can I truly believe, save a life, because the challenge that we have is again this
00:24:08.780 --> 00:24:12.839 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: giant awareness gap. If young people struggle to, I think that
00:24:12.840 --> 00:24:37.840 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: I think that. You know. This is just how my partner acts. You know they think it's something between the 2 of them. There's no need to come forward and get help, because the partner is saying, Hey, if you didn't do Xyz, then I wouldn't have been mad. I wouldn't have for you or something. So you don't, then what? What, how can you help me? How can my parent help me? How can I, teacher, help me? I I know I can. I can change this by changing my own behavior, which, of course, is incorrect. But but but over time you can come to believe.
00:24:37.840 --> 00:24:43.239 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: to leave something like that. So to have an adult, or even another young friend say to you.
00:24:43.240 --> 00:25:11.110 Tommy DiMisa: you know what I want something different for you. I I I see that is unacceptable. That is not true. You are not at fault. Nobody is ever responsible for the abuse someone else is perpetrating upon them. No one is ever responsible for the abuse that someone else is perpetrating on them. Are you listening, folks? I want you to talk more about it, but I think it's very important at this point that you tell me how, if somebody is hearing this and how they can get in touch with your organization, please?
00:25:11.110 --> 00:25:33.969 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: Yeah, I mean, well, the easiest way is through our website day one and y all in letters.org But I want to say that there are a lot of myths out there. There's a lot of misconceptions. People really right even right now might be envisioning if they're listening. The idea that you know. Well, sure, this happens to people who are were weak or passive, or mousey, who are not assertive or.
00:25:34.050 --> 00:25:56.609 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: you know, limited in some way, and that's just not true. We have such strong young people, or they were strong when they entered these relationships. And they still have that strength in them. But they have been debilitated over time by, you know, constant verbal abuse, criticism, emotional harm, threats people who are threatening
00:25:56.610 --> 00:26:05.159 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: to harm them or to harm themselves. Right if you break up with me, I'll kill myself like that's actually, you know, a fairly frequent thing we see, particularly among you
00:26:05.160 --> 00:26:30.060 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: and that sort of that sort of behavior. you can imagine can just make you anxious all the time. If somebody is setting up fake profiles getting into your social media stocking you through your phone somehow. That's that's the universe that young people are in all the time right online. And if you feel like someone is tracking you or can follow you or knows everything you're doing or saying like, Oh, I I know you're wearing a red T-shirt today, or I saw you went to the Mcdonald's on the corner
00:26:30.060 --> 00:26:57.119 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: like that's terrifying. It's terrifying. So you know, people. And that happens to people because of, I mean, honestly. you know, hurt people hurt people, you know, people who are perpetrating harm are not to their core evil. In some way they are people who grew up with the messaging that they got, and they are harming others, and we just have to deal with that. But it doesn't mean that the people who are experiencing it are folks who are
00:26:57.290 --> 00:27:15.610 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: that that that this is about them and their damage. They're experiencing damage, and they bit, maybe the most strong, smart, assertive folks, wealthy, you know, privileged in all sorts of ways, and you encounter an abusive person, and that nobody shows up on the first date and says
00:27:15.610 --> 00:27:27.299 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: this is going to get really ugly in 6 months, you know, I'm going to start hitting you, or something like that. It's progressive. It's slow, people think, oh, it's going to change, they apologize, etc. And so there's this
00:27:27.300 --> 00:27:45.799 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: cumulative effect. you start feeling responsible for the other person's life because they're threatening to hurt themselves if you leave them. That's paralyzing. So you know that kind of you know, I I just really want to disabuse people of that misconception that that it's only certain types of people who experience harm.
00:27:46.340 --> 00:28:02.719 Tommy DiMisa: Yeah. you know. Thank you for all that. And what what's coming up for me is, I think, in terms of, you know, if we do think from from a young person's percept perspective, and maybe this is their first experience in a relationship right? And if that is their first experience.
00:28:03.190 --> 00:28:12.110 Tommy DiMisa: 1213, 1415 years old. I got a boyfriend. I got a girlfriend whatever holding hands, and if that is it, this all our lives
00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:30.269 Tommy DiMisa: is based on experience. Right now that 18 or 19 year old young person had some challenging experiences, or like I I look, I'm 45 years old, but I think back to different things in my life I'm shaped by. We're all shaped by our experiences and those times when we're very
00:28:30.270 --> 00:28:50.779 Tommy DiMisa: impressionable, and it is we don't know if we haven't been educated, then we think, well, this is what quote unquote love is, or courting is, or whatever I mean you and I. You know I did a video this week, and we had it, you know, kind of an anecdotal conversation, you and I about it. But some of this stuff we're going to go long to before our break, because I feel it already. But here's some of this stuff comes from
00:28:51.010 --> 00:28:52.430 Tommy DiMisa: the media.
00:28:52.450 --> 00:29:20.720 Tommy DiMisa: Maybe that we have consume right in. I'll say one. I'll see 3 words, Pepe, the pew. Let's tell me about that like if you don't know Peppy. Look you can. It's a looney tunes, Guy. I think it was looney tunes or the other ones. I believe you was all about my, you know, all up in my childhood, and was just constantly like groping and kissing and touching. That poor little cat in his name was Penelope, and you know, just against her will. She was always trying to escape.
00:29:20.950 --> 00:29:50.900 Tommy DiMisa: Yeah, and it's and then we were told that was adorable and funny, and that was sometimes air quotes gang if you're only listening. That was cute like that was how cute. Now again, you know my times. I saw that. I mean I I I think we're in roughly the same era. So it's actually like his animated character from one of those looney tune. And first introduced in 1,945. Okay, I was introduced in 1,978. That's when I came on the scene. So I was still seeing this, and I know, I've seen probably a few like within the last.
00:29:50.900 --> 00:30:20.829 Tommy DiMisa: And our parents, our parents saw that right. Our parents thought that these things are normal and cute and charming. And okay, behavior. Yeah, it's not. And it's okay to enjoy things that are unhealthy. But it's also important to like, bring a critical lens to what their messages they're sending. Thank you for being so real about it, because it's okay to see like, look, there's plenty of bad messaging on TV. But it's who gets the message, and at what point in their development do they get the message? You know I I sometimes watch. I I may have told you about this. I think I did.
00:30:20.830 --> 00:30:23.670 Tommy DiMisa: I watch law and order, special victims unit and
00:30:23.760 --> 00:30:47.710 Tommy DiMisa: I I watch that show, and sometimes I can't watch the show for a year, but because of the topics of discussion. But you know my children shouldn't be watching that show at their age. Young people should not be, you know. That's my opinion, everybody. I don't think a young person needs to have that information, however, you know, like the peppy L pew thing, or this thing. You remember this one I know this is going to resonate, certainly with somebody's. Listen, and I set me to think with you as well is.
00:30:47.710 --> 00:31:12.709 Tommy DiMisa: or if somebody punches you in the arm like in the on the school yard, it's because they like you, and that's he. He pills your hair because he likes you that, or like boys being boys, I'm raising 2 sons, and I'm raising, so we cannot be that way. We have to. We have to get in and we have to influence and intervene in the education. Yeah, we, this is development people. You were the
00:31:12.710 --> 00:31:21.169 Tommy DiMisa: developing people. What is the the before we go to break one last question, what is the youngest age where you're doing education with these young people in the schools?
00:31:21.220 --> 00:31:49.929 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: So the youngest we are delivering the workshops ourselves is in middle school, but we also have a lot of resources and materials that we have created for elementary school teachers. So please go to our website. Look around for our epic program. epic. it's early prevention initiative for children, I think. And you know, there's a lot of classroom exercises. There's also a downloadable guide for parents about, how do you demonstrate healthy modeling of relationships and interactions with your the children in your home.
00:31:49.960 --> 00:32:02.380 Tommy DiMisa: Absolutely. Guys. I got to call it out to. We're going to go to break in a second hang title. And I promise we're going to break. I emphasize.org. That's the other organization that I was referring to. So if you are, if you see somebody who needs some support from
00:32:02.380 --> 00:32:23.730 Tommy DiMisa: from, you know, maybe a a human trafficking situation, or whatever certainly connect with day one. I'm sure they can give you the referral and resources. But specifically that community. They have a lot of resources. I empathize.org, check them out. And again, they have programs. They have a education, educate the hospitality industry to educate the restaurants and hospitality, because we see in certain communities that
00:32:23.760 --> 00:32:25.440 Tommy DiMisa: tragic behavior
00:32:25.510 --> 00:32:39.210 Tommy DiMisa: is is is often occurs in those experiences. I we are gonna take this break that I've been telling you we're gonna take Stephanie and Tommy D day. One is the organization philanthropy and focus is a show to me. D is the nonprofit sector connected. We'll be right back
00:34:38.250 --> 00:35:06.339 Tommy DiMisa: I'll put it, Stanley, join me in the attic. I there was a commercial during the break there about some show called philanthropy, and focused. Sounds like a good show. I'm going to check it out all right. So here's the history of Day one. I'm sharing this. If you're watching us on Youtube, Facebook, anywhere else that you see in the live stream of the feed or the recording, or whatever you're seeing. Me share the website. Go to the website day 10 n e d, a, y o, N E n, y.org day one and y all spelled out not the number one
00:35:06.340 --> 00:35:30.540 Tommy DiMisa: the word oh, any. You'll see the impact here. I'm sharing some of this, just the history and the impact. We're going to go back to our conversation. But I want the website to be out there, because what do we do on the show, if not educate, and and then really give people access to the information and access to these resources? So Stephanie Nova is here with me, executive director, founder of the organization. So let's talk, I mean, let's talk about some of the stories.
00:35:30.540 --> 00:35:48.479 Tommy DiMisa: well, actually, you just shared some with me. So let's call it out. know, your rights guys are in the downloadable educational piece on right on the website. So so why, we talk about that like. That's how this show works like you call it out. And I say, let's talk about it, and then let's go. So let's let's do that. So so people know where they can find those resources.
00:35:48.900 --> 00:36:15.249 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: Yeah, so we have, I think, 11 different educational guides on our website. So it, really, we've definitely seen the impact of them. We distribute them in the hundreds and thousands around the city to use sites and to schools. And those guides are. Yeah, there you go. And then those guides talk about what are the we we've seen young people go through them and kind of see this checklist. Oh, wow! I experience that. I experience that. I experience that. And oh, my gosh! That's
00:36:15.250 --> 00:36:21.290 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: to have that defined for them. Oh, that's abusive! Oh, maybe that's that's risky. That's actually illegal.
00:36:21.380 --> 00:36:43.079 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: And here are the responses, right? So what you can see on your screen is, how do you help a friend who's going through something? How do you get an order of protection in New York State? what is consent and coercion look like technology, science, technology, abuse. Lgbtq relationships, you know, which have unique characteristics sometimes. So the healthy friendships guide is great. That one is
00:36:43.390 --> 00:37:01.490 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: is the first like focused on younger is really intended for actually an adult audience to think about. How can you set up those models? What I was saying about before the break? How do you build those friendship models in the younger ages so that we deliver young people into their dating years with the language and skills.
00:37:01.910 --> 00:37:14.289 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: And you know that you were you were clicked on the Lgbtq relationship, Scott, for a moment, you know, like what I can say about that is, you know, you've got certain elements of our community that can be less likely to come forward for help.
00:37:14.290 --> 00:37:40.939 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: Right? They might feel, like, you know, to say that I'm being harmed in my relationship also makes means that I have to tell my parents. Actually, I'm in a same sex relationship. Or that friend that I've been hanging out with is actually my partner. And so like, that's a different layer of how to navigate that situation. and and you know there's also again misconceptions. Maybe that if you're 2 young people that are female identified like well, you there, how dangerous could that possibly be? Or there's no risk
00:37:40.940 --> 00:38:05.789 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: there, or something, because because we have such a preconception that this only happens by by male identified people towards female identified people. And that is not always the case. Day. One's preventive programs and educational materials are really inclusive and gender inclusive. So that really we're making sure you and people are absorbing the message that this can happen to anyone this can happen in any type of relationship.
00:38:05.790 --> 00:38:24.030 Tommy DiMisa: So and that bring something up for me, too, that I I want to just call out, I think it's important to do so is that, you know, if we think of of domestic violence or or abuse and relationships as a strictly physical behavior, right? Like to your point, like the stereotypical mail in this situation as the
00:38:24.030 --> 00:38:46.380 Tommy DiMisa: perpetrator. If this is not just physical abuse, Stephanie, I mean, I don't know. Screen. Now, gang, you can check out the website again. Go to the resources, tab. The website is day one, and why da Y or any New York. Excuse me, ny.org, but click over, hover over online resources, and then go know your rights, and you'll see all these
00:38:46.380 --> 00:39:12.560 Tommy DiMisa: 11 guides that you could what I mean. So much information, so much has gone into this. But like, let's talk about that. This could be. You know, there's a lot of other manipulation. Yes, I really really appreciate you steering the conversation in that direction. And let's circle back and make sure we talk about the Sunshine video, right? So you know, for young people particularly. And I, this is a quote from a young survivor that we worked with. And again, this comes up in different language all the time.
00:39:12.560 --> 00:39:34.879 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: I didn't think this was abusive because I didn't have black and blue marks. I wasn't getting hit, and folks don't necessarily process or absorb the negative impact of cumulative criticism and fear and anxiety. And well, you know I I want you to be with me all the time, so I can. You quit your after school classes, you know
00:39:35.290 --> 00:40:00.290 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: it's complicated. It feels kind of charming and sweet, and somebody wants to be with you all the time again, in those first relationships that feels lovely, you know. But then you realize you're becoming isolated from other people. And then the person starts criticizing, and then you don't have anybody to go to because they're criticizing you and your friends are kind of like done with that, or you've cut them out because you don't attend things anymore. And you get that spiraling effect that can eventually become physical
00:40:00.290 --> 00:40:06.809 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: or not. I have a hundred percent seen clients over the years, who have experienced only emotional abuse
00:40:07.050 --> 00:40:30.870 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: that took years of counseling and therapy to recover from just really paralyzing, you know, become agoraphobic, became just fearful, you know. I remember a client who said she would be in the car, and her boyfriend would constantly make believe or attempt to steer the car into traffic like ongo on oncoming traffic. And can you imagine the fearfulness and of
00:40:31.110 --> 00:40:51.820 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: him dying? You're both of you dying like, and and that's not a that's not physical abuse, and that is, that is an example. and also that terrorizing all, all encompassing kind of surrounding feeling. If somebody is. It? Has your passwords can get into your social media, has set up a fake profile and is making believe they're you, and sending
00:40:51.900 --> 00:41:08.380 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: nasty messages to people in your community. And again isolating you further as a result of that. So there's so many ways and so many destructive areas. There's financial abuse, spiritual abuse. There's all sorts of areas that are never reached, physical assault or sexual assault, but they can be
00:41:08.710 --> 00:41:31.270 Tommy DiMisa: just devastating, especially for young people.
00:41:31.270 --> 00:41:50.629 Tommy DiMisa: Your organization is serving those who are survivors, though so certainly on the front lines of educating and prevention. Obviously, as we've talked about, I wonder, from a referral perspective. Or or let's just say someone is an abuser. And they're finding this material somewhere on the Internet, right? Or or the hearing this or whatever
00:41:50.860 --> 00:42:14.409 Tommy DiMisa: and they don't want to be doing what they're doing. I know it's not I. I think it's probably not exactly where you guys live every day. But could you speak to it a little bit about where they can maybe find some resources, whether it's for their own trauma, their anger management, their counseling, and things like that
00:42:14.770 --> 00:42:16.560 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: more, you know, even less
00:42:16.820 --> 00:42:33.500 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: services and and resources available for younger folks in that area. However, some of the work that day one does. You know we have 8 social workers that are embedded in 8 high schools in New York City, and we see, of course, a continuum before we had that program.
00:42:33.650 --> 00:43:01.650 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: you know, waves up just kind of a little more black and white, slightly right? Embedding our social workers in high school. We started seeing much more of a progressive, almost like pre abusive behavior, the unhealthy patterns that are showing up early, that again, young people are just, ma, you know, they're following models that are out in the community that they're seeing in Media, where you know, who knows? Maybe at home? Maybe not And that. And then how can we intervene in those moments to say like, actually, it's, you know, really not nice to say that to somebody. And oh, I didn't realize, or
00:43:01.650 --> 00:43:04.789 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: we have had young people come up to us after a workshop and say.
00:43:04.790 --> 00:43:28.969 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: I actually, I think I'm doing some of those things, and you know, so we are trying to. As you said, our focus is on survivors. but we are trying through our preventive programs also to send the message about what a mutually healthy relationship. Looks like early workshops were dating violence again. Consent? Things like that. And we realized nobody there so much. Don't do this and don't do that in young people's lives.
00:43:28.970 --> 00:43:43.829 Tommy DiMisa: But nobody was saying to them, like, what does a healthy relationship look like? And and oftentimes let's be real Many of us, you know, didn't always see healthy relationships. And that goes back to like the experience piece of what I started to say a couple of times this morning is just.
00:43:43.830 --> 00:44:10.949 Tommy DiMisa: you know, we, you know, as children, and whatever we're looking up to see, to learn, not just from our parents, but from, you know other family members and people in the in community, whatever there is like older siblings, whatever like all of that. So so I I think it's a. And while I love that piece where you just said like, during that continuum in the education space and the high schools there, some of these people are like while I'm actually doing that. But I didn't. And I think that
00:44:11.090 --> 00:44:11.970 Tommy DiMisa: is.
00:44:12.530 --> 00:44:17.750 Tommy DiMisa: you know, that's somebody like so not in the middle school or the elementary school like we.
00:44:17.950 --> 00:44:19.299 Tommy DiMisa: I don't want to say this like
00:44:19.510 --> 00:44:36.139 Tommy DiMisa: they're we're still able to prevent, because we're catching things and catching our behaviors to go. I didn't even realize, like waiting outside her house because, or or his house, or whatever I don't want to, you know. All right, I gotta be careful making gender. But waiting outside someone's home.
00:44:36.140 --> 00:44:55.779 Tommy DiMisa: So they get home with their friends is not only not only is like a sweet, loving thing, it's also like, you know, what are you doing where some you need to discuss boundaries? Right? Can we? Can we next deep dial? Can we? Can we talk a little bit about? How do you build those skills early? How do you talk to children? Adults? What does that language look like? Yeah.
00:44:57.180 --> 00:45:20.799 Tommy DiMisa: yes, we can. That's exactly what we can do, and we're gonna take a quick break. We'll come back. We'll do that deep dive, and then, which happens on this show, we always run out of time before we run out of things to say. So what I want you to do is let's do that deep dive. Ha! What that all looks like, and maybe kind of role play some of that out for me, and then tell us what the future of the organization is. What do you need? Who can we connect you with that sort of thing? This program is philanthropy and focus. This is my mission.
00:45:20.950 --> 00:45:33.539 Tommy DiMisa: This is it. I'm going to be old Tommy d like coming up here, the attic still doing, the show still shining. A light I might have. Maybe somebody helped me shine the light, but still shining a light and helping these organizations tell this story. We'll be right back, break time.
00:47:30.830 --> 00:47:41.529 Tommy DiMisa: by now. You probably know. If you ever listen to this show before. Here in the attic we spelled focus with a Ph instead of an F philanthropy in
00:47:41.830 --> 00:47:50.140 Tommy DiMisa: focus. All right. So you listen. If you want to hook up with me, Tommy D. At philanthropy in focus.com, or on the Instagram, which I really like.
00:47:50.140 --> 00:48:14.530 Tommy DiMisa: Tommy, d dot. Nyc, I'm watching us right now, Stephanie, we're live on Facebook. We're live on Linkedin, and like this videos on all my monitors of you and me, I see my hand wave, and I just I I don't know. It's just a real me anymore. I let's look at the one in the middle to me. All right. So I I just I want, I encourage people to check in on all these different platforms and really pay attention to what they want is doing. And certainly what I'm doing and trying to get the word out for these organizations.
00:48:14.530 --> 00:48:20.830 Let's talk about, can we frame some of the language and the conversation around healthy relationships, please?
00:48:21.060 --> 00:48:48.799 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: Yeah, you know, I mentioned earlier that we have materials for elementary school teachers. And then one of our downloadable guides is for parents about modeling healthy behaviors. And you know, young people are. we we before the break we were talking about the fact that you know young people in schools like may not realize what their bit, how their behavior is impacting somebody. Right? So we want to build that as language and that language and skills as early as possible. How can we be talking to toddlers, elementary school students. How do you talk about consent? I mean, don't get.
00:48:48.800 --> 00:49:17.710 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: It's not about sex, but like, how do you talk about consent to very young children. How do you say you get to choose your clothing? Do you want to shake hands? Goodbye, or Hello! Do you have? Do you want to kiss this person goodbye. Give young people autonomy over their own bodies, make sure that they are siblings in a household, and one of them says, stop tickling me that the other person is listening, because that is a communication. That is a message that is a lesson they are getting. If a parent says you have the right to say, I don't like what's happening. I want it to stop.
00:49:17.830 --> 00:49:41.959 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: And then those young people become those children become the adolescents who become the teenagers who then have an assumption, who walk into their interactions with their peers and into their dating potential circumstances, understanding like, Oh, I can ask for this. I can say I like to kiss you. Is that okay? I can say I don't like it. When you do that. Can I sit next to you. Do you want to hold hands, you know, and that that is.
00:49:41.960 --> 00:49:58.169 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: that is presumed, and that's understood, and that that is an expectation on both sides, so that you can ensure that people have that balance and that respect, and that consent as they enter their more intimate relationships as they grow older.
00:49:58.300 --> 00:50:23.160 Tommy DiMisa: Yeah, I, as you'd say, and all that, I'm just continuing to think about. Yeah, this is a development situation. It's an education situation. I mean. I I can I'll speak, you know. Candidly, I I I rarely ever talk about my children by name or my family, but I will just refer to, you know, a situation where you know I I grew up in a very loving family. I see my uncle's kiss on the cheek. Right. I'm from Long Island. I laugh about it because, you know, a friend of mine very good friend of mine, we collapse
00:50:23.160 --> 00:50:39.280 Tommy DiMisa: on a lot of stuff. She she moved here she originally was from Maryland, and she's like the funniest thing about coming along. I don't for me was like, when you meet people in business. It's like hugging a kiss on the cheek, and she's like what's up with all the kiss on cheek, and I'm in kissing people in a cheat since I'm a kid, right? So that's what we do out here along, although pretty cold. But I'm sort of like
00:50:39.280 --> 00:51:02.729 Tommy DiMisa: I post-cold, but rather pre call with big hugs and kids. But after it's sort of like, now, I'm like, mindful. Are we hung in again? Can I hug you where we are? Right? Exactly. Oh, yeah, we can totally take these these covid messages to like, is it? Is this okay, you? But you young people, I think when we're children, we think everybody just thinks the same things. We're all just people with the same brain or something. But like, can we? Can we say, like, Oh, actually like.
00:51:02.730 --> 00:51:25.670 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: I, you know, holding hands, feels really intimate to me. I don't want to do that. And it's okay to say, like, What are you comfortable with? It's it okay to to to hold hands and and and kiss, and you you made me think of something else. Oh, we're doing it, you know it's okay as a parent to like honestly, don't watch cartoons, or don't watch, you know, or music that has a lot of unhealthy language, and so on, or or you know, descriptions of, of, of circumstances, but
00:51:25.840 --> 00:51:39.890 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: as a parent or as a caregiver in some way, or a friend even, you can say, like, hey, you know, is it okay to kiss a princess, even when, if she's sleeping, it's okay to like. Do that. You know what somebody's unconscious. Is that what that means like, just like, just examine.
00:51:39.890 --> 00:51:57.480 Let's examine it. So let's utilize the media. It doesn't necessarily mean shut down. But it's like, let's take it to the next level, like in sales. We call that Second Level. Third Level questions, right? Bringing it to that. One quick point I want to make is, we're like, we're running out of time. I want to make quick. I was going to say it was one of my children. So again, loving family hogs cases
00:51:57.480 --> 00:52:23.610 Tommy DiMisa: extended. Family sometimes is overpowering when you're a tiny for 4 or five-year-old and like, Oh, you gotta kiss your aunt, you gotta get. And it the kids like yo. Hold on a second. I'm not digging this. And I I had to like my own education like I. My wife was like, you know she doesn't have to kiss everybody. Let's comedy. Let's like draw this back, and and I see my like all their family members like. No, no, you got to case, Uncle Johnny, you got to kiss this when you got a kid.
00:52:23.610 --> 00:52:35.580 Tommy DiMisa: you know. Now we now where is that autonomy?
00:52:35.580 --> 00:53:00.499 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: And even without a saying like, Don't do this, or don't you know you can't you? And all the negatives, and so on. You can even just call out positives when we're watching that show, and I like how that person always helps the other person in the in the household. I like how sometimes one person does the work, and the other person does the work I like how they brought them flowers, because they know the other person appreciates that.
00:53:00.500 --> 00:53:23.559 Tommy DiMisa: So like calling out the positive things that demonstrate balance, equality, equity, and relationships, love that this is so great. We could have talked about this for hours and days. And and so here's a couple of things I want to shout out, I want to shout out, Go to Youtube, everybody. I'm not going to share this video on the because some people are listening and finding this as a podcast but go to Youtube and look up day one.
00:53:23.560 --> 00:53:44.529 Tommy DiMisa: And why? Day? One. And why all spelled out with the letters and there's a video there called Sunshine. Don't confuse love and abuse. Day one. So when you just find day one, if you can't find it. You didn't mind our Youtube channel. And it's really it's going to find it on the Youtube Channel. But I watched it very taken by very educated by. Again, I'm telling you I do the show
00:53:44.880 --> 00:53:57.890 Tommy DiMisa: somewhat selfishly to learn about what organizations are doing, because in those 50 years I reference, I'd like to make the world a better place, and this the world certainly starts in in this house where the attic is. alright. So
00:53:58.280 --> 00:54:05.390 Tommy DiMisa: what upcoming for the organization, Stephanie, I mean, let's if you anything you want to share what's up coming.
00:54:05.740 --> 00:54:32.599 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: Well, the biggest change. Honestly. you and I talked about this separately. is. I'm transitioning out of my position as executive director. I will always be the founder, and I'm incredibly proud of the amazing work that day one does And I'm gonna stay on and continue supporting the organization in all the resource development that they need for the time being. So, there's a search going on. If you know folks interested and who have the skills to to run a small to medium sized nonprofit organization. I think the
00:54:32.600 --> 00:54:44.760 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: hosting for the position actually went up yesterday. And yeah. And but you know, the organization is gonna be with an interim executive director, and her name is Lucia Rivierchio, and she has
00:54:44.760 --> 00:54:54.160 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: all the skills necessary to maintain the organization while they do a thorough search. and we're then all of our programs are continuing uninterrupted. So we are
00:54:54.360 --> 00:55:04.040 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: in New York city schools and youth programs. We are summer leadership programs going on right now. And we just expect to be doing more and continual
00:55:04.040 --> 00:55:09.110 Tommy DiMisa: better things to just improve the lives of youth, and build healthy relationships for them into the future.
00:55:09.110 --> 00:55:34.100 Tommy DiMisa: I love it, and I love the interim model gang, by the way, so if you leave nonprofit organizations and you are a founder, or you are an exiting executive. I love that interim model because it allows the organization to be sustainable without this this kind of weirdness, you know, like, well, we're trying to, you know, trying to find somebody, or you know the time, like we can extend this time period out to make a proper search, to meet with the proper candidates right, and be very
00:55:34.100 --> 00:55:41.510 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: thoughtful and deliberate about this process versus having to do things like super quick, right? Right? Or have, you know, a
00:55:41.510 --> 00:56:05.199 Tommy DiMisa: program like somebody else in the organization who already has a full time job trying to take on, you know the other thing. And yeah, it's So yeah. So it's, I think it's a great. I think it's a great system. I think it'll allow us to do that careful search we're talking about. Yeah, yeah. Is that on the website you said there is, you know, the open it? Can they find it on on day? One? Yeah, it's it either went up yesterday, or it's going up today, so it'll all be available out there very quickly.
00:56:05.320 --> 00:56:30.320 Stephanie Nilva, Day One, dayoneny.org: All right. Good. So anything you want to leave them with other than love should be safe.
00:56:30.320 --> 00:56:55.320 Tommy DiMisa: So that, for instance, if somebody is breaking rules and is seeing someone, maybe you didn't want them to see or going out after curfew, or something like that, but they still know that if they are harmed, if they need you, that they can come to you, and your first thought isn't going to be. How am I going to punish this behavior that I said No to. Instead, I want to make sure that I'm available to address the thing that's placing you at risk. I love that that's critically important. I mean, it happened to me
00:56:55.320 --> 00:57:11.770 Tommy DiMisa: literally today, not referring to this type of topic. But it was something that it's okay. You're 13. We're to figure this stuff out. We're gonna work through it. You don't have to know the answers, because I'll tell you 20 answers. I don't know it's 45. So we're in this thing. So you
00:57:11.770 --> 00:57:30.110 Tommy DiMisa: yes, so critically important, go to the website, Kang, if you need to support Day one and Y org. I want to find ways to. I didn't even get the chance to ask you this, but I live on Long Island, and I want to find ways that we can have continuous resources, you know. Come out here a little east, but you and I'll talk about that offline. I gotta do it. I go
00:57:30.110 --> 00:57:52.980 Tommy DiMisa: drop some. Thank you to out there. If it wasn't for your vision, Ken Srini, and founding the Long island. Imagine awards! There would be no New York City to imagine awards, and I may never met Stephanie Nil. But that's life. That's how it goes shot to my friend Kelly and Sarini, who runs all marketing and everything related to both serene and associate, accounting firm as well as the New York City. Imagine awards in the Long Island. Imagine awards! The event is in October. Reach out to me. I'll get you sorted out if you want to come to the event with us.
00:57:52.980 --> 00:58:16.370 Tommy DiMisa: other than that, I I want to thank Logan for taking care of the production work today. Thank you. You know. Thank my parents for creating me. Because Tommy D is, it's a big part of the world right now. So listen, Stephanie. Thank you for our our new relationship that we're creating here, and I wish you all the best in the future. I don't say I don't. I'm not being on the good luck thing I say good skill.
00:58:16.370 --> 00:58:37.200 Tommy DiMisa: So I wish you good skill in your future endeavors, and if the kid can help you out through relationships, I'm happy to do so. So I do I do? I do refer to myself in the third person. So that's how it goes sometimes. So you are welcome. I appreciate you. Everybody doing your favor. Make it a great day. I'll be right back here next Friday. Actually, I'll wait here for you guys. You show back up next Friday. I'll be waiting for you. I'll see you later. Bye.
Talking Alternative Broadcasting
392 Central Park West Suite 17R - New York, NY 10025
Privacy Policy · Terms & Conditions
Thank You for Visiting TALKRADIO.NYC © 2022.
